Daily Writing(作文特训小组)——mileschen2008

mileschen2008UID：2771287

2010-12-14   2篇/独立/综合。我昨天晚上加入组的，这是我的第一次作业（同时也贴在附件中了），准备作文也是前几天的事，
所以希望大家能够提出一些建议，该如何提高我的作文，我会虚心接受大家的批评意见的，谢谢各位了。


*********独立*********
Do youagree or disagree with the following statement? Only movies that can teach ussomething about real life is worth watching.


Personally, I strongly disagree that onlymovies that can teach us something about the reality are worth watching. As weall know, more and more films are produced with an interesting plot out of thereal life of us. If movie only about reality is deserved to watch, then theremay be no proper one to enjoy. And there are a couple of reasons to name.

First, film that can help us form a creativeand imaginative way of thinking should be paid great attention too. Although itdoesn't focus on the real life or the real world, it does deliver other usefuland interesting things to us. For instance, the movie Harry Poter, which is about the magic world and magicians, shows acompletely new world to us. From HarryPoter, we can learn the knowledge about the magic world and form a creativeand imaginative mode of thinking which is of key importance in our real life.

Furthermore, most people go to the theater towatch movie just for entertainment. Therefore, if there are lots of movies thatcan meet their requirements, it may be unreasonable for them to just watch themovie about reality. What's more, it is time-consuming to look for an exact onethat is really about real life. Therefore, it is relax and also time-saving forthem to watch the movie that caters to their requirements, not matter what itis focus on.

Finally, there are certain proportion ofpeople, including me, prefer the film that is out of our real world instead ofabout the real world. In addition, many people watch movies just because theysomewhat want to escape the real world that they are bored of. Then it may beunacceptable for them to still watch a movie that about the real world.

Concerning all of the reasons above, I thinknot only the films that can teach us something about the reality are deserve towatch.






**********TPO17综合**********
Followingis the answer that I hear the lecture for just one time. There is a lot ofspace to improve if clear with the content of the lecture.


Thelecturer talks about three aspects that affect the bird habitats in the UnitedStates. These three respects are urban development, agricultural activities andchemical pesticides respectively. She says the three factors have a differentinfluence on the bird habitats compare with that of the passage states.

First,the development of the urban does not have a harm impact to the environment ofbirds. Instead, more cities start to construct a more suitable environment forthe wildlife, for example bird. May be some population of bird could not findthe habitat in the city, resulting in decrease of their number. However, formost other population birds, the number may grow because of the suitable environment.It's somewhat contradicts to what the passage says.

Second,the passage states that the agricultural activities must increase to keep upwith the increasing needs of settlements. As a result, it will impose a furtherstress to the bird habitats. However, the lecturer emphasizes that agricultureneeds less and less land since more productive and new crops are induced into UnitedStates. So it may be unreasonable to say that the agricultural activitiesendanger the bird habitats.

Third,the lecturer declare that it is not the pesticides that are harmful to bird butnew crops that are resistant to pests will be product. Therefore, no pesticidesare need, namely no poisonous insects that can harm birds.

xiongcan818UID：2849571

2010-12-14   2篇/独立/综合。我昨天晚上加入组的，这是我的第一次作业（同时也贴在附件中了），准备作文也是前几天的事，
所以希望大家能够提出一些建议，该如何提高我的作文，我会虚心接受大家的批评意见的，谢谢 ...
mileschen2008 发表于 2010-12-14 15:09

完成12-14的独立和综合文章修改。 问下 综合写作可以不用结尾吗? 我很不确定这个。。。
修改见附件。

mingpjUID：2716886

改好了 Ps 你也应该帮我改吧  我们3个是一组的

mileschen2008UID：2771287

2010-12-15 独立一篇。 (希望得到大家的好的提高作文的建议，求拍砖)
有个问题想和大家讨论下，就是独立的字数大概是在300个，小于300肯定是不好的，
但是如果写得过多，比如超过400个字，好不好呢？这个问题我一直想问的了，呵呵。我这次的独立就写了400多点呢。

madfrog4227UID：2840905

4# mileschen2008

The more, the better

madfrog4227UID：2840905

4# mileschen2008

改好了，请查收

mileschen2008UID：2771287

2010-12-16 综合一篇：
大家拍砖，可以相互讨论下，不过觉得综合只要听力听好了，挺简单的。

yaoxiang1015UID：2311632

改好咯~

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.


