issue48 有拍必回

Cathy+WongUID: 2369049

48-The study of history places too much emphasizes on idividuals,the most significant events were made possible not by the famous few, but by the groups of people whose identities has been forgotten.

TIME: 7:15-8:47
Refine: 8:47-9:08

Is it the case that the "famous few "are overemphasized when we trace the contributing factors in significant events? It is tempting to say yes since the history book is ample of the affluent examples of how the distinguished figures reversed the history. However, in my perspective, the society is so complex for us to draw a white or black picture, rather, it should be analyzed from a case-by-case study. As common sense tells us, the significance of the crucial figures can be assessed in three exclusive realms: political, economic and cultural.

In the arena of politics, it is hard to deny that some political elites do play a fundamental part, especially in the non-democratic countries, not merely in the domestic big-decision making procedure , but also in the establishment of the country's international role, which account for a major part for the rise and fall of many empires. Take one of the most controversial figure for example, Napoleon, who is the icon of some ardent patriots, is also deemed the most belligerent war-alcoholic by some nations tortured by the war he initiated. Having driven the interference from the ally of the European royals and gained the integrity of the French territory, Napoleon decided to expand his territory and in consequence turned the self-defense into a large-scale invasion. It is true that the thousands of soldiers fighting for him and the advocates among the
civilians contribute to a large part in his implement of decision, however, without him, an talented military leader and ambitious invader, the history of France will well be altered.

At the other end of the spectrum, the role of "masses "can be underestimated since without deliberate organization of the elite, they are most likely to fall into mobs with destructive powers; or there is some chance that even well organized before hand, they are easily get out of control than the leaders have anticipated. The great revolution of France in the 19th century, initiated by the protest against the new tax proposal raised by the upper classes, eventually evolved into a slaughter of the nobles and royals of France, which is typical as the anthropologist called "the despotism of the masses"; Mao's cultural revolution is another good illustration of the conception, launched to combat the underlying exploiters, the revolution ends up in extreme anarchy. the masses are like flood, without proper leading, can grow into a most awful destroyers.

When it comes to the realm of economy, the famous few still occupy a significant place since they are the policy-makers, which can be referred to as the administrative leader and the authority scholar in economics. Nobody can deny that in America, tax rate rises and falls during the different presidency, and government budget swells and shrinks as well, of which the Roosevelt offered a salient example. Ever since the American Revolution, the Americans has treated the free trade as one of the supreme principles in economics life. However, when the Great depression spread, Roosevelt took the courage to introduce some government regulation to the market and eventually reversed the deterioration of American economy. Economy is a particular field requiring strategic outlook and expertise, which is usually not possessed by the common people.

as to the cultural genre, the majority's role become essential and irreplaceable which lies in the simple fact that any so-called art has to be recognized and accepted by its contemporaries, or its can just be mentioned as a personal hobby. Nevertheless, culture is among the most dynamic characters of the society, which doesn't bear solid ingredients, what was a sub-culture years ago can be embraced welcomingly as a mainstream today. Several avant-garde can from time to time lead the trend, but can soon be forgotten as the advent of another , more fresh one.

In sum, the society is such a complicated structure that it is really huge task to draw a distinct line between the role of the famous few and the anonymous major, what's more, some conceptions involves in social sciences that this brief issue can't begin to address. In face of that, any biased conception either emphasize individual or the majority is hasty and suffers lacking of meditation.

liuyi612256UID: 2302910

Is it the case that the "famous few "are overemphasized （have been overemphasized )when we trace the contributing factors in significant events? It is tempting to say yes since the history book is ample of the affluent( ample, affluent重复 filled with） examples of how the distinguished figures reversed the history（reverse history有点不可理解. set the history in trend). However, in my perspective, the society is so(too) complex for us to draw a white or black picture, rather, it should be analyzed from a case-by-case study (on the case-by-case basis, or from a case-by case perspective). As common sense tells us, the significance of the crucial figures can be assessed in three exclusive（exclusive 放在这里是不对的. 政治和经济是水火不容的吗？相反政治和经济在很多领域都有交叉，类似的还有文化） realms: political, economic and cultural.（句子挺流畅，但是问题很严重，没有从开头段读出你观点！这个题目是论述个人和大众对于历史的作用。之前的一句以however起头，是说因为复杂，所以要具体问题具体分析。读到这里正常的逻辑会推想作者可能是要折衷个人和历史的作用，但是本段最后一句有说伟人的重要性可以从三方面来分析，思路又转回来了。根据你后面的论述看－－在政治和经济上个人作用大，在文化上大众的作用明显。这个significance of the crucial figures放在这里不妥当）

