2009 进军美利坚作文组 8.22 综合写作

penergyUID：2667830

今年11月再战托福，程度不高，但求大家多多提建议。

   The professor disagrees with the result of the article.
    Firstly, he said that the summer drought might not be fairly

servere because the forests and the plants were found existed during

that moment.However, the article says the drought was the bigest

problem.
    Secondly, the article tells us that the irragation system didn't

support the need of the Anasazi, on the contrary,the professor did not

agree with it. He thought the Anasazi made the full use of the

irragation system and he took some examples to support his opinion. The

evidence showed that the Anasazi used the water which was stored by the

irragation system to plant corns and beans.
    Finally,the professor made a conclusion that the summer drought

might not be the main cause of the Anasazi' disappearence. It is

conflict to the article. There is some possibility to explain why the

Anasazi disappeared.Such reasons like being attacked by other

tribes,diseases and overuse of farm land are considered by the

professor.

arimidyUID：2673973

The professor disagrees with the result of the article.
    Firstly, he said that the summer drought might not be fairly servere because the forests and the plants were found existed during that moment.However, the article says the drought was the bigest problem.(听得不对哦，是说干旱没发生在他们的居住地，因为找到了树生长的痕迹)  Secondly, the article tells us that the irragation system didn't
support the need of the Anasazi, （对文章的叙述不够充分，主要意思应该是这些人建灌溉系统是由于他们缺水）on the contrary,the professor did not agree with it. He thought the Anasazi made the full use of the
Hirragation system and he took some examples to support his opinion. The evidence showed that the Anasazi used the water which was stored by the irragation system to plant corns and beans.
    Finally,the professor made a conclusion that the summer drought
might not be the main cause of the Anasazi' disappearence. It is
conflict to the article. There is some possibility to explain why the Anasazi disappeared.Such reasons like being attacked by other tribes,diseases and overuse of farm land are considered by the professor.

语言的组织文章的条理还有些问题，时态的一致等也要注意。

ly8768UID：2452066

1# penergy
The professor disagrees with the result of the article.

Firstly, he said that the summer drought might not be fairly servere(severe) because the forests and the plants were found existed(existing) during that moment. However, the article says the drought was the biggest problem.

Secondly, the article tells us that the irrigation system didn't support the need of the Anasazi, on the contrary, the professor did not tagree with it. He thought the Anasazi made the full use of the irrigation system and he took some examples to support his opinion. The evidence showed that the Anasazi used the water which was stored by the irragation system to plant corns and beans.

Finally, the professor made a conclusion that the summer drought might not be the main cause of the Anasazi disappearance. It is conflict to the article. There is some possibility to explain why the Anasazi disappeared. Such reasons like being attacked by other tribes, diseases and overuse of farm land are considered by the professor.

这个，要点都有，就是细节太少啦，适当增加些

penergyUID：2667830

2009 进军美利坚作文组 8.24作文

It is said thatmany developed countries have become a so-called aging countries. That meansmodern people are living longer than before. There are a number of reasons toexplain it. Among these reasons, I will list three major factors whichimportantly affect human being' life-span.
To begin with, themedical technique is a priority to make people living longer. Many fataldiseases which meant death in the past are cured by the new medicine. And alsosome medicines which were rare and expensive are common and adequate by theimprovement of medical technique today. What's more, plenty of certain assistantmachines are used in daily diagnoses such as X-ray, CT and ultrasonic therapy. Peoplecan prevent diseases in advance.
Secondly, theconstruction of people's diet are changed. People change traditions to keepfit. Once people had the thought that meat, fish and sea food were good thingsand they were suggested to eat more. However, these things are consideredsomewhat harmful to our health, which make us suffer the
coronary heartdisease, heart attack and obesity. More people have realized that keeping abalance of diet is of great significance. All the nutritions are required to beabsorbed by human body. Modern people's living longer result from these advancedminds.
Last but notleast, modern people realize to relax themselves. It is estimated that morethan 55% of population in the modern society shoulder high pressure. The mentalstrain will affect human's mind. As a consequence, they will generate an aversionto leave this mercy world. But now people are aware of the importance torelieve intensity. People create such therapies as hydrotherapy and sleeptherapy to keep fit. As a tradition, Japanese enjoy springs and relaxthemselves. And also this way are widely used in various countries.
I do believe thatin the future people’ life-span will be much longer than now. And thesophisticated medical technique will be invented. Many fatal diseases like AIDSand cancers will be cured .People will live without the threat by healthyproblem.

