~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

kangyijieUID：2579535

   我有这么好？  太感谢楼上同学的指点了  谢谢！ 感动中...

最后一段写得比较少是因为写完第二段后发现写得太多了  最后一段就写得少了  最后写了354个字 我算是比较多的了 就没有再写了

再次感谢楼上同学的指点

kangyijieUID：2579535

前两天贴了一篇作文出来，得到了几位版友的指点，在此再次致谢！  尊敬的viecentpan版主评价 之前那篇拙作可能有7分以上，让我有点激动加惊讶。 我没有考过雅思，不知道自己是个什么水平，我想上面那篇作文写得好估计是正好碰上我熟悉的话题吧。

今天晚上，我又写了一篇，是寄托雅思版预测帖上的一个题目，贴出来期待各位的指点，看看有没有6分以上的水平。

真诚致谢！

TASK 2: The ever-increasing business and cultural contact between nations has brought more advantages than disadvantages. Discuss.

I have always believed that a free-enterprise system with the minimal government interference can best extend and preserve human freedom and economic prospect. Marketization enables individuals to act freely when pursuing their own interests and leads many places in the world out of poverty. The ever-increasing business, as well as the cultural contact is just a phenomenon of marketization and globalization, which bring us both benefits and harmful influences.

Among the most significant benefits that marketization and globalization arouse is the economic prospect and cheaper price in the market. In pace with the opening policy, world-wide companies will join the domestic market and the increasingly fierce competition will surely lead to cheaper price. What’s more, the communication with other nations will help us learn more about other wonderful cultures in the world. No better illustrations of this idea can be thought than the case mentioned below. Some of the public universities and colleges in South China were usually in low efficiency concerning the management aspect, but after years of communication with those private universities in North America a culture of high efficiency had taken shape in the higher learning institutes in South China.

However, when we enjoy the benefits of ever-increasing business and cultural contact, their shortcomings should also be brought into adequate considerations. Firstly, although many countries are benefiting from the great success of marketization and globalization, others are not that successful. Even countries like China and India, whose economy has been on the dramatic increase for almost three decades, are still not well developed. Secondly, those disadvantage cultures in the world may be assimilated by those strong ones, which may result in a world with fewer kinds of cultures.

It admits of no doubt that the recent few decades have experienced a globalized world with increasingly more business and culture contact. While we can’t prevent such a tendency, we should keep highly alert of the harmful influences evoked by business and culture communication and make better use of this opportunity.

kangyijieUID：2579535

非常非常感谢楼上版主的点评！ 无比感激中...

这篇作文我写的时间有点长了 写了差不多50分钟，至少也有45分钟吧，估计正式考试的时候写不得这么好。我只要能有保证6分以上就放心了。

我总觉得写雅思的作文 论据不够， 感觉自己的思维不活跃，找不到论证的IDEA。楼上版主提出的两点问题，我在写的时候也顾忌到了，但因为想限制自己写的时间  没有作出成熟的思考

我审题的时候判断ever-increasing business and cultural contact 就是全球化的一个方面  所以在文中就写到了这一点  但写到最后一段的时候也怕偏题  所以最后一段也不敢出现globalization, 而直接使用反复ever-increasing business and cultural contact ,尽管我觉得这个词有点长了。

写雅思作文最怕偏题了。谢谢斑竹的指点！接下来我一定特别注意。

我是HKU MECON 09FALL， 难道viecentpan版主也是今年去香港读书？

kangyijieUID：2579535

19# kangyijie  

呵呵，好厉害啊，我也申请你那个项目了，不过被拒了 - -
最后决定去中大读法律了。
viecentpan 发表于 2009-6-4 23:09

惭愧惭愧....

我估计是HKU MECON 09FALL 被录取学生中的“差生”  自己水平不好  一直以来我的英文水平都被我周围的同学BS  没想到版主对我的评价这么高

再次致谢！

xxxbobUID：2525739

帮我改改我的作文哈

Q: Some people think children should obey the rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much can’t deal with problem themselves. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

正文：
Children education is always a big issue on and off campus. There is a heated debate about the degree of adults guidance on children.

  Approximately 30 years ago, there was a public consensus that children should do whatever their parents or teachers ask them to do. It was the basic as being a good child with good manners. It seemed that the high-quality implement of assigned work is the guarantee of a promising future. Their parents hard already drawn a blueprint for the children and what they needed to do was following it. As for the children obeying the rule is the cut shout for success, otherwise, it would be harder and harder.

  However, opinions are different among those who advocate the free development of children. They believe that the complete obey of predecessors’ orders can destroy the creativity of children. They are too reliable on their parents to make their own decision and host their own lives. Children are not the robots that can work directly to the order without any emotions. They have to learn the critical thinking and the ability of solving problems independently. It is by no means to be regarded as perfect just by finishing a tooled task.
   