In the arena of politics, it is hard to deny that some political elites do (did)play a fundamental part, especially in the non-democratic countries, not merely in the domestic big-decision making procedure , but also in the establishment of the country's international role, which account(ed) for a major part for the rise and fall of many empires. Take one of the most controversial figure for example, Napoleon, who is the icon of some ardent patriots, is also deemed the most belligerent war-alcoholic by some nations tortured by the war he initiated. Having driven the interference from the ally of the European royals and gained the integrity of the French territory, Napoleon decided to expand his territory and in consequence turned the self-defense into a large-scale invasion.(前面的关于拿破仑的论据只有其中一部分支持了你的结论，或者说，前面所说的拿破仑备受争议似乎和后人对他的看法与结论没有必然的联系，属于冗余的信息） It is true that the thousands of soldiers fighting for him and the advocates among the civilians contribute to a large part in his implement of decision, however, without him, an talented military leader and ambitious invader, the history of France will well be altered.

At the other end of the spectrum, the role of "masses "can be underestimated since without deliberate organization of the elite, they are most likely to fall into mobs with destructive powers; or there is some chance that even well organized before hand, they are easily （are more likely to )get out of control than the leaders have anticipated. The great revolution of France in the 19th century, initiated by the protest against the new tax proposal raised by the upper classes, eventually evolved into a slaughter of the nobles and royals of France, which is typical as （of what )the anthropologist called "the despotism of the masses"; Mao's cultural revolution is another good illustration of the conception, launched to combat the underlying exploiters, the revolution ends up in extreme anarchy. the masses are like flood, without proper leading, can grow into a most awful destroyers.(觉得这两个论据对观点的支持都不够好，虽然大众起了负面的影响，但是从这种意义上讲，他们也很大程度上影响了历史，这样看来他们的作用似乎不容忽视。）

When it comes to the realm of economy, the famous few still occupy a significant place since they are the policy-makers, which can be referred to as the administrative leader and the authority scholar in economics. Nobody can deny that in America, tax rate rises and falls during the different presidency, and government budget swells and shrinks as well, of which the Roosevelt offered a salient example（这句话句子结构有问题，还有时态）. Ever since the American Revolution, the Americans has treated the free trade as one of the supreme principles in economics life. However, when the Great depression spread, Roosevelt took the courage to introduce some government regulation to the market and eventually reversed the deterioration of American economy. Economy is a particular field requiring strategic outlook and expertise, which is usually not possessed by the common people.

as to the cultural genre, the majority's role become essential and irreplaceable which lies in the simple fact that any so-called art has to be recognized and accepted by its contemporaries, or its can just be mentioned as a personal hobby. Nevertheless, culture is among the most dynamic characters of the society, which doesn't bear solid ingredients, what was a sub-culture years ago can be embraced welcomingly as a mainstream today. Several avant-garde can from time to time lead the trend, but can soon be forgotten as the advent of another , more fresh one.(没太看懂，大概意思不知道猜的对不对。艺术文化需要很多人前赴后继的去延续，所以这是大众的力量而非个人。）


In sum, the society is （in)such a complicated structure that it is really huge task to draw a distinct line between the role of the famous few and the anonymous major(majority), what's more, some conceptions involves in social sciences that this brief issue can't begin to address(Some conception involved in social science cannot be fully addressed in this brief issue 感觉这句话很中国化，请斟酌。). In face of that, any biased conception either (放到后面）emphasize(emphasizing)(either) individual or the majority is hasty and suffers （from)lacking of meditation.

英文的表达是很流畅的，词汇也很丰富，个别地方注意一下句子结构就好了。例子的阐述也很清楚。说说问题，看了这篇文章，我没有被你的论据和论证说服。文章的逻辑线条似乎不是很清楚，有些论据只是文字的堆砌，对于论证并没有起到很好的支持。这是我的一点看法，不对之处请指正。

[ 本帖最后由 liuyi612256 于 2007-8-8 12:40 编辑 ]

Cathy+WongUID: 2369049

多谢细心修改，感激涕零！
我的一些clarification:
我讲的拿破仑的事是论述个人的一时决定确实是可以影响历史的，不是讲大众；
另外，最后讲文化，是为了说大众的重要性，因为只有得到大众承认的文化有生命力，即使是之间有时滞。
我发现我的问题是：自己觉得很明白了，大家都说我还没有说到点子上，是怎么回事呢？？是不是要最后在呼应一下？

zhoumaxUID: 2358398

48-The study of history places too much emphasizes on idividuals,the most significant events were made possible not by the famous few, but by the groups of people whose identities has been forgotten.