penergyUID：2667830

赶出来的作文，不好意思！！！


From the professor's speech, she disagrees with the opinion according to the text.
Firstly, the professor says that there is no evidence to prove that Marco Polo never picked up any Chinese or Mongolian place-names. He used the language-Persian  which was very common at that time' trade,especially between Asia and Europe,but now no one understands its original meaning.
Secondly,the professor has the opposite idea that not mentioning tea and teahouses in his book did not prove that Marco Polo didn't go to china.Because tea and teahouses are the southern Chinese's favor. However Marco Polo served the northern Chinese ruler.
Finally,the text tells us that there are no original records of Chinese and Mongols to prove that Marco Polo served at the court of the Mongol ruler. On the contrary, the professor thinks that Marco Polo might use a different name in China. What's more, the professor gives us another hypothsis that the original book written by Marco Polo had been lost, and no one know the truth of the book.

goback211UID：2419259

From the professor's speech, she disagrees with the opinion according to the text(觉得这儿的opinion和text的关系用according表达不太好，in或者of好点).

Firstly, the professor says that there is no evidence to prove that Marco Polo never picked up any Chinese or Mongolian place-names. He used the language-Persian  which was very common at that time' trade,especially between Asia and Europe,but now no one understands its original meaning.

Secondly,the professor has the opposite idea that not mentioning tea and teahouses in his book did not prove that Marco Polo didn't go to china. Because tea and teahouses are the southern Chinese's favor. However Marco Polo served the northern Chinese ruler.（serve的谁不重要，是他呆的地方是北方，应该是强调这个）

Finally,the text tells us that there are no original records of Chinese and Mongols to prove that Marco Polo served at the court of the Mongol ruler. On the contrary, the professor thinks that Marco Polo might use a different name in China. What's more, the professor gives us another hypothsis that the original book written by Marco Polo had been lost, and no one know the truth of the book（应该是record lost吧，不是M的book）.

注意细节把握，语言需要继续改进，听力我也是弱项，有问题可以站内联系，呵呵，加油

penergyUID：2667830

终于赶上了！！！！




Some peopleconsider that teaching is quite important . Others think that helping studentsto establish confidence is of much greater significance than only teaching thetextbooks. However, in my opinion both two ideas are equally vital to students'development.
We can learnknowledge by two main ways. One way is to have lessons to gain knowledge by ourlovely teachers. The other way is to learn technique by experience. And I thinkteaching is a major way for students. Teaching makes students know how to dealwith things by scientific ways and the knowledge in the textbooks are advancedand sophisticated. In other words, it means teaching can cultivate students'the exploring spirit and coherent scientific minds.And also teaching by thetutor can teach someone how to behave in daily life.Some students which havebeen taught the table manner are more welcomed and they will leave a deepimpression on the hostess. On the contrary, those who behave bad on the tableare considered rude.
Although teachingis very critical, helping students erect confidence can not be overlooked.It issaid that students who are confident have more possibility to gain chances. Asa result,they have more access to becoming successful and achieve their goals.So letting students more confidence is a task that teachers must give theirstudents.
Both two tasks areimportant, but they have a certain interaction. They affect each other.Ifsomeone only have confidence,but not have a good mastery of some basic skills,he or she will be arrogant. If someone only have a good command of basicskills, he or she will not be brave enough to grab the opportunity.So to an educator,he or she must put both teaching and helping students establish confidence tothe priority. And by this educating method, many eminent intellectuals will becultivated to construct our country.

arimidyUID：2673973

Some people consider that teaching is quite important . Others think that helping students to establish confidence is of much greater significance than only teaching the text books. However, in my opinion both two ideas are equally vital to students' development.
We can learn knowledge by two main ways. One way is to have lessons to gain knowledge by our lovely teachers. The other way is to learn technique by experience. And I think teaching is a major way for students. Teaching makes students know how to deal with things by scientific ways and the knowledge in the textbooks are advanced and sophisticated. In other words, it means teaching can cultivate students' the（去掉更通顺） exploring spirit and coherent scientific minds. And also teaching by the tutor can teach someone how to behave in daily life. Some students which have been taught the table manner are more welcomed and they will leave a deep impression on the hostess. On the contrary, those who behave bad（badly） on the table are considered rude.  
Although teaching is very critical, helping students erect confidence can not be overlooked. It is said that students who are confident have more possibility to gain chances. As a result, they have more access to becoming successful and achieve their goals. So letting students (to be) more confidence is a task that teachers must give their students.
Both two tasks are important, but they have a certain interaction. They affect each other. If someone only have confidence ,but not have a good mastery of some basic skills, he or she will be arrogant. If someone only have a good command of basic skills, he or she will not be brave enough to grab the opportunity. So to an educator, he or she must put both teaching and helping students establish confidence to the priority. And by this educating method, many eminent intellectuals will be cultivated to construct our country.
虽然没有什么错误，但是对文字的驾驭能力比较弱，文章只能说是不好不坏，比较平淡。

