同主题Issue 13 =August Rush=小组第3次作业 by cqyanbo

cqyanboUID: 2515250

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
观点：agree
1.
许多原因导致了现在dialect 的消失.
2.
一种语言的消失代表一种文化的消失。

政府有责任来帮助来阻止这种趋势以尽量保护自己国家的文化不流失。

大恶花UID: 2634551

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
观点：agree
1.
许多原因导致了现在dialect 的消失.
2.
一种语言的消失代表一种文化的消失。

3.
政府有责任来帮助来阻止这种趋势以尽量保护自己国家的文化不流失。

There are thousands kinds of languages in the world. However, there are also few kinds of languages disappear every years. Language is not the tool people used to communicate with each other, but is also a carrier of culture in the countries in which a language is spoken.
But 表转折
also表顺接
怪怪的

There are lots of reasons that lead to the disappearance of languages. One of these reasons is that about half of the world’s languages are no longer spoken by children 儿童，孩子。可能你想表达是年轻的一代，the young generation. This is the first step in the extinction of a language. For example in Australia, by the end of last century, about two hundreds languages survived, but more than half of these languages had less than ten speakers这些语言都处于严重灭绝危急中，前文的survive就不太达意了. Another reason is that in a country in which have varieties languages 这个表达的语法很有问题just as China, these is one official language that is used to communicate in the whole country. People in this country should be应该？or are encouraged to learn official language that can easier to live. So that other languages in this country are used by less and less people.
导致小语种消失的原因还有很多，主要原因是什么？年轻人为什么不用？为什么用了官方语言就会倒是小语种消失？~论证也不够深入，语言比较温和
However, languages is not only used by people to communicate, but also a symbol of culture where the area each language belongs to. For example, an indigenous language of a geographical region is an essential part of its culture heritage. Without modern technology, residents in this region use language to pass down their culture and history.这句话的论述不是很有力度 Hieroglyph of ancient Egypt has remained mystery for a long time.SO WHAT？？举出的例子和段首句有何联系呢，请说明 On the other hand, in our common sense, the method that can be used to pass down this region’s culture and history without local language is translating using another language. But this method has been proved that cannot translate the meaning of this region’s culture and history precisely. 后面的像是解释，意思可以看懂，如果把语言重新整合一下，跟论点扯上关系，会更好

Thus, to prevent the loss of a culture, government of a country in which this culture located should have responsibility to adopt some measures to protect language which carry this culture. When this language is on the brink of extinction, government should provide some fund and revoke some people to remain this language in document. Or government can urge students in this country to learn this language as a second language and tell these students that they should feel proud about their local culture and history. For example, in Xinjiang, a western autonomy area of China, although government encourage residents in Xinjiang to learn Han language for the purpose that they can live more conveniently in the whole China, government should also promise local residents to learn their native languages to protect their history as a minority.

In sum, language has transcended the traditional concept we always has as a communication tool. Language can carrier other things of a nationality such as culture and history. Thus, government should using some measures to protect its languages almost extinction.

分析流于表面，观点没有深入论证，但更像是没有自己的观点。
语言比较粗糙，中式，不够简洁，不够有力度
就算我们可以读懂，ETS呢？
所以请尽量阐释清楚

尾羽UID: 2482591

13"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
观点：agree
1.
许多原因导致了现在dialect 的消失.
2.
一种语言的消失代表一种文化的消失。

3.
政府有责任来帮助来阻止这种趋势以尽量保护自己国家的文化不流失。

There are thousands kinds of languages in the world. However, there are also（a） few kinds of languages disappear every years（year）. Language is not the tool people used to communicate with each other, but is also a carrier of culture in the countries in which a language is spoken. （这句话意思挺不错的其实,但如果你是想用not only…but also? Where is the “only”?）

There are lots of reasons that lead to the disappearance of languages. One of these reasons is that about half of the world’s languages are no longer spoken by children. This is the first step in the extinction of a language. For example in Australia, by the end of last century, about two hundreds languages survived, but more than half of these languages had less than ten speakers.（这个例子跟”有一半的语言不再被孩子们所使用”有什么关系？） Another reason is that in a country in which(这里是不是有什么问题？两个in?) have varieties languages just as China, these is one official language that is used to communicate in the whole country. People in this country should(would) be encouraged to learn official language that can easier to live. So that other languages in this country are used by less and less（fewer and fewer） people.

However, languages is not only used by people to communicate, but also a symbol of culture where the area each language belongs to. For example, an indigenous language of a geographical region is an essential part of its culture heritage. Without modern technology, residents in this region use language to pass down their culture and history.（在拥有高科技的现代，语言也是传承历史和文化的重要途径，不明白你为什么要特别指出without modern technology。也许是要引出下面的例子，但这样感觉很怪） Hieroglyph of ancient Egypt has remained mystery for a long time.（留下了长久的神秘感，这又说明了什么呢？！这句话没有把hieroglyph在传承历史和文化方面的作用表述清楚。） On the other hand, in our common sense, the method that can be used to pass down this region’s culture and history without local language is translating（这里是否应该是translated，表示local language被翻译） using another language. But this method has been proved that cannot translate the meaning of this region’s culture and history precisely. （这是为什么呢？感觉话没讲完）

Thus, to prevent the loss of a culture, government of a country in which this culture located should have responsibility to adopt some measures to protect language which carry this culture.（这句话。。感觉太绕了） When this language is on the brink of extinction, government should provide some fund and revoke some people to remain this language in document. Or government can urge（这个似乎有点强迫的意思~encourage比较好吧） students in this country to learn this language as a second language and tell these students that they should feel proud about their local culture and history（通常来讲，当地人不用在学校里学，也会说当地的语言，也肯定比外地人懂得当地的历史和文化。。所以这个建议有点牵强。而且有很多少数民族语言是没有文字的，所以这个教学的可行性相当可疑。）. For example, in Xinjiang, a western autonomy area of China, although government encourage residents in Xinjiang to learn Han language for the purpose that they can live more conveniently in the whole China, government should also promise local residents to learn their native languages to protect their history as a minority.

In sum, language has transcended the traditional concept we always has as a communication tool. Language can carrier other things of a nationality such as culture and history. Thus, government should using some measures to protect its languages almost extinction.

整体上，因为是肯定的观点~所以分论点的设置没什么问题
但是在论证中的思路不够清晰，尤其是举例不到位，
要注意一个段落中，后面的句子和事例都要为论证中心句的观点服务，否则就有在段落中偏题的可能，也容易混淆自己的思路。
另外，你真的很喜欢用can+谓语动词原形，也真的建议能多换换用词形式，一篇里出现太多，不好。
骚瑞，我语法不好，所以语法的部分有些没有改，有些改了也不一定对，欢迎讨论哈~