- 最后登录
- 2008-1-20
- 在线时间
- 0 小时
- 寄托币
- 622
- 声望
- 0
- 注册时间
- 2005-7-10
- 阅读权限
- 20
- 帖子
- 1
- 精华
- 0
- 积分
- 504
- UID
- 2115432
- 声望
- 0
- 寄托币
- 622
- 注册时间
- 2005-7-10
- 精华
- 0
- 帖子
- 1
|
也帮我改一下吧。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299010
According to the speaker, only the history that is relevant to our daily lives has value. I fundamentally do not agree with the speaker. In my view, the study of history that has little to do with daily lives contributes to the personal accomplishment and resolution to pressing social problems.(一个很直接的开头,能否把最后一句改一下,the study of history ,having little to do with daily lives ,however , contributes to the ……原因是你不要一个很花捎的开头,就尽量多体现自己的逻辑性,仅做参考啊 )
(既然分成两方面说,可以再第一段结尾加过度句Two examples that illustrate the point involved the level of personal phase and social stage.)On the one hand, at personal level, studying the great figures in history may help people to learn from the outstanding personalities and (to)stimulate people to pursue both professional and moral perfection. As we know, history classes both at secondary schools and at colleges introduce historical characters to students. Stories of those figures, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King impart students that personal conviction, perseverance may have great impact on personal achievement. After all, those great men has little to do with our daily lives, their deeds may still have bearing on the improvement of our personal behavior. Moreover, the study of history offers certain culture identities to citizens within a community. Common sense informs us that history tells(demonstrate, illustrate) people the whole process of development and progress of certain culture or civilization. It informs people where their predecessors come from, from which(where) their culture may originate, the positive influence of their civilization and the negative aspects of their thoughts. All of(of 去掉吧) these information help to construct people's understanding, cohesion and commitment toward their community. Clearly, the study of history that is not relevant to daily lives has great merits to people at personal level.
(这一段结构比较完整,moreover 前的比后的要好些,建议把后面的culture influence 举的几个方面,按一定顺序组织一下predecessor ,originate of culture , positive and negative influence of the culture.三者可以建立联系的)
On the other hand, at societal level, the study of history that has little to do with current world may account for resolutions of pressing social problems. Studying past can be useful to enlighten people with the origin of present social problems. For supporting example(s) people need look no further than the current low voting rates of the presidential election of the United States. Nowadays, sociologists try to study the voting rates of election in the past decades in order to find out when the low vote turnout began and why this trend continues. Events in 1940's may have great impact on the current voting rates, although these events have little to do with our daily lives. Furthermore, acknowledgement of past mistakes may help people avoid the same misbehaviors and the like. For instance, most Germany realize the essence of NAZI after the World War II, which stimulate the society of Germany as a whole to criticize the New NAZI as a growing trend in German youngsters. People will be hard-pressed to imagine what it will be like if Germany ignored the misdeeds of their predecessors and let the New NAZI thrive. From the analysis above, we can easily see that study of history that has little to do with current world contribute to resolution of the present social problems and provide standards and disciplines of the behavior in current world.(这一段满好,例子也好)
To sum up, the study of history that is not relevant to our daily lives has great merits to people both at personal level and at societal level.(太短了)
你的作文请注意长短句结合,还有就是开头结尾要需吸引人些,应该至少在4。5分吧 |
|