第一篇ISSUE, 共耗时100分钟, 请各位大大帮忙改改, 小弟感激不尽

淡蓝小柒UID: 2457104

第一篇ISSUE, 共耗时100分钟, 请各位大大帮忙改改, 小弟感激不尽


TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The speaker maintains that individuals are the vital role of recent history study, and the real main premoters of history are the forgotten groups of people. I partly agree with this idea. Undenyable, few famous individuals definitely play a unexchangeable role in some momentous history events. In contrast, people is the funderment of the course of history.

Famous individuals, in the majority of cases, are identified as the key of a event in most history reserches. What is more, people prefer believe there was a hero saved all civilians or the despot destroied theircountry. History is replete with evidence that the greatest leaders changed the desteny of all country. Notables ranging from Caesar to Louis XIV come immediately to mind. As a brilliant polition and a outstanding general, Caesar with his army builded a unprecedented empire, and we have to say the history of all over the world had been changeed by Caesar.
Similarly, as the greatest emperor in France history, the chrisma of Luois XIV, at a long time, are admited by most people. The France under Luois XIV was a most powful period of all Franch history. The reaserch of history would become easier accoding to understanding these kinds of exemplar.

However significant the notables might be, groups of people is equally imperative to the development of history. The powerful Rome under Caesar and France under Luois XIV both based on the contributions made by every people. Albeit the heros is great, exactly, as the deputy of all people, they cannot do anything alone without their background that people. For instance, the win of Civil War not only spring from the brave of Washington and his army, but also come from the civilians' desire of independence and antipathy to the England colonist. A historical event of  a country usually related to the policy, economy, culture and military, whereas these aspects factors all depend on the people of the country. Thus, groups of people is considerably significant part of historical research.

That is, the creation of history is a marriage of famous individuals and general people. In a given background, a special person in a group do some passive or positive event, then the history is created. As the base of society, people provide a environment for the creation of history. On the other hand, the famous individuals as a catalyst are putted into the furnance to promote the creation of history. In the World War II, seemly Hitler as the head of Germany waged the humongous war, in fact, at that time, the development of German military power and the explosion of civil contradiction is one of the main reasons of this war. Consequently, all historical event depends on both affect of notable and all people.

In summary, I believe that the famous individuals and all forgotten people both play truly significant roles in the course of the historical conformation. Furthermore, in the research of history, notable and civilians both need same attention.

淡蓝小柒UID: 2457104

没人帮忙吗?自己顶一下

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

看了楼主的文章，楼主第一篇issue就写成这样让我实在是佩服，而且仅仅用时100分钟。
文章最大的感觉就是思路清新，而且用的例子也很丰富。
楼主要是能在45分钟内写完那就perfect啦~~

淡蓝小柒UID: 2457104

呃。。。能不能给点批评啊。。。我想进步。。。

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

4# 淡蓝小柒

好吧。。。
以我现在的水平，我得批评就是楼主要再45分钟之内写完～～
楼主可以再找牛人给你改改～

ichebanUID: 2754372

The speaker maintains that individuals are the vital role of recent history study, and the real main promoters(promoters) of history are the forgotten groups of people. I partly agree with this idea. Undenyable, (undeniable)few famous individuals definitely play a unexchangeable role in some momentous history events.(这句话好像不太好，而且没有unexchangeable这个单词。) In contrast, people is（are） the(the不要) funderment(fundaments) of the course of history.（这句转折用的可能不是太好吧？因为是想表明人民群众也是组成历史重要的一部分。However, people are also the fundaments of the course of history.可能顺一些。加上also会显现的这两者关系更像平行关系。更符合你文章所表明的意思。）

Famous individuals, in the majority of cases, are identified as the key of an event in most history reserches. What is more, people prefer believe(prefer doing sth而非prefer do) there was a hero saved all civilians or the despot destroied theircountry. History is replete with evidence that the greatest leaders changed the desteny of all country. Notables ranging from Caesar to Louis XIV come immediately to mind. As a brilliant polition and a outstanding general, Caesar with his army builded a unprecedented empire, and we have to say the history of all over the world had been changeed by Caesar.
Similarly, as the greatest emperor in France history, the chrisma of Luois XIV, at a long time, are admited by most people. The (去掉the)France（最好加个controlled之类的） under Luois XIV was a most powful period of all Franch history. The reaserch of history would become easier accoding to understanding these kinds of exemplar.

