~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

gordoncaoyUID：2464740

90# xzkaokao
楼上，题目呢？

xzkaokaoUID：2644198

90# xzkaokao
楼上，题目呢？
gordoncaoy 发表于 2009-8-9 17:04

不好意思，忘记了，大概是说有的人认为visitors应该适应他们去的地方的当地的文化和习惯（客随主便那个意思），而有的人坚持认为各个国家应该欢迎各种各样不同的的文化。让谈谈看法。

谢谢你的回复和关注！！！

gordoncaoyUID：2464740

90楼是谦虚了。你的作文写地不错，只是有一些小的问题，我在这里发表一下自己的见解

it is not uncommon that

，这句话不觉得太累赘了吗？为什么不说it is common that. . .想寻求变化，不用在这些地方寻找，应该从词语上下功夫。

which lead to

，这里应该是which leads to吧？

society developments

，这里是social developments才对吧？
文章本身的语法问题不多。光从语言质量上看，可以上6.5分，但是如果严格地说，这篇文章会打到6分以下。为何？因为雅思作文最重要的其实还是内容。你这篇文章的几个原因有点问题，下面我以我的见解，指出一下，不同意见可以探讨。

1.

Some individuals insist that the visitors and tourists from other countries should seriously follow local customs and behaviour. Speaking for myself, I think this view is partly true.

这问题主要出在这个partly true上。你想表达的是，这个观点不完全正确，对吧？但是这样的表达也可以理解为部分正确，如果那样理解的话，那么后面的一段就属于偏离了论证方向了。因为你在论述的是cultural diversity。所以我建议你把这句话改成：i think this view cannot hold water.

2.

Moreover, the harmony between ethnic races also calls for individuals knowing cultures from others better.

这是你第二个分论点，但是我觉得这个论点不恰当。文章讨论的应该是游客，而你这里说的是民族文化间的相互了解，这个和游客完全没有关系，算是一个irrelevant的论点。所以这里会影响你的分数很多。包括你下面举的例子，都是说明的地区间的矛盾，这个和visitors确实没有多大的关系。

其他的地方还是可以，倒数第二段的论述比较合理。只是第二段，有一点的失误。

xzkaokaoUID：2644198

90楼是谦虚了。你的作文写地不错，只是有一些小的问题，我在这里发表一下自己的见解

，这句话不觉得太累赘了吗？为什么不说it is common that. . .想寻求变化，不用在这些地方寻找，应该从词语上下功夫。

，这 ...
gordoncaoy 发表于 2009-8-9 18:54

首先，真的非常非常的感激你无私的指导！！！！真是好人啊！！！！

有点小小问题

题目里面前一句是说visitors应该follow当地的behaviour之类。
后一句我记得大概是这么说的，
some individuals think that host country should  welcom culture differences.
所以我担心只写游客会有问题，就特别讲了下多元文化融合这样的冬冬。

可能水平太差没表达清楚……其实我想支持的是后一个观点~

另外前面那个partly true的错误我没有完全理解，文章我是想这样说，第二段写我认为对的地方（就是指应该欢迎多元文化酱紫），第三段我认为反方观点也有点道理，所以写partly true（其实是学小yi的模板结构~~~）。是不是我的逻辑很有问题啊？我的作文水平很差，就这篇还是查着十天写了好久的~~~~请你们不要客气大胆批评！最后再次感谢你的帮助！

（by the way……我发现每次发言的验证问题都是3X5=？。。。。。

gordoncaoyUID：2464740

后一句我记得大概是这么说的，
some individuals think that host country should  welcom culture differences.
所以我担心只写游客会有问题，就特别讲了下多元文化融合这样的冬冬。

