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[作文] 马甲之daily writting [复制链接]

逼我用马甲 UID：3112725 逼我用马甲当前离线最后登录 2012-8-11 在线时间 172 小时寄托币 224 声望 0 注册时间 2011-6-23 阅读权限 5 帖子 14 精华 0 积分 297 UID 3112725 禁止发言声望 0 寄托币 224 注册时间 2011-6-23 精华 0 帖子 14 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	电梯直达楼主发表于 2012-3-6 21:30:44 \|只看该作者 \|倒序浏览提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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idealibt
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沙发

发表于 2012-3-7 20:58:36 |只看该作者

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逼我用马甲 UID：3112725 逼我用马甲当前离线最后登录 2012-8-11 在线时间 172 小时寄托币 224 声望 0 注册时间 2011-6-23 阅读权限 5 帖子 14 精华 0 积分 297 UID 3112725 禁止发言声望 0 寄托币 224 注册时间 2011-6-23 精华 0 帖子 14 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	板凳发表于 2012-3-7 21:09:02 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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hipop1901
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地板

发表于 2012-3-7 21:25:47 |只看该作者

3,6

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my show

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猫屎咖啡加冰否
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5楼

发表于 2012-3-8 15:31:36 |只看该作者

Many people choose telephone or voicemessaging to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others. Of cause【course】 that is a good way of communication, since through voice, more information canbe transmitted and less misunderstanding will exist. However, I prefer 【to use】using e-mail or text message tocommunicate with others when discussing upset or controversial problems.
The most compelling thing【reason】people will chosetelephone or voice messaging in such a situation is for its convenience. Sure【undeniably/there is no denying that /indeed/ undoubtedly】 through voice communicating, you don’t need to type words or organizeparagraphs, you don’t need to rack your brain to make your wordsunderstandable, all you have to do is to speak it out. However, convenience isnot the goal we should pursue in this case. What we truly care in this situationis to solve the problem intelligently. Unfortunately, words do always skip outof our lips quicker than we consider the suitability of them in our minds. Andlots of meaningless quarrels just come out with these words. So, this “voice-typeof communication” might not be appropriate if really we want to solve thecontroversy.
Compared to direct talking, the bestadvantage an e-mail or a text message has in communication is that you canmodify the expression you would like others to understand through deepthinking. And that means we can solve the problem by our intelligence insteadof emotion. Besides, we can also try to moderate the tone of theletter/message, and by doing this, we can really avoid useless【unnecessary】 quarrels. Everyoneneeds time and space to acknowledge their mistakes, and e-mail/message justcreates such time and space. Even there are no mistakes in one’s viewpoint of aproblem, the e-mail/message just give【offer】 people enough time to calm down andre-consider their opinion and【also】 a chance to know another way in understanding theproblem【another side of the issue】. Without impulse, communication can be simple and effective.
So, as I mentioned before, “voice-type ofcommunication【communication by voice】” may have its advantage in discuss【ing】 upsetting or controversialproblems with others, like its convenience, while compared【ing】 it with an e-mail ora text message, I think the latter is better, given the reasons I provide inthe paragraph.

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caisdhappy
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6楼

发表于 2012-3-8 16:51:26 |只看该作者

3.7日独立已改

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加油

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逼我用马甲 UID：3112725 逼我用马甲当前离线最后登录 2012-8-11 在线时间 172 小时寄托币 224 声望 0 注册时间 2011-6-23 阅读权限 5 帖子 14 精华 0 积分 297 UID 3112725 禁止发言声望 0 寄托币 224 注册时间 2011-6-23 精华 0 帖子 14 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	7楼发表于 2012-3-8 20:59:42 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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jojolovelife
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8楼

发表于 2012-3-9 18:46:20 |只看该作者

作文已改好。晚上在QQ群里传给你吧。

Seize the moment.

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佐左927
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9楼

发表于 2012-3-10 22:43:56 |只看该作者

不好意思改得有点晚，这两天有些事情，耽搁了。文中还有不太清楚的地方楼主可以和我QQ探讨～^.^

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逼我用马甲 UID：3112725 逼我用马甲当前离线最后登录 2012-8-11 在线时间 172 小时寄托币 224 声望 0 注册时间 2011-6-23 阅读权限 5 帖子 14 精华 0 积分 297 UID 3112725 禁止发言声望 0 寄托币 224 注册时间 2011-6-23 精华 0 帖子 14 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	10楼发表于 2012-3-12 22:23:35 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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ilovevicky
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11楼

发表于 2012-3-13 14:55:56 |只看该作者

10# 逼我用马甲
好像还木有发附件的权限,只好直接贴了,互相加油哦.....

