154
We meet smokers everywhere, on street, in garden, on bus, even in school. And these smokers include not only the old,the youth,but also middle school students, and even pregnant women. It was reported recently that smokers make up one quarter of the world population. As smoking is never a good thing, to forbid smoking in public places should be a wise rule.原帖由 woodman 于 2007-4-30 17:09 发表
154We meet smokers everywhere, on street, in garden, on bus, even in school. And these smokers include not only the old,the youth,but also middle school students, and even pregnant women. It wa ...
建议:
1、 不要全文用you,your…或许应该用people, the public, smokers etc.
2、 开头太单薄,呵呵,自己都有感觉吧?常用开头还是要写点撒~
3、 First of all 那段问题有点多,其他的还没什么
4、 多背点好的句子
5、 口语口语……
2号改17号 Nowadays, more(and more 或者many) countries regulate people smoking in public area, so many public places and office buildings are not permitted to smoke. It is definitely a good rule from my point of view. Actually, smoking is totally bad habit though some people take it as one way of relaxing. First of all, smoking will do harm to our health. This is not some secret, while common sense to all of us. Based on the statistics, one cigarette will shorten your life by 5 minutes. Smoking will induce cancer if you keep the habit for some period of time, the period of time is varied on different people. Lung cancer is common among those heavy smokers, followed by tongue cancer and throat cancer. When the addicts enjoy the 'relaxed' smoking time, they should realize that their health are encroached by the nicotine and other toxic chemicals gradually. Not only smokers themselves, other people who don't smoke around them will be impacted by the terrible smoke. Especially the elders, children, and pregnant women will be secondary victims if smoking in public areas is not banned. Secondly, smoking in public areas will bring some other bad issues. Unrestricted smoking will cause fire or other cataclysms. For instance, if the workers can smoke at anywhere in the factory, the butts they throw off casually probably induce fire accidents. The same cataclysms can also happen in elevators, or cinemas, the places usually crowded with people. Besides that, adults who smoke in public areas are bad models to our adolescents. Some young people even take that for fashion manner then follow it. If the adult smokers can control their smoking for the sake of health, those young, who are not conscious what they are doing is to deteriorate their health, may have even more worse impact(这句话很长,但是我认为前面应该是否定的。如果成年人能够控制他们的吸烟行为,年轻人可能受到更大的影响). It is not hard to imagine when the young reach to their 30-40 years old, they are struggling with cancers. It is not only the loss to themselve, their families, but also to our country, 30-40 is just the age people work at their peak of their carrer life. If people are permitted to smoke only in some specific public areas, this regulation maybe reduce the frequency of their smoking, and in some degree postpone the time point for they get cancer. Another direct advantage of the regulation is, other people around smokers will not suffer the smoke in most cases. So I suggest smokers have their restricted areas even in private spaces, such as home, for their family members have the rights to protect their health. In short, requiring people not to smoke is impossible, what we can do is to reduce the impact of smoking to the minimum. Restricting people to smoke in many public areas seems to be the best way, now. |
语言流畅,逻辑清晰。好文~ |
原帖由 wallace_jim 于 2007-5-7 13:37 发表
13号改2号口语
3.4A 3
这道题你用了太多时间去说上海虹口机场碰见朋友几率小,更应该重点说的是你与你朋友碰面的场景和细节
306.2.1
此题在说明两点理由时有重复且两点理由的区分不太明显
320.2
首先是有 ...
In myopinion, this is obviously a good rule to not allowed smoking in public placealthough smoking people may not think so. If yousmoking in public, other people may not tend to tell you they hate that, butthis isn’t mean they like the environment surrounding with smoke.这句话放这里有点不知所云了,与主旨关联不大。
开头要有一个引论做铺垫,引入你要论证的话题。开门见山的,感觉难以拿高分。
First of all, smoking is bad for your healthy, you shouldn’t(尽量避免缩写)smoke whatever(at all places,whatever是无论什么的意思,是不是放这不妥呀?). We hearpeople telling(complaining) the smokingpeople all the time that your lung will be used(need)to do the medical research(docimasia检查), but fewpeople care about it. You may have no idea how serious it is, but I’ve saw thesample before when I take(took)the biologyclass. All the(The whole) lung had became(been) black and bad, I even couldn’t recognizeit’s a lung of Hume being! It’s more like a cooked liver of pig. The visionscars me so much that I can recall it vividly even today. So please believe mesmoking is killing you, and it’s a chronic suicide.
你举的例子不够严谨,有点散乱的感觉
Moreover, smoking in the(去掉) public placeis more likely you are chronically killing the(to kill)people surround you without their(去掉) notice orpermission. For instance, if you smoke in an office, your colleges have nochoice but accept the fact of breathing the harmful air. It’s unfair to othersbecause they have the right to enjoy their working environment instead ofgetting sicker and sicker. And you can’t earn respect from people who can’ttolerant your behavior and conflict may commence. So as a high quality personin nowadays society, you should care about what other people judge you andforbid yourself smoking in public place even there’s no rules.
这一段观点新颖,赞一下。建议再展开一下。
It seems (seems语气太弱,用is)clear thathaving rules of no smoking in public place is a good idea. It will keep yours (you) and othershealthy and reduce conflict. I believe (this) willbring us a batter(better)environmentand benefit all of us.
原帖由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:02 发表
大作文
It has been a controversial debute(debate) whether smoking should be allowed inthe public places or office buildings since many years ago. Some people opposethis rule while others strongl ...
原帖由 woodman 于 2007-5-7 17:11 发表
哪位有时间看看我的口语,我最担心口语,所以真心希望能得到大家的建议。
首先我自己指出自己的几个不足:
1、语调与真实美语差距甚大
2、从上一次开始,我养成了嗯的习惯,还好这个习惯时间不长,正在痛改, ...
Nowadays, more countries regulate people smoking in public area, so many public places and office buildings are not permitted to smoke. It is definitely a good rule from my point of view. Actually, smoking is totally bad habit though some people take it as one way of relaxing. |
思路清晰,简练,找不出什末错误.比以前的进步很大,值得我学习,论据都举的不错,用词也是,向姐姐学习拉! 口语大家都反映不错,我同感,流畅,语调都很好,内容也不错,请教经验了! |
原帖由 wallace_jim 于 2007-5-14 00:43 发表
怎么没人改我的呢?帮忙看下提下意见好不好
我的是13号wallace
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