寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › 0910G [Just do it]Issue51 byhoupei0126

返回列表

查看: 869|回复: 4

[i习作temp] 0910G [Just do it]Issue51 byhoupei0126 [复制链接]

houpei0126
UID：2643060

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 126
注册时间: 2009-5-21
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-1 17:44:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

It's well know that an education system will be effective if it take into account of the need of the individuals' interests. In this way, students could fully develop their potential and have more energy in their study. However, much educational organization still can't find any effect way to make it possible to be taken.
As we all know, it's really an effective way to meet the individual’s need to manage our educational plans. In the past, many rich family and nobles employed some excellent or special teacher for their kids to study some subjects important for them. Still, there existed some special schools for those who are disability, and we can see all of these methods contribute a long-term influence on these kids ‘future life.

However, if we consider it in real earnest, many disadvantages can be found. First of all, this process can be really long and the society must offer enough money and manpower to supply this educational plans. For instance, our parent is the first teacher for almost everyone, but you also can notice how much they spend during your growing progress. What's worse, we may find it usually can’t reach the goal we made, and we should consider it seriously whether it's worth doing like this.
Additionally,
not every student knows his or her interests clearly. For most of us, it will take a long time to know your interests and develop it, and since we always say that the younger you are, the more confused you are. Otherwise, ones’ interests kept changing throughout their whole study, for what you find interesting now and you determined to do it, but after a while, you may feel it so boring. And yet, as the rapid development of the new technology, of course more subjects and new thing will be created, such as some major like software engineering, electronic engineering and it becomes so wild for us to choose what we like, and you must change your interests to keep up with the variety society.
So to meet each student’s interest is difficult and the effect is not satisfying.

Children are very curious and willing to explore the unknown world. They have their rights to see every aspect of the world. We should encourage them to explore the whole world. So, for the foundational education, to make students know variety knowledge is essential and only in this way, can they realize the world and themselves clearly.
Absolutely, the combination of fundamental education with individual is necessary. For we can design some required course and elective course, and allows students themselves to select what they are interested. Students can learn the thing interest them and at the same time, know more about the world.
Though humans keep searching an effective way for education all the time, to balance other important aspects still can’t be ignored.

回应
0

使用道具举报

dodolulu
UID：2641270

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 1
寄托币: 339
注册时间: 2009-5-17
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2009-6-2 12:20:34 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 dodolulu 于 2009-6-2 12:47 编辑

It's well know that an education system will be effective if it take into account of the needs of the individuals' interests. In this way, students could fully develop their potential and have more energy in their study. However, much educational organization still can't find any effect way to make it possible to be taken. 这句话下文没有照应呀，下面举得例子是按照个人兴趣教学的教育机构，太突兀了
As we all know, it's really an effective way to meet the individual’s needs to manage our educational plans. In the past, many rich family and nobles employed some excellent or special teacher for their kids to study some subjects important for them. Still放在这里不大合适吧, there existed(exists) some special schools for those who are disability这个词是残疾的意思吧, and we can see all of these methods contribute a long-term influence on these kids ‘future life.

However, if we consider it in real earnest, many disadvantages can be found. First of all, this process can be really long and the society must offer enough money and manpower to supply this educational plans. For instance, our parents isare the first teachers for almost everyone, but you also can notice how much they spend during your growing progress. What's worse, we may find it usually can’t reach the goal we made, and we should consider it seriously whether it's worth doing like this.这段比较空泛，读起来不知所云呀
Additionally, not every student knows his or her interests clearly. For most of us, it will take a long time to know your interests and develop it, and去掉and较好since we always say that the younger you are, the more confused you are. Otherwise, ones’ interests kept changing throughout their whole study, for what you find interesting now and you determineddetermine to do it, but after a while, you may feel it so boring. And yet, as the rapid development of the new technology, of course more subjects and new things will be created, such as some majors like software engineering, electronic engineering and it becomes so wild(wide) for us to choose what we like, and you must change your interests to keep up with the variety society.
兴趣随着年龄，技术进步变化的观点，很新颖，学习学习So to meet each student’s interest is difficult and the effect is not satisfying.

