[a习作temp] Argument47 【0710G-HIT坚持交作业小组作文大帖】第五次作业 [复制链接]

scarf83
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-8-4 00:02:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT47 - Scientists studying historical weather patterns have discovered that in the mid-sixth century, Earth suddenly became significantly cooler. Although few historical records survive from that time, some accounts found both in Asia and Europe mention a dimming of the sun and extremely cold temperatures. Either a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth could have created a large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere that would have been capable of blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A large meteorite collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash of light, and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Some surviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud boom that would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the cooling was probably caused by a volcanic eruption.

WORDS: 411 TIME: 01:54:01 DATE: 2007-7-6 ÏÂÎç 09:30:34

The argument is well presented, but not thoroughly well reasoned. In this passage, to substantiate the point two premises are proposed to conclude that the reason of earth cooling was caused by a volcanic eruption. A surviving Asian historical record at that time mentioned a loud boom which would occur simultaneously with a vocanic eruption.The other record is that there are no extant historical records of a flash appearring, thus, according to which the author assumed few probablity of meteorite collision. The logic of tha passage looks ostensively reasonable, however, the author failed to make me convinced.

In the first place, according to the extant historical records from Asian the loud boom may be resulted from the volcanic eruption, however, no evidence was given to prove the relation between the loud boom and the vocanic eruption. And the information of the historical records isn't elaborated either. Whether the occurrence of the loud loom taken place in a limited district simultaneously or in the whole Asian continent is stil a mystery to us. Perhaps the loud boom was caused by other natural factor, for instance avalanche or tsunami.

What is more, even provided that the loud loom consistent with a volcanic eruption is convincible to prove, the happening of meteorite collision still can't be excluded. It is mentioned that no historical records mentioned a flash created by the large meteorite collision, which implicated there is no meteorite collision happening. However, the author unfairly omited other possibilities. It is entirely possible that the historical records of meteorite collision was destroyed or still not be discovered by people, because the passage above just mentioned that there was no extant historical records of meteorite collision. In addition, the author didn't provide us enough meterials to ascertain the location of the sudden bright flash of light. Was the flash able to be seen everywhere on the earth? If the place where the bright flash of light can be seen is very limited on the earth and not suitable for human to live, for instance, the arctic or antarctic, certainly, there will be no record to come down.

In consequence, the passage could not be convincible as it stands without offering acceptable answers to the adverse possiblities above. To better improve the passage, the author needs to elaborate the scale and area of the meteorite collision and the volcanic eruption. Furthermore, besides the reasons of earth cooling mentioned above other possibilities which may decrease temperature should be also investigated and analyzed.

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doris_gxc
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沙发

发表于 2007-8-4 10:15:52 |只看该作者

回复 #1 scarf83 的帖子

The argument is well presented, but not thoroughly well reasoned. In this passage, to substantiate the point two premises are proposed to conclude that the reason of earth cooling was caused by a volcanic eruption. A surviving Asian historical record at that time mentioned a loud boom which would occur simultaneously with a vocanic eruption.The other record is that there are no extant historical records of a flash appearring, thus, according to which the author assumed few probablity of meteorite collision. The logic of tha passage looks ostensively reasonable, however, the author failed to make me convinced.

In the first place, according to the extant historical records from Asian the loud boom may be resulted from the volcanic eruption,(这前半句最好加个author claim之类的，不然会以为是你的观点) however, no evidence was given to prove the relation between the loud boom and the vocanic eruption. And the information of the historical records isn't elaborated either. Whether the occurrence of the loud loom taken place in a limited district simultaneously or in the whole Asian continent is stil a mystery to us. Perhaps the loud boom was caused by other natural factor, for instance avalanche or tsunami.
（最后最好能落在对变冷原因是火山的反驳）

What is more, even provided that the loud loom consistent with a volcanic eruption is convincible to prove, the happening of meteorite collision still can't be excluded. It is mentioned that no historical records mentioned a flash created by the large meteorite collision, which implicated there is no meteorite collision happening. However, the author unfairly omited other possibilities. It is entirely possible that the historical records of meteorite collision was destroyed or still not be discovered by people, because the passage above just mentioned that there was no extant historical records of meteorite collision. In addition, the author didn't provide us enough meterials to ascertain the location of the sudden bright flash of light. Was the flash able to be seen everywhere on the earth? If the place where the bright flash of light can be seen is very limited on the earth and not suitable for human to live, for instance, the arctic or antarctic, certainly, there will be no record to come down.（这段写的不错，赞一个！）

In consequence, the passage could not be convincible as it stands without offering acceptable answers to the adverse possiblities above. To better improve the passage, the author needs to elaborate the scale and area of the meteorite collision and the volcanic eruption. Furthermore, besides the reasons of earth cooling mentioned above other possibilities which may decrease temperature should be also investigated and analyzed.

另外，楼主还可以找到更多的错误和可能性。
比如那个dust cloud和变冷的关系

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