~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

lyy1215UID：2659472

罪过啊，有几天没练，检讨一下。又发上来一份作文，还请各位大牛猛拍。谢谢！

IT IS GENERALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT FAMILIES ARE NOW NOT AS CLOSE AS THEY USED TO BE, GIVE POSSILBE REASON AND RECOMMENDATION.

In this day and age, the word “indifference” has involved in people’s conversation more frequently. There is no denying that indifference is like a virus not only spread among the strangers but also the families. How this happened is worth meditative. From my perspective, I list the possible reasons below.

On one hand, thanks to the popularity of the technology, there are more forms of entertainment available. It cost people a lot of time on the abundant TV shows, various computer games and KTV. They totally neglect the feelings of other family members.
On the other hand, people face fierce competition and suffer from great pressure than before. Some people are too occupied to spare time for their families. Take a common graduate for example; he or she has to compete for an ordinary position with more than 200 persons. Although he or she could win the job, his or her slender earnings cannot follow up the rising prices.
It is true that in the material world, we need wealth and exciting entertainment, but what we need more is the love and concerns from families. So for individuals, we should spare more time to be together with our beloved no matter how preoccupied we are. And also, never bring your work home leave it at the office. For the government, they should help strict control over price range and provide more opportunities for the graduates to reduce the stress.
To the world, we are the one; while to our families we are the world. Therefore, love our families in time for we can never reply from paradise.

AK474747UID：2309314

请老师帮忙改一下，非常感谢！

刚写了剑5 test 2的大作文和小作文，麻烦老师帮我修改一下，非常感谢！

小作文：


The two charts give information about main reasons for study at different ages and the bosses’ support.

80 per cent of students under 26 think they study for a good job, while only 10% of people study with their interests. Less and less people learn knowledge in order to have a satisfying job earning enough money, however, there are more and more people who go to study for interests when the people become older. This is evidenced by the fact that the percentage of people studying for career, aged over 49, is just under 20%, which is highly less than almost 70% for interest. Between the age of 40 and 49, the proportion of people studying for career is equal to that of those for interests.
Unlike the reasons, before age of 40, the employers give more support to younger people than older people, being over 60% for students under 26, and approximately 32% for those aged between 30 and 39. After 40, older people receive more support than younger people.

Clearly, the change percentage of reasons for study is different from that of support from employers.

大作文：

题目要求：
In somecountries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
It very popular in some countries that students who have completed high school work or travel for a year before they enter to universities. As the coin has two sides, there are positive and negative influences on the young people who do this.

The advantages of working or traveling before university studies are clear and obvious. Firstly, it is an important experience for young because they are lack of real-life knowledge, and only get some theories from books which are very different from the applications in life. Secondly, some young can find what kind of job they want to through working one year, so they could learn more knowledge which are benefit to their future career. For instance, James who finished high school study 2 years ago went to a auto factory as a worker before university study, and he was very interested in it. Now he is studying in University of Alberta major in auto engineer, and learns better than others who never touched it before. Lastly, the students maybe easily get along well with other students after working or traveling since they can get something useful during working.

In contrast, the disadvantages are also unignored. On the one hand, after a period of traveling, the students may just like to travel and hate to study in the classroom, because they think the life out of school is so funny, while the study is so boring that they don’t want to continually study forever. On the other hand, it is just waste time for many excellent students who have been clear what they are interested in and what they want to learn.

In a word, there are advantages and disadvantages to work or travel before university studies.

wjx0565UID：2621749

Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons were relevant.


The graph shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

There was a slight increase in the number of USA persons aged 65 and over from 9% in 1940 to about 10% in1960. From 1960 to 1980, it rose sharply to 15%. After that, the number of USA people aged 65% and over remained almost stable until 2020. From then on, the proportion will be raised up dramatically, peaking at approximately 23%.

Obviously, the number of the Sweden aged 65 and over was still increasing, especially from 1940 to 1980, it reached nearly 14%. And after 1980, the people aged 65 and over rose greatly, peaking at a little over a quarter.

Unlike USA and Sweden people aged 65 and over, the number of people in Japan decline gradually from 5% (1940) to 3% (1960). From 1960 to 1980, it remained almost stable. After that, the number of people aged 65% and over in Japan until the year 2040, in the moreover, it will beyond the number of USA and Sweden.

Before around the year 2020, the number of person aged 65 and over in USA and in Sweden was larger than in Japan. Nevertheless, in 2040, the number aged 65 and over in Japan will be greater than in USA and in Sweden. (224 words)

chrisxiang888UID：2321263

An American film actor once said, “Tomorrow is important and precious.” Some people think individuals and society should pay more attention to the future than to the present. Do you agree?

I heard a wonderful sentence when I was a little girl, it said, yesterday is history, tomorrow is mysterious, today is a gift, that’s why we call it present. Some of us firmly believed that we should think about a little bit longer, about our future, while some persons，like me，considering the time you are spending is the best thing.

