~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

饱饭仔UID：2505959

希望筒子们不要害羞,不管是大牛还是小牛
拉出来溜溜才是好牛

zscarlUID：2539807

task 2: universities should accept equal unmbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In morden dsays, higher education is an important stepping stone for students to find their futures, but it is also an widespread arguement whether universities should take indentical numbers of male and female students in all subjects. To my personal view, i has very limited advantages to do so.
First of all, not every subjects is suitable for everyone, in another words, some subjects are better for boys, while others are better for girls. For instances, more male students will like to take physics than girls, even from the history, we can easily learn that there are more male physicians too, while for mursing subject, more girls will be interested, they are also more efficient to complete such subjects with good sresult, Research shows that only 1% of male student and pass nursing subject in Malaysia. Secondly, instad of fixing the propotion of male and female students in the class. To let students choose for their own interests will further improve their performance. Just imagine, if one was put into an course which he/she does not like at all, his/her result can not be oustanding without interest.
However, there my be some advantages for colleges to accept equal numbers of male and female students, one of which is to deliver equal graduates in all aspects. That may give female and male equal opportunities when choosing careers, but it is also doubtable whether every job fit either male or female equally. Arguement will raise when more females are reparing drainages or more males are doing preschool teaching.
In summary, itis obervious that there are more advantages to have more males in some subjects and more females in others, instead of fixing equal number of boys and girls in every subject in universities. (291 words)

欢迎猛拍， 留下您认为可能得到的分数

bqianaUID：193168

5.5

67169619UID：2320695

适当想想各种奖励措施来活跃气氛嘛

zscarlUID：2539807

cam5-test2-task2, 欢迎猛拍， 留下您认为可能得到的分数 (41min used, 321 words)

question: in some countries young people are encouraged to work ot travel for a year between finishing high school and starting iniveristy studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In contemporary society, youngsters in some countries are following the tread of taking a year off for traveling or working after finishing high school and before starting university studies, Some people think it is beneficial for youth, others think otherwise, In my personal view, the advantages have more profound impact than disadvantages.
There are many pros, to start with, it will widen students’ horizon significantly, no matter they are going to travel Europe or working in a bar, those valuable experience will be grateful for them to understand what they want in the future, it will play a vast role in helping to identify personal values. Further more, both traveling and working can equip young people useful skills, those practical skills can never be learnt in school, but can benefit them for a life time, Lastly students from poor families can gather fund for their college education, instead of posting difficulties to their poor parents, money earned from working can be helpful to finance their future studies, it may also save some students from terminating their college education due to insufficient financial support from their families.
Admittedly, traveling or working also come with certain cons, Firstly, a year long break may be unwarranted for a consistent education, students may forget what they have learnt in high school and put themselves in disadvantageous academic positions compared with students who enter university seamlessly after high school. Secondly, it may post a thread to students for exposing themselves to modern society. In such a complex social structure, students may be misleaded due to inadequate competence of judgment, young people may choose to pursuit materialistic demand instead of continue their studies.
In summary, though there are some weakness for people to travel or work after high school before university studies, they can benefit from it much more. With proper guidance, communication and support from the society, our young students will appreciate it along their growth.

饱饭仔UID：2505959

第一段标准引入观点,提出论点开头.有几个稍微注意下, the youth代表群体吧,advantages表意不明,advantages of sth ....... than its/their disadvantages.
第二段三个观点写的很得理,但是,犯了大忌啊,写作怎么能用pros...而且还是开头....千万不要用口语词汇跟简写词.对于3个支撑观点,可以稍微for instance, to illustrate一下,更显得详实
第三段,让步段标准结构

至于语法问题,还有有点,本人有点懒,不一一去找出来了,整体文章还不错
6-6.5的样子吧

zscarlUID：2539807

Cam5-test3-task2 (43 min, 319 words)
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion. (欢迎猛拍, 请打分. 感觉这个题目不好写, 如果写2个看法的优点和缺点, 将有4个方面可写,  望大虾赐教)

In current society, two divided views on our children to become useful adults have drawn widespread argument, some people think that children should build up a sense of competition, while others prefer to promote co-operation among children. I agree with the second view.
To illustrate the advantages of co-operation, firstly, it will nurture our children to appreciate team work in the future, specifically, such team work is compulsory for a lot of work such as construction, ship building etc, secondly, it will equip our children with better social responsibilities when co-operating with each other, it is obvious that they will realize their inconsiderable act will affect the while team, therefore they will be more responsible on their decisions and behaviors. Lastly scientific research and development can be more efficient with the co-operating among researchers. For instance, we all understand Intel is the most famous CPU maker, but it cannot be successful without the close co-operation among its engineers and researchers, with more knowledge sharing and ideas exchanging, the progress can be improved dramatically compared with individual work.
However, there are certain drawbacks to introduce co-operation to children, on the on hand, children will have difficulties to position themselves in a team, more specifically, it may happen that nobody wants to lead the team or everyone wants to be the leader, that will certainly reduce team’s efficiency and performance when the final decision cannot satisfy most of the team members, on the other hand, it may discourage continuous personal improvement, to the individuals, it will make them feel their effort has very limited effect on the overall progress, but with proper team organization, awarding systems, such limitation can be minimized.
In summary, to teach our children to co-operate among themselves will make them become more useful adults despite some downsides. I believe that with proper encouragement incentive and systemic organization, those disadvantages of co-operation can be reduced to ignorable level.



