~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

williamdfjUID：2443893

Hi Kangyijie 非常非常感谢你的指点~

恩 我知道了 我确实觉得写的有点多 而且我是两个tasks一起练得 感觉task 1时间很紧张...  但是我确实是40分钟内写完的... 嘻嘻 =)

我一定会记住的话的~ 我没有上过任何雅思的培训... 那句话也不是看来的，只是自己想到的。我也没用模板。

我是学西班牙语的 说一声西班牙语的谢谢表达我的感谢吧 =P Gracias!!!

对了 哥哥 能不能再帮我看一篇，我今天刚刚写完，type进电脑的。可能字数也有点多... God bless me 要作文拿到7+啊!!! Fingers corssed!!!

44# kangyijie

williamdfjUID：2443893

Hey LT 你好你好~ 非常感谢非常感谢你的remarks!!!

我是用铅笔写的，最近都在练习呢~ 我是上午写完，下午回来type进电脑的!

我现在就是对怎么structure心里没有数，你的建议非常非常有用!!! 我会好好考虑一下自己该怎么改的。谢谢你! 我知道了，会把文章写得更一目了然的。现在就是感觉写得多而且特别绕... =( 我想写很多，但是不会precise... 而且其实我task 1写得貌似太多了... 我会努力ajust~ to the point!~ 哈哈 =D

我今天又写了一篇，有空帮忙看一下吧~ 谢谢啦!

对了，我还想问问大牛们，我的听力好差怎么办?! 我每次听数字反应都好慢啊~ 而且正确率相当低的说... 当然Will对数字就是不是很敏感，中文也一样... 哎 这最后几天怎么练呢? Thanks in advance!



45# 饱饭仔

williamdfjUID：2443893

INFORMATION SHARING

我同学推荐了一个debate的网站 我觉得对写雅思作文和Issue都挺有帮助的。

推荐大家看看吧~   http://idebate.org/

再次感谢大家帮我哦~ Will's gratitude is complete!!!

williamdfjUID：2443893

请大家有空的话再帮忙看看今天写的这篇... 非常非常感谢! 主要还是structure和content上都提点意见
Be Critical!!! 我想听听大家的指导~ ;D

可能字数太多了... 我自己写的... 我以后写文章会注意控制字数的~  谢谢大家啦！！！

In Cambridge IELTS 5 Test 2 Writing Task 2

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Gap year is increasingly prevailing. The new terms definitely excites many teenagers when they graduate from their alma mater. For everything there is a reason, for every activity a time. More people is currently willing and too encouraged to spend a couple of time working or just hanging out via travelling before starting off university. There is obviously an opposite attitude, however, aroused from the conservative side. Whether it’s good or not, it may seem very controversial. But I carry out with me a strong support to this inspiring action and incline my pro toward that they should be encouraged.

Admittedly, some people might maintain that it will kill the time of students which traditionally regards precious and right for undertaking intensive study rather than leisure. A sound voice questions how much parents’ money will cost in facilitating their children’s trips and a reasonable thought worries the safety and discipline during their unrestrained travel. At the second stage, some point out that it’s not suitable enough for certain science oriented students to take up this kind of activity. For them, practically they need to concentrate on specialized subjects, namely theoretical breakthroughs. These students are supposed to focus on and devote to their own academic practices.

Whilst, education the mind without education heart is no education at all, just as Aristotle stated age ago, just as I believe. We ought to ensure that our kids are best educated not only on getting though schools but on coping with the community. Firstly, expanding their horizon and deepening their insights are necessary greatly. Only by embracing the real world and touching its people by working for them or travelling to them can they achieve that goal. Society is a best alternative classroom, as I see it, which enables them to learn first-hand knowledge and up-to-the-minute experience. At the same time, work experience is gained, social practices are conducted and societal recognition is found for those who give their best shot in working and travelling during that period, preparing them a better campus lives. Last but not least, by committing themselves into work or travel, they’re able to earn money for affording parts of their tuition, to encounter new friends of different background for prospering their interaction, to realize the urgent common problems for giving their priority to solve in their attempts.

In a nutshell, even though a host of people might all have a very mixed feeling or doubt it in some extent; I still hold my favorable opinion in support of it. The young generation should be encouraged to do that, because we’re counting on their wise choices, we’re counting on that they’re smart and strong enough to take the rings boldly in this process of gap year.

lyy1215UID：2659472

In the modern world, the school has become unnecessary for children to study, as they can use internet, which has widely information available. So children can study at home instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely known that school has played a significant role in child’s education for a long period. However, nowadays, with the rapid development of the science and technology, especially the popularity of the internet in the modern world, some people has doubt about the value of the school.
Therefore, if the school loose its position has drawn to public’s concern.

