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[作文] 1.29作文贴静音 [复制链接]

静音
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-1-29 23:23:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

综合 TPO19The reading passage explores the issue ofbuzzing’s negative effects. The man’s lecture deals with the same subject.However, as a buzzer himself, he thinks that buzzing is a brilliant idea insales, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, the manuses three specific points to support his idea.

Initially, the man asserts that buzzers arenot actors who act the fictional figures for earning a life, whereas the authorof the reading claims that what customers heard from the paid buzzers is nottrue. It has some impure motivation in it, obviously, money. The man provesthat this claim is indefensible by pointing out that all buzzers are picked outfrom customers who actually used and are satisfied with these products andwilling to recommend these products to others from within.

Moreover, despite the statement in thereading that customers experiencing the agenda by buzzers would believe in theproducts too firmly to be a little confused, the man holds the idea thatthrough his own experience, costumers wouldn’t become less questionable towardsproducts. He supports this point with the fact that many questions, like priceand quality are often put forward by buzzer’s customers. This is incompatiblewith the article’s point.

The man’s last points concerns on the finalnotion of the reading referred to negative effects brought by buzzing togeneral truthful social environment. The man argues in the lecture that thebuzzers ensure that after the customers use the product, they will feel all thebuzzers say is true. Therefore, there is no reason that buzzing will leads tothe unstable truthful social relationship. Obviously, the man’s argumentdisproves its counterpart in the reading.

In conclusion, the content in the readingpassage is completely refuted by the lecture and the lecture advocates totallydifferent ideas on the central standpoint of reading.
独立
Parentsshould give school-age children money for getting a high mark they get in theschool.

From my perspectives, after deliberation, Ibelieve I will side with the opposite of this statement that money obviously isnot the best or appropriate reward for children’s high mark. The reasons for mypreference involve two factors. First of all, children will waste the money fortheir innocence. Moreover, the money reward will change the motivation of studywhich would build a dangerous evaluation on children. But to be frank, there existsa positive effect to give children money as reward considering developing theireconomic ability.

The main reason for my propensity for mypoint of view is that children are at the age when they don’t have their ownsense of reason and principles. In other words, money is a kind of too powerfulto be used by children. A common case is that children will spend all the moneybuying sweets and eat them all. That doesn’t go a long way to develop theirself-controlling and their teeth. And it’s an optimistic guess. The case couldgo much worse if we think of children’s using money to buy dangerous things tomeet their fantasy like a lighter. Could we afford this payment?

A more essential factor why I advocate mydispute about this statement is that in a long run, the money reward willmislead children into a wrong motivation for study. I believe all parents arenot willing to see how their children have desperation for money, at least notin that young age. Rewarding children with money again and again will naturallycultivate children’s enthusiasm for money and this life outlook will producewrong ethical morality on the children’s whole life.

Admittedly, if the family education isgreat, parents giving money to young children may give a boost in children’seconomic sense. This good ability of handling money will truly win over otherchildren as the same age.

In nutshell, via points mentioned above, itis wise to uphold the statement that it is not preferable to give children moneyas a reward for high mark.

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lz007523
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沙发

发表于 2011-1-30 01:13:32 |只看该作者

From my perspectives, afterdeliberation(个人觉得放在这里很多余，不顺。),I believe I will（需要用到将来时态吗？） side with the opposite of this statement that(因该把that改成because,句子意思才对)money obviously is not the best or appropriate reward for children’s high mark.The reasons for my preference involve two factors. First of all,children will waste the money for their innocence. Moreover, the money rewardwill change the motivation of study which would build a dangerous evaluation onchildren. But to be frank, there existsa（？） positive effect to give children money asreward considering developing their economic ability.（这个你是为了在首段加上你的分论点吗？如果是的话，因该将分论点和结论（即THESISSTATEMENT）整合成一句话，不然文章结构不符合美文的规范。）---从你的第一段，给我的感觉是你要说这个观点你不赞同，但是这个观点也有好处，但是好处大于悲剧。。你是要这么论述的吗？
$ p- u6 h, S. \3 C6b
The main reason for mypropensity for my point of view（这个太绕了，直接简洁的why I choose it …代过..） is that children are at the age when theydon’t have their own sense of reason and principles（这个表述讲的不是原因，像是原因的前提，这句要改写的清晰点）.In other words, money is a kind of too powerful to be used by children（这个表述有语法错误，of 后面跟too..to。没这么用的，去掉a kind of）. A commoncase is that children will spend all the money to buy sweetsand eat them all. That doesn’t go a long way to develop theirself(这句也不对，因该是develop..bytheirselves)-controlling and their teeth(句子结构不对称). And（改成BUT, 比and 好） it’s anoptimistic guess.（用,号） thecase could go much(去掉) worse if we think of （去掉）children’susing money to buy dangerous things to meet their fantasy（fantasies） like(such as) alighter. Could we afford this payment?(完全木有必要的问句～～反问句不是这么玩的)

