iBT作文29分，每天改两篇作文回馈gter~申请正酣，活动暂停，请谅解！

爆爆坦克UID：2644529

请楼主也给我提点意见吧！谢谢您！
Whether the professional athletes should receive high salaries has been discussed in our society for a long time. Some people oppose this statement because of the economic pressure that they have given to our society, and the ones who advocate the professional athlete suggest that the athletes' endeavors deserve the high salaries. As my own opinion, I approve of the later one.

At the first step, professional athletes must face a huge number of difficulties that we have never seen. Even though they can be successful in the competitions, how many people know the endeavor they have paid and how many difficulties they have overcame behind their success? I have taken part of the professional team in one summer holiday and the training did last more than 10 hours everyday. The rules there were very strict and nobody could take rest even if he could not persist. Tell the truth, I did drop out at last because of the hard training, however, I think, now I have right to judge that they really deserve the high salaries with my own experience.

In addition, the professional athletes can acquire the reputation for their own countries. Now the competitions among the countries not only exist as the economic competition, the army competition but also as the sport competition. As anybody knows there are lots of sports meetings held all over the world every year, and the professional athletes are the only people that can acquire reputation for the countries in such high-level competitions. In another way, the professional athlete may delegate a country and they may become the symbol of the countries if they can achieve success, thus, it stands the reasons to understand they deserve to get high salaries.

The last but not least, lots of companies, such like the sport facility companies, may ask the professional athletes to demonstrate their productions as advertisements. In this way, the professional athletes inspire the consumption of the society and promote the market values, directly causing the progress of the whole market. Compared with the properties that they have made for the countries, the high salaries is just what they should obtain.

In conclusion, I definitely believe the professional athlete should get high salaries due to their contributions to the society and country.

rouor2003UID：2586895

谢谢好心的楼主了,这是我的作文The advantages and disadvantages of my city

Living in Beijing, the capital of china, I appreciateit a lot, although I dislike it at the very beginning. My best friend lily wantsto work in Beijing after graduating from Qinghai. I believe the followstatement will give her a miniature of this metropolitan.

The betray traffic and constant traffic jams wouldtrouble her a lot. With the increasing number of population, the traffic jamduring the rush time is become a serious problem. The construction of newthruway obviously can’t catch up with the number of car which is accumulated bymultiplying .Since she come from a small city where seldom was her trapped bytraffic jams, she probably not accustom to this situation. Besides, Beijing isalmost the largest city in china. When someone first come to Beijing, theyusually miss the way. Lily is lack of orientation sensitive so to find theright way to go is a big problem to her. However ,the public bus system and thesignal system is well developed in Beijing since the Olympic game. It will doher a lot of benefit to familiar with the traffic of Beijing.

The price of commodity here is extremely high,especially when she is going to rent a house, the price here is triple thanthat of Qinghai. It is true that Beijingshare variety of goods more than any other small cities. It is also true that thecost here is more than others. Nevertheless, except the rent price, she willenjoy more of the variety since she like to buy beautiful dresses, and as faras I know the dresses in Xizhimen is so cheap that you can’t imagine at thesame time most of the dress is in a fashion style which suit to this youngladies.

The great advantage of Beijing is the countless opportunity,not only the job opportunity but also the recreation opportunity for it enjoysnumerous exhibitions and performs. That is why my friend decides to work here. Sheis a ambition girl, doing her best to purchase a better life. Working in such acompetitive environment can strength herself and won herself a high salary,most important she can show her talent in language skills. She is going to workin a French company as an interpreter. I want to give her a surprise that Monet, who is a famous French painter ,will exhibit his precious art works inBeijing. She is especially fond of his impressionism style so much. And shewould never meet this opportunity in other city. This is really a big news for her.

bzxyphrUID：2650298

我也很想让楼主帮我看看最近我写的一篇.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I can hardly agree with the statement that letting a friend make mistakes is better than doing something that may destroy friendship. In support of my opinion of view, it is necessary to give the correct definition of true “friendship”.

As the well-known saying goes, “a friend indeed is a friend in need”. Those who pretend not to see their friends’ errors should not be considered as real friends. For example, if I notice that one of my friends are intending to do something that may break the law, I will try my best to stop it without any hesitation. Though this interference will annoy my friend, it is better than seeing my friend being punished by the law enventually.

