0910AW 同主题写作第四期 Issue 144 by 大洋彼岸之风 xiaoxiaoW

xiaoxiaoWUID: 2611108

I agree with the speaker insofar that theartist plays an important role in providing something of lasting value for thesociety, while the critic also impulses the development and dissemination ofart. It is difficult to give a definition that what is art and how it disseminatesand influences people's fondness, but we are sure that both of the artist andthe critic make a contribution to the dissemination of art and make itpermanent.

It is the artist who make artworks come tobeing, but one cannot persuade the world to accept and comprehend his or herartwork alone rather than leaving the artwork covered with dust. Artists arethose people who embody their cognation of the world and personal feelingsthrough their works, they are rotating on the stages, waving their painters,weaving a world in their novels, just to embody more beautiful aspects of theworld. Art contains most of these
aspects. In ancient Rome, during the ritual of sacrifice, people danceas well as offering food and animals, they dance for a better harvest, for aeasy and safe life. The choreography embodies the reverence to the divinity andrepresents the ideology of the society at that time. Now people dance no longerto cater the divinity, just to provide a exquisite artwork for the audience,but they still dance for those beautiful things in their hearts. As well asart, dance gives society something of lasting value.

However, these lasting values is partial,the artist cannot disseminate his or her artwork to the whole society becausein the era of speeding development, no people can spend time on everything,
more and more new technologies and artworkscome into being every day, the large number of these aspects reflecting thephysical and spiritual lives of people, compared with those sparse canonicalartworks, do not make the value, the embodiments of the artist can be easilyignored, which leads to the ephemeral value the art. So, the critic is of greatnecessity to keep society informed when real valuable artworks emerge.

A critic who is familiar with a particularartist may have certain insightful ideas on his or her artworks, in thiscondition, a critic can make common people, who are not specialized in art,
appreciate the value of the artist better and assimilatethe marrow to improve themselves by comment and recommend his or her artworksthrough media, and discover those pretty artworks which was buried in thehistory. Those large numbers of bad and trivial artwork, which might stain thespiritual standard of people, are also filtered by the critic. We might concludethat the critic helps people cognate real art better.

According to the contribution the artistmakes to the society, and the functions of filter and guide the critic plays,it is obvious that artist creates valuable artworks which give the societysomething of lasting value, but if the critic does not exist, most valuablegoods might be buried. Only both the artist and the critic exert theirfunctions, can art be known by common people and be accepted by people in differentperiods, which is some sort of lasting value.

flearUID: 2533174

0910AW 同主题写作第四期 Issue 144 by 大洋彼岸之风 xiaoxiaoW

   I agree with the speaker insofar that the artist plays an important role in providing something of lasting value for the society, while the critic also impulses the development and dissemination of art. It is difficult to give a definition that (改为of) what is art and how it disseminates and influences people's fondness, but we are sure that both of the(删) artist and the(删) critic make a contribution to the dissemination of art and make it permanent.（改为perpetuation of art句子的感觉会好很多）

It is the artist who make artworks come to being（这句太累赘）, but one cannot persuade the world to accept and comprehend his or her artwork alone(为什么用alone？)
rather than leaving (感觉rather than用的很不恰当，即使没问题，动词leave应该用原型)the artwork covered with dust. Artists are those people who embody their cognation of the world and personal feelings through their works, （标点改为;）they are rotating on the stages, waving their painters（painter？还是painting？waving？）, weaving a world in their novels,（a world in novels?） just to embody(换个次吧，感觉太重复了) more beautiful aspects of the world. Art contains most of these
aspects. In ancient Rome, during the ritual of sacrifice, people dance as well as offering（do as well as doing?） food and animals, they dance for a better harvest, for a easy and safe life. The choreography embodies (第三次用了) the reverence to the divinity and represents the ideology of the society at that time. Now people dance no longer to cater the divinity, just to provide a（an） exquisite artwork for the audience, but they still dance for those beautiful things in their hearts. As well as art, dance gives society something of lasting value.（as well as? Or as a form of ?）

However, these lasting values is partial, the artist cannot disseminate his or her artwork to the whole society because in the era of speeding development, no people can spend time on everything,
more and more new technologies and artworks come into being every day, the large number of these aspects（迷茫…what aspect? 好像一点先兆都没有） reflecting the physical and spiritual lives of people, compared with those sparse canonical artworks, do not make the value,
（这句出现的太莫名）the embodiments of the artist can be easily ignored, which leads to the ephemeral value the art.(这句很长，但只是假象，这原本应该是很多句，很多应该是句号或者是连接词的地方都只是逗号，这个是全篇都一直存在的问题) So, the critic is of great necessity to keep society informed when real valuable artworks emerge.

A critic who is familiar with a particular artist may have certain insightful ideas on his or her artworks, in this condition, a critic can make common people, who are not specialized in art,
appreciate the value of the artist better and assimilate the marrow to improve themselves by comment and recommend his or her artworks through media, and discover those pretty artworks which was buried in the
（删）history. Those large numbers of bad and trivial artwork, which might stain the spiritual standard of people, are also filtered by the critic. We might conclude that the critic helps people cognate(这个词不对吧) real art better.

According to the contribution the artist makes to the society, and the functions of filter and guide（filtering and guiding） the critic plays(play function? 没有这个搭配吧), it is obvious that artist creates valuable artworks which give the society something of lasting value, but if the critic does not exist, most valuable goods might be buried. Only both the artist and the critic exert their functions, can art be known by common people and be accepted by people in different periods, which is some sort of lasting value.
（这里用function给我的感觉artist & critic 都像机器一样）

总的说一下吧，xiaoxiaow你写的太随性，有些很长很长的句子就是一些琐碎的句子堆砌起来的，而关键是，你只是堆起来而已，基本的连接词都没有加上，这样远不如没有。我觉得你应该尝试多读长句把句子之间如何连接的感觉找到，这样会好很多。还有就是对很多词汇的把握不准，句式的变化太少。
内容上只提一点，就是读完以后没有收获的感觉。
语言是前提，没有这个多好的思想也没有用，你表达不出来，当务之急，找到正确的语感，
不要乱用不太了解的词 仔细查了以后再用。
我第一次改别人作文，不足的地方还希望多见谅。
路还很长，加油！
(还有为什么这么多词都没有分开啊，整的我挺累：-（)

flearUID: 2533174

不知道为什么文章里红色的字体总是显示不了...这个不方便看的话 我直接传给你word文档好了