[daily writing campus]oblivious作文训练

ilovevickyUID：2937658

8# oblivious226
When asked about the key to success, the overwhelming majority of people contend that good looks and dresses play an important role in the way to make a great achievement in one's career, but I look at it at a different angle. Living in a constantly changing environment and facing fierce competition, I am deeply impressed that the effective and ultimate way to success succeed is the ability to put forwards good ideas.
楼主用词非常有多样性~~~值得学习哦~~~
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Based on a business survey, the available statistics demonstrate that an employee, who has a creative thinking and dare take initiative with great ideas, is highly evaluated and get promoted quickly. Conspicuously, company especially Multinational Corporation values the faculties' ability to propose new ideas and make innovations, which is the resource where they gain the power to occupy leading positions in the competition. This can be verified by the example
8 q" k+ P" K/ W# z  L( Qof Steven Jobs, a excellent CEOof Apple, often made his endeavor to bring forth new ideas and turn them into reality without hesitation. He is highly praised for his creative thinking and courage to make the ideas true. However, a great person like him had never ever 用词有些绝对化，可以用seldom dress delicately in the work life. And probably it is a waste of time to get himself dressed carefully, but it 指代不明，我知道你这句话的意思是穿的零乱不是成功的障碍~~~~但你这里明显指代的是“get himself dressed carefully ” hardly had been an obstacle to his way to success.1 j# C% Y* w" K( j- o
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Nevertheless, a fair proportion of people make a seemly compelling reason that good looks and dresses is indeed of greater importance than goodideas when one tries to achieve success. Dressing properly in a job interviewis frequently cited as a common example to prove their argument. Admittedly,good looks and dresses does have its undeniable merits, as the example illustrates, it will make a good first impression on the interviewer and get a better chance to be employed. But the brutal reality should remind us that thegood days have gone when people with good looking are easy to stay in the position because of the lack of competition. Nothing can be more apparent than the evidence that job hunters with higher degree and more qualifications areeverywhere and compete with each other fiercely for one vocation. Only goodlooking cannot ensure you a decent job and satisfied salary, that is to say, superiorswill never think highly of you until you have the intrinsic and indispensable value to the company—that is good ideas.
9 {' q0 o$ I! T$ O1 A 这段写得很不错！！！
/ r6 A" K1 _$ P7 v) ?4 TConclusion can be drawn that the advantage derived from good ideas carry more weight than the benefits we gain from good looks and dresses. Fortunately,with the dispersal of good ideas, we have the promise both of self-improvement and intellectual riches. So fostering the ability to raise good ideas will not fail to be a wiser and safer choice, and more often than not, we should take agreat emphasize on it as possible as we can.
楼主整个结构不错，观点也明确。尤其是语言，是我非常欣赏的具有多变性，可以教教我怎么不总是用important 这种低级词汇咩？欢迎回改~~~~https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1343517-3-1.html 谢谢楼主了~~~~

ilovevickyUID：2937658

15# oblivious226
这题目本身有点难,加油哈....我看过你的作文了,基本没语法错误==所以限于自己能力有限不能帮你改错了....

ilovevickyUID：2937658

16# ilovevicky
还是厚着脸皮改了下