[作文路上] 从Friends里学红宝单词的使用 [复制链接]

Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes!
(They all run and join her at the window.)
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.

Ross: (entering) What's going on?
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: What?! What?!
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!

Monica: You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler: Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.
Monica: Okay, now you're even cuter!!
Chandler: Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say.

Ross: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?
Ross: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you can probably see it from the window. (They all head to the window.)

Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps—She knows!

Monica: Unless…
Joey: No! Not unless! Look this must end now!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So…
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!

Chandler: Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the phone so that Monica can hear it as well.)
Phoebe: Eh?
Chandler: Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.

Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but—I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.

Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.

Joey: All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!
Chandler: (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
Joey: What's the matter?!
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know…

Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Monica: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.

Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.

Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
Phoebe: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)

Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
Ben: Hi!
Monica: Hi Ben!
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!

Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: (in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….

Phoebe: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!

Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big…
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)

Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Ross: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! (Grabs some of her shelf.)
Joey: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.

Monica: We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!

Joey: You don't know!
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Joey: (gasps) YOU KNOW!!!!
Rachel: AND YOU KNOW!!!

[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathy’s play.]
Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Ross: People can hear you.
Chandler: I know!!

Kathy's Co-Star: Is that an expensive blouse?
Kathy: If you want it to be.
(Kathy’s co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandler’s mouth is on the floor.)
Ross: Here’s your girlfriend’s button. (Holding the button.)

(Rachel enters)
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just…(Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it)…throw your purses at it.
Rachel: Bloomingdale’s eliminated my department. (Phoebe gasps)

Joey: (entering) Hey! (Goes to the fridge.)
Monica: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You can’t eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) There’s gravy?
Monica: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, that’s your department now. (She takes back the turkey leg)
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
Monica: What are you doing?
Joey: I think I left a donut up here.

Phoebe: Ooh! How was Kathy’s play?
Ross: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin’ guy.
Chandler: Yeah, it’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Phoebe: That’s a good idea for a business!
Chandler: I’m totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then they’re gonna go to their cast parties and he’s gonna try to undermine me. Y'know it’ll be like, "So where’s your boyfriend, what’s-his-name, Chester?" And she’ll go, "No-no-no, it’s Chandler." And he’ll go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Chandler: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Joey: Chandler, look they’re actors. They’re there to do a job, just ‘cause they work together, doesn’t mean they’re gonna get together. I mean just ‘cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen with them.
Ross: Oh-oh, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
Joey: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
Ross: Yeah.

Joey: Well okay, so then you’re fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it’s hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It’s when the heat goes away, that’s when you’re in trouble.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Look, you guys have been to every play I’ve ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?
Ross: No.
Joey: Noooo!!

Chandler: Okay, okay, but don’t worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which I’m fairly certain are the same thing.

Ross: Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.
Monica: (laughs) Please, it’s a relief is what it is, is what it is.

Rachel: Hi!
Joshua: Hi, I’m Joshua.
Rachel: Hi, I’m Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife…
Rachel: Oh, I’m so sorry.
(He walks over to look and some clothes and Rachel quickly turns around and adjusts her bra, trying to show off her assets.)

Chandler: I’m right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now there’s no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Ross: All right, let’s not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.

Kathy: Clearly, I’m having sex with him?
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Kathy: Okay, so let me just get this straight. You’re accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?

Rachel: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
Phoebe: Rachel has a new doll.

Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joey’s.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Monica: Nah, I got it.
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joey’s.)

Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It’s just so frustrating!
Phoebe: Why don’t you ask him out?
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! That’s such a turn-on!
Rachel: Really? It doesn’t seem desperate?
Joey: Oh-ooh, that’s the turn-on.

Chandler: That’s not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There’s a lot of theories that didn’t pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Chandler: Oh my God!!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she should’ve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Joey: Okay, for next time, what do you say?
Rachel: I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.

Phoebe: How? How is your fault?
Chandler: Because, I-I should’ve called! Y’know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would’ve gone out with Nick, and they would’ve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break…

Phoebe: (To Chandler) We’re practically kissing. (Makes a kissy face and winks at him.)

Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?

Ross: I’m sorry, it’s just one of my last nights together before she leaves for camp—to be a counselor!
Monica: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?

Ross: Uh-uh—Wow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesn’t really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, I’m the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Joey: That’s not what she said last night. (Ross glares at him.)
Rachel: See? Now, he could date her.

Monica: Hi guys.
Chandler: (To Monica) You are beautiful.
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) What’s going on?
Rachel: (breaking up) We’re just really…very excited about this charity event that we have to go to.

