0910G[North America Flying] Issue11 by fake

fake2009UID: 2631119

11"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

To exert the efforts made by all nations to support a global university, which aims at figuring out the solutions to the world’s most persistent social problems, from my point of view, is unpractical and unreasonable, involving with large amounts of intractable and intricate issues, to be unfolded latter, such as the complexity of world’s configuration, respective distinct social conditions, due to which form different viewpoints and thinking patterns towards a persistent problem, and etc.. What’s more, it’s not the only way to solve those problems. In my opinion, I prefer the scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations, despite of their distinct conditions the nation falls in.

Regardless of the availability, there lies in no value raising such a proposal getting involved in all nations. As mentioned, the current world’s configuration is complicated, which is connected with politics, diplomacy, economy, religion, making it not easy to organize and harmonize, or simply put, coordinate this great project. Besides, what I want to illustrate is that due to different national conditions, accordingly, different nations may have different consequence caused by the same issue. If we even can not reach an agreement about those persistent social problems, there’s no need to gathering all nations’ students to one specific university to figure out a solution.

A convincing example is the various nations’ attitudes towards different cultures exist in its territory. There exist some countries where the problem of cultural domination extremism, simply put is, the isolation of their dominant culture without accepting any other culture. Sometimes, this causes violence and social discord from which the country suffers a lot. However, when it comes to the United States, things are different. We once called a melting pot, is acknowledged for its embracing attitude towards various cultures. As we know, from the time of initial immigration, a large number of people with their own ethnic culture and religion flocked to that continent to chase the American dream. The American society chose to be tolerant instead of elimination, so that the current American culture is a hodgepodge with multiple cultures which can be taken advantage of to push forward the development of the country while it’s a terrible problem for some other nations.

What’s more, to solve social problems, we don’t have to especially establish a school to train the students to serve the purpose. As far as I am concerned, the real value lies in education is to instruct the students to promote their comprehensives quality and to form a mature outlook of the world. It is the education that makes people civilized. As for solving the world’s persistent social problem, we need the reasonable and proper cooperation, which take distinct national conditions into consideration.

To sum up, social problems cannot be universal but distinctive and unique to each nation under a complicated social context. As we cannot agree on what the persistent problems are, it’s a waste of resources to establish a global university to cope with these hypothetical problems. The best way to solve social problems cannot be at cost of establishment of an exclusive university. The scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations will be the better way to cope with the problem instead of obscuring the real meaning of education.

gutinglizzyUID: 2470184

蓝色：我认为好的地方，黑色：框架性语言，红色：评论性内容

To exert the efforts made by all nations to support a global university, which aims at figuring out the solutions to the world’s most persistent social problems, from my point of view, is unpractical and unreasonable, involving with large amounts of intractable and intricate issues, to be unfolded latter, such as the complexity of world’s configuration, respective distinct social conditions, due to which form different viewpoints and thinking patterns towards a persistent problem, and etc.. What’s more, it’s not the only way to solve those problems. In my opinion, I prefer the scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations, despite of their distinct conditions the nation falls in.
开头段比较出彩，直接给出自己的立场，特别是首句写得很好！

Regardless of the availability, there lies in no value raising such a proposal getting involved in all nations. As mentioned, the current world’s configuration is complicated, which is connected with politics, diplomacy, economy, religion, making it not easy to organize and harmonize, or simply put, coordinate this great project. Besides, what I want to illustrate is that due to different national conditions, accordingly, different nations may have different consequence caused by the same issue. If we even can not reach an agreement about those persistent social problems, there’s no need to gathering all nations’ students to one specific university to figure out a solution.
本段给出1.很难coordinate; 2. 同一issue会带来不同的consequence(下一段例子论证的问题)；按照你的首段给出的观点立场这两段应该是用来论证创建一个global university 是 unpractical and unreasonable的，但是事实上我们从这两段只能看到getting involved in all nations来解决WMPP的复杂性，而不是建立一个G来解决这个问题是unpractical and unreasonable，可以点一下嘛。

