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本帖最后由 chill_ly 于 2009-6-14 23:55 编辑
In this argument, the author suggests that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has been proved effective to decline number of cases of cheating. The survey of Groveton honor council, and the assumption that the great success of GC could be wide spread by the same regulation, still, to prove these hypothesizes needs more work of reasoning. (这句话写的不太好,并列主体结构不同而且很不明晰,建议精简或改成短句)
To begin with, it is doubtful that the number of cheating cases actually declines. The statistics conducted about the Groveton's sincerity codes, sounds reliable and objective, which still cannot bolster the author's conclusion. (你的重点是从句的内容,应该把sounds reliable and objective写成从句,不然有点不分主次了,另外sound用的不太好,seem都好些,自己体会下) We have adequate reasons to assume that the cheating case report can not reflect the real phenomenon of cheating. Teachers may not have the heart to (可以这么说么) offer their own student names that are caught in the exam; Students may hide each other up for their all (同样不太理解这种写法) to get higher scores. Also, in five years using honor codes, it is possible that there is an increasing trend of cheating, but the author has just picked the lowest year below average in coincidence. At this point, the survey of decreasing trend only illustrates a tip of iceberg.(说明了冰山一角?想法不错,但很别扭)
In addition, even assuming that the cheating cases indeed decline, we still have question about the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council. The survey is too vague to be informative. Is the sample large enough to express the council's statement? How about the procedures of random sampling? The survey fails to provide us any details about the students’ background. These investigated students may be all smart and hard-working, which enable them never to cheat. And there is also no evidence to prove the authenticity of survey. (最好具体说下)
Furthermore, if the survey is representative enough to reflect the students' thoughts, the argument still leaves us a false analogy. Whether the honor codes will be an effective approach to inhibit and eliminate cases of cheating in other colleges is a big problem. The different universities' backgrounds should be taken into consideration. For example, the exam of other universities are much harder than the one of GC, students would be overwhelmingly (这个词太强大了,估计老师们要哭了,作弊都势不可挡了,用more就行了) likely to cheat. Actually, when the supervisors simultaneously turn out to be the cheaters, they would certainly lose their function. Neglecting these possible essential negative impacts, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of the regulation.
In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author's conclusion is groundless. To strengthen his point, the author should offer more detail about the survey's background that the cheating number is definitely decreasing, more information about the participators of the survey, and widely effect after other colleges and universities adopt the honor codes based on their own facts. (这条就不用了,本来就是建议,你都实施了还建议什么)
用词和语言不够精确严密,论证展开还不够充分
想的很好但受到了约束
多写多看范文
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