Daily Writing Camp-作文特训小组--wendy的作文贴，欢迎互改

wendy316UID：2566643

这是 本人的第2篇独立作文，用时2小时（好久啊，憋着出来的），8月27日考试，看了论坛上很多人写的之后，决定鼓足勇气交流下（总觉得自己只有高中水平），谢谢大家，欢迎互改。


9/11/2009
Do you agree with the following statement?
It is only worth watchingmovies that can teach us something about real life?


Movies, presenting everything to youin a straightforward form, play a significant role that can provide us experiencesin our social life, reflect miscellaneous historical senes, tell a fairy tale andgive us sufficient fantasy about the furture. Thus, we can hardly choose which movie we deserve to watch, as they all offer disparate informations that we need.

Admittedly, integrant movies relateand reflect reality in our current socity, reminding us the qualities we shouldhave. Forrest Gump, a movie which descibes a man acted by famous star Tom Hanks only have IQ of 75 and deformed legs when he was young, is inspring us. Although he suffered from these unfair destiny, his optimistic and fortitude spiritcolored his life which include being a shining member of football team incampus, being a hero who saved people lives in Vietnam War, being an ambassador representing the USA to join in the Pingpong competition in China and so on. As all the things he get through, he has a cathching phrase that life is like a bottle of chocalate, and you never know what you are going to get.

However, some movies are delectable for the eyes and other sensations. At the first glance, you would impress by the magnificant scene in three-dimension, four-dimension and IMAX. That’s why you like the series of Transformers, isn’t it? Hot and Sexy Magan Fox, imposing “blownup” in the battle scenes, and the moment that the autobots tansform dazzle theeyes. We pay our tickets to appreciate these, and it bears watching.

Moreover, it ls absolutely true that people nowadays undergo great pressure that come from various directions, including work, school, economy and so forth. Investigation shows that we should release pressure in appropriate ways, such as watching comedy movies. Kungfu Panda teaches us no more than that the good will always defeat the evil or youcan success if you really do your best. Whereas, it is fun that Po, the panda do Kungfu, do some cute movements and say something entertaining. Funny movies provide a temporary escape for the views who may betired because of either high-pace jobs or heavy study tasks. When it comes to reliving stress, noting is better than big langhs.

In summary, there are multifarious movies which bring us experience in real life, visual impact and happiness are definitely worth to watch. Only through watching, can we enjoy all the taste of movies, not only about teaching us in the real life.

jennifersoUID：3132548

Movies, presenting everything to you in a straightforward form, play a significant role that can (in providing)provide us experiences in our social life, reflect miscellaneous historical senes, tell a fairy tale（改成复数对应前面MOVIES） and give us sufficient fantasy about the furture(单词future). Thus, we can hardly choose which movie we deserve to watch, as they all offer disparate informations (information)that we need.8 x# Q+ T; G" `" ?2 M8 v& i) M2 I
& ]. X; X! j& `/ {  W+ l
Admittedly, integrant movies relate and reflect reality in our current socity(错误单词society), reminding （如果是与前面动词并列的话，用原形，如果是修饰movies，因为离主语太远，可能会引起语法上的歧义）us the qualities we should have. Forrest Gump, a movie which descibes a man acted by famous star Tom Hanks only have （has）IQ of 75 and deformed legs when he was young, is inspring us.(和前面的问题一样，修饰离主语太远了，会引起歧义) Although he suffered from these unfair destiny, his optimistic and fortitude spirit colored his life which include being a shining member of football team in campus（这个句子太长了，太长就会引起歧义，让人找不到主谓宾，要学会分句）, being a hero who saved people lives（注意时态统一以及单复数，people是复数） in Vietnam War, being an ambassador representing the （of ）USA to join (joined)in the Pingpong competition in China and so on(这两句都不是完整的句子，只有主句，没有谓宾). As all the things he get（gets or got） through, he has a cathching phrase that life is like a bottle of chocalate, and (这个and后面的句子和前面什么分句平行？可以取消)you never know what you are going to get.(你引用阿甘这个例子是为了说明电影是可以反映真实生活的，但实际上，阿甘这个故事是真实的么？如果我没记错，应该是杜撰的吧)

However, some movies are delectable for the eyes and other sensations. At the first glance, you would impress（be impressed）
by the magnificant scene in three-dimension, four-dimension and IMAX. That’s why you like the series of Transformers, isn’t it? Hot and Sexy Magan Fox, imposing “blownup” in the battle scenes, and the moment that the autobots tansform dazzle theeyes. We pay our tickets to appreciate these, and it bears watching.(and 不要乱用)，这个段子最好再扩展下总结下说，有些电影值得看，是因为它们给我们带来愉悦或者享受，这样比较契合题意}
Moreover, it ls（is） absolutely true that people nowadays undergo great pressure that come from various directions including work, school, economy and so forth. Investigation shows that we should release pressure in appropriate ways, such as watching comedy movies. (Kungfu Panda teaches us no more than that the good will always defeat the evil or you can success if you really do your best. )这个列子的延伸跟前面喜剧的作用无关。应该强调的是喜剧给人们带来释放压力的作用。Whereas, it is fun that Po, the panda do Kungfu, do some cute movements and say something entertaining. Funny movies provide a temporary escape (还是单复数问题，前面是MOVIES)for the views who may be tired because of either high-pace jobs or heavy study tasks. When it comes to reliving stress, noting is better than big langhs., V0 v( n5 U! K5 S
In summary, there are multifarious movies which bring us experience in real life, visual impact and happiness are definitely worth to watch(离修饰的主语太远). Only through watching, can we enjoy all the taste of movies, not only about teaching us in the real life.（besides watching movies that teach us about real life, we can enjoy other tastes by watching other kinds of movies）


