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[作文] 麻烦改下作文，谢谢 [复制链接]

yiohy
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-5-5 14:42:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：剑七 T3
what factors contribute to job satisfaction?8 i0 z# T* E* A' b' T
how realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?! @! c5 y" `% x* i

Living in such a high-pace world,individuals are too busy with their career to spare much attention on other aspects in daily life,especially for those who occupy full-time jobs.Therefore,job satisfaction is of vital important to adults' life wellbeing.

Several factors may be considered as causes to job satisfactory.To start with,financial benefit should be a crucial factor that may influence staff's feeling of working the most.In other words, money get from the job would definitely determine indidividual's satisfactory of job.Because,basically,making a living is the key purpose for the majority of people to have jobs .Moreover, working atmosphere impacts pepeole's feeling of work too.For intance,a friendly relationship among workmates may give rise to the sense of community ,which may promote the job satisfaction.Thus,not only the satisfactory of work but also the effiency of work would be improved.Besides,other factors such as opportunities of promotion,expertise trainings , vacations etc.lead to the job satisfactory too.

However,it is never a simple thing to satisfy everyone in a company.Convincing evidents can be made to explain it.At first,it is nearly impossible or a company or a corporation to keep the job satisfaction of all saff.By that I mean,to take everyone's interest into consideration is a severe thing for corporations.Second,one's interest may have some conflicts with others',it is not probable for twosides enjoy thier benefits at the same time .

As far as I am concerned,despite the fact that it is impossible to make everybody satisfied with their job,many measures can be made to enhence it ,including closeing the relationship among colleagues,increasing the salaries or providing more professional trainings.

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yiohy
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沙发

发表于 2012-5-5 19:19:39 |只看该作者

求烤鸭们来拍砖啊，第一次发作文，大家尽情批评

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bqiana
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板凳

发表于 2012-5-5 21:11:47 |只看该作者

5-5.5

Reaching soul
As time pass
Hearing voice
On the magic cross
Creating interface
Through finger touch
Searching peace
In cyber space
Hunch is stylish
Above superficies
Life is synchronous
In between balance
It is for you …

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yiohy
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地板

发表于 2012-5-5 22:19:11 |只看该作者

斑竹，请问下具体问题在哪里，现在比较迷茫，感激不尽

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yiohy
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5楼

发表于 2012-5-5 22:19:53 |只看该作者

斑竹，请问下具体问题在哪里，现在比较迷茫，感激不尽 3# bqiana

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jokema
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6楼

发表于 2012-5-6 15:14:08 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 jokema 于 2012-5-6 18:14 编辑

3# bqiana

我恰巧也写到这个
麻烦斑竹给个意见？

题目要求是Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Job satisfaction has been viewed as one of the most essential elements of individuals’ career development. In this essay, I will analyse some factors contribute to job satisfaction and take some relevant examples.

Considering most employee spend a major portion of their life at work, the importance of job satisfaction seems self-evidence. However, there is still no unanimous consensus on what constitutes the job satisfaction. In my opinion, the primary element of job satisfaction is the work environment. It not only a clean, tidy work environment, but also include a good promotion opportunity. Furthermore, the friendly relationship is one of the factors contribute to job satisfaction, too. The good relationship between employee and employer, and the friendship between colleagues always make everything with work goes well. Thirdly, a good job should encourage workers to work independently. In other words, workers can work according their own ideas, not just repeat what their supervisor told them.

Howell, it is hard to achieve their expectation of job satisfaction for most workers. Take the lawyer for example, some of law students choose to work in a international law firm after they graduated form the law school, even though this job may not afford them a good career develop environment. The choice may attribute to the high salary or the reputation of the job.

Overrall, I will argue that job satisfaction plays a key role in individuals’ career development, but the individuals’ own choice should be respected when they chose a job.

haha

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liaojiali
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7楼

发表于 2012-5-6 17:33:06 |只看该作者

楼主，你的作文整体架构都很好，句子什么的也用的很好，如果是我，我给你6分，这是个人意见，其实我最新考的雅思作文也就6分。但是有些单词还是注意，别写错。再多的也给不出来：
Living in such a high-pace world,individuals are too busy with their career to spare much attention on other aspects in daily life,especially for （这个for 可以不用，因为前一句的主语是INDIVIDUAL,这个those也是与前一句一样作主语）those who occupy full-time jobs.Therefore,job satisfaction is of vital important to adults' life wellbeing.

Several factors may be involved when considering job satisfactory.To start with,financial benefit should be a crucial factor that could influence staff's feeling of working the most.In other words, money deriving from the job would definitely determine indidividual's satisfaction of job. As,generally, making a living is the key purpose for the majority of people to have jobs .Moreover, working atmosphere impacts pepeole's feeling of work also. A friendly relationship, for intance(以后像for instance或for example可以学着放在后面，而不放在开头，多看看英美的文章，经济学人什么的，我看的也不多，只是听网易哈佛公开课，他们老外都习惯这样), among workmates may give rise to the sense of community ,which may promote the job satisfaction.Thus,not only the satisfaction of work but also the effiency of work would be improved.Besides,other factors such as opportunities of promotion,expertise trainings , vacations etc. could lead to the job satisfactory as well.

However,it is never a easy task to gratify everyone in a company.Convincing evidences can be found to interpret this. At first,it is almost impossible for a company or a corporation to maintain the job satisfaction among all saff.By that I mean,to take everyone's interest into consideration is a hard job for corporations.Second,one's interest may not be compatible with others',it is less likely for both sides to enjoy thier benefits at the same time .这段你写的理由其实两个是相同的，这里论述的不够有力，还可以加强。

As far as I am concerned,despite the fact that it is impossible for everybody to get satisfied with their jobs, many measures can be taken to enhance it , such as, stengthening the relationship among colleagues, increasing the salaries or providing more professional trainings.

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liaojiali
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8楼

发表于 2012-5-6 18:15:02 |只看该作者

Job satisfaction has been viewed as one of the most essential elements in individuals’ career development. In this essay, I will analyse some factors contribute to job satisfaction and take some relevant examples.(这个首段以后可以用比较自然和生动的话，不要写in this esaay, I will...)

Considering most employees have spent a large proportion of their life at work, the importance of job satisfaction seems self-evident. However, there is still no unanimous consensus on what constitutes the job satisfaction. In my opinion, the primary element of job satisfaction is the work environment which is not only about a clean, tidy work environment, but also a good promotion opportunity(晋升机会另写是不是更好些，工作环境可以写干净卫生的物理环境还有和睦融洽合作的精神环境). Furthermore, a friendly relationship is one of the factors contribute to job satisfaction, too. The good relationship between employee and employer, and the friendship among colleagues always make everything in work goes well. Last but not least , a good job should encourage workers to work independently. In other words, workers can work according their own ideas, not just repeat what their supervisor told them. (你可以把这点换成员工的工作创造性和自由，独立工作不就与你前面写的同事之间的友好合作关系矛盾了吗？)

However, it is less likely for every worker to achieve their expectations of job satisfaction . Some of law students, for instance, choose to work in a international law firm after they graduate from law school, which may contribute to the high salary and the high reputation, yet it can not afford them a good career develop environment.
Overall, I agree that job satisfaction plays a key role in individuals'career prospect, but the individuals'own choice should be respected when they chose a job.最后一段的意思是什么，你想表达什么样的主题。

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