gy0510150556UID：2546647

Some peopleconsider that teaching is quite important . Others think that helping students to establish confidence is of much greater significance than only teaching thetextbooks. However, in my opinion both two ideas are equally vital to students'development.4 d  t* L' k) c8 d- s6 S% }
We can learnknowledge by two main ways. One way is to have lessons to gain knowledge by our lovely (respectable)teachers. The other way is to learn technique by experience. And I thinkteaching is a major way for students. Teaching makes students know how to dealwith things by scientific ways and the knowledge in the textbooks are(is) advancedand sophisticated. In other words, it means teaching can cultivate students'the(去the) exploring spirit and coherent scientific minds.And also teaching by the tutor can teach someone how to behave in daily life.Some students which havebeen taught the table manner are more welcomed and they will leave a deep impression on the hostess(这个也是老师教的，不过给空姐留好影响，动机不纯啊，赫赫). On the contrary, those who behave bad on the table are considered （considerably）rude.5 R$ S, D3
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Although teaching is very critical, helping students erect confidence can not be overlooked.It issaid that students who are confident have more possibility to gain chances. As a result,they have more access(一般是get more access to) to becoming successful and achieve their goals.So letting students more confidence is a task that teachers must give theirstudents.% K+ w2 N; V5 `. k

Both two tasks are important, but they have a certain interaction. They affect each other.If someone only have confidence,but not have a good mastery of some basic skills,he or she will be arrogant. If someone only have a good command of basic skills(感觉用词不当), he or she will not be brave enough to grab the opportunity.So to an educator,he or she must put both teaching and helping students establish confidence to the priority. And by this educating method, many eminent intellectuals will becultivated to construct our country.
1 正文第一段缺主题句
2 平衡写法也可以，但要强调他们之间没可比性，一样重要。
3 遣词造句的能力需要加强，有中式思维的影子
不过文笔很流畅，不错，赫赫，加油。

penergyUID：2667830

8.26的作业


From the speeker's talk,we know that the speeker disagrees with the opinion from the text. He believes that the giant-impact theory should not be doubted for the following three reasons.
Firstly,the speeker has an opposite prespective that there being no trace of a giant impact on the surface of the earth is unreasonable.Because the collision has happened for 4 million years. And the trace must be erosed by other uncertain forces and as a result the trace has been disappeared already.
Secondly, the writer refers to a fact that there is no water in the moon. This fact can prove that the giant-impact theory is wrong.On the contrary, the speeker does not think the writer' opinion is right on account of the fact that the water existed in the moon years ago.And by the heating of the sun, the high temperature made water move frome the moon.
Thirdly, the speeker thinks that density can not be the consideration to support the idea that the giant-impact theory is false. The mass of the moon is lower than the one of the earth, beacuse the moon is once a part of the surface of the earth. And the density of the surface on the earth is lower that the one of the core on the earth.  

gy0510150556UID：2546647

From the speeker's talk,we know that the speeker disagrees with the opinion from the text. He believes that the giant-impact theory should not be doubted for the following three reasons.  }/ c#

q# I+ M
Firstly,the speeker has an opposite prespective towards the passage's assertion that there being no trace of a giant impact on the surface of the earth is unreasonable.Because the collision has happened for 4 million years(4 million years ago). And the trace must be erosed(erased) by other uncertain forces(nature forces) and as a result the trace has been disappeared already.后面最好加一总结句2 h+ ^- z5 [  I1 L8 W8 V6 `!

