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amingsnowUID：2258254

100# agileeagle

TOPICS: many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students?Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
In my opinion, daily homework is not necessary for students. Most task would lead bad affection to the study. Learning is self-control process. Everyone who are curious to their lesson, He(or She) would studies for themselves. Teachers' job is to make their lesson more interesting, not to assign more homework to the students.

2,3,4句可以合为一个长句。简单语法错误较多，我就不给你改了。。。

Firstly, study is a pretty easy job. Most students think the study is the tenious job, and they are forced to finish their homework. Sometimes,the homework is too difficult, or , sometimes, homework is too enormous. And students would copy their job to finish their task , while they are not willing to finish. As a result, the homework would not lead the better effect, however, go contrary with the first pupose. The students would like to study their interested subject. Students are not willing to repeat the boring task with the goal of getting high marks The professor says, "The interst is the best teachers." This hints that if the students have no interested in their subjects, homework would make no sense.

第一句作为中心局非常不恰当，完全没有提到作业，应该说，家庭作业给学生的学习带来了负面的作用。接下来的论述条理不够清晰，感觉就是东一锤子西一棒子，想到哪写到哪。希望你在动笔之前在头脑中先形成一个大致的提纲，不然整个论证段的结构就没了，无法形成有力的论证。比如，中心句是，家庭作业给学生带来了负面的作用。这些负面作用包括，XXX，XX。之所以会造成这样的结果，是因为XXX，XXX。另一方面，如果没有作业，那么学生们会学的更好，因为XXX，XXX。所以，重复中心句。这样论证才够完整有力。

Therefore, teachers' job is not to assign homework impuling their students to work hard in order to get nice marks. Their major assginment is to stimulate their students to love the subject. And the students would like to pay more attention on their subject.In my high school, physics is a difficulty subject to most of us. My physicst teacher, a humor man, made the subject more interesting. He always told some appealing stories about the great physics scentists, like Albert Enstein, and so on , instead  of teacher boring and complicated concept of physics basic concept. Hence, we are more interested in the physics story, and want to know more about the basic essence of the world.Most of the time , we did the homework volunteered.


这一段严重偏题，题目要讨论的是老师该不该留作业，你讨论的是teacher‘s job，与作业失去了联系。

However, no homework is not a wise decision for teachers. Because, homework is necessary for reviewing the concept and the lesson. Some homework will push students who did not well in the subject to find their problem , and they would catch up with other students. Moreover, homework is good for students who did not completely absorb the nutrion of knowledge, proper homework is like catalyism for learning.

反面论证过长。详见我最后的评论。
In a word, suitable homework would affect the students more optimusly, I would like recommend the teachers should put more their energy to stimulate the interest of the students rather than assign more homework daily. So , I do not agree with the daily homework is necessary for students.

再一次的, I would like recommend the teachers should put more their energy to stimulate the interest of the students，开始讨论老师的job。题目问的是作业，你的文章却有一大部分在谈老师的工作，我只能遗憾的告诉你，你的写作是无法拿高分的。一定要注意，要紧扣题目来写，要让题目的关键词成为你整篇文章的中心词，最好每句话都围绕中心来写，不管是论证还是例子。还记得上中学的时候语文老师是怎么强调不要跑题的么，把当年的方法用上吧，跑题是最要命的问题。建议你看看我昨天和今天改的几篇文章，你们的问题是一样的，希望对你有所启发。

amingsnowUID：2258254

101# yangqianlei

Spending leisure time in working or being with family?/ S+ i8 d+ g/ X* X. @# W1 j3 a
It is no doubt that both family and career play a crucial role in our lives as we cannot live without family as well as a job. Nowadays, there is a raising debate on whether we should spend spare time with family or working. Many people prefer focusing on work as they hold view point that the harder you work, the more money you make. On the contrary, although believe working hard may has a lots of benefits, it cannot compare the happiness brought by spending time with family.


compare --- compete with;  很好的开头段，唯一的问题是最后一句，主语错乱，应该去掉believe一词。

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Admittedly, working in spare time indeed gives rise to many great chances. One of the best is that it provides more promotion opportunities. By working in spare time, we can finish the designate tasks more quickly and more efficiently than others, since others seldom spend their time on their work, we can totally take the advantage of this. As to promotion, the boss always like to choose the most hard working guys as they are more likely to earn more potential profits for the company. In this way, if you spend your spare time in working, you are more likely to get promotion. With a satisfied income, you will never worry about how to save money to buy a beautiful but expensive dress.