关于这点，那是因为你没把题目的英文写上来，如果题目的原句是这样的话，那么问题就不大了。

另外前面那个partly true的错误我没有完全理解

关于partly true，如果你是确切看到的，那应该没什么问题吧。那只是我自己的见解。呵呵·~

这文章举例非常生动，这点很不错。不过呢，还是要练习一下，40分钟写一篇文章的速度。。。

加油吧~！

xzkaokaoUID：2644198

关于这点，那是因为你没把题目的英文写上来，如果题目的原句是这样的话，那么问题就不大了。


关于partly true，如果你是确切看到的，那应该没什么问题吧。那只是我自己的见解。呵呵·~

这文章举例非常生动 ...
gordoncaoy 发表于 2009-8-10 09:46

再次来谢谢你的修改意见！！我还有在担心我的文章会不会模板味道太重……还有，我的确写得好慢好慢阿，两倍时间都有了……我要继续努力……

gordoncaoyUID：2464740

96# xzkaokao
模版再多，也就几个字。

xzkaokaoUID：2644198

首先，得再次感谢gordoncaoy 对我的细心指导！

然后厚颜无耻的再发一篇上来…………
题目是有的人觉得对space research的投资是一种浪费，请你谈看法


    It has been more than 30 years since Armstrong put his feet on the surface of the moon.But meanwhile,costing a great deal of money,space research has been thought as a waste by some individuals who insist the authorities should pay more attention in other important fields like environment and public health.Speaking for myself,this view is partly true.
     Apparently,in terms of technological development,individuals may benefits from the investment in space research.For instance,people living in developed country can't live without their mobile phone that based on the signal from man-made satellite which calls for a great investment.Some TV program like Discovery Channel,which is very popular in a vast number of countries,used the satellite to get gorgeous pictures that looks clearly,thereby makeing individuals know their earth much better.
     Actually,people are always curious about the space.Tons of individuals wished they will be the scientists who are serious working hard in space research.,or the spaceman who can walk in another planet like Armstrong when they are young.As humanity has kept in research in something unknown for thousand years，nowadays space research plays a pivotal role in progress of human being.
     On the other hand,some other people assert that space research is a waste of money.As the authorities spent a great deal of money in space research every year,regardless the increasing unemployment rate,a vast number of individuals think the governments should invest more money in resolving other social problems which are really ignored by governments sometimes.Especially in these 2 years,when economic risk is spreading out of the world, individuals are trying to find some solutions to resolve their finance problem.Despite of this,it is worth noting that there will be a vast number of scientists lose their job if authorities cut down the money in investing in space research,which may also contribute to raising the unemployment rate.
     To conclude,I would say space research is imperative for the whole human being;hence it supposed to be worth investing money in it though it do cost a great deal of money.

alyssafishUID：2340588

麻烦也帮我看看，谢谢
题目：
Many people say that we have developed into a "throw-away society" ,
because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags
and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you
agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend to reduce
this problem?



In the contemporary world, enormous amount of rubbish is being
produced and disposed of every single minute, adding up to the
deterioration of environment, which has long been a severe problem. A
considerable part of the trash results from the habit of individuals
who are used to throw away what is no more in need into the garbage
bins. Therefore, some people argue that we have developed into a
"throw away society", because people get rid of stuff away more easily
than before. Speaking for myself, I agree with their proposition, but
with reservations.

Undeniably, the average amount of trash produced per person now is far
more than that in any other times in human history. This situation is
caused by various reasons. To begin with, with the constant progress
in productivity and significant growth on personal income, it has
become more affordable than ever to replace old stuff with new
purchase. Furthermore, a culture that encourages consumption is right
in trend. What we already have but falls out of fashion, is likely to
be tossed aside to make place for what is going to be brought home.
Above all, world economy is driven by demand. Consequently, keeping
and reserving is not a nice idea from the point of view of many
people.

Nevertheless, current society is not only characterized by consuming
and tossing away. This is mainly due to the fact that, the concept of
sustainable development has been accepted by the public. For example,
a increasing number of people are adopting a more environment-friendly
lifestyle, featured by reusing, reducing and recycling, which however
might be at the cost of some inconvenience in life.

