0910AW同主题写作第四期by dacongfan

dacongfanUID: 2644717

144. It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.
"A person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc."

I do agree with the assertion that critics are essential in offering the society the valuable things in history, yet it is a bit improper to consider that critics are more important than artists in this field. In my observation, the two groups of people are interdependent on each other in the creation of greatest artistic works.
First, consider the supposition. If Vincent von Gogh and Picasso did not exist in the world, there would have been no possibilities for critics to judge and evaluate, let alone the provision of greatest works to the society. It is the works of artists that makes possible the assessment of critics. From this angle, some readers may come to the conclusion that artists, compared with critics, had played and have been playing a more significant role in offering works of ever-lasting value to human beings.
However, a second thought would instantly refute the conclusion reached above. Suppose no criticism from critics at all, it is difficult, to some degree, even impossible, for we common people with lower knowledge of art and beauty to appreciate the essence of the works, of course, I am not depreciating the public by saying that they are lack of appreciating abilities. Just take Von Gogh again as an example, his works was not recognized by his fellow peers including the artists until he died. Picasso was a bit luckier than Von Gogh insofar as his works were acknowledged when he was alive. Thus, we cannot overlook the functions that critics had in provision and coming down of greatest works.
Also the fact we should pay attention to is that greatest works, to some degree, are products of both artists and critics. It is well known that every artistic work, if wanted to be passed down from generation to another, must undergo many times of criticisms and modifications. That critics put forward the flaws time and time and artists correct them again and again make the greatest works possible.
In the final analysis, it is the cooperation between artists and critics that realizes the existence of works with ever-lasting value, thus enriching the pieces of arts in our society. And as time goes on, I assure that this collaboration will produce more and more precious creations.

dacongfanUID: 2644717

刚刚的发的不够清晰，段与段之间没有隔开，重新发一下
I do agree with the assertion that critics are essential in offering the society the valuable things in history, yet it is a bit improper to consider that critics are more important than artists in this field. In my observation, the two groups of people are interdependent on each other in the creation of greatest artistic works.



First, consider the supposition. If Vincent von Gogh and Picasso did not exist in the world, there would have been no possibilities for critics to judge and evaluate, let alone the provision of greatest works to the society. It is the works of artists that makes possible the assessment of critics. From this angle, some readers may come to the conclusion that artists, compared with critics, had played and have been playing a more significant role in offering works of ever-lasting value to human beings.



However, a second thought would instantly refute the conclusion reached above. Suppose no criticism from critics at all, it is difficult, to some degree, even impossible, for we common people with lower knowledge of art and beauty to appreciate the essence of the works, of course, I am not depreciating the public by saying that they are lack of appreciating abilities. Just take Von Gogh again as an example, his works was not recognized by his fellow peers including the artists until he died. Picasso was a bit luckier than Von Gogh insofar as his works were acknowledged when he was alive. Thus, we cannot overlook the functions that critics had in provision and coming down of greatest works.



Also the fact we should pay attention to is that greatest works, to some degree, are products of both artists and critics. It is well known that every artistic work, if wanted to be passed down from generation to another, must undergo many times of criticisms and modifications. That critics put forward the flaws time and time and artists correct them again and again make the greatest works possible.



In the final analysis, it is the cooperation between artists and critics that realizes the existence of works with ever-lasting value, thus enriching the pieces of arts in our society. And as time goes on, I assure that this collaboration will produce more and more precious creations.

彩虹沙漠UID: 2328322

I do agree with the assertion that critics are essential in offering the society the valuable things in history, yet it is a bit improper to consider that critics are more important than artists in this field. In my observation, the two groups of people are interdependent on each other in the creation of greatest artistic works.



First, consider the supposition. If Vincent von Gogh and Picasso did not exist in the world, there would have been no possibilities for critics to judge and evaluate, let alone the provision of greatest works to the society. It is the works of artists that makes possible the assessment of critics(此句感觉有些别扭不太顺畅，可否用it的做形式宾语，这样：It is the works of artists that make it possible for the critics to assess the artistic works). From（Through?） this angle, some readers may come to the conclusion that artists, compared with critics, had played and have been playing a more significant role in offering works of ever-lasting value to human beings.