First of all, all we can control is today. According to the quote, you cannot change yesterday even you did something regretful and you could modify nothing about the future, the only thing you can do is to do your best today to make your life better tomorrow. Morever, Focusing on the future days couldn’t be used as a perfect excuse for ignoring today’s staffs, in contrast, we should always be aware of improving ourselves and do every tiny thing carefully. Lastly, we should value our time rather than dreaming about something unreal. For example, a young must have an awesome plan, but it’s nothing if he doesn’t take any actions to follow it.

Admittedly, nothing could be more precious than a kid’s dream, because we know what we shall do when we are keen on achieving some goals; there will be a massive force to push you to move on when you own a dream. Despite that, taking every step seriously builds a bridge between dream and reality. Specifically, what we need is to do well every day.

To sum up, we are not lack of dreamer, but few of them can be the famous person all of the world, the difference between great man and ordinary people is the winners are dare to find any possibility to make their dreams come true, in another word, they have faiths but they prefer to realize it by doing it each day.
刚昨天晚上赶出的，但用了一小时，请对鸭子此文多点思路结构以及词汇恰当程度的指正，欢迎猛拍啊！并给个分数，谢谢

AK474747UID：2309314

Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the ...
wjx0565 发表于 2009-7-14 10:07

The graph shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

There was a slight increase in the number of USA persons aged 65 and over from 9% in 1940 to about 10% in1960. From 1960 to 1980, it rose sharply to 15%. After that, the number of USA people aged 65% and over remained almost stable(at about 15%) until 2020. From then on, the proportion will be raised(一般不用被动语态，raise 就ok了) up dramatically, peaking at approximately 23%.

Obviously, the number of the Sweden aged 65 and over was still increasing, especially from 1940 to 1980, it reached nearly 14%（句子有2个谓语，后面可以改为reaching nearly 14%）. And after 1980, the people aged 65 and over rose greatly, peaking at a little over a quarter(这个句子建议分成2句，按时间1980-2000左右，用过去时，后面的用将来时).

Unlike USA and Sweden people aged 65 and over（people aged 65 and over可以去掉）, the number of people（people 后加上aged 65 and over） in Japan decline gradually from 5% (1940) to 3% (1960). From 1960 to 1980, it remained almost stable（at roughly 7%）. After that, the number of people aged 65% and over in Japan until the year 2040, in the moreover, it （it是多余的，前面有主语了）will beyond the number of USA and Sweden.（建议until the year 2040放句子最后面）

Before around the year 2020, the number of person aged 65 and over in USA and in Sweden was larger than in Japan. Nevertheless, in 2040, the number aged 65 and over in Japan will be greater than in USA and in Sweden. (224 words)

思路清晰，整体很不错，除了有个别语法错误。我也是烤鸭一族，写的文章还在等大家帮我修改（就在你的楼上），水平有限，所以有些建议不一定正确，互相切磋切磋，你也可以把你的想法告诉我，我们互相学习哈。

wjx0565UID：2621749

62# AK474747
The two charts give information about main reasons for study at different ages and the bosses’ support (建议改为the support of the boss).

80 per cent of students under 26 study for a good job, while only 10% of people study for interests (请阅读test2小作文的第一张图表的注释).  Much less people learn knowledge so as to seek a satisfying job earning enough money(题目中未提及“要挣钱”这一说), however, there are Much more people who go to study for interests when the people become older gradually (利用副词可以更好的表达状态变化). This is evidenced by the fact that the percentage of people studying for career, aged over 49, is just under 20%, which is highly less than  for interests, the latter one has reached to approximately 70%. Between the age of 40 and 49, the proportion of people studying for career is equal to that of those for interests.

Unlike the reasons, before age of 40, the employers (？？？指代有些不明，雇主还是雇员) give more support to younger people than older people, being over 60% for students under 26, and approximately 32% for those aged between 30 and 39. After 40, older people receive more support than younger people.

Clearly, the change percentage of reasons for study is different from that of support from employers. (两张图要进行更深的对比，而不仅仅就是一句“different from…”带过)


我是你楼下的那位鸭友，谢谢你帮我修改了我的文章，指正了我的文章的错误以及结构上的硬伤。这是我第一次评价他人的文章，水平有限，有些建议可能不好，甚至有些冗余。

你的这篇文章在整体结构上，应该稍稍再斟酌一番。同时在雅思作文上尽量不要出现过度推理以及带有主观性很强的人称代词。

wywangUID：2666405

62# AK474747

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

It is very popular in some countries that students who have completed high school work or travel for a year before they enter to universities. As the coin has two sides前面有筒子讲过，这句话好像已经被用烂了, there are positive and negative influences on the young people who do this.

The advantages of working or traveling before university studies are clear and obvious. Firstly, it is an important experience for young好像不能这么用吧 because they are lack of real-life knowledge, and only get some theories from books which are very different from the applications in life. Secondly, some young can find out what kind of job they want to do through working for one year, so they could learn more knowledge用的有点多 which are benefit beneficial to their future career. For instance, James who finished high school study 2 years ago went to a auto factory as a worker before university study, and he was very interested in it. Now he is studying in University of Alberta major in auto engineer, and learns better than others who have never touched it before.这个例子有点怪 Lastly, the students maybe may easily get along well with other students after working or traveling since they can get something useful during working.这个论点没有说透

In contrast, the disadvantages are also unignored. On the one hand, after a period of traveling, the students may just like to travel and hate to study in the classroom, because they think the life out of school is so funny, while the study is so boring that they don’t want to continually study forever. On the other hand, it is just a waste time for many excellent students who have been clear what they are interested in and what they want to learn.