A moreessential factor why I advocate my dispute about （应该用FOR）thisstatement
is that ina long run(不是一个句子，从句不能用个逗号隔开句子),the money reward will mislead children into a wrong motivation for study. I believeall parents arenot willing to see how their children have desperation formoney, at least notin that young age(不明白这句要表达什么). Rewardingchildren with money again and again will naturally cultivate children’senthusiasm for money and this life outlook(？) willproduce wrong ethical morality on the children’s whole life.（这段给我的感觉不够给力，你可以接着给个wrongethical的例子）

Admittedly, if the family education is great, givingmoney to young children may give a boost in children’s economic sense. Thisgood ability of handling money will truly win over other children as the sameage.!（没有支撑论据了）

In nutshell, via points mentioned above（放在句末比较符合规范）,it is wise to uphold the statement that it is not preferable to give childrenmoney as a reward for high mark.

P.S：1.文章有好的逻辑，但是没有将逻辑展开来写，所以只有结构没有内容。

2.你用了很多很好很高级的词汇，这是很好的，而且也想过用很好句型来表达。

3.有中文翻译过度的感觉，尽量让自己用英文描述事情，不要中翻译英

L.Z～～欢迎互改

天天作业啊天天作业

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lz007523
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板凳

发表于 2011-1-30 01:15:15 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 lz007523 于 2011-1-30 01:19 编辑

很奇怪明明，我标红了，确显示不出来，下次直接在BBS上改吧，不贴的WORD里面去了～～如果你要我标红的话，我可以MAIL给你，留下你的邮箱。

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1228231-1-2.html这个是我作文，，寻虐待～

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theflyfish
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地板

发表于 2011-1-30 11:12:32 |只看该作者

改好了

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

生年不满百,常怀千年忧

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蝶飞依依
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5楼

发表于 2011-1-30 18:02:07 |只看该作者

The reading passage explores the issue of buzzing’s negative effects. The man’s lecture deals with the same subject. However, as a buzzer himself, he thinks that buzzing is a brilliant idea insales, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, the manuses three specific points to support his idea.: J$ p) g) U: K) D" Z4 b: j
( t( z# W9 R0 @3 l
Initially, the man asserts that buzzers are not actors who act the fictional figures for earning a life, whereas the author of the reading claims that what customers heard from the paid buzzers is not true. It has some impure motivation in it, obviously, money. The man proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that all buzzers are picked out from customers who actually used and are satisfied with these products andwilling to recommend these products to others from within.
U: h2 g0 r5 E& \
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that customers experiencing the agenda by buzzers would believe in the products too firmly to be a little confused, the man holds（held） the idea that through his own experience, costumers wouldn’t become less questionable towards products. He supports this point with the fact that many questions, like price and quality are often put forward by buzzer’s customers. This is incompatible with the article’s point.

The man’s last points concerns on the final notion of the reading referred to negative effects brought by buzzing togeneral truthful social environment. The man argues in the lecture that the buzzers ensure that after the customers use the product, they will feel all the buzzers say is true. Therefore, there is no reason that buzzing will leads to the unstable truthful social relationship. Obviously, the man’s argument disproves its counter part in the reading.

In conclusion, the content in the reading passage is completely refuted by the lecture and the lecture advocates totally different ideas on the central standpoint of reading.

细节比较全了~~~ 学习啊~~呵呵。我主要有一个问题，综合写作可以用一般时态吗？不一定要过去式？？？

Noing is impossible

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