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[未归类] 独立作文求mpromanus修改 [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-6-28 23:37:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 shengjt119 于 2011-6-28 23:54 编辑

题目:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to work in a large company than in a small one.



It is well-accepted that most college students, after graduation, expect to hunt a satisfying job that can provide enough money to support their lives and increase experience. When we discuss the problem about personal career, which will inevitably involve the choice that which kind of company we should join, a large one or a small one. Last week one of my friends who were employed by a small company had just quitted his job, since he believed that his salary was too low and he did not like what he did at that moment. In my opinion, he made a pretty sensible decision and I feel working in a large company is better than working in a small one, because of ample advantages such as high salary, plentiful experience.
First, working in a big company I can absorb much experience which is not only about social communication arts, but also relative technology skills. For example, generally, most of large international companies, like IBM, Microsoft, Apple, have a large of employees who come from different places such as America, China, Japan, and have variable culture backgrounds. We can imagine that if I were one of members in those companies, I will gain more opportunities to touch with different co-workers to expand my vision. Increasing my level of capacity during the work, on the other hand, is also the impressive advantage working in a large company, which usually will supply abundant trainings to employees such as how to operate a computer, how to manage and organize a team, etc. There is no denying that joining a large company, definitely, is a better choice when students are finding job.
Second, considerable though the advantages that working in a small company enjoys are, they can not compete with benefits that working in a large company brings about, when money is taken into account. For instance, I have two classmates who graduate at the same time. One of them joins in a national oil company, with obtaining ten thousand Yuan per month, consequently, he have enough money not only to afford what he want to purchase such as the last fashion clothes, high quality computers, iphone5, but also to help other friends by lending them his extra money. On contrary, another classmate who choices a small company, after a while, complains almost everything such as his boss, future, and career, owing to his low salary. This is can be proven by the fact that most senior students are will to attend a large company that is strongly influenced by the different salary.

Third, joining in a small company, admittedly, has some merits such as simple relationship between colleagues, more chances to express own thoughts, as result, they will a receive a great deal of attention from their supervisors and readily be promoted in the short period. They probably feel sense of honor and receive respect from other co-workers because of their donation to the company.


In conclusion, even though working in a large company has some drawbacks such severe pressure, relative complex relationship, actually, it carries much weight than working in a small company. It is better to work in a large company, especially to those freshmen who are beginning to draw the blueprints of their careers by reason of massive experience, high salary, and numerous trainings.
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发表于 2011-6-30 23:29:26 |只看该作者
1# shengjt119

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to work in a large company than in a small one.


It is well-accepted that most college students, after graduation, expect to hunt for a satisfying job that can provide enough money to support their lives and increase experience (experience in what? Job hunting?). When we discuss the problem about personal career (Why must it be a ‘problem’?), which will inevitably involve the choice about which kind of company we should join - a large one or a small one. Last week one of my friends who was employed by a small company had just quitted his job, since he believed that his salary was too low and he did not like what he did at that moment. In my opinion, he made a pretty sensible decision and I feel working in a large company is better than working in a small one, because of ample advantages such as high salary and plentiful experience.

First, working in a big company I can absorb much experience (You don’t really say ‘absorb’ experience as you say 吸取经验 in Chinese..) which is not only about social communication arts, but also relative (I think you meant ‘relevant’.) technical skills. For example, generally, most of large international companies, like IBM, Microsoft, Apple, have a large number of employees who come from different places such as America, China, Japan, and have variable culture backgrounds. We can imagine that if I were one of the members in those companies, I will gain more opportunities to get in touch with different co-workers to expand my vision. Increasing my level of capacity during the work, on the other hand, is also the impressive advantage of working in a large company, which usually will supply abundant trainings to employees such as how to operate a computer (This doesn’t sound too much like something an MNC would offer, but I’m not here to argue on this so I’ll pass it as okay.), how to manage and organize a team, etc. There is no denying that joining a large company, definitely, is definitely a better choice when students are finding jobs. (‘when students are finding jobs’..do you mean if a middle-aged gentleman was looking for a job after being laid off then a large company might not be the better choice? The question didn’t specifically limit the scope to ‘graduating students’. If you want to impose such a limitation, declare it clearly in the paragraph opening, not at the end.)

Second, considerable though the advantages of working in a small company enjoys are (‘Working’ itself doesn’t really ‘enjoy’ advantages. The workers ‘enjoy’ the advantages..), they cannot compete with the benefits of working in a large company brings about, when money is taken into account. For instance, I have two classmates who graduated at the same time. One of them joins in a national oil company, at ten thousand Yuan per month, consequently, he have enough money not only to afford what he want to purchase such as the lastest fashion clothes, high quality computers, iphone 5 (This is not released yet..okay I’ll take it that he was able to get a pre-order..), but also to help other friends by lending them his extra money. On the contrary, another classmate who chooses a small company, after a while, complains almost everything such as his boss, future, and career, owing to his low salary. This is can be proven by the fact that most senior students are willing to work for a large company, a decision strongly influenced by the difference in salary. (So you’re equating a large company with large bucks? Not always the case..for example, I don’t believe a petrol station pump attendant working for Sinopec 中石化would earn more than the CEO of any small, successful private investment firm – Sequoia Capital, if you need a solid example.)

Third, joining in a small company, admittedly, has some merits such as simple relationship between colleagues, more chances to express own thoughts. As result, they (Who?) will a receive a great deal of attention from their supervisors and readily be promoted in a short period. They probably feel a sense of honor and receive respect from other co-workers because of their contribution to the company. (So then why do you still insist that a large company is better? It’s not enough just to describe the other side’s view. You need to REFUTE the opposing opinion and express firm support for your own opinion – or else I can’t tell whether you mean to agree with your opposition or to mean something else..)

In conclusion, even though working in a large company has some drawbacks such severe pressure, relative complex relationship, (You didn’t elaborate on these points in your essay. If you mention them, cover them in the main arguments. Do not raise new points in the concluding paragraph – this is the place for you to put an end to your argument, not to open up new areas for discussion.) actually, it carries much weight than working in a small company. It is better to work in a large company, especially to those freshmen who are beginning to draw the blueprints of their careers, by reason of massive (Quite a big word to be used here.) experience, high salary, and numerous trainings.

总结:

滥用that从句和分句不恰当的情况比较严重,请注意。

论述方面第一个点比较好,第二个点比较想当然,第三个论述段只搞让步没有反驳因此让步并没有起到任何实际作用。。关于让步请参考https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1261733&extra=&page=3 22楼。

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板凳
发表于 2011-7-1 00:19:23 |只看该作者
谢谢,我以后会多多注意that从句、分句、让步。再次感谢,赶上了改作文的末班车。

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RE: 独立作文求mpromanus修改 [修改]
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