0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 刚刚好 [复制链接]

刚刚好
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-5-29 21:51:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. He presents a sound case for arguing that if the publisher wants to find a way to make profit, they have to restrain the funds to the foreign bureaus and decrease the number of cover stories just like the competing news-magazines.

However, except the cover stories, the publisher is falling to consider that other possible alternatives may lead to poorest-selling. Such alternatives may include the fact that the price of this magazine was made too high for citizens to afford it, or that those districts where the magazine sold were suffering a financial crisis, the majority of the citizens have not extra money to buy it. It is also possible that the boring content makes consumers lost their interesting in it. In addition, the publisher has failed to consider whether the news contained were fresh, perhaps those “news” were never really news for the reason that they may happen some days ago that all the people know about. Furthermore, if the media in those areas such as broadcast, television and internet are all-pervading and all sorts of news spread quickly and widely, there is no doubt that people those who could gain fresh news in time will not pay excess money for the news magazine to read what they already know. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the publisher to focus on these trouble spots than to reduce the number of cover stories.

It is ridiculous to imitate the way of other competing magazines. Firstly, the article above does not mention the true reason why did other news-magazines decrease their cover stories. It is possible that not only international news stories were curtailed, but also the domestic news, because those publishers may have not enough funds to support the costs of production, or that over that period, it indeed lack plenty of international news worthy to report. Secondly, the article falls to illustrate whether they get profit from it after cutting. Maybe the public cannot accept the news magazine with less international news than ever before. After that, the situation of sales level may turn into even worse. Thirdly, if the publisher is the most powerful one in the area, it is useless to overly care about what other small publishers have done. Even if it is the poorest-selling over the past three years, the sales still absolutely surpass others without any question.

The speaker unwarrantedly assumes that the increased spending in foreign bureaus will burden the daily grind of the publisher. However, it is possible that, in comparison with the cost of the whole publisher, its increase in foreign bureaus only occupy little proportion in sum that could not affect the use of all the financing. Otherwise, do others department of the publisher operate costly than the foreign department? If so, it is controversial to curtail the spending of foreign bureaus first. In addition, even if the expenditure of it really cost, it may be welcomed among the people and may bring in a considerable return.

Overall, the reasoning behind decreasing our emphasis on international news and curtailing the spending of the foreign department seems logical as presented in the article of the publisher. However, before any final decisions are made about the restriction to the international news and the cost of it, people should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the poorest-selling. Again, the publisher needs to make an accurate definition of itself in the market. Finally, think carefully whether the investment could bring in a good return.

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XOXLOL
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沙发

发表于 2009-5-30 11:31:41 |只看该作者

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. He presents a sound case for arguing that if the publisher wants to find a way to make profit, they have to restrain the funds to the foreign bureaus and decrease the number of cover stories just like the competing news-magazines. ［简洁的开头，赞！但是opinion相对于restate太过简短会不会显得不够有力？］

However, except the cover stories, the publisher is falling（这里时态不理解，而且应该是“fail"吧?) to consider that other possible alternatives may lead to poorest-selling. Such alternatives may include the fact that the price of this magazine was made too high for citizens to afford it, or that those districts where the magazine sold were suffering a financial crisis, the majority of the citizens have not extra money to buy it. It is also possible that the boring content makes consumers lost their interesting(interests) in it. In addition, the publisher has failed to consider whether the news contained were fresh, perhaps those “news” were never really news for the reason that they may happen some days ago that all the people know about. Furthermore, if the media in those areas such as broadcast, television and internet are all-pervading and all sorts of news spread quickly and widely, there is no doubt that people those who could gain fresh news in time will not pay excess money for the news magazine to read what they already know. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the publisher to focus on these trouble spots than to reduce the number of cover stories. ［例子和连接词都用得很充分的一段，学习ing！］

It is ridiculous（这个词建议学术文章少用） to imitate the way of other competing magazines. Firstly, the article above does not mention the true reason why did other news-magazines decrease their cover stories. It is possible that not only international news stories were curtailed, but also the domestic news, because those publishers may（might) have not enough funds to support the costs of production, or that over that period, it indeed lack(lacked) plenty of international news worthy to report(这个小语法点一直很疑惑到底是“to report"还是“to be reported"，我很多时候都是凭语感，作者传教一下？). Secondly, the article falls to illustrate whether they get profit from it after cutting. Maybe the public cannot accept the news magazine with less international news than ever before. After that, the situation of sales level may turn into even worse（这里读得很奇怪，改成：“become worse"或者“turn into an even worse one"?). Thirdly, if the publisher is the most powerful one in the area, it is useless to overly care about what other small publishers have done. Even if it is the poorest-selling over the past three years, the sales still absolutely surpass others without any question.(这个论点有点牵强吧？）

The speaker unwarrantedly assumes that the increased spending in foreign bureaus will burden the daily grind of the publisher. However, it is possible that, in comparison with the cost of the whole publisher, its increase in foreign bureaus only occupy（occupies) little proportion in sum that could not affect the use of all the financing. Otherwise, do others department(other departments) of the publisher operate costly than the foreign department? If so, it is controversial to curtail the spending of foreign bureaus first(你的意思是in the first place?). In addition, even if the expenditure of it(这个it放这里很模糊，具体点比较好。） really cost, it may be welcomed among the people and may bring in a considerable return.

Overall, the reasoning behind decreasing our emphasis on international news and curtailing the spending of the foreign department seems logical as presented in the article of the publisher. However, before any final decisions are made about the restriction to the international news and the cost of it, people should evaluate all possible alternatives and causes for the poorest-selling. Again, the publisher needs to make an accurate definition of itself in the market. Finally, think carefully whether the investment could bring in a good return.
作者语言和逻辑都很赞！很注意文章承接关系，连接词用得相当充分！学习学习！
请问这个是限时的成果吗？作者准备argument多长时间了？

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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winning1030
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板凳

发表于 2009-5-31 01:33:08 |只看该作者

疯了！！！！！！！！！改好了，没保存，没啦！！！！！！！！！
算了，就不贴原文了
恩，问题是Such alternatives may include the fact that the price of this magazine was made too high for citizens to afford it, or that those districts where the magazine sold were suffering a financial crisis, the majority of the citizens have not extra money to buy it. 这些经济危机或者价格贵都是作用于所有的newsbeat的杂志的，所以你没有给出合理的解释为什么偏偏国际新闻的封面的卖的差。

很多好词。好的他因，学习了。但觉得不够简洁，我好久没写argument了，下载水平比较差，不好给出怎么样的建议，总之，写得不错。

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