In a word, there are advantages and disadvantages to work or travel before university studies.

wywangUID：2666405

25号要考试，第一次练，写的都超时了，麻烦大家给评个分，感激不尽。

The older generations have very idea about the correct way of life, think and behavior.However, some people think the old ideas are not helpful for young people for modern life. Do you agree or disagree?

In my country, it is a tradition that valuable advices are given for elders to youth. Then comes a generation without sisters or brothers, who believes the old advices are out of time and useless. This essay will examine some arguments for and against old ideas.

Older people have certain perspectives about how the young generations should live their lives. They believe people should cherish everything they have gotten. In their opinion, wasting food is morally a crime, saving is necessary for possible risks, let alone morgage of credit cards. Some of the ideas are truth or life experiences, while some others are old antiques that come from the medieval. Undoubtly, people who were born earlier can be relatively conservative, they tend to stick to what they originally believe and refuse upcoming concepts which they regard will distort their beliefs. However, there really exists a certain amount of older generations who are quite open-minded, they accept new inventions fairly quickly, furthermore, they relate to what life has taught them and develop the concepts more mature and understandable.

Even the least educated elder has a lot to be passed down to the new generation. Some are simple and well-known courtersys such as respect the old and love the children, easily ignored by some young people; some are abstract wisdoms understood only by those who have bitter lessons from life; some are ideas about love and family, which the youth barely have a clear sense of.

All in all, ages can exchange certain amount of wise ideas which the younger generations should not neglect. Just as the old saying tells, he who lives longer becomes wiser.

AK474747UID：2309314

62# AK474747
The two charts give information about main reasons for study at different ages and the bosses’ support (建议改为the support of the boss).

80 per cent of students under 26 study for  ...
wjx0565 发表于 2009-7-16 17:17

谢谢wjx0565给我改的作文，批的非常中肯，继续努力，欢迎大家互相修改作文

TryFlyUID：2600601

wjx0565UID：2621749

The chats below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


There were two bar charts below .Which show the results of a survey of the main reasons for study among different ages .The first bar chart shows that the changing proportion of the two reasons according to the age of student while the other bar chart outlines the age group which the support

According to the first bar chart .it is quite interesting to see that the change of both two reasons is inversed. that is .while the size of stud for interest increases steadily .the size of study for career decline gradually The proportion of study for career and for interest had the same profit in the age of between 40 and 49 .In the age of under 2b .study for career reached a peak .about 80%of the total reasons for study .The proportion of approximately 70% of and nearly 15% of for interest in the age between 2b and 29 is inversed in the age of over 49.In the age of under 26.only about a tenth study for interest ,whereas in the age of over 49.70%starts to develop the interest through the knowledge.

Furthermore the employer also elect the finest employee by the age group .It is apparent from the figures, the age group of under 26 is the highest, peaking at about 60%, whereas in the 40s of the employee could be popular with the employer support, only takes 30%.

Above all, the age group of less than 26 not only studies for career is the peak, but also was the main object which the employers support. Among the rest of the age groups, the proportion of the age group of between 40 and 40 as high as the age of 30-39, the lowest point is displayed in this figure. (293 words)

这是取自于剑5第二套试卷的小作文，还请各位雅友们代为改一下。我的作文写得有结构或语法上的错误，欢迎各位大虾猛拍、狠拍。谢谢！

wjx0565UID：2621749

谢谢斑竹对我的作文给予指正，使我知道了我的作文中存在的缺点，我会继续努力。

wjx0565UID：2621749

昨晚又赶了一篇小作文，请各位大虾帮忙看下，提出意见，欢迎猛拍，不胜感激。
The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


There are two charts below shows the usage of water in the wand .The first chart describes the three different approaches to apply this resource, in the moreover, the other figures displays the difference 2 countries about the water use in 2000

According to the first chart, there were a gradually increase the expenditure volume of 3 different ways before the year 1950. Before the year 1950, the volume of water use in agriculture is greater than the other two sectors. After 1950, even though the number of industrial use and domestic use had been rising up largely, the number of these 2 approaches was still less than the number of the approach which is used in agriculture. In 2000, the volumes which the agriculture consumed worldwide reach a peak of approximately 3,000 km3

In addition, comparing with the 2 countries, the three data of Brazil in this table is much greater than the ones of Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000. Among these data in this table, the column of water consumption per person in Brazil (359m3) was 44 tines as the one in Congo (8m3).

To sum up, the agricultural water not only consumed much huger than the industrial and domestic water, but also took a significant proportion in some countries. (211 words)

这是取自于剑六第一套测试卷的小作文，欢迎猛拍，谢谢。