    As for as I’m concerned, certain rules such as the national law, the school instructions and the family principle should be fully respected and obeyed. Adults, however, have no right to control children’s life by making every single to educate yourselves to think creatively , through offering suggestions and advice. It is children’s duty to make decisions for themselves and shoulder the responsibility of their decisions.

kangyijieUID：2579535

我觉得22楼的写得很好的，我觉得考场上能写出这样的文章的话，应该有7分吧。

惭愧地提以下两点内容：
1. Their parents hard(HAVE) already drawn a blueprint for the children and what they needed to do was following(TO FOLLOW) it.   （虽然following 也可以，但我觉得写成to follow貌似更好一下。个人拙见，如有不对，望指正）
2. 惭愧地问一下，最后一段Adults, however, have no right to control children’s life by making every single to educate yourselves to think creatively , through offering suggestions and advice.的后半部分是什么意思呀？

kangyijieUID：2579535

快要考试了，最近加紧了练习。今天下午写了一个TASK 1和一篇TASK 2的作文，还望大家多多指点。无比感激中...
TASK 1
CAMBRIGE 6 TEST 1, WRITING TASK 1: GLOBLA WATER USED BY SECTOR
The line graph demonstrates in number the domestic use of water and the global use by agriculture and industry sectors from 1990 to 2000 and the table describes the water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000, giving some indicators like population and irrigated land of these two countries.

As is profoundly revealed in the line graph, the global water use by agriculture from 1900 to 1950 was on a steadily increase from 500 cubic kilometers to 1,000 cubic kilometers, which was followed by a dramatically rise from 1950 onwards. Compared with the figure in 1950, the number of water use by agriculture in 2000 was more than tripled with 3,000 cubic kilometers. Concerning the industrial and domestic use, these two figures have the similar tendency, which both jumped between 1950 and 2000.

It can be seen from the table that the water consumption per person in Brazil in 2000(359 cubic meters) was about 45 times of that (8 cubic meters) in Congo, which means that the water resource was unevenly distributed in different countries.

It admits of no doubt that no phenomenon has characterized the past few decades and aroused our serious concerns more than water shortage. We should improve the efficiency of water use in agriculture and industry sector and try our best to strengthen the communication between those water advantaged countries and water disadvantaged countries.


TASK 2: Some people think students should be encouraged to compete while others think they should be taught to cooperate with other students. Discuss.


Ours is an age full of competition. Students burn midnight oil to perform outstandingly so that they can win admissions from world prestigious universities; teachers work around the clock to prepare for their classes so that they can draw more audiences; white-collars work day and night so that they can impress their bosses and get promoted. In order to win an edge over others in modern society, I insist that we should give priority to the sense of competition while importance should also be attached to cooperation.

In pace with the rapid expansion of higher education and the increasing graduates each year, never before was the competition so fierce as it is now in the job market. At present, it is not an easy thing for a college graduate to find a suitable job and many people claim that this phenomenon is just one of the consequences that we attached too less importance to the sense of competition for our colleges students. We learned too many traditional courses like history and geography rather than those practical ones such as computer science and business and almost forget that we may face a fierce competition in the job market after four years’ study in the universities.

Of course, we should never forget the power of cooperation. It makes no difference in some circumstances whether you are intelligent or not as long as you possess team spirit and understand how to cooperate with others. No better illustrations of this idea can be thought than the case mentioned below. According to a survey conducted by a newspaper called Shanghai Daily, 98% of the successful business projects finished in recent ten years was accomplished by well-organized groups and just two among the 150 investigated cases were fulfilled by individuals.

Judging from what has been discussed above, I think the sense of competition carries more weight than that of cooperation and attention should also be paid to in order to achieve success in modern society.

kangyijieUID：2579535

没人理？汗...

再发一个，今天上午写的，望大家多多指点：

CAMGRIGE 6 TEST 2 TASK 1  

AVERAGE DISTANCE IN MILES TRAVELLED PER PERSON PER YEAR, BY MODE OF TRAVEL

The table shows in miles the average distance travelled per person per year in England between 1985 and 2000.

What captures my eyes in the table is the rapid increase of average distance travelled by car, which rose from 3199 miles in 1985 to 4806 miles in 2000. What’s more, the average distance travelled by long distance bus was also on a dramatic rise with 124 miles in 2000, which was more than twice of that in 1985. On the contrary, people travelled much less by modes that can benefit our physically health, such as walking and bicycle. As can been seen from the table, there is a steady decrease in the average distance travelled by walking, with 255 miles in 1985 and 237 miles in 2000.

On the whole, the years between 1985 and 2000 witnessed an increasingly typical phenomenon that people travelled much more than ever before, with 4740 miles in 1985 and 6475 miles in 2000 by all modes, which indicates the rapid pace of modern society.

共170个字

kangyijieUID：2579535

还是没人理  羞愧...
不过虽然还是没人理，但还是得写。
今天下午又写了一篇TASK 1的作文，恳求指点。无比感激中...

CAMBRIGE 6 TEST 4 TASK 1

MARRIAGES AND DIVORCES IN THE USA

The first bar graph indicates in numbers the marriages and divorces in the USA from 1970 to 2000. What captures my eyes in this chart is that there was a steady decrease of marriages in these three decades with 2.5 millions in 1970 and 2 millions in 2000. The number of divorces rose from 1970(1 million) to about 1.5 million in 1980, which was followed by a gradual decline from 1980 onwards.

The second chart demonstrates in percentage the marital status of adult Americans in 1970 and 2000. As can been seen from the diagram, 70% of the adult Americans got married in 1970, while the corresponding figure is about 60% in 2000. The percentage of adults never married increased from 15% in 1970 to 20% in 2000. The years from 1970 to 2000 also witnessed a slight rise of divorce rate.

On the whole, an increasing number of adults in Americans chose a life style of living alone rather than get married according to the statistics between 1970 and 2000.

共171个字

kangyijieUID：2579535

22楼？
楼上说的是22楼？