[活动] 2009 作文小组招新 8.18第5次作业 [复制链接]

lsr91
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-8-20 21:01:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

8.20
創意（being creative）是否比計畫（planning carefully）更能find the best solution to a problem

My answer:
We all know that would be better if we have a good plan before we do something significant. I have to admit that it is more creatable that we do something with new idea, in other word, it is a choice that do with an instant idea. But most of things, for example, choose the major of university when you step into college, select a good partner when you are going to marry, should be careful when you face them. So I agree the point that makes a plan before do things.

With a good plan, we can decide what we would do before start. You might think it is a waste of time, but I think it is necessary. If we meet with a new problem/arrangement that we haven’t meet before, we couldn’t do anything with it. But if we have a plan, even we don’t acknowledge that, we can compare it with something we recognize. For instance, before human being started to research airplanes, we always think the principle of birds flying. Eventually, brother Rite came up with an idea of making planes. That’s the positive of making plans.

With a good plan, we can guess what the unknown problem would come. There is a story of computer, when people started to do some research on it, we cannot put Chinese words in it with keyboard. But when computer born, everyone didn’t anticipate except a Chinese scientist whose name is Wang Xuan. He wanted to be the first person that let Chinese come into computer. He used all his life doing research and development on it. And before he died, Chinese people could use keyboards to write Chinese into computers. That’s a huge contribution of Wang to China. If he didn’t plan that, we don’t know when we can do that.

With a good plan, we can elude what we could elude mistakes before and save time. I provide a simple example on it. When we face to a difficult calculation problem, we always need to do lots figures before we got the answer. In another way, we always find the easiest solution of the problem if we figure them before calculations. As same as doing other things, we need a excelled plan too.

Finally, I don’t deny that sometimes being creative can bring unanticipated gain. But personally speaking, it is better to make a plan that I won’t lost when I face to the problem.

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fancyww
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-21 10:29:29 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 fancyww 于 2009-8-21 10:33 编辑

We all know that(是从句的that还是主语的that？如果是主语的建议换成it) would be better if we have a good plan before we do something significant. （at the same time）I have to admit that it is more creatable(？该用creative吧，creatable=being able to be created) that we do something with new idea, in other word（总结句的提示词，不建议用在首段）, it is a choice that do with an instant idea. But most of（删） things, for example, choose the major of university when you step into college, select a good partner when you are going to marry， should be careful when you face them. So I agree the point that makes a plan before do things.不建议举例出现在首段，首段应该简洁明了的表面态度，也不建议还没表明立场就让步。而且整体感觉有点偏题，题目是find the solution to a problem,而不是to do things.应该紧扣对于解决问题计划和创意哪个更有效来写。 ; H2 c% d, u( ]

With a good plan, we can decide what we would do before start. You（不建议使用这么冲着读者的人称，用some people更好） may might think it is a waste of time, but I think it is necessary. If we meet with(meet是Vt，删) a new problem/arrangement that we haven’t(建议改用正规书面语，都不要缩写， have not) meet met before, we couldn’t cannot do anything with it（删）. But if we have a plan, even if we don’t do not acknowledge("承认"的意思，该用recognize) that the problem（指代不明确，感觉像指代plan，距离前面出现problem有点长了，写出problem）, we can compare it with something we recognize. For instance, before human being started to research invented airplanes, we always think the principle of birds flying.(建议写成：when human beings were trying to invent airplane, they got inspiration from flying birds.) Eventually, brother Rite came up with an idea of making planes. That’s the positive of making plans. 整个时态比较混乱，虚拟、过去、现在混杂。参考蓝色部分修改。飞机的例子举得不当，因为模范鸟类飞行像是发明者的creative thinking而非plan。

U) o5 r ]9 W: [! v- k# T
With a good plan, we can guess what the unknown problem would come.（we can forecast the coming of unkown problems） There(here) is a story of computer, when people started to do some research on it, we cannot put Chinese words in it with keyboard. But when computer born, everyone didn’t anticipate except a Chinese scientist whose name is Wang Xuan. He wanted to be the first person that let Chinese come into computer. He used all his life doing research and development on it. And before he died, Chinese people could use keyboards to write Chinese into computers. That’s a huge contribution of Wang to China. If he didn’t plan that, we don’t know when we can do that.这段意思我理解了，但句法很混乱。。。而且例子也没有体现plan的好处，即没有扣题句。 6 S o+ X% v- t! `" d! f: Y1 t