1.try to use shorter sentences. 长句过多，修饰不清晰，容易引起误解和歧义。
2.单复数一致问题严重。
3.拼写问题。建议可以在写的时候贴到WORD里先检查一下。

theflyfishUID：2101420

写的非常好。学习了。

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

9/11/2009
Do you agree with the following statement?
It is only worth watching movies that canteach us something about real life?


Movies, presenting everything to you in astraightforward form, play a significant role that can provide us experiences inour social life (social life? 社会生活?还有其他life?), reflect miscellaneous historical senes (拼写), tell afairy tale and give us sufficient fantasy about the future (拼写). (这句话有很严重的问题，role可以provide,reflect, tell and give 吗？注意语言表达的意思。play a role in our live that can…) Thus, we can hardly choose whichmovie we deserve to watch, as they all offer disparate informations(信息没有复数形式)that we need.
偏题了，题目问的是是不是应该只看有对现实生活有教育意义的电影。你的回答是因为电影能给我们各种我们在生活中需要的信息，所以无法选择。没有讲题目叫你区分的东西区分开。


Admittedly, integrant movies relate andreflect reality in our current socity (拼写), reminding us thequalities (characteristics) we should have. (movies, related and reflectedreality in our society, reminds us…) Forrest Gump, a movie which descibes (拼写) a manacted by famous star Tom Hanks only have(has) IQ of 75 and deformed legs whenhe was young, is inspring(拼写) us. Although he suffered from these(this) unfair destiny, hisoptimistic and fortitude spirit colored his life which include being a shiningmember of football team in campus(on campus), being a hero who saved peoplelives in Vietnam War, being an ambassador representing the USA to join in thePingpong competition in China and so on. As all the things he get through, hehas a cathching (拼写)phrase that life is like a bottle of chocalate(拼写), and younever know what you are going to get.


However, some movies are delectable for theeyes and other sensations. At the first glance, you would impress by themagnificant(拼写) scene in three-dimension, four-dimension and IMAX. That’s why youlike the series of Transformers, isn’t it? Hot and Sexy Magan Fox, imposing“blownup” in the battle scenes, and the moment that the autobots tansformdazzle the eyes. We pay our tickets to appreciate these, and it bears watching.
这个角度是可以的，但是应该换一个更好的例子，比如说变形金刚/星球大战里的打斗场面，就不要说Fox了吧。


Moreover, it ls absolutely true that peoplenowadays undergo great pressure that come from various directions, includingwork, school, economy and so forth. Investigation shows that we should releasepressure in appropriate ways, such as watching comedy movies. Kungfu Pandateaches us no more than(应该是more than吧) that the good will always defeat the evil or you can success ifyou really do your best. Whereas, it is fun that Po, the panda do Kungfu, dosome cute movements and say something entertaining. Funny movies provide atemporary escape for the views who may be tired because of either high-pacejobs or heavy study tasks. When it comes to reliving stress, noting is betterthan big langhs(拼写).

In summary, there are multifarious movieswhich bring us experience in real life, visual impact and happiness aredefinitely worth to watch. Only through watching, can we enjoy all the taste ofmovies, not only about teaching us in the real life.
感觉你的语言很多都是通过中文在词典中翻译过来的，用法非常的不地道，有很多搭配不当。很多词语我也一时找不出非常合适的说法，需要平时多注意。建议先改语法错误，结构上的问题先不说了。

wendy316UID：2566643

恩，确实是有这些问题，感谢啊。 4# 冰雪蜂鸟

wendy316UID：2566643

2011年7月26日独立写作，谢谢大家。

jackchen823UID：2767008

改好啦！

wendy316UID：2566643

谢谢哈，你作文写的很好啊，用词地道，有什么方法吗？介绍下，这是我得硬伤 7# jackchen823

zhangzbuptUID：3138243

我的积分目前还不能上传附件，等我有这个权限后，回复你。

jackchen823UID：2767008

8# wendy316
多看范文吧，背他们的用法，中文想到了要查了变成英文再记住，不要自己翻译，这个靠积累的，我其实积累也很不够

wendy316UID：2566643

2011年8月8日的独立作文，谢谢与我互改的同学哈。

wendy316UID：2566643

2011年8月8日的综合作文，TPO3

lyn7981UID：2758158

8.8 独立 Annie修改稿
看了楼主的文章实在觉得功底差很多，请楼主多多指导我的作文：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284659-3-1.html

sunboyqq16UID：2937158

Finished!
综合&独立 revised by sunboy

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

综合的修改随后奉上~