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[i习作temp] ISSUE58 求拍~~~ [复制链接]

springecho
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-10-19 23:43:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.
从根本上讲，教育是个人的事情。学校不可能单方面激励学生。

I think the statements that study is personal affair to students and cannot be encouraged only by school or college is true on almost all the conditions.Since it is the students who have the initiative of learning,whether to study or not depends on the students themselves.Maybe some measures can be taken by educational institutions to urge the students to study,but the students tend to balance their study and life by taking all the conditions into consideration.

To some students,learning is something relates to personal interests and school itself cannot influence them.Taking a student who is aspirant for starting a bussiness for an example,he may be more tendentious to join social activities which contributes to his
career than absorbed in studying the curriculum boringly.On this circumstance,learning is not the most important thing to him,so the incentive school give may little impact on them.Many students plan their life according to their own willingness and therefore maybe regardless of what the educational institutions do.What's more,there exists students who has actually always been studying diligentlly,so the encouragement made by school seems be of no account.

Some people may think that students can be motivated by school or college alone without a comprehensive consideration.For example,if the school provides students with scholarship for those predominant ones,students from poor families may prefer to study harder to relieve economic pressure.Allowing for that those poor students may choose part-time job instead of study without the measure,the school do make positive effect.It seems like that it is the school alone which affect on students,however,the behavior is relative to the family situation closely.To those born in rich family,the measure may be insignificant.Hence,school alone is hard to encourage students to study because of the pressure of family and life etcetera which count a lot.

As a whole,I agree that the school or college can impact on the desires of learning of students to some extent,but it is not the only factor affects.Learning is a matter needs the willingness of a person,which results from various aspects,educational institutions are just one of them.After all,it is personal discipline when choosing whether to study.It depends on the students themselves finally despite the efforts made by educational institutions.

憋了两个小时字数还是太少，这个话题实在写不出，求大家给意见~~

相关帖子 Updated by 2025.04.21

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okqishi
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-23 21:38:24 |只看该作者

顶上来

投票：25Fall荷兰大败读书orGAP

springecho
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板凳

发表于 2012-10-23 22:06:53 |只看该作者

okqishi 发表于 2012-10-23 21:38
顶上来

谢谢~~~:)

Dr_JohnDoe
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地板

发表于 2012-10-25 16:31:14 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 Dr_JohnDoe 于 2012-10-25 18:50 编辑

看样子LZ也是ISSUE刚起步吧，不知道有没有看过参考书或者范文呢？《新GRE写作5.5》这本书比较适合入门，正反写的思路可以有效解决没有思路的问题。如果你愿意挖掘和积累一些例子，篇幅不再会是问题。

对于这道题，它的后半句相对比较严谨（注意alone），因此可以持肯定态度。但是前半句呢？不一定吧。自律固然重要，但是与他人的交流，老师专业的指导，学校良好的学术氛围等等，都是同等重要的因素，这就是一个切入点。

所以，我的行文思路可能是这样：
1. （正）肯定自律的重要性（你可以举很多科学家的例子）
2. 但是学习不是闭门造车，还需要与他人交流，老师的指导，学术氛围等等
3. 而且，自律并不是天生的。尤其对于小学生，缺乏自律和学习主动性。这个时候正需要学校的motivate
4. 其实自律与学校并不矛盾。学校培养学生的自律和对学习的热爱。

这篇的提纲其实我也没写过，也是现写的，比较草率。但是我个人的建议是，ISSUE不仅是件体力活，更是件脑力活。确定行文思路十分重要，想不清楚千万不要随便动笔，这样写了也是白写。

还有，对于每个分论点，尽量展开重充分的论证。而且能举例子就举例子，千万别自己干写，这样效率奇低。

例子可以参考《拯救我的GRE ISSUE》。其实最主要的是启发，让你知道可以往哪个方面想，然后举出属于自己的例子。

个人拙见，仅供参考

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panmingming2008
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5楼

发表于 2012-10-29 10:58:59 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 panmingming2008 于 2012-10-29 11:04 编辑

58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.
从根本上讲，教育是个人的事情。学校不可能单方面激励学生。（BEN：翻译的不准确，建议从英文原文直接理解。原题强调的不是个人与学校的对立，而是personal discipline 与school motivation的对立。）

BEN补：

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

I think the statements that study is personal affair to students and cannot be encouraged only by school or college is true on almost all the conditions.Since it is the students who have the initiative of learning,whether to study or not depends on the students themselves.Maybe some measures can be taken by educational institutions to urge the students to study,but the students tend to balance their study and life by taking all the conditions into consideration. （首句立下中心论点。二三句稍加解释。思想较清晰。）

To some students,learning is something relates to personal interests and school itself cannot influence them.Taking a student who is aspirant for starting a bussiness for an example,he may be more tendentious to join social activities which contributes to his
career than absorbed in studying the curriculum boringly.On this circumstance,learning is not the most important thing to him,so the incentive school give may little impact on them.Many students plan their life according to their own willingness and therefore maybe regardless of what the educational institutions do.What's more,there exists students who has actually always been studying diligentlly,so the encouragement made by school seems be of no account. （理由一，考虑到学习涉及个人兴趣的情况下-学校难以插手，论点成立。回应了题目要求“consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how ”。例子一[具体]加上解释[宽泛]。思想清晰；需要改进的是个别词句表达失误。）

Some people may think that students can be motivated by school or college alone without a comprehensive consideration.For example,if the school provides students with scholarship for those predominant ones,students from poor families may prefer to study harder to relieve economic pressure.Allowing for that those poor students may choose part-time job instead of study without the measure,the school do make positive effect.It seems like that it is the school alone which affect on students,however,the behavior is relative to the family situation closely.To those born in rich family,the measure may be insignificant.Hence,school alone is hard to encourage students to study because of the pressure of family and life etcetera which count a lot. （本段试图反驳对立观点，但理由不明确、没有具体例子。需要重新梳理理由和例子。）

As a whole,I agree that the school or college can impact on the desires of learning of students to some extent,but it is not the only factor affects.Learning is a matter needs the willingness of a person,which results from various aspects,educational institutions are just one of them.After all,it is personal discipline when choosing whether to study.It depends on the students themselves finally despite the efforts made by educational institutions. （本段表达混乱、思想不清楚。要重新整理，结尾段应重述首段中心论点。）

憋了两个小时字数还是太少，这个话题实在写不出，求大家给意见~~

（BEN总评：本文最大的问题是consistence即前后连贯。理由一及例子与首段论点呼应并支持中心论点、回应题目要求[instruction]；理由二就不知所云了。最后是虎头蛇尾。是3分的水平。如果第二个理由及例子能达到第二段的水准，才有可能拿到4分。

具体标准请参看官方指南The Scoring Guide）

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