[未归类] 机经高频argument 求猛拍！附提纲 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-6-2 22:40:06 |只看该作者

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Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The following appeared as part of an article in abusiness magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, we recommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night."

提纲：
1.study只有300人，总的经理人数多少?100000如何? 男女比例？【300人的评估，其实人数已经算是很多了。不到万不得已慎用】
2.睡得少和公司效益好同时发生，谁是谁的原因？
3. 可以推广到所有business吗？

08:16-08:43 27min

In the argument, the arguer lays the claim that businesses are supposed to hire only people sleeps less than six hours every night【这句话没说完，不觉得吗？为什么要雇用睡眠时间少于六小时的员工？目的是什么？这是要交代的，题目中虽然没有直接表达因果，但应该要自己看出来的。】. In order to support his or her claim, the arguer refers to a recent study between 【advertising executives‘】 sleep hours and the success of their 【their指的谁？代词的基本用法不要忘了。】firms. 【同样地问题，这两段话写得莫名其妙，arguer引用这个调查干嘛呢？】Although the argument seems plausible at a cursory glance, it remains completely unconvincing and fallacious due to several flaws after a scrutiny.【第一段作为开端，对于逻辑的体现是非常重要的，首先不给人一种你的思路非常清晰的印象，又怎么会的高分呢？对于段首的逻辑梳理LZ有待加强，其次，模板痕迹很重。整个题目的逻辑其实很清楚的交代了：为了提升公司业绩，要雇用那些睡眠时间少于六小时的员工；arguer的理由是：基于给出的调查，那些睡眠少于6小时的广告公司主管创造了很高的利润以及个人的成长。要把意思表达完整。】

First of all, the problem arises in the argument that the arguer mentions a study involving 300 male and female advertising executives.However, several questions can be raised due to insufficient information provided.【两句话可以合并。另外，这两句话之间的关系有问题，我不是很能理解LZ想表达的意思。】 Is 300 people representative enough for a large amount of executives? How many executives are there in advertising? It is probably that there are over 100000 executives in the nation, can 300 executives represent all of them? 【代表性的质疑，从人数这个方面入手不是很好，你并不知道调查的抽样方法，这样质疑本身存在漏洞。要质疑人数代表性，就要从方法开始。由于抽样方法没有交代，不知道这300人是如何选出的，能否代表整个群体？】Furthermore, what is the ratio of gender of executives in the study comparing to the actual ratio in whole advertising ?【这样的质疑不严谨。首先是不是该讨论男女效率是否等同？如果等同那么这个问题就不存在了，不是么？其实，你的第二点和第一点是一样的，都是在质疑代表性问题。以furthermore为连接不是很合适，furthermore表示另一件不同于先前的事情。】 If the majority of executives being studied is male but most of executives in advertising is female. We can hardly believe in the study.

Moreover, even though the arguer is able to provide conceivable information to answer the questions above, the argument still remains ill-conceived. The arguer mentions that those executives whose sleeping hours is less than 6 hours had higher profit margins and faster grows and concludes that less sleep contributes to more success in the company. 【有些啰嗦，可以合并。e.g. though the sample of 300 executives has representativeness, the relation between those executives's sleeping hours and firms' success is still unwarranted.】Yet
various questions need to be answered.【这句话很不负责任。后面只看到了一个方面，请问various在哪里？】 Does the success of the company result from less sleeping hours of executives? It is also possible that because of the success of the company the executives have more work to deal with and as a result of that, they have to cut their sleep. 【论证力度不够，有用的内容很少。】

Lastly, even though the arguer can answer the questions and prove it is the less sleeping hour that causes the success of company. We cannot expand the relation to all area of business. 【we cannot sure whether the situation can be expanded to all business. 】What the situationin areas other than advertising? Maybe the executives in computer science industries can sleep 8 hours a day and still maintain his company in goodoperation.

The arguer provides all the evidence only related to advertising. Amore general study has to be carried out to prove the recommendation isapplicable to all areas.

In retrospect, it seems to hastily for arguer to jump to theconclusion. More questions has to be answered to resolve the implausibility ofhis or her argument: Is the study representative? Does the less sleepexecutives have result in success of the company? Is it applicable to all areasof business?

====================================

总得来说，LZ的框架出来了，但是在内容上有待加强。
1、段落与段落间的关系衔接上还值得再去推敲下，给人的感觉不是很强烈。
2、body部分段首引导句要更精练些，无用的内容太多，直接影响到了实质内容的写作时间，导致每一段中的关键内容支撑不够，给人感觉一句话论证就结束了。LZ要做的就是尽量缩减段首句，一句话表达，多丰富文章关键的answer部分。
3、在内容的表达上，要多思考，从头到尾，逻辑要完整。

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