Generally speaking, for the government with infinite money and energy, it isn't necessary to think about which aspect is more important. What she should do is just to do, because we all know that something is better than nothing. However, for the government just with limited resources, it is necessary for it to balance between the investment in art museums and concert halls and that of the entertaining facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds. While, the entertaining facilities is a key premise to mass sports activities, and also the experience that they bring to us is irreplaceable. What's more, they are still in great shortage. Therefore, I disagree with the statement. （我覺得第一段挺好的，有一個HOOK引入並且很明確地提出了觀點，個人覺得要是稍微長了一點）

First of all, the recreational facilities is a key premise to mass sports activities, while the art museums and concert halls may somewhat just be suit for the professional or wealthy people, such as the students and teachers in the Art field. For instance, for my uncle who almost knows nothing about the art, it seems impossible for him to enter into the art museum or concert hall. What he enjoys is to swim with lots of friends to relax and build a sound body. In addition, physical exercise, such as swimming, costs less. Therefore, the government should invest more in the recreational facilities since almost all civilian can engage in. （這一段觀點明確，例子也還行）

Another reason is that the experience that（覺得這個句子句法有點問題） the entertaining facilities offer is somewhat cannot be displaced by any other things. For instance, it is a good choice for an ordinary civilian who is not wealthy and not crazy about art to enjoy the movies, music and concerts with high-tech, such as computer and television. However, physical exercise cannot but be conducted with the facilities. Thus, it is significant for the government to invest more in the facilities.

Finally, for most places, there is still a great shortage in the facilities. Take Beihang University as an example, there are always a large crowd in the swimming pool and the playgrounds. When in the rush hours, you cannot even find a spare space, not to say swimming. Therefore, there are numerous entertaining facilities wait for establishment. In addition, an investigation indicates that most art museums and concert halls in China are leisure unless special days, like festival and holiday.

In sum, as key premise to mass sports activities, shortage in most place and the irreplaceable status the recreational facilities should be paid more attention than the art museums and concert halls, which is an important problem that the government should care about.

文章的觀點很明確，結構也很清晰，但是缺少比較詳細的例子（比如數字，事件，調查表明或者名人事蹟之類的）。

如果能增加這方面的例子會很好的。   還可以多看看難句，增加一些比較高級的句型（這也我是比較缺少的）
這些就是我的建議啦，我作文也不怎麼好，看看就好~
希望我們一起進步~！

xiongcan818UID：2849571

2010-12-16 综合一篇：
大家拍砖，可以相互讨论下，不过觉得综合只要听力听好了，挺简单的。
mileschen2008 发表于 2010-12-16 14:40

12 16的综合修改好了。附件

madfrog4227UID：2840905

这个你不用担心，写的越多越好，独立和综合都是一样的，写的越多就说明你的论证越是充分，但是不要光为了走字数而写那么多，主要是把你想说的说清楚就行了。字数没有上限,套用新东方戴云老师的那句话就是：the more, the better

mileschen2008UID：2771287

2010-12-17  独立一篇：
求拍砖和鸡蛋

fengyanhongUID：2941762

As the rapid development of the high technology, there are more and more means of transportation, like car, boat, train and airplane. However, no one can replace others for there are applicable to different circumstances. Also, different people have different habit in choose（choosing） the way of transportation. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the statement that the car has a greater impact on our society than the airplane has.

Undoubtedly, the car do has a great influence on our daily life. It's convenience for us to travel to other places if we own a car of ourselves. In addition, it helps people in different places to easily communicate with each other. For instance, in the early twentieth century, （people of different states even in the same state 疑惑之state 和states难道意思不一样么我鄙陋了） almost had no common points in the United States. What they said and what they wore are dissimilar because it's difficult for them to communicate with each other for the geographical reasons. However, once car was invented, people can easily go to other states or other places in the same state by the car. Therefore, the communication between them became more and more frequent, which is an indispensible（indispensable） factor to accelerate（enhance） the common grounds between the civilian.

Although, the car is of great importance to us, it（its range of application may be just within the same city） may be just in the same city or in the same province. However, airplane is an international transportation tool which makes it is convenient for people in different provinces or countries to travel around the world. We all know that it is impossible for people to go to another country, like from China to America, by car, while airplane is most suitable to this condition. What's more, almost all countries have the own special airplane that is used by the president to visit other countries. For example, we all know the special airplane of American presidents --- the Air Force One is used to visit to other countries. In 2009, Obama, the present American president, visit China by Air Force One. Therefore, it can be seen that the airplane has a greater effect on the international transportation.