TIME: 7:15-8:47
Refine: 8:47-9:08

Is it the case that the "famous few "are overemphasized when we trace the contributing factors in significant events? It is tempting to say yes since the history book is ample of the affluent examples of how the distinguished figures reversed the history. However, in my perspective, the society is so complex for us to draw a white or black picture, rather, it should be analyzed from a case-by-case study. As common sense tells us, the significance of the crucial figures can be assessed in three exclusive realms: political, economic and cultural.(你的观点似乎只是回应了一部分题目,社会过分强度个人,而对后面半句没有回应)

In the arena of politics, it is hard to deny that some political elites do play a fundamental part, especially in the non-democratic countries, not merely in the domestic big-decision making procedure , but also in the establishment of the country's international role, which account for a major part for the rise and fall of many empires. Take one of the most controversial figure for example, Napoleon, who is the icon of some ardent patriots, is also deemed the most belligerent war-alcoholic by some nations tortured by(这个by可以改成due to 避免和前面的by重复) the war he initiated. Having driven the interference from the ally of the European royals and gained the integrity of the French territory, Napoleon decided to expand his territory and in consequence turned the self-defense into a large-scale invasion. It is true that the(不用the吧) thousands of soldiers fighting for him and the advocates among the
civilians contribute to a large part in his implement of decision, however, without him, an talented military leader and ambitious invader, the history of France will well be altered.

At the other end of the spectrum, the role of "masses "can be underestimated since without deliberate organization of the elite, they are most likely to fall into mobs with destructive powers; or there is some chance that even well organized before hand, they are easily get out of control than the leaders have anticipated. The great revolution of France in the 19th century, initiated by the protest against the new tax proposal raised by the upper classes, eventually evolved into a slaughter of the nobles and royals of France, which is typical as the anthropologist called "the despotism of the masses"; Mao's cultural revolution is another good illustration of the conception, launched to combat the underlying exploiters, the revolution ends up in extreme anarchy. the masses are like flood, without proper leading, can grow into a most awful destroyers.(感觉第二个例子没说到点子上啊,这个只能说是mao的领导有问题,你的说法有些牵强,不过例子后面的补充说明不错)

When it comes to the realm of economy, the famous few still occupy a significant place since they are the policy-makers, which can be referred to as the administrative leader and the authority(authoritative) scholar in economics. Nobody can deny that in America, tax rate rises and falls during the different presidency, and government budget swells and shrinks as well, of which the Roosevelt offered a salient example. Ever since the American Revolution, the Americans has treated the free trade as one of the supreme principles in economics life. However, when the Great depression spread, Roosevelt took the courage to introduce some government regulation to the market and eventually reversed the deterioration of American economy. Economy is a particular field requiring strategic outlook and expertise, which is usually not possessed by the common people.

as to the cultural genre, the majority's role become essential and irreplaceable which lies in the simple fact that any so-called art has to be recognized and accepted by its contemporaries, or its can just be mentioned as a personal hobby. Nevertheless, culture is among the most dynamic characters of the society, which doesn't bear solid ingredients, what was a sub-culture years ago can be embraced welcomingly as a mainstream today. Several avant-garde can from time to time lead the trend, but can soon be forgotten as the advent of another , more fresh one.

In sum, the society is such a complicated structure that it is really huge task to draw a distinct line between the role of the famous few and the anonymous major, what's more, some conceptions involves in social sciences that this brief issue can't begin to address. In face of that, any biased conception either emphasize(ing) individual or the majority is hasty and suffers lacking of meditation.
语言很流畅了,但是有点句子是不是太长了一点?可能是因为我太菜了,呵呵.
一个很重要的问题是,你的response有问题,你开头是讲overemphasize的问题,少了对后面半句的回应,但是从你的body来看,你基本上是对,"是多数还是少数人创造历史"做回应,又忽略了前者"我们是不是overemphasize了"个人见解,不一定对
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=718856&extra=page%3D1 顺便帮我拍拍吧, 谢谢了

liuyi612256UID: 2302910

1

[ 本帖最后由 liuyi612256 于 2007-8-10 14:36 编辑 ]

liuyi612256UID: 2302910

我很赞同楼上关于呼应的建议。而且我有一个感觉就是楼主的语言功底很好（不管是英文还是中文，但是感觉中文的驾驭能力在一般人之上），关于长句子，LZ你批过我的一篇ISSUE 185(就是丑闻那个）,我把一个老美给我的修改意见也贴上去了，你看看他是怎么处理我文章里的长句子的，希望对你会有帮助。我的QQ：19828248

老美给我的修改 ISSUE 185 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-718213-1-1.html