[a习作temp] argument218 被狠拍后继续求拍 -.- [复制链接]

richiesong
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-4-4 15:23:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

限时时最后那句To better assess没写完,后来补的.
TOPIC: ARGUMENT218 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Hyper-Go Toy Company.

"Last year, sales of our Fierce Fighter toy airplane declined sharply, even though the toy had been a top seller for three years. Our customer surveys show that parents are now more worried about youthful violence and are concerned about better education for their children. Therefore, to maintain profits we should discontinue all our action toys and focus exclusively on a new line of educational toys. Several other toy companies have already begun marketing educational toys and report sales increases last year of 200 percent. And since the average family income is growing, sales of new Hyper-Go toys should also increase."
WORDS: 411 TIME: 0:30:00 DATE: 2007-4-4

While the arguer cites several facts, surveys, and other companies' information, it is hardly to conclude that the Hyper-Go Toy Company (HGT) should focus on the new line of educational toys and discontinue all their action toys to increase their sales and maintain the profits. It is attempting to agree at the first sight, however, the arguer masks too many factors and might led the investment to failure due to some ill-grounded assumptions.

To begin with, the arguer fails to point out the real factors why the sales of one of their products declined sharply. It is possible that the market of this kind of toy is full, while such a fact can not tell other action toys do not have the prosperous future. It is entirely possible the children will be crazy on the new type. Without ruling out the real reasons for the decrease, it is hardly appropriate to make conclusion upon the no market assumption.

Moreover, the surveys cited have nothing to do with the market of action toys. The arguer ignores other more important factors like violent television and movies which may lead their child to be more violent. Sometimes, the action toys can also give child a positive understanding to work harder for their future. No data and survey reflects those action toys work a detrimental effect to the youth and the parents will only buy educational toys rather than action toys to their children..

Even if the fore-going assumptions are grounded, the HGT does not necessary exclusively focus on the educational toys. Firstly, other company's success might not be easily reproduced without study, investigation, and comparison among them. Further, the arguer neglects the challenges from their toy competitors. According to the other company's report, the HGT might only get a little part of the new market of educational toys. If thus, such a adjustment would be a disaster for HGT: lose their own current market of action toys, and also lose the new one.

Finally, the arguer fails to conclude the sales of new Hyper-Go toys will increase due to the growing of average family income. Perhaps the daily-life expense there is increase largely, or the current economy is inflated: money has not worth that before. If such a possibility is true, the family has to given up to buy new toys.

In sum, these evidences above lend little credible support to the conclusion. To bolster the claim, the arguer must make a deeper investigation of the market and the reason why their old action toy can not sell well. To better assess the survey, the arguer should provide more attitudes and options from the parents towards the action toys and educational toys.

[ 本帖最后由 richiesong 于 2007-4-5 16:43 编辑 ]

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ILOVEISSUE
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沙发

发表于 2007-4-5 00:31:10 |只看该作者

While the arguer cites several facts, surveys, and other companies' information, it is hardly to conclude that the Hyper-Go Toy Company HGT should focus on the new line of educational toys and discontinue all their action toys to increase their sales and maintain the profits. It is attempting to agree at the first sight, imong说过这种自相矛盾的话最好不要写however, the arguer masks too many factors and might led the investment to failure due to some ill-grounded assumptions.

To begin with, the arguer fails to point out the real factors why the sales of one of their products declined sharply.失败的ts，简简单单一句没有考虑其他因素，那到底要攻击作者的逻辑错误呢？不是为了举反例而举反例。 It is possible that market of this kind of toy is full, while such a fact can not tell other action toys do not have the prosperous future. It is entirely possible the children will be crazy on the new type.这个反例举得同样失败，首先，逻辑来绕去，让人读得巨不舒服，其次这个反例完全不能完全紧密围绕ts。Ts是没有指出真正原因，那就写些几个原因就好了嘛，而这么多没有道理的推理完全不必 Without ruling out the real reasons for the decrease什么叫排出真正的原因？把真正的原因排出，还证明什么？, it is hardly appropriate to make conclusion upon the no market assumption.不只道想说什么
错误找得失败，攻击同样失败，4句话句句失败，这一段彻底失败

