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[主题活动] 818 习作求互改!大家可以把自己的练习也发到这里来,互相批改! [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-7-12 11:37:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
argument第一篇:100题(爵士乐那篇)
  
while it may be profitable to set up a jazz club in  

Monoroe,the argument does not make a convincing case for this

precipitious decision.the argument is riddled with loopholes and

assumptions.
  Citing the population to attend last jazz festival and most

attractive radio programs, the arguer imply Monroe residents

love of jazz music.However,it is not cogent.Even if the gross

population seems considerable,it is possible to account for only

a little pecentage.Even assuming it is big pecentage, merely one

case of last summer cannot prove if popularity.Perhaps it is  

some attractive policys adopted by organizer not the jazz music

itself that attract people last summer.For example,free tickets

are provided to broad masses of residents,or advertise its Luck

Draw to fasinate people. In addition, the sucssesful audience

rating of "jazz nightly " seems jazz music is favored.However,

this phenominon make one suspect whether people would like to

join the club, for the reason that people are used to or like to

listening via broadcasting as argument provided. In conclusion,

even assuming jazz music is popular,we cannot guatantee people

would like to join the new club.
  Additionlly, the arguer implies that these famous musicians

are certaintly perform in Monroe,because they own their house in

Monroe.It is possible that musicians buy houses their just for

their retiremnt to have a serene and natural environment. even

if some musicians are likely to perform their, no evidence is

provided to demonstrate mostly jazz fans would like to attend,

perhaps, the price of tickets is prohibitive.
  Buiding upon the survey, the aruger implies that jazz fans are

willing to spend much on jazz music,so as to jazz club.However,

this assumption have a lot flaws. Are the statistics reliable?

The arguer assumes that nationwide statistics can apply equally

to Monroe residents.Yet this mighy not be the case due to

regional economic disparity. Perhaps Monroe is unfortunately

suffered from economic depression,so that people can afford to

join the club. Even assuming that people spend nearly or more

than $1,000 on jazz, it is too hastly to assume that people are

willing to buy for the new jazz club.Although, the nearest jazz

club is one hour away, no evidence shows that fans perfer the

new one to the old one. Perhaps, fans are accustomed to the old

club,maybe they can meet like-minded old friends there or so.
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沙发
发表于 2012-7-12 11:39:11 |只看该作者
批改必回批:lol

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板凳
发表于 2012-7-12 12:17:17 |只看该作者
楼主先整理下作文的格式吧,太乱

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地板
发表于 2012-7-12 13:15:43 |只看该作者
不好意思格式是有问题~重发一次
   while it may be profitable to set up a jazz club in  Monoroe,the argument does not make a convincing case for this precipitious decision.the argument is riddled with loopholes and assumptions.
   Citing the population to attend last jazz festival and most attractive radio programs, the arguer imply Monroe residents love of jazz music.However,it is not cogent.Even if the gross population seems considerable,it is possible to account for only a little pecentage.Even assuming it is big pecentage, merely one case of last summer cannot prove if popularity.Perhaps it is  some attractive policys adopted by organizer not the jazz music itself that attract people last summer.For example,free tickets are provided to broad masses of residents,or advertise its Luck Draw to fasinate people. In addition, the sucssesful audience rating of "jazz nightly " seems jazz music is favored.However, this phenominon make one suspect whether people would like to join the club, for the reason that people are used to or like to listening via broadcasting as argument provided. In conclusion, even assuming jazz music is popular,we cannot guatantee people would like to join the new club.
   Additionlly, the arguer implies that these famous musicians are certaintly perform in Monroe,because they own their house in Monroe.It is possible that musicians buy houses their just for their retiremnt to have a serene and natural environment. even if some musicians are likely to perform their, no evidence is provided to demonstrate mostly jazz fans would like to attend, perhaps, the price of tickets is prohibitive.
   Buiding upon the survey, the aruger implies that jazz fans are willing to spend much on jazz music,so as to jazz club.However, this assumption have a lot flaws. Are the statistics reliable? The arguer assumes that nationwide statistics can apply equally to Monroe residents.Yet this mighy not be the case due to regional economic disparity. Perhaps Monroe is unfortunately suffered from economic depression,so that people can afford to join the club. Even assuming that people spend nearly or more than $1,000 on jazz, it is too hastly to assume that people are willing to buy for the new jazz club.Although, the nearest jazz club is one hour away, no evidence shows that fans perfer the new one to the old one. Perhaps, fans are accustomed to the old club,maybe they can meet like-minded old friends there or so.

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RE: 818 习作求互改!大家可以把自己的练习也发到这里来,互相批改! [修改]
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818 习作求互改!大家可以把自己的练习也发到这里来,互相批改!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1394892-1-1.html
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