0910AW 同主题写作第五期argument65 by dacongfan

dacongfanUID: 2644717

Argument65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

The memo recommends that the best way for the cheese stores to make profit is to decrease the stock of imported cheeses and concentrate mainly on domestic cheeses. To support the conclusion, the author points us that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin(W). Also the author cites a survey showing that more and more people among the world than before are now preferable to subscribe the domestic cheeses. Although the argument seems logically organized, I find it specious on several grounds.

In the first place, the author unfairly assumes that cheddar cheeses in W are representative of all domestic cheeses in the country. Yet he fails to provide any evidence to prove that this is the case. It is entirely possible that people living around the newest store just show preference to the certain cheddar cheeses for the simple reason that the cheeses are delicious. Also of great possibility is that people there are preoccupied with the idea of protecting the domestic industries. In any event, the reasons the author cites lend little credence to his conclusion.

In the second place, no detailed information about the survey is given to substantiate the reliability of the survey. Perhaps the size of the sample is relatively small and it is known that the smaller the size of the sample, the less reliable the result of the survey. It is also possible that people who responded to the survey are those who are liable to consume domestic cheeses. Besides, Also probable is that the survey was restricted to certain groups of people and thus the unpersuasiveness of the survey. Lacking such information, the author cannot completely convince me that the chain stores should discontinue the stock of foreign cheeses to make more profit.

In the third place, the author assumes without justification that the decrease of the stock of foreign cheeses would improve the profits. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is more likely that the profit of selling imported cheeses per liter is far higher than that of the domestic ones and in
spite of the fact that more domestic cheeses are sold out but the profit is lower than that of selling the less foreign ones. Even the sales of domestic cheeses are more profitable, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to improve the profit. In short, without taking into other methods into account, it is impossible for me to deem that discontinuing the stock of imported cheeses is the best way to improve the profits.

All in all, the memo is unpersuasive at all as it stands. To better assess the argument, the author should supplement the detailed information about the survey. Also useful would be the information about the selling situations in other chain stores. In addition, it is essential for me to assure that no other possible alternatives exists to improve the profits. Only by addressing all these problems, can the author make me convinced that the recommendation is feasible.

彩虹沙漠UID: 2328322

The memo recommends that the best way for the cheese stores to make profit is to decrease the stock of imported cheeses and concentrate mainly on domestic cheeses. To support the conclusion, the author points us that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin(W). Also the author cites a survey showing that more and more people among the world than before are now preferable to subscribe(啥意思？文中说更多人喜欢domestic，怎么用subscribe？不太明白呢。。) the domestic cheeses. Although the argument seems logically organized, I find it specious on several grounds.（首段中规中矩，稍显模板气~）

In the first place, the author unfairly assumes that cheddar cheeses in W are representative of all domestic cheeses in the country. Yet he fails to provide any evidence to prove that this is the case. It is entirely possible that people living around the newest store just show preference to the certain cheddar cheeses for the simple reason that the cheeses are delicious. Also of great possibility is that people there are preoccupied with the idea of protecting the domestic industries.（个人感觉啊，这两句论证应该侧重的是the newest store只能代表某一个区域人们的喜好但不能代表其他stores所在区域人们的喜好；但是这两句感觉重点好像在分析人们为什么喜欢domestic ones） In any event, the reasons the author cites lend little credence to his conclusion.

In the second place, no detailed information about the survey is given to substantiate the reliability of the survey. Perhaps the size of the sample is relatively small and it is known that the smaller the size of the sample, the less reliable the result of the survey. It is also possible that people who responded to the survey are those who are liable to consume domestic cheeses.（个人感觉，貌似受测人员没有明显的原因带有倾向性。） Besides, Also probable is that the survey was restricted to certain groups of people and thus the unpersuasiveness of the survey. Lacking such information, the author cannot completely convince me that the chain stores should discontinue the stock of foreign cheeses to make more profit.（总体感觉这段还不错，简单几句概括了survey说服力不强的几个原因：数量少；带倾向性；不具有代表性和随机性。唯一感觉不足的是“倾向性”在这好像不是特别明显，一个不具有明显色彩和目的性的survey，人们为什么要有倾向性呢？）

In the third place, the author assumes without justification that（这句感觉还不错~~） the decrease of the stock of foreign cheeses would improve the profits. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is more likely that the profit of selling imported cheeses per liter is far higher than that of the domestic ones and in spite of the fact that more domestic cheeses are sold out but the profit is lower than that of selling the less foreign ones.（这句论证不错，支持力挺强的~~） Even the sales of domestic cheeses are more profitable, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to improve the profit. In short, without taking into other methods into account, it is impossible for me to deem that discontinuing the stock of imported cheeses is the best way to improve the profits.

All in all, the memo is unpersuasive at all as it stands. To better assess the argument, the author should supplement the detailed information about the survey. Also useful would be the information about the selling situations in other chain stores. In addition, it is essential for me to assure that no other possible alternatives exists to improve the profits. Only by addressing all these problems, can the author make me convinced that the recommendation is feasible.（挺好~~）

summary:总体感觉不错，没什么明显错误吧。有些句子也不错~~除了第二段的论证稍显弱，其他都还不错~~毕竟我也是水平有限啊。就这样了~

icyviolaUID: 2597126

路过这里，说几句自己的感受。楼上提到的就不重复了。我是新人，纯是与君切磋，不对之处多多指教。：）

In the first place, the author unfairly assumes that cheddar cheeses in W are representative of all domestic cheeses in the country. (此处的起首句建议不要仅仅着眼于cheddar，感觉一上来就讲一个点有些局限，可以着眼于整个例子。它不具备代表性的方面还有很多，比如它只是a chain of stores里的一家店，还是一家新店，都可以进行攻击。)Yet he fails to provide any evidence to prove that this is the case. It is entirely possible that people living around the newest store just show preference to the certain cheddar cheeses for the simple reason that the cheeses are delicious. Also of great possibility is that(受教，我老是it is possible用得自己都恶心了)
people there are preoccupied with the idea of protecting the domestic industries. In any event, the reasons the author cites lend little credence to his conclusion.

In the second place, no detailed information about the survey is given to substantiate the reliability of the survey. Perhaps the size of the sample is relatively small and it is known that the smaller the size of the sample, the less reliable the result of the survey. It is also possible that people who responded to the survey are those who are liable to consume domestic cheeses. Besides, Also probable is that the survey was restricted to certain groups of people and thus the unpersuasiveness of the survey. Lacking such information, the author cannot completely convince me that the chain stores should discontinue the stock of foreign cheeses to make more profit.

In the third place, the author assumes without justification that the decrease of the stock of foreign cheeses would improve the profits. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is more likely that the profit of selling imported cheeses per liter is far higher than that of the domestic ones and in spite of the fact that more domestic cheeses are sold out but the profit is lower than that of selling the less foreign ones. （in spite of 和 but 貌似只用一个就可以了，这句话观点很让我受教育，就是感觉写得有点绕）Even the sales of domestic cheeses are more profitable, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives to improve the profit. （这一句观点正确，但不和上文在一层意思里。本段是讨论不能证明the decrease of the stock of foreign cheeses可以improve the profit，而不是还有其他方法可以improve the profit,这层意思可以另起一个段落。）In short, without taking into other methods into account, it is impossible for me to deem that discontinuing the stock of imported cheeses is the best way to improve the profits.

另外我的文http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-966640-1-1.html，欢迎来拍。：）