进军美利坚作文小组 8.11 我是c-lady

我是chineseladyUID：2662783

8.11 Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good grades)

从昨天晚上写到今天早上, :sleepy:

Awarding is an effective way to encourage people to make progress and get improvement. From the employees in the corporation to the students, undoubtedly, being rewarded is a sign that the confirmation they received from others and themselves. Even if there is no any achievement, people would be equipped more strength to complete their tasks through rewarding. Therefore, I tend to acclaim that to award students is more essential for their struggling and effort, with relative statement shown in the following passages.

Students will be more energetic after gaining grant in varies ways. One of human natures shows that when humans could not accomplish his/her duty, a feeling of frustration will be filled with minds. Like a drop of water in the desert, praise could play a significant role in this situation. It probes people’s emotion to achieve. An example of my experience showed that I gained the energy to make progress in chemistry learning. My chemistry teacher in my middle school expressed I got improvement on this program in the class. In fact, my score was still not top even lower than average. For me, that was better than before and I could understand my teacher‘s intendment. She planned to give me award to push me studying hard. Around that time, I felt a little shy when she praised me before the whole class. I know what can I do was to enhance my study in chemistry otherwise I would feel sorry about this abstract awarding. I appreciated it as it stimulated me to have achievement in chemistry subject later.

People would be lack of confidence without rewarding. Traditionally, those who got complement are always be remembered or praised. On the contrary, those who made efforts without reaching any achievement would not be rewarded under the shining of winners. It will bring negative consequence and hurt people’s endeavor to improve. Probably they will be sluggish in this shadow. Therefore, a saying goes: the procedure is more essential than the result. An active attitude becomes a necessary factor before accomplishment, which is brought by rewarding.

In conclusion, being awarded can provide urge for anyone. For the reason is that humans always need to encourage by various methods. Then they could receive their goals even though have not got it presently.

cxy7646UID：2595335

Awarding is an effective way to encourage people to make progress and get improvement. From the employees in the corporation to the students,（改为”From employees in corporations to students in schools,” ?）undoubtedly, being rewarded is a sign that the confirmation they received from others and themselves. (that后直接跟名词？改为 that they received the confirmation from...)Even if there is no （isn’t）any achievement, people would be equipped （with）more strength to complete their tasks through rewarding. Therefore, I tend to acclaim that to award students is more essential for（比较对象是什么？） their struggling and effort， with relative statement shown in the following passages.

Students will be more energetic after gaining grant in varies ways. One （aspect）of human natures(nature) shows that when humans could not accomplish his/her duty, a feeling of frustration will be filled with minds. (貌似关系反了) Like a drop of water in the desert, praise could play a significant role in this situation. It probes people’s emotion to achieve. An example of my experience (经历可数) showed that I gained the energy to make progress in chemistry learning. My chemistry teacher in my middle school expressed （that） I got improvement on this program in the class. In fact, my score was still not top（，）even lower than average. For me, that was better than before and I could understand my teacher‘s intendment. She planned to give me award to push me studying hard. Around that time, I felt a little shy when she praised me before the whole class. I know what can I do was to enhance my study in chemistry otherwise I would feel sorry about this abstract awarding. I appreciated it a sit stimulated me to have (better) achievement in chemistry subject later. (我咋想不出这样的例子呢...)

People would be lack of confidence without rewarding. Traditionally, those who got complement(accomplishment?) are always be remembered or praised. On the contrary,those who made efforts without reaching any achievement would not be rewarded under the shining of winners. It will bring negative consequence and hurt people’s endeavor to improve. Probably they will be sluggish in this shadow.Therefore, a saying goes: the procedure is more essential than the result. An active attitude becomes a necessary factor before accomplishment, which is brought by rewarding.

In conclusion,being awarded can provide urge for anyone. For (,for) the reason is(去掉)that humans always need to encourage（be encouraged） by various methods. Then they could receive (achieve) their goals even though they have not got it presently.

第一次改作文
希望没改乱-_-

sharklion_huaUID：2156269

【MoMA改翠花】
我试着归纳一下
题目：奖赏成绩好的学生还是奖赏努力用功的学生？
文章：
1. 我认为奖励对于学生的努力拼搏很重要
2. 获得奖励之后学生学习会更有精力
3. 没有奖励人会变得不自信
4. 结论就是奖励会给人很大鼓励

【所以。我认为你可能跑题了。】

Awarding is an effective way to encourage people to make progress and get improvement. From the employees in the corporation to the students, undoubtedly, being rewarded is a sign that（用of吧？） the confirmation they received from others and themselves. Even if there is no （用not吧？）any achievement, people would be equipped （这个词好）more strength to complete their tasks through rewarding. Therefore, I tend to acclaim that to award students is more essential for their struggling and effort, with relative statement shown in the following passages.

Students will be more energetic after gaining grant in varies ways. One of human natures shows that when humans could not accomplish his/her duty, a feeling of frustration will be filled with minds. Like a drop of water in the desert,（比喻不错啊） praise could play a significant role in this situation. It probes people’s emotion to achieve. An example of my experience showed that I gained the energy to make progress in chemistry learning. My chemistry teacher in my middle school expressed I got improvement on this program in the class. In fact, my score was still not top （应该有but吧？）even lower than average. For me, that was better than before and I could understand my teacher‘s intendment. She planned to give me award to push me studying hard. Around that time, I felt a little shy when she praised me before the whole class. I know what can I do was to enhance my study in chemistry otherwise I would feel sorry about this abstract awarding. I appreciated it as it stimulated me to have achievement in chemistry subject later.

People would be lack（lack没有形容词含义吧） of confidence without rewarding. Traditionally, those who got complement are always be remembered or praised. On the contrary, those who made efforts without reaching any achievement would not be rewarded under the shining of winners. It will bring negative consequence and hurt people’s endeavor to improve. Probably they will be sluggish in this shadow. Therefore, a saying goes: the procedure is more essential than the result. An active attitude becomes a necessary factor before accomplishment, which is brought by rewarding.

In conclusion, being awarded（觉得用被动不好，用动名词或者名词都好） can provide urge for anyone. For the reason is that humans always need to encourage by various methods. Then they could receive their goals even though have not got it presently.

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

我觉得楼主的作文用的例子很好，但是在主旨句和结构方面应还注意以下。。。整体看我觉得此片想要表达的是rewarding the progress in the course is really important,但是题目是想让我们阐述在rewarding中是以hard working or score为标准。。。显然，楼主想说hard working,但却给人一种模糊的印象，我想只要试着去多用一些主题句和结构搭配就能解决:loveliness: