issue147 同主题第三期issue

dicmiUID: 183392

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TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 401          TIME: 1:04:32          DATE: 2006-7-19

Outline：
1。让步，传统和现代有时候的确有冲突
2。传统是现代的基础
3。现代给传统带来新生

The history witnesses the alternation of tradition and modernization. Some tradition is superseded by newer modernization; afterwards the newer modernization also become obsolete, and is exceeded by even newer modernization. Then in such an infinite cycle, some people claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible, and as a result we have to choose between them. Nevertheless, as far as I concerned, they two are inherent interrelated and help each other to progress, which the author fails to consider.

It is true that sometimes, the tradition goes against the modernization. This negative effect could largely be attributed to some inherently out-dated concepts in some tradition. An apt example to illuminate this point is the discrimination to women which long existed in the past. According to the tradition, the concept of women is defined as the attachments to men, due to their distinct social classification which began from the ancient time. Fortunately, as the advance of society, such a concept is obviously out of date, and severely challenged and even discarded by modern sociology. It is an era which advocates the belief that women and men are equal. Therefore Without the discrimination, women are more willing to strive for their career and contribute to the modernization. If not, on contrary, were the women still restrained in home at present, the society will definitely suffer a great loss both economical and political.

Yet, in most occasions, the tradition serves an indispensable foundation for the modernization. Needless to say, most of the traditional knowledge we inherit from our predecessors are still helpful even when applied to current situations nowadays. It serves as the bases on which we start our modern exploration to unknown world. This kind of examples is abundant in every field, ranging from the literature to science, from the religion to politics. For instance, we direct lots of dramas based on the classical literatures like the Odyssey, and Greek fable; we find Neptune based on the Sir Isaacs Newton's classical mechanical laws; we developed the modern belief based on the Bible, and the Koran; we also construct our country based on some philosophical principles put forward by Aristotle, Socrates, and Alexander the Great. In short, without the nutrition from traditional soil, the flower of modernization will never blossom out as we enjoy today.

Moreover, the tradition also assimilates new blood from the modernization and rises renewed in this modern era. By using the modern principles, the tradition revises its merits and replaces the old, out-dated concepts with new, fashionable ones. For supporting examples, one need not go any further but to check our festivals around us. Nowadays, in Christmas, people are more and more willing to send E-mail greeting cards to their friends instead of paper cards they used to do, in order to protect the limited source of woods; in Thanksgiving day, people may use microwave oven to cook a turkey instead of traditional oven, because the microwave oven seems more convenient; in other festivals, people are still enjoy setting off fireworks, but the ignition of those fireworks are very likely controlled by computer. Besides the festival, modern technology are also widely applied in many museums to protect the traditional sculptures, and paintings in keeping the humidity or the temperature constant. With the help of modern technology and science, tradition become more and more favorable than it used to be, and subsequently more and more people can enjoy the combination pleasure derived from both the tradition and modernization.

On sum, in no cases will the tradition be totally extinct out and replaced by modernization, or will the modernization subordinate to the tradition, and force the human culture retrogress to ancient time. Actually, in this multi-culture era, people are more tolerant to the discrepancies between tradition and modernization, which consequently give both of them the new life nowadays.

runningpiggyUID: 194977

帮顶下。。这同学作文写得很好的。。。

dicmiUID: 183392

赫赫。。多谢鼓励：）

斑竹改的更好哈：）

要学习的地方太多了。。。版上的同学都很不错的：）

+U+U

PS顺便顶自己一下：）

paburawUID: 2204657

TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 401          TIME: 1:04:32          DATE: 2006-7-19

Outline：
1。让步，传统和现代有时候的确有冲突
2。传统是现代的基础
3。现代给传统带来新生

The history witnesses the alternation of tradition and modernization. Some tradition is superseded by newer modernization; afterwards the newer modernization also become obsolete, and is exceeded by even newer modernization. Then （这边为什么用then？然后？和前面的不是这样的关系吧，不如去掉）in such an infinite cycle, some people claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible, and as a result we（we在这边完全可以省去） have to choose between them. Nevertheless, as far as I concerned, they two are inherent interrelated and help each other to progress, which the author fails to consider.（开头比较模版的写法，不过点出了自己的观点，长度适中，不错）
It is true that sometimes, the tradition goes against the modernization. （TS很简洁啊，向你学习）This negative effect could largely be attributed to some inherently out-dated concepts in some tradition. An apt example to illuminate this point is the discrimination to women which long existed in the past. According to the tradition, the concept of women is defined as the attachments to men, due to their distinct social classification which began from the ancient time.（古代还有母系社会呢！！这句有凑字拉长句子的嫌疑） Fortunately, as the advance of society, such a concept is obviously out of date, and severely challenged and even discarded by modern sociology. It is an era which advocates the belief that women and men are equal. Therefore Without the discrimination, women are more willing to strive for their career and contribute to the modernization. If not, on contrary, were the women still restrained in home at present, the society will definitely suffer a great loss both economical and political. （后面的分析不错，但是跑题了，我只看出来是在说妇女的地位提高了的好处，跟传统现代还没有扯上关系，可以点一下，说正是因为传统中歧视妇女是不对，现代的社会反对这种观点才是对的，所以被取代了，但是因为这种观点是错误而被取代，并不是因为传统而被取代）

Yet, in most occasions, the tradition serves an indispensable foundation for the modernization. Needless to say, most of the traditional knowledge we inherit from our predecessors are still helpful even when applied to current situations nowadays. It serves as the bases on which we start our modern exploration to unknown world. This kind of examples is abundant in every field, ranging from the literature to science, from the religion to politics. For instance, we direct lots of dramas based on the classical literatures like the Odyssey, and Greek fable; （感觉这个例子有点强牵，但又好像没什么问题）we find Neptune based on the Sir Isaacs Newton's classical mechanical laws; we developed the modern belief based on the Bible, and the Koran; we also construct our country based on some philosophical principles put forward by Aristotle, Socrates, and Alexander the Great. In short, without the nutrition from traditional soil, the flower of modernization will never blossom out as we enjoy today. （最后一句总结的不错，但是有几个例子我好象觉得不是很合适，圣经的那的太绝对了，人们对圣经基本上是全部接受的，而且也发生过试图改变，但是遭到反对的例子，当然我知道你想说的是现代的信念是在这个上面发展起来的，但是个人还是觉得不太合适放在这使用，还有就是前面的那个戏剧的例子，最后一句很好，做笔记了，背下）
Moreover, the tradition also assimilates new blood from the modernization and rises renewed in this modern era. By using the modern principles, the tradition revises its merits and replaces the old, out-dated concepts with new, fashionable ones. For supporting examples, one need not go any further but to check our festivals around us. Nowadays, in Christmas, people are more and more willing to send E-mail greeting cards to their friends instead of paper cards they used to do, in order to protect the limited source of woods; （这你都想到了，真是厉害）in Thanksgiving day, people may use microwave oven to cook a turkey instead of traditional oven, because the microwave oven seems more convenient; in other festivals, people are still enjoy setting off fireworks, but the ignition of those fireworks are very likely controlled by computer. Besides the festival, modern technology are also widely applied in many museums to protect the traditional sculptures, and paintings in keeping the humidity or the temperature constant. With the help of modern technology and science, tradition become more and more favorable than it used to be, and subsequently more and more people can enjoy the combination pleasure derived from both the tradition and modernization.（这段的例子很强啊，虽然分析少了，但是真想不出来这种要怎么分析，学习中。。。。。）
On sum（是IN吧，这个实在不应该啊Sample Text）, in no cases will the tradition be totally extinct out and replaced by modernization, or will the modernization subordinate to the tradition, and force the human culture retrogress to ancient time. Actually, in this multi-culture era, people are more tolerant to the discrepancies between tradition and modernization, which consequently give both of them the new life nowadays.

paburawUID: 2204657

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gyrobbyUID: 2206742

The history witnesses the alternation of tradition and modernization. Some tradition is superseded by newer modernization; afterwards the newer modernization also become（s ）obsolete, and is exceeded by even newer modernization. Then in such an infinite cycle, some people claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible, and as a result we have to choose（可做适当的变化 make a choice ）between them. Nevertheless, as far as I （am ）concerned, they two（使用同位语，很不错） are inherent interrelated and help each other to progress, which the author fails to consider.（开头对题目作了一些解释，可以帮助其他人更好的理解文章，不错，然后点出了自己的观点。语法及句型变化都比较多，而且错误较少）—