Cam5-test4-task2 (37min, 256 words)
Research indicates that characteristics we are born with have much influence on our personality and development than experience we may have in our life. (欢迎猛拍, 请打分. 为节省时间查看语错误, 故意减少文章字数)

In contemporary society, argument on the key effect to influence our personality and development has drawn increased attention, some people think that experience we have is more important than the characteristics we are born, I prefer the former view.
The experience we have during our growth plays the most significant role on our personality and development. To illustrate further, firstly, training is widely believed to affect our development vitally, take academic training for an example, every country has their educations systems to develop people’s potential, while some countries even rule legalization to enforce compulsory education to certain level. Secondly, one’s personality can be changed dramatically upon the different environment. For instance, on will become extrovert surrounded by friends, family members with similar characters. Lastly individual effort can change the natural weakness become to strength specifically, blind people has more sensitive hearing, some famous musicians are the good proves.
Admittedly, genetic characteristics can also influence our personality and development, On the one hand, high IQ parents more likely to have high IQ babies, it can be an important advantages for their development compared with normal IQ children, On the other hand, physical appearance can affect children’s growth too, if one has remarkable height, he/she will have higher change to be an outstanding basketball player, however, it al so need proper training, personal hard work as well as interest.
In summary, the characteristic we born with can somehow influence our personality and development, but it is not so important as experience such as training, environment, and individual effort.

笑面鼠UID：2118428

这是个好帖子，希望能够坚持下去。建议贴文章的时候段落与段落之间有个间隔，那样层次更明了一些。

饱饭仔UID：2505959

这个娃好勤啊。。。
重点看第一篇吧
第一段，标准争论式开头，没什么好说的
第二段，这个。。。有那个造船的例子有点牵强，至于后面那个INTEL的话，说的太大了，不过，例子跟理由并不要说的那么大气，只要得理就行
第三段，让步的这两个理由很勉强啊，不是很明白
有一个让步的写法，你可以尝试下，HOWEVER+让步主题句+观点一+例子+if not+反观点的好处
等于就是让步然后再转回你的观点，如果，题目不那么好写，可以尝试这么写一下

文章整体流利度跟词汇没问题，长短句也还错落。关键是说理要清楚，明了，并不一定需要多特殊，多大气的理由，只要自圆其说就可以了

kangyijieUID：2579535

菜鸟作文，请求点评（因未参加过雅思考试，这篇文章也是第一篇雅思作文习作，还望各位大牛指点一下，看看有没有6分的水平），真诚致谢：
TASK 2: Nowadays people are busy with work and have not enough time to spend with families and friends. Why? What are the effects on families’ life and society as whole?

There is no deny that the recent few years have witnessed a deteriorating phenomenon of more competition in the society and people becoming more alienated than ever before. It is no difficult job to come up some factors that underlie this nasty phenomenon.

Firstly, among the most important factors often cited by people is the increasingly fierce competition, especially in those international metropolises. We have too much work to do that we haven’t got enough time left for our families. Suppose you are a white-collar worker employed by an accounting company. You have to get up early in the morning to catch the bus or subway, thus, you would not have the chance to say “good morning” to your parents. When stepping into the office, you will find mountains of files to be processed, which will make you feel exhausted. Your underling hands you a report, unfortunately it is not as perfect as you expect. Consequently, you are determinable to work with him overtime to finish that report, which makes you arrive quite late back home and you will miss the chance to have supper with your parents and wife. Secondly, if the fierce competition is the main culprit, the advanced technology is the worse accomplice. With the advent of some new inventions, such as televisions and computers, many people spend their leisure time in watching TV or surfing on the internet, rather than have a chat with their families.

It is common to hear on TV that an increasing number of countries have listed such a phenomenon as their prior apprehension in maintaining individual and social development and prosperity. One the one hand, with less communications with our family member and more working pressure in the daytime, its consequence will not only do harm to individual’s health such as becoming frustrated but also may lead more family violence. On the other hand, we should keep highly alert of the problems evoked by the alienation of family members because once the harmful influence accumulates to a certain degree and then spreads, it will surely contradict with our effort to build up a harmonious society.

总共354个字

饱饭仔UID：2505959

楼上,你是不是考过G...
好多高级词汇啊
文章整体问题不大,6+应该没问题吧
第二段你对一个原因解析的比较深,但是,我个人觉得,解析第二个原因更为贴切,第二个原因更为让大家理解跟接受
第二段有个问题就是,看完给我的感觉就是you,your太多了,用一些定语从句什么的等价替换吧

kangyijieUID：2579535

感谢楼上斑竹的点评！非常感谢！

能保证有6的水平就放心了  我要补个语言成绩  只要6分  呵呵

我没有参加过G  出国的考试一个都没参加过  只是最近要考雅思  也打算考10G  准备申经济学博士用  中国内地的考研英语倒是考过  呵呵