[i习作temp] issue140 求大家看看啊，有人说照这样写可以，有人说死定了，都不知道怎么办。555～ [复制链接]

Alex_5167
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-9-1 20:39:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

140. "What society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in the greatest discontent."

Greatest social, political, and individual achievements are supposed to bring content and happiness. However, it is ironic that in many situations, these great achievements bring people greater discontent than before. All this discontent is caused by people's endless hope and desire for better situations and more benefits.

For one thing, when great social, political, and individual achievements are made, the greater the achievements are, the more people hope to benefit from them, and sometimes, such hope is so higher than what achievements can really give that may lead great discontent. For instance, the improvement of people's life standards and development of medicine prolong modern people's average life longer than any time in the history by effectively dealing with many tough health problems. The finding of penicillin is a great achievement of Florey, but he might never expect that his personal great achievements solved many medical problems brings such discontent. Today many people who are menanced by diseases like heart attack and cancer complain the uselessness or low efficiency of modern medicine including penicillin in controlling their diseases. These people overemphasize power and value of Florey's achievements. In fact, all we know that no matter how great the achievements are, there must be some problems they cannot solve. But in daily life, few people are more likely to forget the endless of new problems and are discontented to achievements that have been gotten.

For another thing, greatest achievements in social and political fields are also most powerful motivation of people's desire to get better and more things. Unlike some other animals, human beings are famous for their increasing desire and greed for better life and more treasure. Since an old Chinese saying goes, if a person can get one unit of areas for growing crops, he will hope for ten; if he can have ten, he will hope he can have one hundred. Since the appearance of slavery society to feudal society to today's democratic society accepted by most countries, common people's human rights have been largely increased and enlarged. The proposition and implementing of democracy is no doubt one of the greatest political and social achievements in modern society. However, are most people satisfied with their rights? The answer is no. What we see is that in more democratic countries, more marches or requirements for more human rights are hold almost every year. It seems that increasing human rights makes people pay more and more attention on them and ask for more and more rights, and limits on rights that were widely accepted in the past, are seemed unreasonable new. At the same time of giving people more benefits, social and political achievements also give people more discontent for their old ones and plunk and desire to ask for new ones.

All in all, the progress of human society and some one's own life is satisfaction of old requirements and increasing of new requirements. It is easily for greatest social, political and individual achievements to result in the greatest discontent.

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Koalattl
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沙发

发表于 2005-9-1 21:23:26 |只看该作者

我觉得应多举几个显著成就的例子来说明你的观点,你的文章只拿了penicillin做例子就好象把所有人都能说服了,然后的篇幅都是说人们贪的原因.

应该着重解释不满的原因啊.比如是不是那些成就对人们实际生活中没起什么作用,或者是人们还是受传统观念影响,不愿意接受这些所谓的成就所带来的变化.

纯属个人观点,不对的地方请指教

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Alex_5167
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板凳

发表于 2005-9-1 23:30:12 |只看该作者

有网友说我的结尾段和开头段太断，所以头重脚轻。举人权和民主的例子老外不喜欢。还有就是重复论证，没逻辑性。（老天啊，我不想活啦！！！555～）
大家觉得呢？不可以举民主和人权的例子吗？我看范文中有不少啊。
大家给点意见嘛！

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pigeonsnoopy
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地板

发表于 2005-9-2 00:42:42 |只看该作者

人权和民主的例子是肯定可以举的，但是要看你举的方式了：
说到人权，你当然不能说西方国家不讲人权，这点老美肯定接受不了，你可以说伊斯兰国家不讲人权，说中国不讲人权也没关系，反正老美也经常抨击中国的人权状况呢。。。总之，在人权问题中，不要用过激的语言批评西方人对于人权的idea

提到民主，我觉得这个和自由是可以经常放在一起的，但是你的文章里分明是在说民主的坏话，这个就不好了，民主是美国人根深蒂固的观念，就像宗教信仰一样，他们就是认为好，没什么理由，如果批评这个就没必要了，即使有弊端，我也不建议你在作文中提到，毕竟我们不是美国人，不了解具体情况，说出来的批评性的话可能完全不符合实际，一旦说错就惨了

总之，赞扬没问题，批评还是尽量不要写在作文中

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