Six months ago the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour. Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent. But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period. Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.
下面是范文对于“six months”这样一个时间段两个州的情况的比较来进行的反驳: A six-month period [有些数据调查也有这样的时间限制,比如three months ago,还有recently之类的,这也是很好的一个反驳点。] is not a particularly long time frame for the citizens to determine that speed limit has influenced the number of automobile accidents in the area. [段首就很明确地把中心句给提了出来。从ETS的要求来看,中心句的清晰到位是很重要的。这是源于原来的作文并不是人工改,而是由软件批改。那个软件最先做的事情就是找你的TS,如果没找到,估计分数就会受影响了。] It is mentioned in the argument that Elmsford accidents decreased during the time period. [during the time period,很注意和TS的对应。] [把文章中的事实先摆出来,然后后面紧接着是对其的反驳。] This may have been a time, such as during harsh weather conditions [关于道路交通事故的题,天气状况恶劣是一个很好的反驳例子。], when less people were driving on the road and therefore the number of accidents decreased. [however,是要说Forestville的情况,与上面Elmsford进行对照。] However, Forestville citizens, perhaps coerced by employment or other requirements, were unable to avoid driving on the roads. [比较的时候对应要严格,都是驾驶的时间、次数。] Again, the demographics of the population are important. [另一种可能性。先给出问题所在,然后后面展开分析。] It is possible that Elmsford citizens do not have to travel far from work or work from their home, or do not work at all. Are there more people in Forestville than there were six months ago? If so, there may be an increased number of accidents due to more automobiles on the road, and not due to the increased speed limits. [人多导致车辆多,因而发生事故就很有可能多。] Also in reference to the activities of the population, it is possible that Forestville inhabitants were traveling during less safe times of the day, [交通事故的题,人们的出行习惯也是一个可举例之处。] such as early in the morning, or during twilight. Work or family habits may have encouraged citizens to drive during this time when Elmsford residents may not have been forced to do so.
[段首很鲜明地给出中心句,指出无法说明speed limit和number of accidents之间的联系。后面就紧接着是反驳。要注意的是:作者从两个大的方面来反驳。每一个都是先给出什么方面出了问题,如第一方面给出文中事实,第二次提出population,给人很清晰明了的感觉,后面要对什么问题进行分析和反驳。接下去,对每方面进行分析。要注意的是:举出的可能性都是紧扣他一开始就提出的问题所在之处的,而且在每方面里有的也是分几个层次来写的,如:第二方面讲population,作者提到了人数和车辆数以及事故数量之间的可能关系,以及人们的出行习惯。这就是一个问题之内的多种可能性。另外一点就是,反驳的时候举例很具体,如:it is possible that Forestville inhabitants were traveling during less safe times of the day, such as early in the morning, or during twilight.把可能性直接摆出来,就很令人信服了。]
再回过来看习作中对一个谬误的反驳:
Moreover, there is no evidence to justify the feeling too tired is cause by snore. Although it might be true that snoring stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds which results to waking unnoticed. There is not any evidence to support that it is snoring that cause feeling too tired during the day. It might be the reason that tough work cause feeling tired, and not enough sleep can cause it too. [这里一句话把两种反驳的可能性都说掉了,感觉好可惜啊。分开来写详细了,反驳地更有力了,字数也上去了,对吗?] Thus, we can reasonably be unconvinced about what the author concludes. (里面那句是我当时的评语)
“There is not any evidence to support that it is snoring that cause feeling too tired during the day.”这句话和段首中心句重复了,几乎没有起到什么作用。
“It might be the reason that tough work cause feeling tired, and not enough sleep can cause it too.”这是问题最大所在。看这里的tough work和deficient sleep是不是就可以作为两个方面来驳斥作者的观点?完全可以先提出,譬如:It is very possible that tough work causes people to feel tired.然后接下去讲tough work怎么样导致了feel tired了。再可以提出,譬如:It is entirely possible that lacking in sufficient time of sleeping can also be the reason that …然后再分析缺少睡眠导致feel tired。这里这样子可能不太容易写,但我想提出的就是这个问题:不能仅把可能性提过就算了,要对你自己提出的可能性进行分析,并注意要和题目中给出的情况有比较sharp的对比,这样的话反驳就比较到位了。