[a习作temp] argument 38(高频）必认真回拍！ [复制链接]

yuchen
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-26 16:44:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

终于勉强限时成功了！不过语言和词的变化要差很多。欢迎大家来拍！
Argument38
------题目------
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'
------正文------
In the above argument, the author claims that the daily use of Ichthaid derived from fish oil is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify the conclusion, the author provides evidence that people in East Meria are less likely to visit doctor for colds because of eating a mount of fish. At first glance, the argument seems plausible and logical. However, it suffers from several flaws.

First of all, the argument depends on the assumption that eating large amount of fish can help to prevent colds based on the study in nearby East Meria. However we are not informed whether it is the case. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that because the weather in East Meria is mild and warm, people living there have less chance to catch a cold while temperature in West Meria is changed frequently which may cause more colds. On the other hand, perhaps people in East Meria prefer remedying colds at home to visiting the doctor for treatment. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author cannot rely on this study to draw any firm conclusion.

In addition, even if eating fish is an effective way to prevent colds, the author provides no evidence that Ichthaid will be also effective. To the extent that the elements for preventing colds are lost in the process of producing Ichthaid from fish oil, this nutritional supplement will be useless to prevent colds. Moreover maybe Ichthaid also has some negative impacts to human beings. Therefore it is unreasonable to draw this hasty conclusion that Ichthaid is helpful for preventing colds.

Finally, even if eating Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds, there is no evidence to show that this plan will also reduce absenteeism. It is unreliable to equal the reason most given for absences to the real reason for absenteeism. Perhaps people in West Meria always use catching colds as an excuse for absences because they will be easily forgiven if they are ill. Thus lacking the evidence that the real reason for most absences is catching colds, the author cannot convince us this dubious conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is neither well reasoned nor persuasive. To make the notion more forceful, the author could present us more detailed information about whether Ichthaid is effective to prevent colds and whether the reason of most absences is cold. After all, the hasty conclusion will do no good to the public in West Meria.

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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vprzhs
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-26 17:08:27 |只看该作者

你我日期相近，我帮你看看，今天我改了4篇argument了，累死了，自己还没写呢！改完呢这篇我就写自己的。。加油

05.10.22 。。。。
～～广外～～

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vprzhs
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-26 17:37:50 |只看该作者

In the above argument, the author claims that the daily use of Ichthaid derived from fish oil is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify the conclusion, the author provides evidence that people in East Meria are less likely to visit doctor for colds because of eating a mount of fish. At first glance, the argument seems plausible and logical. However, it suffers from several flaws.

First of all, the argument depends on the assumption that eating large amount of fish can help to prevent colds (based on the study in nearby East Meria)(这句去掉可能读得舒服点). However we are not informed whether it is the case.(On the one hand), it is entirely possible that because the weather in East Meria (is mild and warm)(要用比较级), people living there have less chance to catch a cold while temperature in West Meria is changed frequently which may cause more colds.( On the other hand), perhaps people in East Meria prefer remedying colds (at home)to visiting the doctor for treatment. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author cannot rely on this study to draw any firm conclusion.(反驳false analogy，需要注意比较级)

In addition, (even if eating fish is an effective way to prevent colds, the author provides no evidence that Ichthaid will be also effective). (To the extent that) the elements for preventing colds are lost in the process of producing Ichthaid from fish oil, this nutritional supplement will be useless to prevent colds. (Moreover) maybe Ichthaid also has some negative impacts to human beings.(再写多一两句补充一下) Therefore it is unreasonable to draw this hasty conclusion that Ichthaid is helpful for preventing colds.(第二点展开不够)

Finally, (even if eating Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds, there is no evidence to show that this plan will also reduce absenteeism.) It is unreliable to equal the reason most given for absences to the real reason for absenteeism. Perhaps people in West Meria always use catching colds as an excuse for absences because they will be easily forgiven if they are ill. Thus lacking the evidence that the real reason for most absences is catching colds, the author cannot convince us this dubious conclusion.(开展得好，语言需要注意)

To sum up, the argument is neither well reasoned nor persuasive. To make the notion more forceful, the author could present us more detailed information about whether Ichthaid is effective to prevent colds and whether the reason of most absences is cold. After all, the hasty conclusion will do no good to the public in West Meria.

(思维严谨，结构明了。可是语言欠佳。第一次限时么？有待努力。写多几篇就可以了。多写阿
在下言语不当之处，望君见谅。在下文章新作未有，届时还望指点指点。)

05.10.22 。。。。
～～广外～～

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seraph_hyde
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地板

发表于 2005-7-26 19:00:25 |只看该作者

In the above argument, the author claims that the daily use of Ichthaid derived from fish oil is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify the conclusion, the author provides evidence that people in East Meria are less likely to visit doctor for colds because of eating a mount of fish. At first glance, the argument seems plausible and logical. However, it suffers from several flaws.

First of all, the argument depends on the assumption that eating large amount of fish can help to prevent colds based on the study in nearby East Meria. However we are not informed whether it is the case. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that because the weather in East Meria is mild and warm, people living there have less chance to catch a cold while temperature in West Meria is changed frequently which may cause more colds. On the other hand, perhaps people in East Meria prefer remedying colds at home to visiting the doctor for treatment. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author cannot rely on this study to draw any firm conclusion.

In addition, even if eating fish is an effective way to prevent colds, the author provides no evidence that Ichthaid will be also effective. To the extent that the elements for preventing colds are(might) lost in the process of producing Ichthaid from fish oil, this nutritional supplement will be useless to prevent colds. Moreover maybe Ichthaid also has some negative impacts to human beings. (unnecessary to mention this point) Therefore it is unreasonable to draw this hasty conclusion that Ichthaid is helpful for preventing colds.

Finally, even if eating Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds, there is no evidence to show that this plan will also reduce absenteeism. It is unreliable to equal the reason most given for absences to the real reason for absenteeism.(badly organized sentence structure) Perhaps people in West Meria always use catching colds as an excuse for absences because they will be easily forgiven if they are ill. Thus lacking the evidence that the real reason for most absences is catching colds, the author cannot convince us this dubious conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is neither well reasoned nor persuasive. To make the notion more forceful, the author could present us more detailed information about whether Ichthaid is effective to prevent colds and whether the reason of most absences is cold. After all, the hasty conclusion will do no good to the public in West Meria.

pretty good argument, good structure, especially good linkage, carry on!!

Mayflower blossoms in June...
其实我是一个变形金刚...

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