argument145

vprzhsUID：144409

Argument145  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：33分43秒     360words
从2005年6月28日15时38分到2005年6月28日16时33分
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A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
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Before we agree that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles.

To begin with, the result of the study upon which the argument relies is too vague to be informative. For one thing, the arguer never convinces us that how many people that new study surveys. If the number may be 20 or just 30, it cannot represent the situation of all other persons. For another thing, we can doubt that who conduce this study, and that how this study process.  What's more, we are never informed that the age range of those people involved in the study. If all of them are children, or all of them are old persons, the result may be not acceptable.

Moreover, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the interruption of breathing can actually affect persons' daily lives. On the one hand, because the interruption is often so brief that people are waked up so unnoticed, it is possible that people may have no great affect by such unnoticed interruption. And there is a chance that those snores can still have enough energy to do some exercise and finish their daily work as normal. On the other hand, common sense tells us that different sports do not consume the same energy. Even if the interruption make those snores so tired during the day, there is a chance that they can choose to do some light sports such as walking slow, which just consume a little energy,

Last but not least, it is problematic that those snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. If those snores are easier to get tired, it may be incorrect that asking them to keep exercising more than the average. Furthermore, there is no information show that those snores are so fat that they have to lose their weight; perhaps they are just a little fatter than the average.  

To sum up, this analysis is not well reasoned. To support the assertion, the arguer needs to provide more evidence.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-29 at 00:22 ]

yuchenUID：2111079

Before we agree that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles.

To begin with, the result of the study upon which the argument relies is too vague to be informative. For one thing, the arguer never convinces us that how many people that new study surveys. If the number may be 20 or just 30, it cannot represent the situation of all other persons. For another thing, we can doubt that who conduce this study, and that how this study process.[这句话里的conduce和process要么用单数要么用过去时]  What's more, we are never informed that the age range of those people involved in the study. If all of them are children, or all of them are old persons, the result may be not acceptable. [结果会有什么不同，最好说明白]

Moreover, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the interruption of breathing can actually affect persons' daily lives. On the one hand, because the interruption is often so brief that people are waked up so unnoticed, it is possible that people may have no great affect[affection] by such unnoticed interruption. And there is a chance that those snores can still have enough energy to do some exercise and finish their daily work as normal. On the other hand, common sense tells us that different sports do not consume the same energy. Even if the interruption make those snores[snorers] so tired during the day, there is a chance that they can choose to do some light sports such as walking slow, which just consume a little energy,

Last but not least, it is problematic that those snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. If those snores are easier to get tired, it may be incorrect that asking [to ask]them to keep exercising more than the average. Furthermore, there is no information show that those snores are so fat that they have to lose their weight; perhaps they are just a little fatter than the average.  
这段里的几个snores应该为snorers吧？

To sum up, this analysis is not well reasoned. To support the assertion, the arguer needs to provide more evidence.
总结：结构清晰，说理有层次，写的挺好的。就是个人觉得最后一段有点短，是不是因为限时了？最好能把改进的意见说一下！
我的argument欢迎互拍！谢谢！！！
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

vprzhsUID：144409

谢谢称赞啊，我还觉得写得糊里糊涂呢。。