A true friend should never be angry with you when you point out what your problem is sincerely. Since anyone is likely to make mistakes, I’d never feel annoyed with my friend when they help me to realize my fault. On the contrary, I will appreciate friends’ kindness to assist me and give me so many suggestions to help me out of trouble. I can know about my misakes comprehensively. Not only can't Friends’ advices deem as underming the friendship, they even should be seem as strengthening the bonds of friendship.

However, we should find proper way to let our friends know that why they are wrong and how they are going to do to correct faults, rather than simply point out the mistakes rudely. If we don’t use any communication techniques, this will definitely detroy the friendship. Through expressing our opinion in euphemistic way, our friends will aware their faults and correct them right away. In the mean time, our good-fellowship will be lifted up into a new height.

To sum up, we should point out friends’mistakes and help them to correct errors instead of pretend not to see them. During this process, the key lies in good expression pattern which can prevent us from embarassment and annoying. By frankly to each other, our friendship will be more robust.

HYPS2011UID：2618437

11.9Grades encourage students to learn 08,2 16
感谢楼主啊
How to judge students' performance and give award is a prevalent topic undergoing serious debate currently. Someone advocate that grades inspire students to learn that should be considered as the criteria to award students. After pondering several aspects, I totally disagree with such statement and the conspicuous reasons and instances go as follows.

For one thing, too much emphasize on grades can bring some untoward outcomes. It is quite common that students cheat on exams, behave   dishonesty to gain teacher's recognition, and even fight between classmates. All of those unhealthy actions are resulted from taking too much attention on grades. Examples as such are numerous. Every final exam my roommates are used to preparing some notes to cheat. And even worse, some students usually receive envious view and isolation from others because of the high scores. The seemingly accurate method to award students, actually is harmful for their future development. Therefore, sometimes overextended the importance of grades is counterproductive.

Furthermore, if students are driven to achieve high grades at school, probably they may ignore the practical experience learning. Under the grades motivation, most students are inclined to study the academic books and pay little sense on the society. In order to get high scores on exams, they usually study day and night. Lack of communication with reality those high-grade students are hard to adapt to job market. A case in point is that Jerry, a friend of mine, owns excellent performance on his college curriculums, but he did not attend any campus activities and practical learning groups during the four years life. And when he came to the interview to apply for a position on economics, the manager directly refused him and said we need an employee to handle practical problems  not a high-score person. In short, it is not wise to give prize according the grades.


we have to admit that grades is feasible that can easily be regarded as the achievement of students and has been acting successfully as the judgement for years. However, such teaching system shows highly contradiction with modern education that will die out gradually .


In brief, after the forgoing discussion, though considerable benefits of evaluating students' on grades it can not compete with its potential drawbacks. Thus I am convincing that school should not take the grades to give award for students

amingsnowUID：2258254

也请帮我指导一下？
我现在完全不会用模板了，想到啥写啥

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon.

Recently, the survey from International Committee of the  ...
brass20y 发表于 2009-11-9 10:39

恩，你的文章让人看着就比较舒服了，我个人认为已经可以基本满足ETS的要求了。其实你说不会用模板了，可能已经说明你不用依赖于模板了，已经对模板的精神融会贯通了。如果你在考试的时候能写出这样的文章，我认为就非常不错了，我说的是文章结构和逻辑思路。语言方面，语法错误基本上没有，但是有一点，就是长短句的结合。你的文章长句偏多，动辄3，4行的长句，让人看着有些累，呵呵，在每个论证段试着掺杂几个短句会让人看着更舒服一些。有些词用的不够地道，比如allocate，不大适合用在时间方面；当然以上我说的语言方面的问题只是为了给你的文章锦上添花，如果你考试时间临近，那么还是集中精力放在你的薄弱环节，或许对分数的提高帮助更大。我今天帮另外一个人改作文，他的独立写作和你水平相当，但是综合写作问题比较大，我的意思是如果你也存在同样的问题，那么就focus在其他方面就可以了。当然如果你还有充分的时间准备的话，我认为最好还是应该多锤炼一下你的词汇：）

附件中帮你改正了一些语言方面的问题。

amingsnowUID：2258254

15# brass20y

回在35楼了

amingsnowUID：2258254

It has recently been announced that a new high school may bebuilt in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specificreasons and details in your answer.