Moreover, the surveys cited have nothing to do with the market of action toys. The arguer ignores other more important factors like violent television and movies which may lead their child to be more violent.偏离ts，ts既然说survey与market无关，那就论述怎么无关，而lz却说到其它的因素，逻辑条跃太严重。有其他因素又能说明什么？谁说不关actions toys的事了？Sometimes, the action toys can also give child a positive understanding to work harder for their future. 没头没脑的一句，和前文没有人任何逻辑关系No data and survey reflects those action toys work a detrimental effect to the youth and the parents will only buy educational toys rather than action toys to their children..又是不知所云的一句话
评语同第一段，并且这段结构都已经混乱至极，每句话之间没有任何逻辑关系，好像想到什么说什么。我们写的是驳论文，而不是散文

Even if the fore-going assumptions are grounded, the HGT does not necessary exclusively focus on the educational toys. Firstly, other company's success might not be easily reproduced without study investigation, and comparison among them.这又能说明什么呢？谁说我们没有investigation, comparison . Further, the arguer neglects the challenges from their toy competitors. According to the other company's report, the HGT might only get a little part of the new market of educational toys. If thus, such a adjustment would be a disaster for HGT: lose their own current market of action toys, and also lose the new one.终于看到几句像样点的话了，感动。。。

Finally, the arguer fails to conclude作者怎么会fails to conclude 当然conclude了 the sales of new Hyper-Go toys will increase due to the growing of average family income. Perhaps the daily-life expense there is increasedecrease吧 largely, or the current economy is inflated: money has not worth that before.没必要解释一下通货膨胀什么意思吧，再说通货膨胀怎么会造成income下降呢，说不定还会上升呢 If such a possibility is true, the family has to given up to buy new toys.
没有深度的一段，几乎没有看到和题目中有关的内容

In sum, these evidences above lend little credible support to the conclusion. To bolster the claim, the arguer must make a deeper investigation of the market and the reason why their old action toy can not sell well. To better assess the survey, the arguer should provide more attitudes and options from the parents towards the action toys and educational toys.

终于看完了，读得我快崩溃了

逻辑太混乱了。。。
应该没有4分吧
这篇文章我以前碰巧写过，不是太好，凑合着参考一下吧

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richiesong
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板凳

发表于 2007-4-5 09:31:22 |只看该作者

被批得相当的惨阿-.- 看来还是描述方面有大问题,感觉自己其实问题是都找到的.
谢谢, 我按照楼上大侠的评语把自己文章又改了一遍, 应该会好点了. 希望大家能够再帮忙看看:(
还有4天考了, 55

While the arguer cites several facts, surveys, and other companies' information, it is hardly to conclude that the Hyper-Go Toy Company HGT should focus on the new line of educational toys and discontinue all their action toys to increase their sales and maintain the profits. Close scrutiny of evidence provided reveals that the arguer masks too many factors and might led the investment to failure due to some ill-grounded assumptions.

To begin with, mere the fact of sales of Fierce Fighter toy airplane is no indication that HGT should cease lines of action toys. The arguer neglects other factors why the sales of one of their products declined sharply. It is possible that the market of this kind of toys, Fierce Fighter toy, is full, while other sorts of action toys are still fabulously welcome in the market. Perhaps the current economy is not very well, so parents need to economize their expense, and consequently can not buy all kinds of toys. Without accounting for other reasons for the decrease, it is too haste to make such a conclusion that all action toys do not have any market, and then HGT should discontinue the production of them.

Moreover, the surveys cited have little indication that parents will buy educational toys rather than action toys. Common sense tells that parents are more willing to buy toys which can do more educational effect to their children, but the dominant intention is to satisfy their needs. In addition, no data and survey reflects those action toys work a detrimental effect to the youth like violent television program or movie. Possibly from an opposite perspective, the action toys can sometimes serve to give child a positive understanding to work harder with enthusiasm.

Even if the fore-going assumptions are grounded, the HGT does not need to exclusively focus on the educational toys. Firstly, other company's success might not be easily reproduced without study investigation, and comparison among them based on the mere data on their increase of sales in the memo. Perhaps they have some peculiar patents of their educational toys which HGT can not mimic. Further, the arguer neglects the challenges from their toy competitors. According to the other company's report, the HGT might only get a little part of the new market of educational toys. If thus, such an adjustment would be a disaster for HGT: lose its own current market of action toys, and also lose the new one.

Finally, the deduction that the growing of average family income will result in the increase of the sales of new HGT toys is also ill-grounded. Perhaps the basic daily-life expense is increased much more largely, and thus the family has no available money to buy new toys.

In sum, these evidences above lend little credible support to the conclusion. To bolster the claim, the arguer must make a deeper investigation of the market and the reason why their old action toy can not sell well. To better assess the survey, the arguer should provide more attitudes and options from the parents towards the action toys and educational toys.

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