A convincing example is the various nations’ attitudes towards different cultures exist in its territory. There exist some countries where the problem of cultural domination extremism, simply put is, the isolation of their dominant culture without accepting any other culture. Sometimes, this causes violence and social discord from which the country suffers a lot. However, when it comes to the United States, things are different. We once called a melting pot, is acknowledged for its embracing attitude towards various cultures. As we know, from the time of initial immigration, a large number of people with their own ethnic culture and religion flocked to that continent to chase the American dream. The American society chose to be tolerant instead of elimination, so that the current American culture is a hodgepodge with multiple cultures which can be taken advantage of to push forward the development of the country while it’s a terrible problem for some other nations.
对比阐述不同的情况，例子用的挺好的。

What’s more, to solve social problems, we don’t have to especially establish a school to train the students to serve the purpose. As far as I am concerned, the real value lies in education is to instruct the students to promote their comprehensives quality and to form a mature outlook of the world. It is the education that makes people civilized. As for solving the world’s persistent social problem, we need the reasonable and proper cooperation, which take distinct national conditions into consideration.
可以再详细阐述一下。

To sum up, social problems cannot be universal but distinctive and unique to each nation under a complicated social context. As we cannot agree on what the persistent problems are, it’s a waste of resources to establish a global university to cope with these hypothetical problems. The best way to solve social problems cannot be at cost of （at the expense of , may be ）establishment of an exclusive university. The scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations will be the better way to cope with the problem instead of obscuring the real meaning of education.

本文用词变化多样，插入语的灵活使用展现作者良好的语言攻击，文章论证主线可以再加强一下。恩，好文章，好好向你学习！

fake2009UID: 2631119

评价很中肯，我给第二段和第四段改了一下
第二段加了一些内容就觉得不像之前 一直在论点边边上徘徊的感觉了
第四段也概括性地加了两个小例子
谢谢姐姐~~

To exert the efforts made by all nations to support a global university, which aims at figuring out the solutions to the world’s most persistent social problems, from my point of view, is unpractical and unreasonable, involving with large amounts of intractable and intricate issues, to be unfolded latter, such as the complexity of world’s configuration, respective distinct social conditions, due to which form different viewpoints and thinking patterns towards a persistent problem, and etc.. What’s more, it’s not the only way to solve those problems. In my opinion, I prefer the scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations, despite of their distinct conditions the nation falls in.

Regardless of the availability, there lies in no value raising such a proposal getting involved in all nations. As mentioned, the current world’s configuration is complicated, which is connected with politics, diplomacy, economy, religion, making it not easy to organize and harmonize, or simply put, coordinate this great project. Besides, what I want to illustrate is that due to different national conditions, accordingly, different nations may have different consequence caused by the same issue. So we can see the complexity of dealing with the world’s most persistent problem. As far as the global university to be established is concerned, it’s an unpractical and unreasonable idea of gathering all nations’ students to one specific university to figure out a solution.

A convincing example is the various nations’ attitudes towards different cultures exist in its territory. There exist some countries where the problem of cultural domination extremism, simply put is, the isolation of their dominant culture without accepting any other culture. Sometimes, this causes violence and social discord from which the country suffers a lot. However, when it comes to the United States, things are different. We once called it a melting pot, which is acknowledged for its embracing attitude towards various cultures. As we know, from the time of initial immigration, a large number of people with their own ethnic culture and religion flocked to that continent to chase the American dream. The American society chose to be tolerant instead of elimination, so that the current American culture is a hodgepodge with multiple cultures which can be taken advantage of to push forward the development of the country while it’s a terrible problem for some other nations.

What’s more, to solve social problems, we don’t have to especially establish a school to train the students to serve the purpose. As far as I am concerned, the real value lies in education is to instruct the students to promote their comprehensives quality and to form a mature outlook of the world. It is the education that makes people civilized. As for solving the world’s persistent social problem, what we need is the reasonable and proper cooperation on a global basis. The history tells us that some other approaches adopted are well-coordinated and fruitful, concerning the cases such as the success in constrain the infection of SARS and the scientific achievements made in the increase of food production. Through these cases, we can see that these problems were successfully handled through a connection and cooperation among all nations but being worked out by one specific institution.

To sum up, social problems cannot be universal but distinctive and unique to each nation under a complicated social context. As we cannot agree on what the persistent problems are, it’s a waste of resources to establish a global university to cope with these hypothetical problems. The best way to solve social problems cannot be at cost of establishment of an exclusive university. The scientific and proper cooperation conducted by all nations will be the better way to cope with the problem instead of obscuring the real meaning of education.

依清影UID: 2635532

接着顶组长~