Since a developed country depends on a high level civilization, which includehaving a particularly significant education for students. More and more parentsnow begin to realize that it is important to give children a good circumstanceto learn well. So as many children are sent to the school, many schools have tobe build. Like a new high school there may be built near my community, despiteof noisy, I still support this plan, due to the following reasons.

开头段离题太远，直到like一句才开始扣题。虽然好文章不一定要第一句就点明题意，但是至少第二句开始也要结合题目来谈了。建议你压缩一下前面的绕圈圈话，最多一句，呵呵~

First of all, a new school near the community will be more safe for thestudents to go to school. We know that traffics always cause a lot of problemsto students, if the school is far, students will have to take a long time onthe way to school, which not only waste time, but also increase the possibilityof accident occurrence. However, since the school will be near the community,people need not to worry about it any more. Students could make it more easyand more convenient to get to school.


Also, the community would be able to get the chance toimprove their civilization. Since shopping center could be built for theirneeds, there will be more book stores and music stores which could satisfiedpeople’s needs in their daily life. As a result, they could broaden theirhorizons and improve themselves by using these learning tools. And then thecommunity would be able to get improvement of the quality of the population.


说实话这一段我没看懂，为什么开始讨论shoppingcenter呢？整段没有出现任何与high school有关的语句？？

Last but the least, is that a new school could rise the employment rate, andbring to the community prosperous. More people could get a job to be a teacher,a cleaner and a security. Also more people will come to our community to get ajob and stay here, more food would be buy, more rooms would be rent and morecultures will be brought in, then the merchants will get benefit and our wholeeconomy would get benefit.


这一段的论证尚可，但是语言过于简单，可否将例子说的更具体和实在一些呢？ETS的要求是examples and details，但是你的文章里看不到details，多少有些空洞。

However, there is a problem of living near the school, it will be so muchnoisy. Because a lot of advantages are being list, this little drawback wouldnot be a point to influence my main opinion. So as far as I am concerned, it isa fundamental task crucial for generations to come, and I strongly support thisidea.

看完你的文章给我的感觉是，你的语言功底非常扎实，以我很挑剔的眼光，都没找出几个语法错误来，呵呵。但是你有一个很致命的问题，就是你的论证深度不够。先不说第二个论证段完全不知所云，第一段和第三段给人的感觉是轻轻的点出了问题，但是缺乏有力的论证。先来说第一段，你说交通安全是个问题，新建个学校如何能解决这个问题，为什么不说的更具体一点呢？比如，你可以列举数字出来，目前最近的一所学校离community有多远，要过几条大马路，一共要花多少时间，每年这一段路程出现交通事故的概率是多少；有了这些数字的罗列，你的论点就变得非常有说服力：建一所高中可以解决以上的隐患。
第三段也有同样的问题，说说建一所新学校将带来多少新职位，而你的社区满足这些岗位要求，但目前失业的人数大概有多少；这个学校将需要多少food，rent room，会带来怎样的culture：比如学校可能举办怎样的活动，需要学生和家长的共同参与，进而带动社区的人怎样等等。有了这些有血有肉的叙述，读者自然就信服于你的观点。具体数字什么的自己编就行了，ETS是绝对不会去考察的，呵呵~~

不知道这是你的第几篇习作，希望你以后的文章可以论证的更加有力和有深度一些，要争取让逻辑思路非常清晰，让每一句话都掷地有声，让每一个例子都恰到好处，甚至不用你多说读者自己就明白了。我还是非常欣赏你的语法基础的，加油！

zmn357UID：2720203

谢谢~~ 我会改进的,幸苦你啦~~!! 我会像你学习的^^ 37# amingsnow

wuqian0801UID：2637709

21# amingsnow

谢谢啊...
现在我每天练习一篇.. 希望能提高些写作水平吧..

wuqian0801UID：2637709

Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With the rapid changes of our society, the personal ability needs to be concerned accordingly. The ability of profession or social skill is the indispensible element for the competence. In the past, people could through the form of team work to accomplish their assignments. And those works are not the specialized projects which may just need the work force to do it well. However, in order to cater for the advance of our society, the requirement of abilities of read or write is much strict than before. The better ability of read or write can manage the work, communication and study well.