There is no denying that internet has widely information available for the education, which can help children widen their horizon and know the world more directly than in the school.
There is another merit that people may ignore. The internet, not a teacher, is just a carrier of the knowledge, if children want to know something; they have to search by themselves, which could cultivate their sense of active learning.

However, the abundant information can not equal to right one for children’s education. Children are not mature enough to tell truth from the fake ones. Moreover, children are fond of playing, not all the children could have strong self-control. So they need school not only to help them to filter the violence or fake information, which may lead children lost in the reality, but also to instructed them to make good use of the internet in the study.

Although the internet is could benefit children’s education, the school education, which existed for several centuries, still has its reason and position. Just like the fish can not live without the water, people can not live without the society. So apart from the knowledge, children have to learn how to get along with others, which is the beginning of the social activities. Comparing with the internet, school has reigned supreme to provide such a platform.

To weigh the pros and cons, we may get a conclusion that school education remains irreplaceable， but we can not ignore the importance of the internet as assistance.




请各位给个分数啦！多提宝贵意见！

饱饭仔UID：2505959

49# williamdfj

感觉还是有点绕,但是,文章是很好,说理也透彻
不要刻意去限制篇幅,雅思考试时一页纸,理论上应该够得,你练得时候用考试用纸就知道了,考试去限制篇幅容易影响发挥
开头有点小罗嗦
中间两段,插入语过多,插入语是亮点,多了就影响句意的理解了
特别是第三段开头,大神啊,用莎士比亚转折词汇,哈哈哈.你的开头中心句好长啊,注意头重
我觉得7分应该不是问题吧,看起来流畅,舒服
如果,你实在很有话写,就可以不用模板式争论开头,直接引用事例或者说理开头,就是理由+观点
中间的话,层次很分明,这个很好
至少比我写的好,哈哈哈

饱饭仔UID：2505959

50# lyy1215

你用十天那本书吧? 句型还是很不错的,但是,有点生硬,多琢磨下下
两个大问题:
1.结构问题
2.议论问题
结构有点点混乱,感觉思维有点混乱一样,2,3段可以整合成一段,没必要分开,这样显得文章就很散
结构有问题本身对议论就有影响,再加上文章议论并不特别深,完全就是点了观点,就过去了,想得高分或者理想分数这样是不够,这种概括性语言考官每天要看N多
至于议论你可以参考楼上那位大神的两篇文章,she or he议论写的很不错

以上,个人意见

lyy1215UID：2659472

52# 饱饭仔

谢谢宝贵意见！:loveliness: 考官能给几分啊？呵呵~我没有用作文的辅导书。不知道有什么可以推荐的？

valder_fieldsUID：2220567

It is widely known that school has played a significant role in child’s education for a long period. 混乱的句子结构，你可以改成Conventianally  + 你的开头句。 However, nowadays, with the rapid development of the science and technology, especially the popularity of the internet in the modern world, nowadays或者 mordern world,不是写的越多越加分 some people has doubt about the value of the school.
Therefore, if the school loose its position has drawn to public’s concern. 这两句单独都没太大问题，放在一起有点土，而且信息重复， As the traditional value of schooling has been challenge by new medias, related issues are undergoing a hot debate in public.
There is no denying that internet has widely information available for the education,  which can help children widen their horizon and know the world more directly than in the school. 一个典型的丢分复杂病句,两个中心思想的句子被你用病句的形式链接在一起。虽然没有结构上双谓语，但是已经达到了意思上的混乱。 改：there is no denying that internet provides a wide range of information which help childer to enlarge their horizon. Better still, internet also offers a more direct way which helps kids to experience the real world.
There is another merit that people may ignore. The internet, not a teacher, is just a carrier of the knowledge, if children want to know something; they have to search by themselves, which could cultivate their sense of active learning.  

However, the abundant information can not equal to right one for children’s education.  
Does not 不是Cannot，况且cannot不是分开写的Children are not mature enough to tell the truth from the fake ones. Moreover, children are fond of playing, not all the children could have strong self-control. So they need school not only to help them to filter the violence or fake information, which may lead children lost in the reality, 你这里应该用Lead to ，to在哪？ but also to instructed them to make good use of the internet in the study. 其实这句话，你有把两个中心思想的句子柔和在一起了，给阅卷的考官产生不爽的感觉， 建议你看看剑桥的7分范文，并不是复杂句越多越好
Although the internet is could benefit children’s education,病句 could be benefitial for 或者 is benefitial for the school education, which existed for several centuries, still has its reason and position. Just like the fish can not live without the water, people can not live without the society. So 你这个so用的就奇怪了，你自己研究一下你的后句对前句构成了支撑关系还是反过来。。。 apart from the knowledge, children have to learn how to get along with others, which is the beginning of the their social activities. Comparing with the internet, school has reigned supreme 语法错误，用副词形式Supremely to provide such a platform.

