跪求各位路过的好心人帮我批改下作文吧。

心水_豆豆UID：3141807

跪求各位路过的好心人帮我批改下作文吧。写了那么多篇，如果不吸取别人的意见，再这样写下去很难提高的，麻烦各位大侠呀~小女纸在次跪谢了。
题目是出国的利弊。

In contemporary society,the amount of people who are choosing to study in another country is increasing ,meanwhile,do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks is a frequent topic of discussion.Some people assert that the students go abroad would get much benefits ,while others hold the oppsite views .Personally,I am in favor of the former one.
Convincing arguments can be made that students could access to various cultures,and push back their vision.After the life in abroad,they tend to be more independent,which is a very important ability in the enviroment where the competition is increasingly stiff.Moreover,it can enhance the comprehensive ability to make you have a seat of the society in the future.More importantly ,the students's English level will reach a new stage in the native enviroment compared with the long study in internal schools.
Admittedly,there are some problems about studying abroad.The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that the expense of it .Apparently，it's not common that every parents can afford it .Obviously,sending children go abroad will further increase the family burden.Moreover ,it's hard to imagine how people to live when he get to a strange place with unfamiliar language and people around him .This problem will generate the psychological disease and the security problem is also more and more server.Even so ,a person who want to success will go through a tough experience no matter where he lives.
On the basis of above factors ,my conclusion is the benefits is overweigh the drawbacks.I am convinced that it will be the popular trend in the future education,and the goverment should pay more attention to people who studying abroad.

心水_豆豆UID：3141807

自己先回复个，有木有路过的好心人帮我瞧瞧呀

心水_豆豆UID：3141807

自己先回复个，有木有路过的好心人帮我瞧瞧呀

心水_豆豆UID：3141807

自己先回复个，有木有路过的好心人帮我瞧瞧呀

bqianaUID：193168

4.5-5