Secondly, the writer refers to a fact that there is no water in the moon. This fact can prove that the giant-impact theory is wrong.On the contrary, the speeker does not think the writer' opinion is right on account of the fact that the water existed in the moon years ago.And by the heating of the sun（？不是moon形成时的collision吗）, the high temperature made water move（evaporate） from the moon./ V"

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Thirdly, the speeker thinks that density can not be the consideration(evidence比较具体) to support the idea that the giant-impact theory is false. The mass of the moon is lower than the one of the earth, beacuse the moon is once a part of the surface of the earth. And the density of the surface on the earth is lower that the one of the core on the earth.÷
整体思路很清晰，但都是最后缺一总结句，没结尾可以不，遣词造句还不太自如，多加练习哈，加油啦

qz163zUID：2599115

From the speeker's talk你用动名词会不会好点, we know that the speeker disagrees with the opinion from the text. He believes that the giant-impact theory should not be doubted for the following three reasons.
Firstly, the speeker has an opposite prespective that there being no trace of a giant impact on the surface of the earth is unreasonable. Because the collision has happened for 4 million years. And the trace must be erosed by other uncertain forces and as a result the trace has been disappeared already.

Secondly, the writer refers to a fact that there is no water in the moon. This fact can prove that the giant-impact theory is wrong. On the contrary, the speeker does not think the writer' opinion is right on account of the fact that the water existed in the moon years ago. And by the heating of the sun, the high temperature made water move frome the moon.
老觉得你第二段有点怪。那个高温的好像是（我也记不清了）是月亮受撞击时岩石产生的高温好像不是太阳发出的高温。

Thirdly, the speeker thinks that density cannot be the consideration to support the idea that the giant-impact theory is false. The mass of the moon is lower than the one of the earth, beacuse （拼错了而且别老一直because换换词吧）the moon is once a part of the surface of the earth. And the density of the surface on the earth is lower that the one of the core on the earth.


Speaker这个词你老错。拼错单词情况不=多
单词量比较贫，多背背单词比较好
遣词造句在加强加强吧，要不像我一样尝试用用不同的写作模板

penergyUID：2667830

8.27的作业


People' opinion varies from person to person.Some people agree with the statement that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship. Others are not.From the point of my view, this thing should depend on  different friends and distinct situations .
To different people, we should use different ways to express our opinion, or sometimes do not say anything. If a person has a large tolerance to accept the criticism, we can give he or she some sincere suggestion when he or she makes mistakes. If we meet with a person who are easy to get angry when we criticize him or her, we should let this friend make a mistake.And after that this person will ask you for help.In this moment, we can give our tips.
To different situations, we also should understand when we can make a comment and when we are obliged to become a dumb. According to a scientific research, people who are delighted or happy by some good things, we can get more accesses to warn them against making a mistake.On the contrary, if people are in bad feelings, the chance that they accept your suggestions and criticism will become low.
However, there is an special situation that the friend is your closest one of your friend's circle. You must give your best suggestion and warning he or she as fast as you can. This is your responsiblity because he or she trust you as his or her company.In return of this trust, your sincere and in-time criticism is somewhat like a medicine to keep your friends from making mistakes.
For instance, once my best friend Joe wanted to resign her position,I gave her my suggestion as this job was suitable for her. Althought there had been a possibility that this tip would destory our friendship,I still gave her my initial advice.
In a word, we should use different method according to different situations and persons. This is a good meaning to deal with your friends' affair.