Phoebe: So now what’s going on here?
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.

Second Dorm Guy: Put your balloons down!
The Girls: You put your balloons down!!
First Dorm Guy: You put your balloons down!!
(Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender. Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.)
Ross: (screaming) Everybody put their balloons down!!! (There is a temporary cease fire.) Now this is a nice suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.)

Monica: (interrupting him) Oh my God!
Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it.

Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Chandler: Hey-hey, hey! (Gets up and hugs him.) I don’t know why I did that!
Monica: Hey, it’s good to see you!

Mr. Thompson: (approaching) Mr. Tribbiani.
Joey: Oh hi!
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.

(An awkward silence ensues.)
Richard: It’s so great seeing you guys again. I’d like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds it’s morning and is refreshed."
Monica: Ohh.
Chandler: What?!

Monica: Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just can’t get out of!
Ross: Y’know, maybe she is too young for me. Y’know, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I don’t know what to do.
Monica: Why don’t you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean that’s what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.

Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesn’t want to get married?
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.

Monica: Well that’s a little crazy. Although I am y’know glad to hear that you’re branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
Chandler: Yeah, well… Y’know, it just got me thinking though, why would anybody ever want to get married huh?
Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!
Chandler: Eh…

Rachel: Isn’t it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin’ married.
Phoebe: I know, they’re gonna be so happy together.

Monica: Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?!
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why don’t you put down your copy of ‘The Rules’ huh mantrap?!
Monica: Y’know what?! I gotta go! Ugh!

Rachel: We’re gonna find love!
Phoebe: Definitely!
Rachel: Yeah, I’m pretty confident about that. That’s what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Rachel: Well y’know, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time they’re 40, they marry each other.
Phoebe: You mean a backup?
Rachel: Exactly!

Rachel: Wh… So… If neither of you are married by the time you’re 40, you’re gonna marry Joey.
Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.

Rachel: Yeah, love. It’s a tricky business isn’t it?
Ross: I guess so.
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time we’re 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and we’ve-we’ve already slept together so y’know there’ll be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "What’s that?!"
Ross: Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup.
Rachel: Exactly.

Phoebe: No wait! Just—Okay—Just wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Don’t make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week.
Rachel: Oh God, Phoebe!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) I’m talking about massages.
Rachel: Oh.

Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.

Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?

Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Chandler: Huh.
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.

Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'

Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.

Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Joey: No.
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."

All: Yeah. Hate him.
Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?
All: ...No, we hate him.
Rachel: We're sorry.

Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.

Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.

Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Rachel: Wow.
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Ross: So Joey, you okay?
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.

Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachel’s not in the same place you are.
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring to is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Phoebe: Okay, I didn’t understand that, but y’know, maybe that’s ‘cause you were speaking the secret language of love!

Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, y’know? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Monica: No.
Chandler: Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Let’s discuss it before we reject it completely."
Monica: Oh, I’m sorry. Of course I mean that. Interesting idea, umm, talk about it, but no.
Chandler: So, that’s it?
Monica: I just don’t think arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques.
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! It’s the oldest game!
Monica: What do you have against the beautiful guest room?
Chandler: I don’t have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!
Monica: Are you mocking me?
Chandler: No, I’m not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)

Chandler: (reading the ad) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Nice!
Joey: Yeah? I just figured y’know, after living with you it’d be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, y’know? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone who’s different than me. And what’s more different than me; a guy who’s not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!

Rachel: Pheebs, I have to ask you…
Phoebe: Shhhhhh! I’m swamped right now.

Rachel: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; (Points to one and starts to read it.) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." It’s just, there is nothing! The city’s full!
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay…" Oh, yeah, but it’s on the ground floor.

Rachel: That sounds great! I’d love to live at Warren’s!! I love Warren! Thank you!
Ross: Don’t thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization. (Rachel just looks at him.) Here’s Warren’s number.

Monica: Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!
Chandler: All right! That’s fine! That’s fine! I won’t bring over the chairs! I won’t bring anything over! I wouldn’t want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandma’s place!! (Storms out.)

The Potential Roommate: Oh don’t worry, I’m not really a party girl.
Joey: Whoa!! Now look, don’t be just blurtin’ stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay?

Chandler: Why did you take the shower curtain down?
Joey: That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) I’m very safety conscious.

Rachel: No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.
Ross: What?! Over a stupid room!
Rachel: Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but I’m also really psyched ‘cause I don’t have to move in here!
Ross: Oh no, yeah no, that part’s great!