最后一句，我认为不转换到第二人称更好些，因为整个一段都是第三人称论证，突然转到第二人称，有点不大协调。另外，希望能在本段的最后加上一句转折，简单论述一下working的局限性，引出下一段。这样不仅平衡了观点，而且也令文章条理更清晰。

However, when you enjoy the pleasure of promotion or buying an expensive dress, have you ever think about the happiness you get when you spend your time with your family? As a matter of fact, the pleasure of spending time with family weights much more than a promotion or money. When you are in trouble, family is always the first to come to help you; when you are suffering from the stress of work, family is always the one who comforts your soul and help you relief the pressure; when you feel frustrated, family always stands behind your back, holds your hand and tells you to hold on. In a sense, family members help us deal with numerous kinds of mental and physical problems we came across, which cannot be easily got over by just working hard.
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Another important advantage of spending spare time with family is that it keeps our relationship in harmony. This can be best illustrated in the example of watching TV with family, by watching television with my parents, it can not only help me relax and relief the pressure from work and study, but also can develop our relationship. I always share my opinions and ideas about the programs with my parents, and my parents are very delighted when we are talking together. In this way I feel happy even though I do not make so much money. Because I am satisfied as long as my family members are happy which cannot be achieved by promotion or a decent salary.


本段论述了两个分论点，建议你能够拆成两段来分别论述，否则文章的重点有些失衡。另外，由于你在开头句并没有点明中心，那么在结尾句就一定一定要明确的把观点陈述出来，让这个观点足够强调和突出。另外在论述例子的时候，希望你能更具体些，比如你们看什么电视节目，像discovery，或者新闻，然后你们大概怎么讨论的，总之就是让例子更加生动一些。

As the old saying goes:”life is too short to take it for granted”, if we spend all the spare time doing the tedious job, even though we have earned a lots of money, we still do not know the true meaning of life and happiness. Therefore, the joy we get when we spending time with the people who you love most weights much more than the pleasure that from a merely a promotion.


know --- understand;结尾段总结了working的不好，但是并没有总结family的好。记住，你的结尾段是为再次突出中心服务的，所以不能仅仅论述反面观点。甚至，你可以不论述反面观点，而直接总结正面的分论点。
总的来说这篇文章还是不错的，语法错误不多，有些词汇使用的不够灵活;如果能把结构调整好，正反论述比例调整一下，应该是可以拿个不错的分数的。

amingsnowUID：2258254

103# zzjiezz

in order to get well-informed, people should have different source of news. Do you agree or disagree.
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Nowadays, people can get news from all kinds of sources, like newspaper, television, internet, all those can provide important information for us. Nevertheless, one want to be well informed, one should get news from different sources he can.0 C- p% g1 L2 ^  m: i; m4 t7 L9 C


第一段有点没看懂，两个句子是转折关系么？

Firstly, I always believe that more sources we have, more information we can get. News from single sources is not enough for us to get well informed. I have an example can exemplify this. My uncle lives in rural areas that are far away from city. Last year he came to my home to spend the spring festival; he was so surprised that my mother got a promotion, which happened about half a year ago. He was astonished because he seldom calls my mother. If we could connect more frequently during a year, he could know the news about our family.


more --- the more; 第一句作为总起句不好，因为意思不明确。你应该论述，为什么，而不是陈述事实。不用你说读者也明白，途径越多信息越多，你应该论述这样有什么好处，怎么帮助人们weill-informed。另外例子举的也不够贴切，文章是在论述媒体，这里的信息应该指媒体传递的信息，而不是与家人通电话。

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Secondly, the news we get from one source usually can not cover the truth about the whole thing. Anyway, the editor and author are human being, they will have their personal feeling about certain news, for example, the news from newspaper, could not show the every details for their audiences. Thus, it is important for us to have variety of information sources. I remember my best friend told me a story about her own experience. She once saw a video through the Internet, the girl in it was hitting another girl, and people surrounded did not help the other girl until the police came. My friend didn’t understand why the other people surrounded did not help and she felt sad about that girl. Until she had a chance to watch television, she saw the other face of the story. The girl was being hit was a rubber. Then, she understood why those people didn’t help.


举例的时候不用说明是你的朋友的故事，你可是直接说成是你的故事，这样让读者感觉更真切。此外最后应该加结尾句，再次强调你本段的论点。


As we discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that people can be well informed if they have more sources of information. This can help them to get news in the first time and understand the truth of a story.


总体来说，文章篇幅较短，论证也不够有力。通常我们选择三个分论点来论述，当你选择论述两点的时候，就要保证每个分论点论述的很充分，例子生动具体，开头和结尾都有中心句。反观你的文章，每一点做的都不是很好。希望你以后写文章之前先形成一个提纲，几个论点，每个论点怎么论述，每个论点用什么样的例子去支撑。总之让你的文章更加饱满一些。语言方面，语法错误不多，但是用词不够丰富，同义词的替换较少，缺少一些点亮文章的fancy word。

amingsnowUID：2258254

120# wuqian0801

呵呵，一般400-450就很好了，不要超过500，不然就没有时间回去检查了。