Argument167 @@A DREAM @@小组第4次作业 bynicoleq(廿廿)

nicoleqUID: 2626973

Date: 06.24
Time: 62min
words：375先哭%>_<% 下，以下为修改后426。
In this argument, the arguer concludes that over three weeks of time lavender cures insomnia. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides a recent study that the state of 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia sleep each night for the three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored and the state of every of the three weeks. At first glance, the argument might be somehow reasonable, but close scrutiny reveal that this argument is unconvincing.

In the first place, the arguer provides no evidence that the quantifiable standard, for instance the time and quantity, of insomnia and cured insomnia, it is important to assess the arguer's conclusion that lavender can cure insomnia. It is absolutely possible the volunteers sleep on lavender-scented pillows one hour longer and whit low quality during the third week while during the first week they sleep four hours more or less which lower than the average. What' more they are likely to feel tired all the time. As a consequence, the arguer ca not claim that over a short period of time lavender is able to cure insomnia without assess the volunteers' sleep according to the standard of cured insomnia.

In the second place, the fact that the volunteers continued to take their sleeping medication during the first week dose not support the claim that lavender can cure insomnia. As we all know, after we take the sleeping medication we can sleep soundly and feel faint. Maybe, the fact of sleep soundly but wakened feeling tired is the efficacy of the sleeping drug. Without ruling out such possibility, I cannot accept the arguer's point that the lavender is able to cure insomnia.

In the third place, the arguer provides the evidence that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly during the third week than in the previous two weeks is insufficient to conclude that over a short period of time lavender cure insomnia. There is likelihood that the volunteers felt more tied during the third week. Besides, the arguer does not provide the rate of volunteers who sleep longer and more soundly. Further more, the argument lack the information about the volunteers' original sleeping condition, if the monitored room is quiet and cozy, it is obviously good for fall sleep. For the matter, this point that lavender cure insomnia is unconvincing.

To sum up, the arguer's conclusion about lavender is able to cure insomnia over a short period of time is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the arguer must provide more powerful evidence.

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

In this argument, the arguer concludes that over three weeks of time lavender cures insomnia. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides a recent study that the state of 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia sleep each night（题目没有说啊，这个条件加的有点强） for the three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored and the state of every of the three weeks. At first glance, the argument might be somehow reasonable, but close scrutiny reveal that this argument is unconvincing.（模版有点严重，自己改写的太少，原题里的内容有点多）

In the first place, the arguer provides no evidence that the quantifiable standard, for instance the time and quantity, of insomnia and cured insomnia, （病句）it is important to assess the arguer's conclusion that lavender can cure insomnia. It is absolutely possible the volunteers sleep on lavender-scented pillows one hour longer and whit low quality during the third week while during the first week they sleep four hours more or less which lower than the average. What' more they are likely to feel tired all the time. As a consequence, the arguer ca not claim that over a short period of time lavender is able to cure insomnia without assess the volunteers' sleep according to the standard of cured insomnia.（这段的TS不够明确）

In the second place, the fact that the volunteers continued to take their sleeping medication during the first week dose not support the claim that lavender can cure insomnia. As we all know, after we take the sleeping medication we can sleep soundly and feel faint. Maybe, the fact of sleep soundly but wakened feeling tired is the efficacy of the sleeping drug. Without ruling out such possibility, I cannot accept the arguer's point that the lavender is able to cure insomnia.（论证有点单薄）

In the third place, the arguer provides the evidence that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly during the third week than in the previous two weeks is insufficient to conclude that over a short period of time lavender cure insomnia. There is likelihood that the volunteers felt more tied during the third week. Besides, the arguer does not provide the rate of volunteers who sleep longer and more soundly（提供这个数据是为了说明什么）. Further more, the argument lack the information about the volunteers' original sleeping condition, if the monitored room is quiet and cozy, it is obviously good for fall sleep. For the matter, this point that lavender cure insomnia is unconvincing.

To sum up, the arguer's conclusion about lavender is able to cure insomnia over a short period of time is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the arguer must provide more powerful evidence.（建议可以再详细些）

这篇文章我写的感觉和你也差不多，总是找不到逻辑关系的关键点，使文章显得简单。

nicoleqUID: 2626973

以下为修改后。
In this argument, the arguer concludes that over three weeks of time lavender cures insomnia. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides a recent study that the state of 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia sleep for the three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored and the state of every of the three weeks. At first glance, the argument might be somehow reasonable, but close scrutiny reveal that this argument is unconvincing.

In the first place, the arguer provides no evidence about the quantifiable standard, for instance the time and sleeping quantity, of insomnia and cured insomnia, it is important to assess the arguer's conclusion that lavender can cure insomnia. It is absolutely possible the volunteers sleep on lavender-scented pillows one hour longer and whit low quality during the third week while during the first week they sleep four hours more or less which lower than the average. What's more they are likely to feel tired all the time. As a consequence, the arguer can not claim that over a short period of time lavender is able to cure insomnia without assess the volunteers' sleep according to the standard of cured insomnia.

In the second place, the fact that the volunteers continued to take their sleeping medication during the first week dose not support the claim that lavender can cure insomnia. As we all know, after we take the sleeping medication we can sleep soundly and feel faint. Maybe, the fact of sleep soundly but wakened feeling tired is the efficacy of the sleeping drug. Without ruling out such possibility, I cannot accept the arguer's point that the lavender is able to cure insomnia.

In the third place, the arguer provides the evidence that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly during the third week than in the previous two weeks is insufficient to conclude that over a short period of time lavender cure insomnia. There is likelihood that the volunteers felt more tied during the third week. Besides, the arguer does not provide the rate of volunteers who sleep longer and more soundly. Further more, the argument lack the information about the volunteers' original sleeping condition, if the monitored room is quiet and cozy, it is obviously good for fall sleep. For the matter, this point that lavender cure insomnia is unconvincing.

To sum up, the arguer's conclusion about lavender is able to cure insomnia over a short period of time is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the arguer must provide more powerful evidence what mentioned above.