However, a second thought would instantly refute the conclusion reached above. Suppose no criticism from critics at all, it is difficult, to some degree, even impossible, for we (us?,后面的内容可以来个破折号连上)common people with lower knowledge of art and beauty to appreciate the essence of the works, of course, I am not depreciating the public by saying that they are lack of appreciating abilities. Just take Von Gogh again as an example, his works was not recognized （even）by his fellow peers including the artists until he died（，let alone the common people(此处可以考虑来个小递进)）. Picasso was a bit luckier than Von Gogh insofar as his works were acknowledged when he was alive. Thus, we cannot overlook the functions that critics had in provision and coming down of greatest works.



Also the fact we should pay attention to is that greatest works, to some degree, are products of both artists and critics. It is well known that every artistic work, if wanted to be passed down from one generation to another, must undergo many times of criticisms(此处有点chinglish，many criticism全可以，而且criticism应该是uncountable noun) and modifications. That critics put forward the flaws time and time and artists correct them again and again(此处稍微有点不可常理，貌似很少有艺术家因为评论者的话而修改作品吧，挺少的，特别是惯性的沿着刚刚作者列举的画的领域里就更不太可能了) makes（如果前面是主语从句的话这是单数） the greatest works possible.



In the final analysis, it is the cooperation between artists and critics that realizes the existence of works with ever-lasting value, thus enriching the pieces of arts in our society. And as time goes on, I assure that this collaboration will produce more and more precious creations.

summary：总体感觉段落分布（正文部分）还算清晰：1、artist是本质；2、critics的作用不容忽视；3、critics和articles的共同作用。但是欠缺是的第3部分的两者共同作用的论证显得有些单薄，而这里恰恰是你引出你论点的地方——it is the cooperation between artists and critics that realizes the existence of works with ever-lasting value，所以感觉dacongfan应该在把这块retouch一下~

银落UID: 2632560

I do agree with the assertion that critics are essential in offering the society the valuable things in history, yet it is a bit improper to consider that critics are more important than artists in this field.(issue只是说artist leaves more valuable things to society,并没有提到是artists更加重要哦，因为重要是可以从不同的角度来评判的，所以最好给出重要的范围和前提） In my observation, the （the去掉）two groups of people are interdependent（用independent吧，interdependent一般是于多方，而这里只有两方） on each other in the creation of greatest artistic works.



First, consider the supposition. （感觉有点像写argu）If Vincent von Gogh and Picasso did not exist in the world, there would have been no possibilities for critics to judge and evaluate, let alone the provision of greatest works to the society. It is the works of artists that makes possible the assessment of critics.（这句和上句不是一个意思吗？） From this angle, some readers may come to the conclusion that artists, compared with critics, had played and have been playing a more significant role in offering works of ever-lasting value to human beings. （分析不够充分）



However, a second thought would instantly refute the conclusion reached above. （这不是自我矛盾了吗？）Suppose no criticism from critics at all, it is difficult, to some degree, even impossible, for we common people with lower knowledge of art and beauty to appreciate the essence of the works, of course, （应该直接点明critics的作用，而不是说common people的审美能力欠缺）I am not depreciating the public by saying that they are lack of appreciating abilities. Just take Von Gogh again as an example, his works was not recognized by his fellow peers including the artists until he died. Picasso was a bit luckier than Von Gogh insofar as his works were acknowledged when he was alive. （对于例子的应用希望可以分析得更加切题）Thus, we cannot overlook the functions that critics had in provision and coming down of greatest works.



Also the fact we should pay attention to is that greatest works, to some degree, are products of both artists and critics. It is well known that every artistic work, if wanted to be passed down from generation to another, must undergo many times of criticisms and modifications. 有些艺术品一旦成型了就不能改了~比如油画That critics put forward the flaws time and time and artists correct them again and again make the greatest works possible.这段和你的position有点矛盾，你原来说independent的，现在却work together了哦。。



In the final analysis, it is the cooperation between artists and critics that realizes the existence of works with ever-lasting value, thus enriching the pieces of arts in our society. And as time goes on, I assure that this collaboration will produce more and more precious creations.


因为我觉得这篇逻辑上还是特别不清晰，而且有自相矛盾的地方，所以在词句运用方面基本就没有多做修改。如果楼主在分析上面可以多写一点，少一点结论的话语，那么文章还能增色不少，除了分析太少，分析还应该透彻一点，不要泛泛得点到为止，而是深入剖析。

加油啦。。记得上次同主题的ARGU也改的楼主的。。