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mollymollymolly
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16楼

发表于 2010-7-20 13:56:48 |只看该作者

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
There is an increasing concern over the issue about merchandisers as the development of the world business. The question that whether the profits are the ultimate and only goal of them has long been in the heated discussion. Some people believe that there is no doubt that  the traders are motivated by bills. Whereas  I hold a distinct opinion. That is  there are other explanations for their hard work such as the country’s development , personal dreams and hobbies. The reasoning is in the following passage.
First of all, for some people, the progress of the nation is the motivation that  drive them to make great achievements in trading . The reason can be explained as that commercial typically has became a criteria of the reputation of  a  country. It is the goal  to improve the well-being of the whole country make some people to spend effort to make money. Remember that famous figure in our country- Li zhang .He own a good reputation in our community for his great success and  endowers . When he was young , he saw the poor in the streets and the old districts which need repairments. He made up his mind to prompt the development of his country. He work hard to  provide  fund into the construction sheltering the poor and improving the appearance of those districts. He achieved great advancement  with the aim to  develop the country in mind. The list will be endless if we try to make an inventory of  such examples. There is a alternative for the motivation of the businessmen.
Second, personal value is anther kind of desire that can make commercials to fight. The notion behind this is also quite straightforward. It is human nature that one is inclined to find his or her potential by various methods. Business is fairly  a superb  way to fulfill one value. Take my cousin as a characteristic example. When he graduated from university as a medical student . He was provided with a high-paid job in a hospital. What surprised whole family was that he  denied that comfortable job. Instead, he registered a company . He told us that he didn’t waist his talent, he would like the feeling of verifying his value rather than a enjoying a mere wealthy and cozy  life.The cases of this kind are not rare Their actions tell us also the sense of achievement can be counted as a sort of incentive.
Last but not least, matching  with the goal to enhance the well-being of the nation and to realize one’s value is the interest of the person that can drive him or her to take part in business affairs. Common sense tell us every one has hobbies. Some people choose the hobby as their career and then develop this hobby into a part of  transactions. If  we  want to know how a person can be driven by hobby to devote to trade, let us have a look at Steven Jobs, the CEO of APPLE. When he was a youngster. He love to deal with computer. Great efforts was devoted by him to this area. He wanted to  make a kind of PC that is appealing and functional .This serve as a hobby. Subsequently, he gained fame , fund  and fulfillment about hobby that is extremely important among the 3 results. Stories abound of this kind. This shows that one’s talent and hobbies can also be a intention of traders.
All in all,  along with money , aims for benefits of the whole community and for realizing  one’s potential and value as well as personal  hobbies  are able to motive businessmen. Considering those facts , I am confident to say that money is far from the only reason why commercials enter the area.

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frlender
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17楼

发表于 2010-7-20 16:26:55 |只看该作者

12# mollymollymolly
All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major。People are paying increasing concern over the issue of education as the developmen ...
frlender 发表于 2010-7-18 12:44

从内容来看，楼主论证丰满，用例准确，分论点明确且紧扣主旨，非常不错

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mikestone
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18楼

发表于 2010-7-21 19:51:44 |只看该作者

哈哈，改完了。。。

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祝各位顺利飞跃！

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101rose
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19楼

