【独立写作】一夕vv作文贴

一夕vvUID：3545897

期待小伙伴们猛烈的点评！！我们杀t共勉！！
1.27

1.19

1.17

1.15

1.14


1.13


1.10


1.8


1.7

1.5

一夕vvUID：3545897

glly7 发表于 2015-1-8 17:39
你好！你的可以复制在贴在上吗，下载下来看不全，谢谢！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Honesty is the most important characteristic to a leader.

1.        作为一个领导者，综合考虑各方面因素（consideration）以及舍弃自我偏见，才能做出相对正确的决策。
2.        领导者应当体贴（consideration）他团队中的成员，让他们感受到自我价值并且最大能力的发挥出来，实现利益最大化。
3.        一个诚实（honesty）的领导者固然重要，ta可以得到成员的信任并更好的管理团队。然而这种诚实不是在所有情况下都适用。

One of the greatest early writers said that :”Every great career needs powerful leaders.” The leading figure as the most vital part of a team needs to discover and gather the potential skills members, directly guide the decision making process, leading them to sail against the wind and has the ambitious to achieve the goal. Whereas how can we defined powerful? Or what is a crucial quality as a leader needs to have? The answer probably involves countless factors. Some people think to be a great leader honesty is the most important quality, others suggests that an ambitious leader is the only factor to guide a team achieve success. However, from my perspective, consideration is the basic and vital characteristic for a leader to possess.

A leader with various aspects considerations enable the whole team  avoid engender bias and making a right decision to some extend. Because of the individual differences, people have their own divers aspects toward the same issues. Collecting all of attitudes from team with overlook own preference and finally making the rational decisions through gathering opinions is necessary for a leader to do, otherwise the leader would always make a irrational decision in which case has a negative influence on the whole team to carry on. Taking a particular example to illustrate it, once I take part in a rock band, our leader was an ambitious people and always brought fantastic ideas to team, at first we all admired his imaginative talent and humorous gift, however, he had no consideration to other members feeling and always ignored the opinions which he did not recognized, gradually we failed in many competition accompanied with grumbled from other members, our band disbanded in the end. This negative case is not rare and often happened in our daily life which emphasize my point about the importance of consideration feature a leader need to have.

Moreover, working with a leader who always feel considerate to others may let the rest of members think they are actually the indispensable part of a group and therefore devote themselves to work, especially in a company. Members sometimes feel tired and upset that they are not valued by their boss, under that circumstances, people would scatter their energy to treat their work and also ignoring what they are doing. Sometimes it causes a big loss for a whole team. Thus it is important for a leader to considerate the team members, discover all members potentiality and valued it to implement the benefit maximization.

Admittedly, honesty is also very important characteristics to a leader. An honest leader can easily obtain confidence from others and has the ability to better organize the whole group. However, always to tell the truth is not suitable for all the situations. For instance, my uncle was a leader in a team and had design competition with another team. These two teams were unequally mismatched. The team that my uncle leaded was inferior to another team whatever in skills and member quantities. Other members in this group did not know the situation excepting my uncle, but he withheld this message and told the rest of members that they were great and had the huge advantage over other peoples. Thanks to the “dishonest” of my uncle, members felt full of confidence and done well in the competition, won the game.

There has numerous factors that can shape a great leader: Humorous, ambitious, honesty and also communication skills. However, selecting a most important features to a leader, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that consideration is the vital quality as a leader needs to have in a long run.




ps：我一会来改你的哈=v=

一夕vvUID：3545897

glly7 发表于 2015-1-8 22:07
1.7修改

也改了你的～～～已经贴到你的楼里了=v=

一夕vvUID：3545897

cansha 发表于 2015-1-9 00:36
已改，之前没看到，这么晚才改，抱歉！

亲你真是改得太详细了！！！感动呜～～～～～～先跪谢过TTVTT
挑出了我好多得语法毛病！好惭愧因为语法一直不好，我已经把你给我改得各种语法错误系统得分类了一下，大概了解了自己问题出在哪些方面，准备好好看下语法书再系统梳理遍