First of all, nowadays, in this competitive society, there is no opening for an illiterate and even a lower ability of read or write. That’s to say, the ability of read or write is the basic and significant skill for people compared to the past days. It will help people accomplish the projects better in a certain degree. If people are confronted of the difficulties, it’s convenient for them to use their abilities to look up related references and then get a preferable solution.

Secondly, as we known, we are not the single individual in this society, so the communication with others is pivotal. Meanwhile, the communication skills concluding of the ability of read or write. People can write letters to friends who are far away from them and the candidates need use their remarkable ability of speech to obtain the votes then they will have a chance to win the election. Even in our family, we live together and also should communicate with each other but not like the past days family members only labors a lot and lacks of exchanges.

Finally, which competence people use a lot in their learning? Absolutely the answer is the ability of read or write. People need read or write to have exams. And only they obtain new information from newspaper or other Medias, can they enlarge their horizon. It is also a beneficial aspect for the long run development.

In sum, although the heated debate of whether the ability of read or write is much vital than before, I still support to the view that it’s much substantial than those days in the past. For the reason that the promotion of people’s communication and assist to people to gain lots of news.


这是昨天刚练习的...
PS: 有些不知道自己写的算不算细节,怕写细节的时候写跑题了..可是更怕写得很空洞..
      至于措辞和语法方面我会注意的..
      LZ也要多提建议啊!...

cxyu841216UID：2653989

LZ 我马上要考了,麻烦帮我看下,谢谢了
AD: Movies and television have more negative effects than positive ones on the behavior of young people

Nowdays, it is information period which dominate and influence human’s life. Likewise, movies and television, as production of information industrialization, have affinity with us in ordinary life. Although movies and television have negative effect on humanbeing, especially young people, if both of them disappear from the world, most of people maybe not adapt the circumstance and be aware of dim livelihood.

Social competition become more and more intense, person under the pressure ought to have an consciousness and seek a appropriate means to relax their mood. Usually, young people alleviate their stress through watching films in cinema or staying at home to watching several consecutive dramas, which has been considered as a primary entertainment for youth in metropolitan. If these entertainments are assumed to be canceled from individual surrounding, it is hard to image that person return to home to confront cool and anechoic enviroment, or they even don’t know how to enjoy themselves in weekends. Even though there are other activities offering to entertain them, sometimes, they would like to stay indoors in their leisure time, such as in bad days. Therefore, wathching films or TV is not doubtful to occupy their a great deal of free time.

People acquire knowledge not only from newspapers and books bus also from television or films, which is more efficient and direct, even more suitable for diverse persons. Because some of books contain prefound contents that enable readers to exhaust much energy and time to comprehend. Nevertheless, due to glowing image and abundant facial expression of performers in screens, those complex and abstruse meanings are simplified so that viewers can obtain the most direct and easiest depiction, which is accepted and acknowledged by public. The report of earthquake can exemplify above demonstration, only television can exhibit the concrete and consecutive process of disruption of earthquake at the crucial moment, but viewers fantasy the circumstance of catastrophe difficultly through several photos or delineation of words merely. Besides, in the busy society, in order to economize precious time, most of people, particularly youth, are inclinate to choose more immediate ways to gain what they want.

Humankind cann’t leave and abandon the enjoyment and convenience carried by films and television. Anything always has its multifaceted, so anyone shouldn’t evade even deny these drawbacks, but take advantage of its merits to benefit us and prevent negative effects as possible as they can, or emphasizing disadvantages excessively and ignoring advantages will engender manifold loses and regrets.