However significant the notables might be, groups of people is equally imperative to the development of history. （这句很好~转折的也好）The powerful Rome under Caesar and France under Luois XIV both based on the contributions made by every people. Albeit（突然出现这个词感觉跟整篇文章格调不同。太高阶了这个词。用回although之类的就好了） the heros（heroes are） is great, exactly, as the deputy(用错词了吧。这个词不是这样用的吧？) of all people, they cannot do anything alone without their background that people. （语法误）For instance, the win of Civil War not only spring from the braveness of Washington and his army, but also come from the civilians' desire of independence and antipathy to the England colonist. A historical event of  a country usually related to the policy, economy, culture and military, whereas these aspects factors all depend on the people of the country. Thus, groups of people is considerably significant part of historical research.

That is, the creation of history is a marriage of famous individuals and general people. In a given background, a special person in a group do some passive or positive event, then the history is created. As the base of society, people provide a environment for the creation of history. On the other hand, the famous individuals as a catalyst are putted(put!!!put的被动态是put!!!) into the furnance to promote the creation of history. In the World War II, seemly Hitler as the head of Germany waged the humongous war, (seemly中文是得体的。应该还是改为It seems that…,其次，humongous是俚语，不要用于GRE)in fact, at that time, the development of German military power and the explosion of civil contradiction is one of the main reasons of this war. Consequently, all historical event depends on both affect（effect才是affect为影响意思的名词形式~） of notable and all people.

In summary, I believe that the famous individuals and all forgotten people both play truly significant roles in the course of the historical conformation. Furthermore, in the research of history, notables and civilians both need same atten(?)

总体来说，本文的结构都很不错。而且事例很丰富。这点很好。而且事例能够前后对应~~赞一个！！但是。你的词法不是很好呢~~虽然掌握了不少词语，词汇量挺丰富。但是运用起来不是很讲究。再者就是有点粗心啦~单词常拼错。第一段以后的单词我就没怎么帮你修改了，要自己改一下~然后还有就是第三人称单数后动词常忘加-s了~~呵呵。

帮我看一下我的ISSUE文章吧~~谢谢~~请狠拍吧！！因为我也是第一次写~~而且时间所剩无几了~~ https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1774219445 谢谢！！

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

The speaker maintains that individuals are the vital role of recent history study, and the real main promoters of history are the forgotten groups of people. I partly agree with this idea. Undeniable, few famous individuals definitely play an unexchangeable(unchangeable) role in some momentous history events. In contrast, people are the fundament of the course of history.(感觉这句说的有点怪怪的，好像转折的不很顺)

Famous individuals, in the majority of cases, are identified as the key of a event in most history researches. What is more, people prefer believe there was a hero saved all civilians or（and） the despot destroyed their country. History is replete with evidence that the greatest leaders changed the destiny of all (the) country. Notables ranging from Caesar to Louis XIV come immediately to mind. As a brilliant polition(politician) and an outstanding general, Caesar with his army builded(built) an unprecedented empire, and we have to say the history of all over the world had been changed by Caesar. Similarly, as the greatest emperor in France history, the charisma of Louis XIV, at a long time, are admitted by most people. The France under Louis XIV was a most powerful period of all French history. The research of history would become easier according to understanding these kinds of exemplar. (感觉该段说的太空了，例子没有表达清楚你要表达的“leaders can change the world and the history”)

However significant the notables might be, groups of people is equally imperative to the development of history. The powerful Rome under Caesar and France under Louis XIV both based on the contributions made（devoted）
by every people（populace 或ordinary people）. Albeit the heroes are great, exactly, as the deputy of all people, they cannot do anything alone without their background that people(the support of the populace). For instance, the win of Civil War(这好像是Lincoln的功劳) not only spring from the brave of Washington and his army, but also come from the civilians' desire of independence and antipathy to the England colonist. A historical event of a country usually related to the policy, economy, culture and military, whereas these aspects（删去） factors all depend（base） on the people of the country. Thus, groups of people are considerably significant part of historical research.

That is, the creation of history is a marriage of famous individuals and general people. In a given background, a special person in a group does some passive or positive event, and then the history is created. As the base of society, people provide an environment for the creation of history. On the other hand, the famous individuals as a catalyst are putted into the furnace to promote the creation of history. In the World War II, seemly Hitler as the head of Germany waged the humongous war, in fact, at that time, the development of German military power and the explosion of civil contradiction is one of the main reasons of this war. Consequently, all historical events depend on both affect of notable and all people. (这个例子还不错。)

In summary, I believe that the famous individuals and all forgotten people both play truly significant roles in the course of the historical conformation. Furthermore, in the research of history, notable and civilians both need same attention（to consider serious）.

(第一篇写的还行，以后多写些就好了，
建议：写完后在word上修改一下，有很多处拼写错误)
1# 淡蓝小柒

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

呵呵，六楼和楼主可以互改的，结成对挺好的~~