“第二段可作让步段落，比如讲一讲最后一段另俩个观点的好处，下面两段再过渡一下，讲到主题，会显得更有辩证性，也是GRE issue的通用写法。” 嗯我会尝试一下的～说得有道理。有时候也觉得三个原因的确太难想，考试时候一直分析也浪费时间，不如直接分出一段来过渡一下。之前也考过一次gre，当时看你的文章就觉得你应该是备过G的人，遣词造句能力好强。
句子结构什么的，正在练习这方面的～～～还是老觉得自己表达太中式。。。。

再次觉得你改得真是太详细认真了，以后我也给别人加批注～～～
谢谢小伙伴，一起进步！！

一夕vvUID：3545897

KelvieChan 发表于 2015-1-14 12:18
1.13已改

谢谢小伙伴这么细致的点评！！！辛苦了～～看来语法真的是一大硬伤TVT

一夕vvUID：3545897

101TT 发表于 2015-1-14 20:49
已改，
话说我语法也很差，但是可以慢慢避免的，虽然不一定完全消灭
1 多写简单句，我看过很多大牛句子都 ...

谢谢各种中肯的意见！！我也觉得经常在遣词造句上力不从心，会慢慢练习写简单句，先把句子给写顺了！然后语法错误=v=。。。。应该会慢慢领悟的

文中的“the sensitive social setting”是想表达敏感的社会环境。 social setting是社会环境的意思0.0

亲也加油～～

一夕vvUID：3545897

cansha 发表于 2015-1-15 14:42
已改，来的晚了，希望楼主体谅哈~

认认真真把所有改出的错误都看了一遍，又记在本子上啦！=v=
亲每次改得作文都好细致～～“如果楼主有什么语法方面的问题可以直接在帖子里问我”太感动了简直！！！我记住了哈哈哈～～～～寄托上面的小伙伴一个个都好有爱，海带泪。。。。。。

对了，你说道有一句“In that case people will be more favorable to value as well as preserve the environment“没太看明白，“value as well as preserve the environment”我其实是想表达为重视并且保护环境，as well as用作并且。。。但是后来自己读一下也觉得不通顺，而且好繁琐呀＝。＝
现在准备先练习一些简单句，但求把句子意思表达准确了先～～长难句现在果然一点都不上手，你推荐的长难句的解析我已经下了，正在看^^

一夕vvUID：3545897

cansha 发表于 2015-1-15 16:49
嗯，小伙伴你真是太努力了~共同进步哈
as well as 连动词的用法我查过了，的确是可以得，只是我之前没怎 ...

～～～～～～～～～～

一夕vvUID：3545897

仨 发表于 2015-1-16 19:21
1.14改好咯

呀小伙伴好细心～！！！我语法基础简直是渣呀，被你一指出来我才发现我习惯性加个d，并且自己还不知道囧。。。下一篇里要改正！！

对了“variety and vivid”就是自己胡乱拼的。。。。。结果才发现用了名词没用形容词，好醉。。。。

你的评论好有爱哈哈哈～～～～～ ❤

一夕vvUID：3545897

shilei165 发表于 2015-1-18 06:15
已改，加油！

亲改我的作文应该花费不少时间吧=v=，辛苦了！！
语法错误多得我自己也吓到。。。关于主被动，同位语，主谓宾是否一致，连接句之间的连接词我之后写作文会好好注意～谢谢细心指出！！
还有那个uncle和friend傻傻分不清。。。是我之前本想写uncle，但感觉用同龄人的例子更符合young。。然后有些改了有些没改，悲剧＝。＝

一会来改小伙伴你的～～～～

一夕vvUID：3545897

flyccl 发表于 2015-1-18 15:28
1.17已改
两点仅供参考:1. 请注意区分动词和名词；2. 不要刻意套用复杂句式，先写好简单句，一步一步来。 ...

谢谢亲的点评！！你说的意见很中肯，我也准备写简单句一步步练了～～
对啦，关于admittedly开头的第五段你说不知道在文中什么作用，其实我是想写一下让步段，说一下相对于现在从前也有strict rule需要遵守。这是因为很多托福作文书里建议说关于agree和disagree的话题，说完自己agree的观点后，让步段说一下disagree方面的某些观点，能够使文章显得辩证性更强，writer思考真全面。。。。所以我就这么练习着写啦。。。。

一夕vvUID：3545897

shilei165 发表于 2015-1-21 09:29
已改，进步很大，小伙伴加油！

刚看完！！好感动！！嗯亲特意标记出的一句话中不能有两个谓语动词以后一定注意～～～