猛拍吧！！！

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Whether it is more important to award students for effort than for achievement? As far as I am concerned, students should be encouraged to achieve more in their pursuing for knowledge rather than focus on how much efforts they have made.

One reason for my point of view lies in the fact that students' achievements are ultimately base on their effort and, more important, efficiency. So concentrate too much on  hardworking at the cost of efficiency would be a waste of one's energy and time. So the concept that one can guarantee success by hardworking seems less convincing.

Another reason for my point of view is that focusing too much on efforts without taking into consideration the importance of proper methods for studying is totally misleading. After being awarded for their efforts which may not be of any significant improvement for their study, students may be informed that hardworking is the only proach to success. So when faced with difficulties which they failed to deal with by hardworking, they tend to lose self confidence.

What's more, encouraging students to put more efforts to their study may lead to undesirable consequence. As the old saying, all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Teachers and parents must bear in mind that there are other factors that are equally significant to students' future success.  So we must encourage our students to make better achievement in limited time, in order to leave more spare time to experience other parts of life.

In conclusion, awarding students for effort cannot be a better choice for teachers, as it failed to take into account other factors for students' real success.

sharklion_huaUID：2156269

1

sharklion_huaUID：2156269

【MoMA修改cxy7646】
Whether it is more important to award students for effort than for achievement? （感觉不能用Whether引导一个疑问句，直接Is it more应该就行。）As far as I am concerned, students should be encouraged to achieve more in their pursuing for knowledge rather than focus on how much efforts they have made.（题目是要我们权衡努力程度和学习成绩，你的文章却是权衡追求知识和努力程度？efforts应该是grades?）

One reason for my point of view lies in the fact that students' achievements are ultimately base on their effort and, more important, efficiency.(看到base on their effort的时候有点糊涂，还以为你赞成more effort呢。如果用not only, but more important的句式，在介绍effort的时候就用not only埋下伏笔提示后面的更重要，则更好) So concentrate （该用动名词）too much on  hardworking at the cost of（是想说with the loss of） efficiency would be a waste of one's energy and time. So the concept that one can guarantee success by hardworking seems less convincing.

Another reason for my point of view is that focusing too much on efforts without taking into consideration （需要of?）the importance of proper methods for studying is totally misleading. After being awarded for their efforts which may not be of any significant improvement for their study, students may be informed that hardworking is the only proach to success. So when faced with difficulties which they failed to deal with by hardworking, they tend to lose self confidence.

What's more, encouraging students to put more efforts to their study may lead to undesirable consequence. As the old saying, all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy（厉害）. Teachers and parents must bear in mind that there are other factors that are equally significant to students' future success.  So we must encourage our students to make better achievement in limited time, in order to leave more spare time to experience other parts of life.

In conclusion, awarding students for effort cannot be a better choice for teachers, as it failed to take into account other factors for students' real success
（遣词造句能力很强，观点也很有说服力。很欣赏你能想出“重视分数可以给孩子更多的空余时间”这个理论而且论证得那么到位。
缺点总体感觉每一段虽然看上去都有主题句，但是主题句都表达得比较委婉比较绕，不明确。）

我是chineseladyUID：2662783

今天下午都不在, 晚上回来很累了 才改....

Whether it is more important to award students for effort than for achievement? 听着不很顺的. As far as I am concerned, students should be encouraged to achieve more in their pursuing for knowledge rather than focus on how much efforts they have made. 总是感觉矛盾的,你让别人再读读看. 不努力怎追求知识?..

R* V3 S
One reason for my point of view lies好 in the fact that students' achievements are ultimately base on their effort and, more important, efficiency. So concentrate --concentrating too much on  hardworking at the cost of efficiency would be a waste of one's energy and time. So the concept that one can guarantee success by hardworking seems less convincing.

J2 n. f5 B+ b
Another reason for my point of view is that focusing too much on efforts without taking into consideration the importance of proper methods for studying is totally misleading. After being awarded for their efforts which may not be of any significant improvement for their study, students may be informed 好that hardworking is the only proach单词拼写 to success. So when faced with difficulties which they failed to deal with by hardworking, they tend to lose self confidence.2 R; `7 x5 j6 X) p
/ ?3 O% B6 v4 m; J9 x
What's more, encouraging students to put more efforts to their study may lead to undesirable consequence. As the old saying, all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Teachers and parents must bear in mind that there are other factors that are equally significant to students' future success个人认为成功可以不用.  So we must encourage our students to make better achievement in limited time, in order to leave more spare time to experience other parts of life.

1 p3 i& C' j; T) b
In conclusion, awarding students for effort cannot be a better choice for teachers, as it failed to take into account other factors for students' real success.
观点蛮新颖的, 感觉支持的不是很强烈. 某些长句子过于长

我是chineseladyUID：2662783

今天下午都不在, 晚上回来很累了 才改.... Whether it is more important to award students for effort than for achievement? 听着不很顺的. As far as I am concerned, students should be encouraged to achieve more in their pursuing for knowledge rather than focus on how much efforts they have made. 总是感觉矛盾的,你让别人再读读看. 不努力怎追求知识?.. R* V3 S One reason for my point of view lies好 in the fact that students' achievements are ultimately base on their effort and, more important, efficiency. So concentrate --concentrating too much on  hardworking at the cost of efficiency would be a waste of one's energy and time. So the concept that one can guarantee success by hardworking seems less convincing. J2 n. f5 B+ b Another reason for my point of view is that focusing too much on efforts without taking into consideration the importance of proper methods for studying is totally misleading. After being awarded for their efforts which may not be of any significant improvement for their study, students may be informed 好that hardworking is the only proach单词拼写 to success. So when faced with difficulties which they failed to deal with by hardworking, they tend to lose self confidence.2 R; `7 x5 j6 X) p / ?3 O% B6 v4 m; J9 x What's more, encouraging students to put more efforts to their study may lead to undesirable consequence. As the old saying, all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Teachers and parents must bear in mind that there are other factors that are equally significant to students' future success个人认为成功可以不用.  So we must encourage our students to make better achievement in limited time, in order to leave more spare time to experience other parts of life. 1 p3 i& C' j; T) b In conclusion, awarding students for effort cannot be a better choice for teachers, as it failed to take into account other factors for students' real success. 观点蛮新颖的, 感觉支持的不是很强烈. 某些长句子过于长. 有的词汇用的很好, 值得学习

4# 我是chineselady

cxy7646UID：2595335

谢谢各位
发现我的第一段的确憋屈- -