To weigh the pros and cons, we may get a conclusion that school education remains irreplaceable， but we can not ignore the importance of the internet as assistance。

挑了一些你文章中的硬伤，还有别的，我没有一一挑出来，当然我是用8分的标准来看的。

结构你可以再斟酌一下其实有点混乱的， 你太爱用复杂句了，而且有一部分是给你丢分的复杂句，雅思长短结合才是王道。长句不要超过5个。

分数超不过6分的，说了点实话，希望你不会不高兴

valder_fieldsUID：2220567

还有就是，想你的文章中，凸显出 school has reigned supremely这样的句子其实很奇怪的。。。其感觉就是一群羚羊中间出现了个长颈鹿。

使用的模板要符合自己的语言水平。。

lyy1215UID：2659472

54# valder_fields

怎么会不高兴呢？写作确实是弱项,一直不得要领。很开心你能给我提出这么多意见。我会加把劲的！

lyy1215UID：2659472

感谢同志们的宝贵意见，我将坚持不懈的努力，也希望大家能够多多给予帮助。

Cooperation and Competition
In this day and age, with the rapid development of the society, education plays a vital place in the modern life. For children, cooperation and completion, which is more applicable for the society, and which can help children to get a bright future has been drown to public’s attention.
It has been admitted to a certain extent that cooperation is an element education concept for children. It is said that two heads are better than one. Cooperation display more acceptances of others’ ideas and may get benefits from the communications. In the real society, no one can live alone, so cooperation is marvelously successful at helping children to communicate effectively to trust in others and to accept those who are different from themselves. That is good to expand the social network.

However, it is hazardous to be blind to competition. It is said that survival of the fittest. From the proverb, down through the ages, the competition is always the rule of the world. Competition is required to help children to bring out the fullest potential. Adult can not tell the potential inside themselves, let alone children. Therefore, competition is a good way to call forth the deep potential of the children and then orientate the potential as soon as possible. Maybe he or she is the next talents.

In addition, it is no exaggeration to say that competition can build children’s character. Competition can bring children only one result, win or failure. From win, they could realize themselves clearly and go on to keep the advantages. Then the self-confidence of the children is built up. From failure, children must overcome the frustration and then find the deficiency. During the progress, they could be stronger. No matter which results, the children could get benefit from the competition.

As has been mentioned above, we could easily to reach the conclusion that instead of the cooperation, competition is better to be the first lesson to give to our children, because the crux of the competition is the haggle of the strength.

TryFlyUID：2600601

Some people think that university should not provide theoretical knowledge, but to give practical training benefit to society. Do u agree or dis?
人们认为学校不应当提供理论的知识，应给他们对于以后社会生活有用的实际训练！同意不同意？
(欢迎大家指教评分)


Since many students do not search a good job nowadays, people consider that this is the responsibility of school. They contend the university should pay more attention the practical training rather than theoretical knowledge. However, for my personal perspective, I hold that university is the place that instructs students with theoretical knowledge.

For one thing, it is well know that practice often been guided by theory. That means before carrying out the activities, people usually should be aware with the fundamental theory. Talking about this, a compelling example comes to my mind immediately. The famous theory of relatively, which was found by Einstein, successfully promote the research on the nuclear power. So it is necessary for universities to provide theoretical knowledge to students for their future practice.

For another thing, theoretical knowledge is often more abstract and complicated than practice because it often has to discover the principle of a phenomenon and search a general method to solve numerous similarly problems. Thanks to these attributes of theory, they can used in various practice. Such as the theory of mathematics, it has been applied to solve social problems, environment problems, economic problems, and etc. Theoretical knowledge can render students innovation thoughts and methods to deal with the problems that they will actual confront in their reality lives.

Admittedly, sometimes it takes a long time for people to know the value of pure theoretical knowledge, while practical training can bring beneficial results to society almost immediately and obviously. However, we should put our sight more profoundly and realize that university is the right place to reveal theoretical knowledge to students.

valder_fieldsUID：2220567

Some people think that university should not provide theoretical knowledge, but to give practical training benefit to society. Do u agree or dis?
人们认为学校不应当提供理论的知识，应给他们对于以后社会 ...
TryFly 发表于 2009-7-4 17:57

看了你3行，有7个语法错误和使用不当。。。多看范文，不要闭门造车啊。。。