Ross: Well, apparently not, and I can’t just stand by and watch two people I care about so much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness!
Chandler: Well, why don’t you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks him and he joins in.)
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look I’ve known you both a long time, and I’ve never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as you’ve been since you’ve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Monica: Love is the best medicine.
Chandler: That’s laughter.

Monica: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.
Ross: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isn’t about the room, this is about what the room…represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachel’s room) could destroy you!!
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not so worried.
Monica: Yeah, no, me neither.
Ross: Fine! It’s your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just don’t want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, but that’s what you want, there’s nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DON’T DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)

Ross: (To Rachel) So umm, where are the other guys?
Rachel: Umm, well let’s see Monica and Chandler are occupied.
Ross: Fighting?!
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think it’s great they work things out.

Rachel: Look, y’know I know my life’s going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people who’ve accomplished so many other goals by the time they’re thirty.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you shouldn’t compare yourself to me.

Monica: Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.
Ross: Hey! That was a practical purchase! I needed that car for transportation! Okay? I-I have a child!

Chandler: Ross, a sports car? Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to just stuff a sock down there?
Ross: That’s not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars.
Joey: Hey, what’s the horsepower on this thing?
Ross: (giddy) I don’t know, but-but look how shiny!
Monica: I can’t believe you bought this.
Rachel: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? (To Phoebe, quietly) I know it’s really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.

Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monica’s gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurt’s my Joey’s Apple.
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. It’s not named for each individual man.

Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I can’t believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I can’t believe that you would have a tux that’s thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Geller’s shoulder.)
Mr. Geller: It’s older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.
Chandler: Ohh! (He quickly removes his hand and looks at it.)

Ursula: Yeah, we’re not thirty, we’re 31.
Phoebe: Nu-uh!
Ursula: Yea-huh! That’s what is says on my birth certificate.
Phoebe: You have your birth certificate?
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.

Rachel: What’s-what’s going on? Phil’s really pissed!
Chandler: Monica’s wasted.
Ross: Maybe that will liven up this party.

Mr. Geller: (filming this) Hey Chandler, you can’t keep your hands off her for one second!
Mrs. Geller: Oh-ho, I think it’s nice.
Chandler: I think it’s necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)

Chandler: Hey Pheebs, what’s up?
Phoebe: You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing.

Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you’ll let it go.
Chandler: Fine.

Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y’know it wouldn’t kill ya to respect your wife’s privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!

Chandler: So, how’s the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I just—I wish I didn’t feel this way about Rachel anymore, y’know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think…I think Ross feels left out. Y’know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God… You should’ve seen the look on Ross’s face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what I’m doing here. For all I know I’m just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: That’s a good idea.
Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Well, it’s not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y’know? You’re doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if you’re in there, could you pass me my credit card?

Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
Phoebe: Okay. Okay but you should know though, I’ve raised my rates to $200 an hour.
Monica: Okay.

Monica: No Chandler, you don’t understand! (Chandler starts singing the theme for Sanford and Son, an old TV show starring Redd Fox.) Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I’m y’know…I’m sick.
Chandler: No, honey you’re not sick! Look, I don’t love you because you’re organized, I love you in spite of that.

Joey: Y’know what’s more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y’know what’s even more generous than that?!!
Chandler: I see where you’re goin’!
Ross: What’s up with the greed Joe?

Ross: Oh, wait! Wait! Don’t you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you’ll get that job!
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!

Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody’s ass!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: After one class? I don’t think so.
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend you’re a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!

Phoebe: (deadpan) Come on Ross. We’re sorry. Please tell us what it is.
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!

Joey: And of course, crotchless panties.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I can’t do that we promised we’d make each other gifts this year.

Joey: (to the receptionist) Hi uh, I’m Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I’d like to donate some fluids.
Receptionist: We’re actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we’re not looking for applicants right now.
Joey: Oh that’s too bad. I’ve kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure there’s no studies I can participate in?
Receptionist: Well, here’s a schedule of what’s coming up. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)
Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It’s a twins study.

Ross: Y’know what? She’d-she’d love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, that’s the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, it’s an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn’t actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely.

Ross: No, I mean it’s okay, I mean, they’re-they’re my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
The Instructor: Let me get this straight man, you attacked your ex-wife?!
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldn’t. That’s why I’m here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-that’s a no.

Janice’s Voice: (singing) You’re look for laughable…(She does the now patented Janice laugh.)