It is true that sometimes, the tradition goes against the modernization. This negative effect could largely be attributed to some inherently out-dated concepts in some tradition. An apt example to illuminate this point is the discrimination to women which long existed in the past. According to the tradition, the concept of women is defined as the attachments to men ,（concept 和be defined as是同一种意思，重复）due to their distinct social classification which began from the ancient time. Fortunately, as the advance of society, such a concept is obviously out of date, and severely challenged and even discarded by modern sociology. It is an era which advocates the belief that women and men are equal. Therefore Without the discrimination, women are more willing to strive for their career and contribute to the modernization. If not, on contrary, were the women still restrained in home at present, the society will definitely suffer a great loss both economical and political.（ 首先讲传统对现代的负面影响，尤其是观念。不过这个例子讲完之后，感觉对主题句没什么大的帮助，也就是论据对论点没有足够的支持。）

Yet, in most occasions, the tradition serves （as ）an indispensable foundation for the modernization. Needless to say, most of the traditional knowledge we inherit from our predecessors are still helpful even when applied to current situations nowadays. It serves as the bases on which we start our modern exploration to unknown world. This kind of examples is（are）abundant in every field, ranging from the literature to science, from the religion to politics. For instance, we direct lots of dramas based on the classical literatures like the Odyssey, and Greek fable; we find Neptune based on the Sir Isaacs Newton's classical mechanical laws; we developed (develop )the modern belief based on the Bible, and the Koran; we also construct our country based on some philosophical principles put forward by Aristotle, Socrates, and Alexander the Great. In short, without the nutrition from traditional soil, the flower of modernization will never blossom out as we enjoy today. （然后讲传统是现代的基础.这一段罗列了很多例子，但是好像有点过。有足够的证据支持论点就可以了。简单的列举过多的例子不一定是件好事）

Moreover, the tradition also assimilates new blood from the modernization and rises renewed in this modern era. By using the modern principles, the tradition revises its merits and replaces the old, out-dated concepts with new, fashionable ones. For supporting examples, one need not go any further but to check our festivals around us. Nowadays, in Christmas, people are more and more willing to send E-mail greeting cards to their friends instead of paper cards they used to do, in order to protect the limited source of woods; in （on）Thanksgiving day, people may use microwave oven to cook a turkey instead of traditional oven, because the microwave oven seems more convenient; in other festivals, people are still enjoy setting off fireworks, but the ignition of those fireworks are very likely controlled by computer. Besides the festival, modern technology are also widely applied in many museums to protect the traditional sculptures, and paintings in keeping the humidity or the temperature constant. With the help of modern technology and science, tradition become more and more favorable than it used to be, and subsequently more and more people can enjoy the combination pleasure derived from both the tradition and modernization.（最后 传统吸取现代的营养，然后重新流行。这一段是本文中读起来最流畅的一部分）

On sum, in no cases will the tradition be totally extinct out and replaced by modernization, or will the modernization subordinate to the tradition, and force the human culture retrogress to ancient time. Actually, in this multi-culture era, people are more tolerant to the discrepancies between tradition and modernization, which consequently give both of them the new life nowadays.
（首先结构和论证上，标准的五段，开头概括性很强，指出传统和现代是相互联系 相互促进的。但第一段写的有点失误。论据与论点有所偏差。三四段分别写了传统与现代的联系与相互促进，与开头照应的很好。尤其是第四段。最后结论也能很好的对全文进行总结
在语法和词汇上，不得不佩服。倒装 虚拟语气的正确使用，添色不少。而且在短时间内使用了丰富的词汇。还有在时态一致和单复数一致上做的也很好。一些小词使用错误可以忽略。
总体上来说，真是一片很不错的作文，值得学习）

gyrobbyUID: 2206742

临时给同学改作文，不会使用 改作文工具 请见量
26号就要考试，请回拍

gyrobbyUID: 2206742

gyrobbyUID: 2206742

这么麻烦，不好意思了

gyrobbyUID: 2206742

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https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... amp;extra=page%3D18

dicmiUID: 183392

不好意思，帮我修改的各位。我今天才看到，实在对不起
马上给你们修改了~~
抱歉：）

dicmiUID: 183392

这一段罗列了很多例子，但是好像有点过

这个是因为前面我说了
ranging from the literature to science, from the religion to politics.
所以我想对应一下的~~。寒~