machi730UID：2672537

13# penergy

O8 f% T, R8 Z 3 P7 B* ~! k6 [& K' k2 O 8 p. ]% w; i" Y6 O) n+ ~( x People' opinion varies from person to person.Some people agree with the statement that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship. Others are not.From the point of my view, this thing should depend on  different friends and distinct situations （this thing指代不明 建议改成 we should analyse the problems case by case, regarding the differences between people as well as the distinctions between situations）.8 I" t" i2 u0 e7 B To different people(When dealing with比较合适吧), we should use different ways to express our opinion, or sometimes do not say anything. If a person has a large tolerance to accept the criticism, we can give he(him) or she(her) some sincere suggestion when he or she makes mistakes. If we meet with a person who are easy to get angry when we criticize him or her(when being criticized), we should let this friend make a mistake.And after that this person will ask you for help.In this moment, we can give our tips.9 |7 `0 x/ b% O  j5 Y; W To (Under)different situations, we also should understand when we can make a comment and when we are obliged to become a dumb. According to a scientific research, people who are delighted or happy by some good things(语法有问题 可以改成when people are...)., we can get more accesses to warn them against making a mistakeOn the contrary, if people are in bad feelings(mood), the chance that they accept your suggestions and criticism will become low.应该加一句分析research的话 However, there is an special situation that the friend is your closest one of your friend's circle. （这句话很混乱 可以改成it would be a specail case when the person,who is possible to make a mistake, turns out to be one of your best friends.  ）You must give your best suggestion and warning he or she as fast as you can. This(It) is your responsiblity (to help him/her) because he or she trust you as his or her company(这个词是公司的意思。。。).In return of this trust, your sincere and in-time criticism is somewhat like a medicine（？） to keep your friends from making mistakes.For instance, once my best friend Joe wanted to resign her position,I gave her my suggestion as（that） this job was suitable for her. Althought there had been（was） a possibility that this tip would destory our friendship,I still gave her my initial advice." W+ K* L$ v9 J, k; i! n In a word, we should use different method according to different situations and persons. This is a good meaning to deal with your friends' affair. 整体的两个分论点是清晰的 最后结尾段有些仓促 可以再充实一下 有一些表达不太自然的地方我标出来了 语言还需要多多练习 注意语法尤其是长句子的从句 加油

fancywwUID：2583671

fancy修改的是蓝色。

People' opinion varies from person to person.Some people agree with the statement that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship. Others are not.From the point of my view, this thing should depend on  different friends and distinct situations （this thing指代不明 建议改成 we should analyse the problems case by case, regarding the differences between people as well as the distinctions between situations）（如果作者习惯这种模板式开头，建议操练几个好句型）
.8 I" t" i2 u0 e7 B0 K- B( o% E, Q- v
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To different people(When dealing with比较合适吧), we should use different ways to express our opinion, or sometimes do not say anything. If a person has a large tolerance to accept the criticism, we can give he(him) or she(her) some sincere suggestion when he or she makes mistakes. If we meet with a person who are easy to get angry when we criticize him or her(when being criticized), we should let this friend make a mistake.And after that this person will ask you for help.In this moment, we can give our tips.9 |7 8 O+ M1 l5 f, e

. J" Y# O. q- b) K6 O" {% L
`0 x/ b% O  j5 Y; W/ x) U- G$ G# Z9 E$ y
To (Under)different situations, we also should understand when we can make a comment and when we are obliged to become a dumb. According to a scientific research, people who are delighted or happy by some good things(语法有问题 可以改成when people are...)., we can get more accesses to warn them against making a mistakeOn the contrary, if people are in bad feelings(mood), the chance that they accept your suggestions and criticism will become low.应该加一句分析research的话1 H6 n2 s( X4 i; O8 k: z5 O/ m# {、

& c4 m5 C/ T3 }8 |7 ~6 x
However, there is an special situation that the friend is your closest one of your friend's circle. （这句话很混乱 可以改成it would be a specail case when the person,who is possible to make a mistake, turns out to be one of your best friends.  ）You must give your best suggestion and warning he or she as fast as you can. This(It) is your responsiblity (to help him/her) because he or she trust you as his or her company(这个词是公司的意思。。。).In return of this trust, your sincere and in-time criticism is somewhat like a medicine（？） to keep your friends from making mistakes.For instance, once my best friend Joe wanted to resign her position,I gave her my suggestion as（that） this job was suitable for her. Althought there had been（was） a possibility that this tip would destory our friendship,I still gave her my initial advice." W+ K* L$ v9 J, k; i! n



N. F* D3 x
In a word, we should use different method according to different situations and persons. This is a good meaning to deal with your friends' affair.



f: Z7 `
整体的两个分论点是清晰的 最后结尾段有些仓促 可以再充实一下 有一些表达不太自然的地方我标出来了 语言还需要多多练习 注意语法尤其是长句子的从句 加油. ^*

machi改的很清楚了，我想说的是这种完全避开题目的写法，即平衡或中间写法，要不要还是顾一下题目。毕竟题目问的是agree or disagree，文章完全没有回答，而是自成一题在写。
我觉得这么写不是不可以，但要在开头说明一下，如：
usually, people have many friends with different personalities and character. so how they deal with our honest and sincere suggestions can be largely diverse. Some friends with a receptive mind may take our advice readily while others may be quite irrational and we will destroy the friendship. so it cannot be a fixed issue that whether we should lett a friend make mistakes or prevent them in advance, and I can hardly agree or disagree with any side. Here I would like to analysis it case by case.