With a good plan, we can elude(没有显示出词汇丰富反倒显得用词生涩，prevent就好) what we could elude mistakes（这个是有语病的what和mistakes都是elude的宾语） before and save time. I provide a simple example on it. When we face to（face也是Vt，去掉to） a difficult calculation problem, we always need to do lots figures before we got the answer. In another way, we always find the easiest solution of the problem if we figure them before calculations. As same as doing other things, we need a excelled plan too.这个例子我就晕了，是不是想说，在做复杂数学计算时，有时候要花很长时间算，但如果在开始前花点时间考虑一下，就可能找到好方法，省时省力？如果是的话，写得也太模糊了点。 : U2 e0 f6 c( _9 a

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Finally, I don’t deny that sometimes being creative can bring unanticipated gain. （又来一个无反驳的让步，一般让步后面都紧接着一个反驳，如果纯让步，就给人一种没有立场的感觉）But personally speaking, it is better to make a plan that I won’t lost when I face to the problem.

优点：自己的思路还算清楚，虽然表达上问题较多，但我能从中明白作者意思，没有意思混乱穿插现象。

不足：主要在表达上和举例上。
1.基本语法错误点较多，动词意义和用法，从句的用法。在解决这个问题后，进阶要求是变换词语和句子。
2.举例的时候只图把故事讲完，基本没有扣题。举例子的句子比较混乱，尤其是最后一个点。
3.托福作文算是正规写作了吧，就不要出现won't、doesn't之类的缩写。

提上问题只是我从这篇文章看出的，或许作者这篇文章只是个失误，以前写得都很好。我快人快语，如有不妥，还望lz见谅。

ps，回去浏览了一下lz前天的写老师报酬的文章，文中也有不少语法和用词错误partner没有改出来。

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zhangjingyi29
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板凳

发表于 2009-8-21 12:45:30 |只看该作者

1# lsr91
We all know that it would be better if we have a good plan before we do something significant. I have to admit that it is more creatable that we do something with new idea, in other word, it is a choice that we do something with an instant idea. But most of things, for example, choosing the major of university when you step into college, selecting a good partner when you are going to marry, should be careful when you face them. So I agree with the point that making a plan before doing things. （注意以下语法）+ j* L" u$ S1 ^1 f
With a good plan, we can decide what we would do before starting. You might think it is a waste of time, but I think it is necessary.(some of the people may hold the opinion of planning may be a waste of time, but in my point of view, I really think it is necessary) If we meet with a new problem/arrangement that we haven’t met before, we couldn’t do anything with it. But if we have a plan, even we don’t acknowledge that, we can compare it with something we recognize. For instance, before human being started to research airplanes, we had always thought the principle of birds flying. Eventually, brother Rite came up with an idea of making planes. That’s the positive aspect of making plans. 8 o4 N3 V' f( Y8 z V% e3 A
' n; b, z7 o+ @9 j" a' v
With a good plan, we can guess what the unknown problem would come. There is a story of computer, when people started to do some research on it, we cannot put Chinese words in it with keyboard. But when computer was born, everyone didn’t anticipate except a Chinese scientist whose name is Wang Xuan. He wanted to be the first person that let Chinese come into computer.（这个人好像是invent the laser xerography in Chinese—不过我去网上查了一下，他是第四代的创始人，其实这个例子要使用在creative thinking我觉得会更好，不过你要说他have plan in mind也可以。。。吼吼吼） He used all his life doing research and development on it（developing it）. And before he died, Chinese people could use keyboards to write Chinese into computers(Chinese people could use computers to print clearer Chinese words—你再上网查查吧**). That’s a huge contribution of Wang to China. If he didn’t plan that, we don’t know when we can do that. P( b$ c) m. H% }5 v/ l" u
8 K+ ?! s+ O, H1 {
With a good plan, we can elude what we could elude mistakes before and save time.（we can avoid some mistakes that should be eluded and what’s more, it can leverage our time using） I provide a simple example on it. When we face to a difficult calculation problem, we always need to do lots of figures before we got the answer. In another way, we always find the easiest solution of the problem if we figure them before calculations. As same as doing other things,? we need an excelled plan too.

Finally, I don’t deny that sometimes being creative can bring unanticipated gain. But personally speaking, it is better to make a plan because I won’t lost when I face to the problem.
总的来说，观点还是很明确的，就是语言问题~~*加油哈@@有很大进步的说

^^*

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