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

These days people seem to come to the agreements that when their children are challenged by a hard work, all the parents should do is to stand aside and be a cheerleader. Indisputable这里用副词吧应该, it does have benefits, such as culturing their courage when facing difficulties, their 这里主语是谁？指代不明。capability of settle puzzlers. However, in some cases, just to encourage children is not enough, parents should help their children to do their works when the youngsters are not ready enough.

First of all, to encourage children on problems they are not able to settle is just going to frustrated (frustrate) them. As we all know, self-confidence is one of the most important characters in a person’s lifetime. If one is keep trying over and over again but the result just comes out the opposite way he/she wishes, he/she will probably feel awful and lose interest on the certain thing. Take me as an example, when I was 10 years old, as a four-grade elementary school student, my P.E. teacher taught us horse vaulting and asked us to practice. I was too nervous to finish that jumping and my teacher encouraged me of that. Finally, I screwed my courage and rush to the vault, and guess what? I just banged into the vault with a bump on my head. From then on, I have never tried to vaulting again, even I’ve got quite good resilience. In this case, the best thing of the parents or elders is to wait until the children are ready to handle.
Encourage 与help不是一个概念，至少你应当解释下关系吧，我承认鼓励是帮助的一个方面，但是你这里直接上来就说encourage 不好，又偏题之嫌哦。
Second, children learn from their parents through watching their movements, increasing feeling 这里用feel ,有点中式英语哦their confidence. How parents carrying out the work will always be a model to their children. Showing ways of solution would be a fantastic education method. We may find that children often copy their parents’ ways of talking, walking or eating, since learning from elders is an effective way of acquiring living skills. We may also find that a doctor’s child often grow up being a doctor, a teacher’s child being a teacher, a lawyer’s child being a jurist. So, when children are not able to come through a puzzle, just show it, displays the right way of settling the problem. Later, the child himself/herself will be able to do as good as you did before.
和上一段一样，你这里没有体现出帮助或者不帮助的理由，我能理解你的意思，如果父母不帮助，孩子就可以自己看着父母的行为成长，可是你需要解释说明一下，否则意外国人的直脑子无法理解啊。。。。
In sum, always to encourage a child to do his/her work on their own may sometimes be harmful in culture his/her self-confidence; on the contrary, to show the work can be done down correctly may sometimes set a good example to them and hence helping them do it much better. 额这句怎么有点别扭亚，像是中式英语哦。。。。

其实总体结构不错的，但是语言上中式思维较多，而且句子好像都是从中文直接翻译到英文的，建议多看看地道的英文表达，楼主加油哦！！！互相学习~~~

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13楼

发表于 2012-3-15 18:43:33 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 echo.f 于 2012-3-15 18:53 编辑

我好像是不能发附件呢

Do you agree or disagree withthe following statement it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological devicewhen it becomes available than wait until many people have owned it.

These days, people become more and more craze应该是crazy吧 aboutowning a new technological device as soon as it is available. However, for me in personal好像没见过这样的表达，可以用in my personal view, I prefer waitinguntil many people have owned it. I will explain the reason of choosing thatway.

First of all, a newtechnological device never means a best technological device. On the contrary,there always exist flaws ofcharacteristics of a new emerging device. Take the windows（windows大写） operatingsystem for an example, when it first come to us, the interface is lessfriendly, the operating speed is slower, and there is less personalized optionsfor users. Besides, the stability of technologies in a new invented device isnot as good as later versions of the device. For example, the first version oflingoes software (a word translation tool) self-closes more often than now这里用now感觉不对，是不是用 theversion of today更好. Andalso, there are always fewerfunctions in the earlier version of the device than the later ones. We all knowthat when cellphones are firstly been created, they can only be used to call others, but now, thefunctions of a cellphone varies from calling or texting someone to surfing theinternet or playing angry bird. So, in order to own a more perfecttechnological device, one has to waiting （这里不用ing）until the technology of thedevice is mature.

In addition, a new technological devicecost more money when it first comes into the market. To give an example, whenthe personal computer firstly caughtpeople's eye这个表达感觉不对, itcosts more than 10 thousand RMB in China. While now, after more than 20 yearsof being popular, the average price of a laptop decreases to less than 4thousand RMB. As students like me, we don't have leisure money to buy luxuries这个词好像不准确，是用来形容时间的吧，用spare会好些应该. Allwe have to do is to wait until the price of a necessary become acceptable.

To sum up, if one wants to buy a bettertechnological device with less money, one has to wait.

语法上面我没有什么发言权，整体看作者的文章意思清晰，观点也很明确，句子的表达读上去也挺顺口。第二段的结构和论点展开都很值得我学习，但是作者一直拿最早的产品和最新的产品的例子来做比较感觉有点跑题了。作者是一边倒的观点，2个主体段的论证显得有些单薄，是不是还可以再拓展开，比如等一段时间买可以知道这个产品的风评如何之类的。
这是我第一次帮别人改作文，我自己的水平还很一般，希望能带来一些帮助给你，一起进步哈~

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