Children are very curious and willing to explore the unknown world. They have their rights to see every aspect of the world. We should encourage them to explore the whole world. So, for the foundational education, to make students know variety knowledge is essential and only in this way, can they realize the world and themselves clearly. 这段论述很精彩，因果逻辑合理，十分的人性化分析
Absolutely, the combination of fundamental education with individual is necessary. For we can design some required courses and elective course, and allows students themselves to select what they are interested. Students can learn the thing interest them and at the same time, know more about the world.
Though humans keep searching an effective way for education all the time, to balance other important aspects still can’t be ignored.这句看不大懂呀

语法错误，恩，都是单复数的问题，不是问题吧
文章的整体很好，先扬后抑，逻辑性很强，加强细节吧
第一次改作文，我水平也不咋地，多多见谅吧

使用道具举报

houpei0126
UID：2643060

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 126
注册时间: 2009-5-21
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2009-6-2 21:34:46 |只看该作者

恩，第一次写，文章还略显稚嫩，而且论点论据也不够充分。
很感谢dodolulu的用心修改，回去完善了一下，但感觉还不是很满意，所以希望下面的同学可以帮我题写更宝贵的建议
It’s well know that an education system will be effective if it take into account of the needs of the individuals' interests. In this way, students could fully develop their potential and have more energy in their study. However, many educational organizations still can't find any effect way to make it possible to be taken, for some conflict in profit will be inescapable, and to balance both sides well is too difficult.
As we all know, it's really an effective way to meet the individual’s needs to manage our educational plans. In the past, many rich family and nobles employed some excellent or special teacher for their kids to study some subjects important for them. Still at present, there exists some special schools for those who are disability, and we can see all of these methods contribute a long-term influence on these kids ‘future life.

However, if we consider it in real earnest, many disadvantages can be found. First of all, this process can be really long and the society must offer enough money and manpower to supply this educational plans. For instance, parents are the first teachers for almost everyone, but you can also notice how much they spend during your growing progress. What's worse, we may find it usually can’t reach the goal we made, and we should consider it seriously whether it's worth doing like this. For instance, if we manage special classes for every student‘s interest and keep up with their own intellect. I can't image how much money and how many social resource must be spent. So, compared with the effect, the cost seems too hugeness.
Additionally, not every student knows his or her interests clearly. For most of us, it will take a long time to know your interests and develop it, since we always say that the younger you are, the more confused you are. Otherwise, ones’ interests kept changing throughout their whole study, for what you find interesting now and you determine to do it, but after a while, you may feel it so boring. And yet, as the rapid development of new technology, of course more subjects and new things will be created, such as some majors like software engineering, electronic engineering and it becomes so wide for us to choose what we like, and you must change your interests to keep up with the variety society. So to meet each student’s interest is difficult and the effect always is not satisfying.

Children are very curious and willing to explore the unknown world. They have their rights to see every aspect of the world. We should encourage them to explore the whole world. So, for the foundational education, to make students know variety knowledge is essential and only in this way, can they realize the world and themselves clearly. Absolutely, the combination of fundamental education with individual is necessary. For we can design some required courses and elective course, and allows students themselves to select what they are interested. Students can learn the thing interest them and at the same time, know more about the world.

Though humans keep searching an effective way for education all the time, to balance other important aspects still can’t be ignored. We can’t assert it will be a long term, but we can affirm it must be a difficult one.

使用道具举报

二月蓝
UID：2643877

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 1
寄托币: 235
注册时间: 2009-5-23
精华: 0
帖子: 1

地板

发表于 2009-6-2 23:29:17 |只看该作者

本帖最后由二月蓝于 2009-6-2 23:38 编辑

It’s well known that an education system will be effective if it take into account of the needs of the individuals' interests. In this way, students could fully develop their potential and have more energy in their study. However, many educational organizations still can't find any effect way to make it possible to be taken, for some conflict in profit will be inescapable, and to balance both sides well is too difficult. 末句点明观点
As we all know, it's really an effective way to meet the individual’s needs to manage our educational plans. In the past, many rich family and nobles employed some excellent or special teacher for their kids to study some subjects important for them. Still at present, there exists some special schools for those who are disability, and we can see all of these methods contribute a long-term influence on these kids ‘future life.个人觉得对残疾儿童的特殊教育其实是属于基础教育类，他们学习的都是生活最基本的技能，不知道是不是算在MEET INDIVIDUAL NEEDS，楼主再考虑下