On the other hand, airplane is much faster than car. Therefore it's time-saving for people, especially for a businessman who sees time as money. And it's hard to imagine how terrible it is to go to a faraway place by car, while what the first choice should be the airplane. For example, a survey indicates that almost all people go to other provinces or countries by airplane or train instead of car, unless the devout ones. （原来只有虔诚的人开车，有意思）

Summarily, the car may be the most important within the same city, while the airplane is more important in the international or among different provinces. Consequently, it's superficial to just think one has greater influence on the society than the other has.
语言流畅！
似乎是在用平衡观点写。这样的话一定要在第一段明确的指出在写平衡，第一段中I strongly disagree with the statement that the car has a greater impact on our society than the airplane has. 差点让我误以为是觉得airplane更好，接下来第二段the car do has a great influence on our daily life又让我觉得突然变了。明确表明自己立场，第一段应该指出他俩of equal importance 或者说没法比较，或者说比较没有价值。第二段中心句强调在一定的circumstance下car才更有影响，以免歧义。
一起加油！

liuyuan1990UID：2894778

11# mileschen2008
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The car has a greater influence on our society than the airplane has.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The car has a greater influence on our society than the airplane has.


As the rapid development of the high technology, there are more and more means of transportation, like car, boat, train and airplane. However, no one can replace others for (because)
there(they) are applicable to
(in)different circumstances. Also, different people have different habit (加s) in choose(choosing) the way of transportation. Therefore,(这个所以来的很奇怪，因为每个人的想法不一样，所以你不支持？我觉得应该给出你不支持的重要原因) I strongly disagree with the statement that the car has a greater impact（ influence换成impact，呵呵，学习了~）on our society than the airplane has.

Undoubtedly, the car do has（强调？应该是 does have 吧？） a great influence on our daily life. It's convenience（t） for us to travel to other places if we own a car of (去掉)ourselves. In addition, it helps people in different places to easily communicate with each other（easily 放这里就好了）. For instance, in the early twentieth century, people of different states even in the same state almost had no common points in the United States. What they said and what they wore are(were) dissimilar because it's difficult for them to communicate with each other for the geographical reasons. However, once car was invented, people can easily go to other states or other places in the same state by the car. Therefore, the communication between them became more and more frequent, which is an indispensible factor to accelerate the common grounds between the civilian.

Although, the car is of great importance to us, it may be just in the same city or in the same province. However, airplane is an international transportation tool which makes it is (去掉 )convenient for people in different provinces or countries to travel around the world. We all know that it is impossible for people to go to another country, like from China to America, by car, while airplane is most suitable to this condition. What's more, almost all countries have the own special airplane that is used by the president to visit other countries. For example, we all know the special airplane of American presidents --- the Air Force One is used to visit to other countries. In 2009, Obama, the present American president, visit China by Air Force One.（这个地方我觉得应该加一句，it has a great influence in international communication
不然的话就觉得这个总统专机的例子不是很恰当，对于对社会的影响来想）
Therefore, it can be seen that the airplane has a greater effect on the international transportation.

On the other hand, airplane is much faster than car. Therefore it's time-saving for people, especially for a businessman who sees time as money（赞~我当时写的时候只想着飞机舒服，人不累，都忘了省时间了。。。学习了~）. And it's hard to imagine how terrible it is to go to a faraway place by car, while what the first choice should be the airplane. For example, a survey indicates that almost all people go to other provinces or countries by airplane or train instead of car, unless the devout ones.

Summarily, the car may be the most important within the same city, while the airplane is more important in the international or among different provinces. Consequently, it's superficial to just think one has greater influence on the society than the other has.
你的观点是，两个没有什么much greater 的区分，两者都很重要，但我看你第一段是认为你不支持cars ，然后你会选择 airplanes .但从后面来看，确实是两者对半写的，但我觉得你的第一段应该清楚的阐明自己的观点。

liuyuan1990UID：2894778

很奇怪，我明明把改的地方颜色弄成红色了，不知道怎么成这样了，细心点看吧~不好意思啊~

mileschen2008UID：2771287

2010-12-21  独立一篇：前面两天出去了，不在学校，落了两天。接下来一定要天天坚持。作文见附件，大家拍砖！！