交作业了！各位组长＆组员帮忙修改一下！

rachelliUID: 2153113

topic166(采纳两位网友意见修改后的文章，大家帮忙再看看）
    Childhood and adulthood are usually regarded as two stages of human beings.Everyone must be go through these stages. It is obvious that there are some different between them. Such as critical thinking, problem solving, self-responsible, the expansion of one's mind and independent.
    For the children, Before they grow up the adult, they like angles. They don't worry what furture they will like, what job they will take ect. They do the thing that they like whether the thing is right or is wrong. And they need not arrange their life for themsleves.Compare to the adult, they are lack of the capability of problem solving, critical thinking and self- reponsible and independence.

    To some extent, there are some ascepts different from the adult.  Going childhood through adulthood, they had experienced critical turnings
   First , when they grow up a adult, frames develop substantially. Their shoulder broaden and they are able to form defined muscles. This change is the most obvious feature of a child becoming an adult.

   The second that is the expansion of one's mind. When one is become an adult, he /she is able to comprend much advanced thought processes. They can analyize the things whether is wrong or right and what is to do and what is not to do . They also start to be able to think for themselves and make decision that are best for them. .


   The third that is society experience also provide them source to make them mature.For examples, 18 birthday, ceremonies , going to college to aboard and taking in job ect. I still remembered my first entered to the college of imageion. When I was the fresh man, I had a loss in the college . Everything looked strange to me.But when I graduted from the college, I did everything incuding study, arranging my daliy life, and acqanicing with society.Now when I work in other places, my parents donot worry my daily life. .No one cannot make mistakes all his/her life. (请教吸取教训如何表达）吸取教训beome to impove herself/hisself process. It is a result ofthe numerous ecperience a person has his/her way to becoming an adult.

    For above these points, children become adults when they have sufficiently matured their bodies, their minds and the number of experience thay have must grow. We can say that a child become an adult .

[ 本帖最后由 rachelli 于 2006-4-16 13:26 编辑 ]

rachelliUID: 2153113

原帖由 pirate_sql 于 2006-4-16 12:25 发表
楼主前两段都是在写child跟adult的区别,但是题目是要问"哪些因素造成了这些区别". 会不会有跑题的嫌疑?

多谢你的指正
我是从 Such as critical thinking, problem solving, self-responsible, the expansion of one's mind and independent.论述的！跑题么？

[ 本帖最后由 rachelli 于 2006-4-16 12:31 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

依我愚见，是跑题了
题目的要求是use specific reasons and examples to support your answer，而answer明显是针对events，而不是differences
For examples, 18 birthday, ceremonies , going to college to aboard and taking in job ect.
这才应该是本文的主题，论述的重点应该是18 birthday, ceremonies , going to college to aboard and taking in job ect. 内容则是他们怎样make a person an adult

For above these points, children become adults when they have sufficiently matured their bodies, their minds and the number of experience thay have must grow.
这句话也不对，题目不是让我们对children和adult下定义，而是论述造成两者之间转变的原因，如果要说sufficiently matured their bodies, their minds and the number of experience，不如说eating, studing, and experiencing，虽然是比较恶俗且一点也不具体不能上台面的说法，不过至少使question的answer

如果有不对之处请楼主见谅

rachelliUID: 2153113

原帖由 夜一 于 2006-4-16 12:46 发表
依我愚见，是跑题了
题目的要求是use specific reasons and examples to support your answer，而answer明显是针对events，而不是differences
For examples, 18 birthday, ceremonies , going to college to ab ...

多谢楼上的两位！我再次修改！请再次指正！

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

跑题倒是次要的,反正你在说相关的东西,但是你这两段的存在很莫名其妙,我看了半天不明白和下面的有FIREST等的几段是什么关系.应该删掉/
下面的正文段落,一方面语言上要下工夫,另外前两段没例子 ,特别是B1,就两行,绝对会牺牲的.B3又太多了,特别是自己的事,说两句完了,不要说太多。

mf1984`UID: 2174556

坚决支持跑题说~~~~
这么多人说跑题，连版版都来了
Great minds think alike!:lol