lifelongUID：2594489

楼上，看了你第一段，感觉基本功不到家啊~ 不过都是语法错误
第一句强调句应该是that...
negative effects 加s
disapper from the world 感觉怪。。
most people 不要of
may not adapt 不要be

cxyu841216UID：2653989

谢谢,请继续排砖啊! 42# lifelong

amingsnowUID：2258254

42# lifelong

呵呵，很开心这里有人开始讨论了啊~~谢谢：）

amingsnowUID：2258254

41# cxyu841216

AD: Movies and televisionhave more negative effects than positive ones on the behavior of young people
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7 a: _+ q6 _6 I; e6 B0 d- INowdays, it is information period which dominate andinfluence human’s life. Likewise, movies and television, as production ofinformation industrialization, have affinity with us in ordinary life. Althoughmovies and television have negative effect on humanbeing, especially youngpeople, if both of them disappear from the world, most of people maybe notadapt the circumstance and be aware of dim livelihood.
/ p# D- z# _: G- F( {; m) h
- a/ d) k. P) b5 RSocialcompetition become more and more intense, person under the pressure ought tohave an consciousness and seek a appropriate means to relax their mood.Usually, young people alleviate their stress through watching films in cinemaor staying at home to watching several consecutive dramas, which has beenconsidered as a primary entertainment for youth in metropolitan. If theseentertainments are assumed to be canceled from individual surrounding, it ishard to image that person return to home to confront cool and anechoic enviroment,or they even don’t know how to enjoy themselves in weekends. Even though thereare other activities offering to entertain them, sometimes, they would like tostay indoors in their leisure time, such as in bad days. Therefore, wathchingfilms or TV is not doubtful to occupy their a great deal of free time. " c7 j! E3 E8 d$ j. L

/ X$ [! K; X' j" c2 E9 v0 Z/ }/ W#t+ QPeople acquire knowledge not only from newspapers and books bus alsofrom television or films, which is more efficient and direct, even moresuitable for diverse persons. Because some of books contain prefound contentsthat enable readers to exhaust much energy and time to comprehend.Nevertheless, due to glowing image and abundant facial expression of performersin screens, those complex and abstruse meanings are simplified so that viewerscan obtain the most direct and easiest depiction, which is accepted andacknowledged by public. The report of earthquake can exemplify abovedemonstration, only television can exhibit the concrete and consecutive processof disruption of earthquake at the crucial moment, but viewers fantasy thecircumstance of catastrophe difficultly through several photos or delineationof words merely. Besides, in the busy society, in order to economize precioustime, most of people, particularly youth, are inclinate to choose moreimmediate ways to gain what they want.
' Y  f3 F0 p5 g, L- j% N
1 A( _7 G( E  Z9 NHumankindcann’t leave and abandon the enjoyment and convenience carried by films andtelevision. Anything always has its multifaceted, so anyone shouldn’t evadeeven deny these drawbacks, but take advantage of its merits to benefit us andprevent negative effects as possible as they can, or emphasizing disadvantagesexcessively and ignoring advantages will engender manifold loses and regrets.

不好意思今天事情比较多，简要点评一下你的文章~
先说好的方面，整个文章结构不错，两个论证段的观点也很鲜明，论述很充分；如果第一个论证段能再举些实际，生动的例子就更好了。
下面转入问题。我把你的文章仔细读了三遍，感觉最大的问题就是语言。读第一遍的时候，老实说，有好几处我都没看懂，要把句子再读一遍才能看懂；其实不用那么多长句也可以说明道理的，你的整个第二个论证段几乎全是长句铺成的，可以试着穿插一些短句，这样rater看着也省力些，呵呵~

除了长句，用词的问题也不小。我不知道你是不是边看字典边写文章，好多词的语境非常不合适，比如period, affinity, relax their mood, confront, anechoic, 等等，你真正明白他们的意思么？period多指周期，而affinity多指亲和关系。ETS确实要求用词丰富，不过要建立在能清楚表达你的意思的基础上。漂亮的词不用太多，如果你对一个词的意思拿不准，你可以换个简单的说法，不用通篇文章都追求fancy word，用不好反而会影响你的分数。

语法错误也不少。。。ETS允许少量语法错误，但是太多的简单错误是会影响到你的分数的。你最大的问题是第三人称单数转换和名词复数及冠词的用法，如果考试临近了，建议你写作一定要留出来至少3分钟，再通读一遍你的文章，注意力放在这几个问题上，至少可以改正几个。
还有个问题，恩，结尾一个大长句，是你自己写的模板吧，第一是太长，第二是完全没有总结全文，至少和你的分论点联系一下吧，这样才能显示出他的力量来~~


附件中我改正了第一段的语法问题，下面用颜色标出来了你的语法错误和用词不当。不过今天时间实在不多，我只标了一段，不好意思哈！