However, if we consider it in real earnest, many disadvantages can be found. First of all, this process can be really long and the society must offer enough money and manpower在这学习一个词，原来人力的英文真的就是MANPOWER to supply this educational plans. For instance, parents are the first teachers for almost everyone, but you can also notice how much they spend during your growing progress. What's worse, we may find it usually can’t reach the goal we made, and we should consider it seriously whether it's worth doing like this. For instance, if we manage special classes for every student‘s interest and keep up with their own intellect. I can't image how much money and how many social resources must be spent. So, compared with the effect, the cost seems too hugeness.
Additionally, not every student knows his or her interests clearly. For most of us, it will take a long time to know your interests and develop it, since we always say that the younger you are, the more confused you are. Otherwise, ons’ interests kept changing throughout their whole study, for what you find interesting now and you determine to do it, but after a while, you may feel it so boring. And yet, as the rapid development of new technology, of course more subjects and new things will be created, such as some majors like software engineering, electronic engineering and it becomes so wide for us to choose what we like, and you must change your interests to keep up with the variety society. So to meet each student’s interest is difficult and the effect always is not satisfying.

Children are very curious and willing to explore the unknown world. They have their rights to see every aspect of the world. We should encourage them to explore the whole world. So, for the foundational education, to make students know variety knowledge is essential and only in this way, can they realize the world and themselves clearly.这句赞 Absolutely, the combination of fundamental education with individual is necessary. For we can design some required courses and elective course, and allows students themselves to select what they are interested. Students can learn the thing interested them and at the same time, know more about the world.

Though humans keep searching an effective way for education all the time, to balance other important aspects still can’t be ignored. We can’t assert it will be a long term, but we can affirm it must be a difficult one.
整体思路很清晰，开始谈MEET NEEDS的优点，然后给出了几个缺点，最后谈到了未来KEEP SEARCHING AN EFFECTIVE WAY
希望改进一些小的语法错误。有个倒装句用的很好，赞一个
多练习表达，未来肯定可以写的更好

使用道具举报

leopard2009
UID：2596872

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 18
寄托币: 605
注册时间: 2009-1-31
精华: 0
帖子: 7

5楼

发表于 2009-6-3 23:12:13 |只看该作者

It’s well know that an education system will be effective if it takesinto account of the needs of the individuals' interests感觉还是写成needs and interests好点. In this way,students could fully develop their potential
and have more energy intheir study. However, many educational organizations still can't findany effective way to make it possible to be taken 换成be realized可否, for some conflict inprofit 有点难理解哈will be inescapable, and to balance both sides well is toodifficult.
As we all know, it's really an effective way to meet the individual’sneeds to manage our educational plans 这句也有点难理解. In the past, many rich familyand nobles employed some excellent or special teachers for their kids tostudy some subjects important for them. Still at present, there exists\existsome special schools for those who are disability\disable, and we can see allof these methods contribute a long-term influence on these kids ‘futurelife.

However, if we consider it in real earnest是real ground的意思吗, many disadvantages canbe found. First of all, this process can be really long and the societymust offer enough money and manpower to supply this educational plans.For instance, parents are the first teachers for almost everyone, butyou can also notice how much they spend during your growing progress.What's worse, we may find it usually can’t reach the goal we made, andwe should consider it seriously whether it's worth doing like this. Forinstance, if we manage special classes for every student‘s interest andkeep up with their own intellect.这里应该是逗号 I can't image how much money and howmany social resource must be spent. So, compared with the effect, thecost seems too hugeness\huge.
Additionally, not every student knows his or her interests clearly. Formost of us, it will take a long time to know your interests and developit, since we always say that the younger you are, the more confused youare. Otherwise\从上下文看应该是Meanwhile, ones’ interests kept changing throughout their wholestudy, for what you find interesting now and you determine to do it,but after a while, you may feel it so boring. And yet, as the rapiddevelopment of new technology, of course more subjects and new thingswill be created, such as some majors like software engineering,electronic engineering and it becomes so wide for us to choose what welike, and you must change your interests to keep up with the varietysociety. So to meet each student’s interest is difficult and the effectalways is not satisfying\感觉is always unstatifying好一些.

Children are very curious and willing to explore the unknown world.They have their rights to see every aspect of the world. We shouldencourage them to explore the whole world. So, for the foundationaleducation, to make students know variety\various knowledge is essential andonly in this way, can they realize the world很难理解哈 and themselves clearly.Absolutely, the combination of fundamental education with individual isnecessary. For we can design some required courses and elective course,and allows students themselves to select what they are interested in.Students can learn the thing interests them and at the same time, knowmore about the world.

Though humans keep searching an effective way for education all thetime, to balance other important aspects still can’t be ignored. Wecan’t assert it will be a long term, but we can affirm it must be adifficult one.
感觉最后一段没有把主题点出来哈

使用道具举报