凉凉的作文贴。

凉言UID：2996787

3.22 独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help determine the future of children, or children are allowed to make their decision.

Some parents tend to control their children through ways of making every decision for children, they deem that only in this way can their children obtain a bright future. In my opinion, however, instead of determining the future of children, parents should allow their children to make their own decisions.

To start with, children have their own thoughts and dreams, they are totally able to decide by themselves what to do in the future. On the contrary, if parents are to determine the future of children, they may impose their desired but unaccomplished dreams when they were young on children. There is a possibility that parents' desired dreams are not what children want to do in the future, then a conflict between parents and children will take place. Whether or not children are forced to follow the future that their parents determine for them , definitely, the result will be negative.

Equally importantly, although parents are more experienced, their experience is merely about their own. It is children that know themselves better than anyone else even their parents. Some parents may know little about what their children like and what are they interested in as a result of few communications between parents and children. Plus, parents take it for granted that they know everything of their children including their gifts and talents, while the facts may be opposite. In such cases, how can parents determine our future? What if they choose a future that children have no interest in? Therefore, children are capable of deciding their own future just because they are aware of where their talents is, and they can choose what they both talented and interested.  

On the other hand, admittedly, it is helpful that parents assist children to make decisions. They are experienced. They are sophisticated. They know the world longer than us. To sum up, children should make decisions by themselves only with the help of their parents.

mpromanusUID：2565872

64# 凉言

嗯，是的，因为论述举例都是说spare time而不是vacation time，所以被认为是偏题了吧。22分是fair（17-23分）的高分，我觉得说明你语言okay啊，但是以偏题复议到good没什么机会，所以如果要再考多注意审题啦。加油~（包括我自己也要注意审题。。画圈圈。。）

凉言UID：2996787

63# mpromanus
额。。。所以分低是因为审题，而不是语言表述和例子么？。。
话说这次作文只有22分，总分100，都对写作丧失信心了。。。
灰常感谢姐姐的无私帮助！！真的！！！
鞠躬

mpromanusUID：2565872

62# 凉言

我又看了一遍，发现我上次帮你看的时候漏掉了一个很严重的问题。。误了你的考试，是我的错。。

就是题目问的是vacation time，而你论述的都是工作的spare time。这两个是不完全一样的。下班回家，周六周日，这是spare time。vacation time是包括工假，也就是下班回家周六周日之外你可以请假不上班的时间。。vacation time的多少和工作多不多没有必然关系。。你的例子实际上是工作太多导致spare time太少而不是vacation time太少。。=.=

（我竟然会犯这么粗心的错误。。面壁画圈圈去了。。:mad: ）

凉言UID：2996787

麻烦姐姐帮我看看，谢谢了~！

mpromanusUID：2565872

50# 凉言

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism can not succeed.

Currently, instead of working on a project merely by one person, an increasing number of people tend to cooperate in a group (Do these people tend to cooperate in 'A group' - as in 'one single group'? This is quite possibly affected by your first language. Now, we do say 大家在一个团队里合作, but if you think about it, this Chinese expression is more often addressed to a specific set of 大家 rather than 'people' in a general sense. When you are talking about general cases, one simple rule is to keep the singular/plural setting consistent, unless you do intend to mean otherwise. People cooperate in groups. A person joins a team - you get the picture.)
to chase (This has a rather negative connotation. I'd suggest 'strive for'.) one goal. During (Why not 'while'? If you use 'during', then 'working' becomes a gerund - and gerunds tend to make sentences difficult.) working together with others, criticisms and even conflicts may occur. Some people claim that people who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed in a team. The assertion is, in my view, reasonable and considerate, and I maintain that criticisms also facilitates one group member’s ability to attain success (This whole 'facilitate' part is very awkward, because you normally 'facilitate' a meeting or a conference (in a business setting), but not 'facilitate an ability'..You just don't use certain words with certain other words.)

On the one hand, in one group members who cannot accept others' criticisms may lack of the spirit of cooperation, which is extremely essential in team-play. It is the cooperation of group members that combines each individual's merit and excellence together. On the contrary, if one lacks the consciousness of collaboration, even though he/she is adept in one area, a bunch (The way you use very sophisticated words interlaced with very informal ones is surely very interesting..and it might be an indication that your vocabulary is not comprehensive enough.) of other subjects may be beyond his/her range of knowledge, and he/she does not discuss with others either. The result will definitely be negative for one’s overall development. Thereby, those who reject others’ criticisms may not obtain ('achieve') success due to a deficiency in the sense of cooperation.

In addition, people who are not willing to accept other's critique might not discover their own blemishes, and thus, they are not able to correct their errors. There is little possibility that one can always be perfectly accurate. Without criticisms from others, who may judge from a subject perspective, seldom can one improve the viewpoint (What viewpoint?) or himself/herself. Provided one maintains an idea (I think I've seen more than one person using the phrase 'maintain an idea'..and I also think that you should use 'hold on to/insist on/persist on an idea' instead..) but never revises it, he/she would make the same mistake again and again, and consequently success is hard for him/her. As discussed above, people who do not accept others’ criticisms cannot attain success because of insisting on incorrect opinions all the time.

On the other hand, criticisms strengthens one's capacity of tolerating mean or even unfair comments (I personally don't think criticism itself increases one's capacity for negative comments..but the ability to accept criticism does..), which may afterwards cultivate one to be an open-minded person. When I was a child, I was often criticized as incapable of using? English. At first, I repelled such comments and took them as ill-intentioned. As my age grew, I started to understand some of them ('Them' comments? Because I think you really meant 'commentors'..) really wanted to help me and that help, in the form of criticism, required courage and genuine friendship. So I began to take advices, no matter mean or not. To my surprise, not only was my English noticeably improved, but I also made more friends and was much happier than before. Therefore, I think criticism helps people obtain success by tempering their nature.

Although, admittedly, others' criticizing may not be completely correct, it indeed helps one examine his/her weaknesses or limitations. Therefore, I strongly agree with the assertion that people who do not accept criticism cannot gain success.


总结：


这篇的论述很好，就是有些表意还不是非常清晰的地方需要注意，另外就是你的词汇和句式大部分都很正式，但是偶尔会出现很随便的用词，就很扎眼。如果不是表达上的需要，请特别注意全篇风格的统一。

lv1015UID：2505136

4.16独立改好了 55# 凉言

das_postkarteUID：3012913

416独立批改~~:loveliness:

das_postkarteUID：3012913

415独立批改~~:loveliness:

lv1015UID：2505136

47# 凉言

das_postkarteUID：3012913

抱歉抱歉，今天有事，批改的作文明天补上！:loveliness:

凉言UID：2996787

感谢修改的同学~鞠躬

892524570UID：2975104

批改啦~~~

凉言UID：2996787

快考试了！又进入了难产阶段、。。- -求指教！！

kkndkkndUID：2692699

改好了，突破20贴了...cong自己一个