[a习作temp] 【NINE小组】第六次作业—by ashtray_s [复制链接]

ashtray_s
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-8-19 18:33:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 ashtray_s 于 2011-8-19 18:35 编辑

argue55

While Whirlwind’s products seems compelling and competitive at first glance, the arguer fails to make a cogent case for increased sale. This argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to an dramatic increase in sale.

Citing surveys of video-game players, the author reports video-game players’ emphasis on lifelike graphics. It is not clear, however, the scope and validity of that survey.If the questions were leading or too narrow or if the survey relied on self-reports, the results might be unreliable -- people might just respond with the expected answer.The sample may not have been representative of the whole group of video-game players, asking only those in big cities who have an easier access to the most up-to-date computers or a small group of people who share the same interest about video games.We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it can not be used to effectively back the author’s argument.

Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. The author assumes that lifelike graphics, the most important feature for players, is the only feature they cherish, while overlooks other factors that may also shape players decision whether to buy its products, such as the excitement they can bring, their themes and even the quality of after-sale service. Without these features, Whirlwind’s products cannot appeal to players merely by providing lifelike graphics.

The author also unfairly suggest that people like their products means they would buy them. But the author fails to provide sufficient evidence supporting that. It is at least likely that such video games may charge such a high price than other kinds of games that the price is prohibitive for its key consumers .
Perhaps there are more cheap but highly-qualified products from the competing rivals, coming in the instant future insomuch as these products will tout more customs and make the future’s sales sharply down. It is also quite possible that the most up-to-date computers that the games require are not accessible to many people. To strength his/her argument, the author would benefit from evaluating its cost and implementing a wide range of survey about how many people have an access to such up-to-date computers.

To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable to safely conclude that the sale of Whirlwind’s products would dramatically increase. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should implement a more complete research about the whole market and take into account other factors that contribute to the sale of the games.

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m7catsue
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-20 12:06:17 |只看该作者

1# ashtray_s

While Whirlwind’s products seems(seem) compelling and competitive at first glance, the arguer fails to make a cogent case for increased sale.
This argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to an(a) dramatic increase in sale.
应该是：论据不充分，不能得出一个（销售会增长的）预测/结论；而不是论证得出增长。

Citing surveys(survey) of video-game players, the author reports video-game players’ emphasis on lifelike graphics. It is not clear, however, （加about）the scope and validity of that survey. If the questions were leading or too narrow or if the survey relied on self-reports, the results might be unreliable -- people might just respond with the expected answer.

The sample
may not have been representative of the whole group of video-game players, asking(consisting of )
（主语和非谓语ing形式搭配不当。）
only those in big cities who have an easier access to the most up-to-date computers or a small group of people who share the same interest about（好像可以这么说，但是感觉in更好） video games.

We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it can not be used to effectively back the author’s argument.
质疑调查的范围和可靠性，样本的代表性。

Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. The author assumes that lifelike graphics, the most important feature for players, is the only feature they cherish, while overlooks other factors that may also shape players decision whether to buy its（这里最好写W’s, 前面没有指代） products, such as the excitement they can bring, their themes and even the quality of after-sale service. Without these features, Whirlwind’s products cannot appeal to players merely by providing lifelike graphics.
个人意见：最后一句可以加一个从句“所以依然不能证明W的销售会上升这个结论/预测” “，thus……”，扣一下题会更好。

即使承认调查的代表性和准确性，作者的论点仍然不充分。作者忽略了，除了逼真的画面，还有其他因素影响玩家对游戏的选择，如刺激度、主题、甚至售后服务。如果没有这些因素，W的游戏依然不能吸引玩家。（论证很有条理，学习了~）