To conclude, I am convinced that the consumerism is still in upper
wind in modern times and we are actually living in a "throw-away"
society. To tackle this problem, we could for instance reduce the use
of unnecessary packing material, reuse plastic bags and recycle used
furniture.

baoer21laUID：2713313

初试牛刀，请各位多多指教
Q：some people think the media should not report details of crimes to the public.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
   In the contemparary society,the increasing criminal rate has disturbed the whole society.Meanwhile,a host of news media report all the process of the crime.Some individuals'opinion is that it is unsensible to expose every specific in crimes,but speaking for myself,their opinion is far away from the reality.
   Convincing argument can be made that,the media has responsibility and obligation to let citizens know every important event happened in their daily life .Therefore,there's no doubt that reporting the details of crimes is part of their work,and people have the right to know the crime's specific details.Moreover,it is evident that covering the details of crime,to some extent,cultivates people's sense of crisis.Precisely,dwellerscan become more experienced to know how to protect thenselves.A third point I want to mention to support my idea is that reporting the details of crimes can effectively decreasing the rate of committee crimes,that is to say,the media can make a contribute to public security by doing that.
    By contrast that,many individuals claim that too much details of crimes in the coverage will lead to some severe problems in society.In the first place,too much images of crimes,for instance,violence,mudurer,just name a few,may cause public's panic,especially among youngsters.Then,those who support this point think that the media's work is not to expose the nagetive things.But by which I mean,the media can not only cover the positive envents in society,but make the other dark side revealed in public,rather than polish it.
   In summary,I would admit that reporting too much details of crimes may arouse individuals' worry.Despite that,more crucial is that media's report will give public a real world we are living in.Overall,I believe this discussion would gian much more bright advise in the future.

baoer21laUID：2713313

encourages consumption ,这句应该改为encourages to consume,动词词组好一些~:)
environment-friendly应该是environmental-friendly

pocupineUID：2209597

100楼的你的语言感觉很不错了。 但是that 用的太滥了。 还有关于environment-friendly 是对的。 这种
词的组成是 名词+形容词 的方式， 换一种说法是 environmentally friendly.
不过seems this thread is dying, pump  up guys.

pocupineUID：2209597

In the contemporary society, the increasing criminal rate has disturbed(感觉用is disturbing比较好，毕竟不是一个完成了的动作) the whole society(换个词吧比如humanity,第一句话当中结尾2个一样的词不太好). Meanwhile, a host of news media (tend to)report all the (the whole)process of the crime(cases or crimes).Some individuals' opinion is that it is unsensible(insensible,不过不知道你要表达什么意思) to expose every specific(最好用detail, 而且specific不能做名词) in crimes, but speaking for myself, their opinion is far away from the reality.
   Convincing argument can be made that, the media has responsibility and obligation(单数的话加 the) to let citizens know every important event happened in their daily life .Therefore, there's no doubt that reporting the details of crimes is part of their work, and people have the right to know the crime's specific details. Moreover, it is evident that covering(如果要用cultivate的话，这里就用revealing) the details of crime(crimes),to some extent, cultivates people's sense of crisis. Precisely(不确定， 不过貌似一般用specifically比较多吧), dwellers can become more experienced to know how to protect themselves. A third point I want to mention to support my idea is that reporting the details of crimes can effectively decreasing the rate of committee(committing，不过不用更好) crimes, that is to say, the media can make a contribute(contribution) to public security by doing that.(third point的时候尽量别用I啊什么的，用research shows or statistic shows 比较客观)
    By contrast that(拜托少用点that吧), many individuals claim that(又来) too much details of crimes in the coverage will lead to some severe problems in society. In the first place, too much(many) images of crimes, for instance, violence, mudurer, just name a few, may cause public's(直接public) panic, especially among youngsters. Then, those who support this point think that the media's work is not to expose the nagetive(negative) things .But by which I mean, the media can(should) not only(uncover) cover the positive envents(events) in society, but make the other dark side revealed in public, rather than polish it.
   In summary, I would admit that reporting too much details of crimes may arouse individuals' worry. Despite that, more crucial is that (连着2个that,自己读着都觉得好累赘吧,而且这里最好写成 what more crucial is) media's report will give public a real (impression of the)world we are living in. Overall, I believe this discussion would gian(gain) much more bright advise(advices 动词和名字不要搞混了，老词了) in the future.

pocupineUID：2209597

今天刚拿到了第3次的成绩，终于功德圆满，4个7成功。也多谢论坛给予的帮助拉。我也会经常上来走走的