发表于 2010-7-21 21:01:17 |只看该作者

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
There is an increasing concern over the issue about merchandisers as the development of the world business. The question that whether the profits are the ultimate and only goal of them has long been in the heated discussion. Some people believe that there is no doubt that  the traders are motivated by bills. Whereas  I hold a distinct opinion. That is  there are other explanations for their hard work such as the country’s development , personal dreams and hobbies. The reasoning is in the following passage.
First of all, for some people, the progress of the nation is the motivation that  drive them to make great achievements in trading . The reason can be explained as that commercial typically has became a criteria of the reputation of  a  country. It is the goal  to improve the well-being of the whole country make some people to spend effort to make money. Remember that famous figure in our country- Li zhang .He own a good reputation in our community for his great success and  endowers . When he was young , he saw the poor in the streets and the old districts which need repairments repair. He made up his mind to prompt the development of his country. He work hard to  provide  fund into the construction sheltering the poor and improving the appearance of those districts. He achieved great advancement  with the aim to  develop the country in mind. The list will be endless if we try to make an inventory of  such examples. There is a alternative for the motivation of the businessmen.本来以为这是一个自然段的排比句，可是没有在后面的段落中看到，建议加上。
Second, personal value is anther kind of desire that can make commercials to fight. The notion behind this is also quite straightforward. It is human nature that one is inclined to find his or her potential by various methods. Business is fairly  a superb  way to fulfill one value. Take my cousin as a characteristic example. When he graduated from university as a medical student . He was provided with a high-paid job in a hospital. What surprised whole family was that he  denied that comfortable job. Instead, he registered a company . He told us that he didn’t waist waste his talent, he would like the feeling of verifying his value rather than a enjoying a mere wealthy and cozy  life.The cases of this kind are not rare Their actions tell us also the sense of achievement can be counted as a sort of incentive.
Last but not least, matching  with the goal to enhance the well-being of the nation and to realize one’s value is the interest of the person that can drive him or her to take part in business affairs. Common sense tell us every one has hobbies. Some people choose the hobby as their career and then develop this hobby into a part of  transactions. If  we  want to know how a person can be driven by hobby to devote to trade, let us have a look at Steven Jobs, the CEO of APPLE. When he was a youngster. He love to deal with computer. Great efforts was devoted by him to this area. He wanted to  make a kind of PC that is appealing and functional .This serve as a hobby. Subsequently, he gained fame , fund  and fulfillment about hobby that is extremely important among the 3 results. Stories abound of this kind. This shows that one’s talent and hobbies can also be a intention of traders.
这段例子有点语法错误
All in all,  along with money , aims for benefits of the whole community and for realizing  one’s potential and value as well as personal  hobbies  are able to motive businessmen. Considering those facts , I am confident to say that money is far from the only reason why commercials enter the area.

建议：有时间写这么长的话，不如最后多花点时间检查一下语法方面的小错误可能效果更好~
马上就考了，加油~~~

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mollymollymolly
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20楼

发表于 2010-8-31 23:00:07 |只看该作者

young school children(age5-10) are required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science, history. Do you agree or disagree

When cheering the progress of technology in contemporary world, people are paying increasing concern over the topic of education. The issue of whether young children are supposed to learn courses about art and music has long been in the heated discussion. Some people contend that  classes on such subjects as math, language, science and history are adequate for kids’ future development, whereas I hold the assertion that the youth ought to take courses on art and music in addition to basic subjects. Art and music not only enable kids to relax and to give better performance in other subjects ,but also they make it easier for children to find their talent in the realm of art.
In the first place, children suffer from so great pressure in school that they can relive from burden by learning art and music. Children today are faced with far more stress than decades ago. They are taught by parents to get high scores in standardized tests. Also , with the explosion of population, kids today confronted more competition. If not dealt with properly , the pressure can lead to  terrible consequence.  As we all know, listening to the soothing music an appreciate the painting  sever as means to relax for people. For children , music and art classes will benefit their mental state by  reliving their pressure. For example, in my  little sister’s school, deans arranged several art classes a week in order to adjust students’ schedule to make kids more efficient at study .My sister get into the habit that she would choose to listen the mp3 or watching masterpieces when taking a break. I think it really do good to her overall performance. I think no one will deny that art and music education are needed for relaxation of children.
In the second place, another contributory factor for my view is that the command of music and art  assist the study of other subjects. The notion behind is not hard to understand. Virtually, all subjects are  connected by basic principles. Getting familiar with a certain course  will help the understanding  of other subjects. Researches have already proved this. In one research, kids who have basic knowledge of art and music usually do better in other subjects as well than other children who do not. Studying art and music, kids  not only  learn more useful knowledge, but also  might well perform better in other fields. Isn’t it beneficial to arrange classes as art and music in to class schedule?
Last but not least, these classes enable children to find their talent and interest in artistic field.  In contemporary world, parents who go with the stream might ignore the fact that their children could do better in art and music. Children are told to study hard and  do not realize their  real interest and strength. It is believed that individuals can develop  in all directions . Isn’t it good for kids to be a artist in future. exposed to art, children can find their talent when they are young. It is definitely good for kids to develop their talent at a early stage because the minds of kid are more plastic. The earlier  , the better. Take my litter sister as an example again. She benefit from the art classes in her school because she and her parents were surprised to find that she is good at music. Then ,my uncle and aunty sent her to special training school. As a result,she distinguished herself among her peers. Her teacher consider her as a promising musician. Exposure to music and art in class should better be required in terms of long-term career development as well.
All in all, exposing students to art and music in classes bring  both high efficiency  and  better performance in learning other subjects  , also it help students find their talent and strength. Considering those facts, I think no one will deny my point that school for young kids ought to arrange art and music into their class schedule.

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