The author also unfairly suggests that people like their（指代有点混乱,用W’s更好） products means they would buy them.
原文没有说明人们喜欢W的产品，只是说W的产品有玩家最看重的一个特征，完全有可能因为W的其他瑕疵而不喜欢它的产品。可以说：玩家更欣赏/喜欢有逼真的画面的游戏并不一定代表他们就喜欢W的产品，正如上面所论证的；即使玩家喜欢上了W的产品，也不能说明玩家就会去买。
But the author fails to provide sufficient evidence supporting（to support表目的用不定式觉得更好，个人感觉） that. It is at least likely that such video games may charge such a high price than other kinds of games that the price is prohibitive for its key consumers .（何以见得游戏会卖高价，没有论证，缺乏说服力，画面好的游戏就一定卖的贵？）
Perhaps there are more cheap but highly-qualified(高品质？) products from the competing rivals, coming in the instant future insomuch as these products will tout more customs（竞争者还是w 的游戏会被课以更多关税？没理解为什么会有关税？。。感觉指代不明，另外tout customs我没理解它的意思..） and make the future’s sales sharply down.没理解到底是谁的销售下降。
感觉这句几个地方指代都有点混乱
It is also quite possible that the most up-to-date computers that the games require are not accessible to many people. To strength his/her argument, the author would benefit from evaluating its cost and implementing a wide range of survey about how many people have an access to such up-to-date computers.
To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable to safely conclude that the sale of Whirlwind’s products would dramatically increase. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should implement a more complete research about the whole market and take into account other factors that contribute to the sale of the games.

个人理解，仅供参考~
说得不对的请指正~

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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m7catsue
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板凳

发表于 2011-8-20 12:16:25 |只看该作者

在word上的颜色和排版怎么复制一下都没了。。

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ashtray_s
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地板

发表于 2011-8-20 14:53:57 |只看该作者

While Whirlwind’s products seem compelling and competitive at first glance, the arguer fails to make a cogent case for increased sale. This argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to a conclusion of a dramatic increase in sale in the future.

Citing survey of video-game players, the author reports video-game players’ emphasis on lifelike graphics. It is not clear, however, the scope and validity of that survey. If the questions were leading or too narrow or if the survey relied on self-reports, the results might be unreliable -- people might just respond with the expected answer. The sample may not have been representative of the whole group of video-game players, consisting of only those in big cities who have an easier access to the most up-to-date computers or a small group of people who share the same interest in video games. We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it can not be used to effectively back the author’s argument.

Even if one accepts the survey results, the argument remains questionable. The author assumes that lifelike graphics, the most important feature for players, is the only feature they cherish, while overlooks other factors that may also shape players’ judgment about W’s products, such as the excitement they can bring, their themes and even the quality of after-sale service. Without these features, Whirlwind’s products cannot appeal to players merely by providing lifelike graphics. Thus, the author still can not bolster his/her conclusion unless these factors are taken into account.

The last but not the least important, even if the evidence turns out to support the foregoing assumptions, the arguer fails to rule out other factors besides players’ judgment that would influence W’s sale as well. (恩，我这里的逻辑确实存在很严重的问题···谢谢指正！！我把上一段的论证稍微改了一下，这样这两段就是即使画面逼真，玩家也不一定喜欢；即使玩家喜欢，也不一定会买）It is at least likely that such video games may charge such a high price than other kinds of games that the price is prohibitive for its key consumers .(不是啊，这里只是提供一种可能性，并不一定真的存在，但它确实是可能影响W的销量的一个factor,应该不需要证明吧•••) Perhaps there are more cheap but highly-qualified products from the competing rivals, coming in the instant future insomuch as these products will tout more customers （额，这里应该是customers，笔误，惭愧•••）and make W’s future’s sales sharply down. It is also quite possible that the most up-to-date computers that the games require are not accessible to many people. To strength his/her argument, the author would benefit from evaluating its cost and implementing a wide range of survey about how many people have an access to such up-to-date computers.

To sum up, the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable to safely conclude that the sale of Whirlwind’s products would dramatically increase. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should implement a more complete research about the whole market and take into account other factors that contribute to the sale of the games.

好吧，我又改了一下，看看还有什么问题···
这是我的第一篇argue，果然是各种漏洞，谢谢指正！！

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