7月13日 Zoe4346-2015AW暑期同主题写作训练

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

Zoe4346 发表于 2015-7-22 23:46
54) Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the l ...

第一段那部分的assumption在the author argues和theauthor also claims中写的内容就是假设的内容，所以没有再单独提炼出来，这样子不可以哦？

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.

"In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system.”

According to the director of the hospital group, the hand soap UltraClean should be supplied at all hand-washing stations in order to prevent serious patient infections. After a subsequent test of UltraClean at the hospital in Workby, it’s reported that doing so can lead to desired results. Some assumptions have been made in the argument about the test results, the hospital and the patient infection. And we need to examine the assumptions critically to assess the strength of the argument.

写得挺好

To begin with, it is assumed that the test results of the UltraClean solution accurately reflect the performance of the hand soap in bacteria reduction. Although the UltraClean produced a higher reduction in the bacteria population in the lab, it does not illustrate that the UltraClean would certainly outperform the hand soap currently used in the hospitals. Maybe the active ingredient of the lab sample is higher so that the lab result is greater, 断句 so the UltraClean may become less effective in reduce bacteria when it is used when washing hands. As a result, the recommendation to supply UltraClean is reasonable.

illustrate - guarantee 选词  
the active ingredient of the lab sample is higher 搭配 这里用concentration 好些   
in reduce bacteria - in reducing bacteria  词性
when it is used when washing hands - when it is used to wash hands  



我感觉语言表达还是很有问题，有些从句表达忘了，刚刚还去看了when引导的时间状语从句的语法，这是我修改过一遍的，我发现好的writing中真正令人佩服的是简练的用法，我经常都会用很冗长的定语或宾语从句表示，老师这里就直接两个词短语搞定，比如outperform.

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

100) Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

As far as I am concerned, I agree that studying abroad at least one semester is important for the development of students. For one reason, studying abroad can greatly improve their foreign language skills, which will benefit their future. For the other reason, living in another country can broaden their horizons since students are in brand new circumstances with different cultures. As for the concerning about the cost of studying abroad, scholarships should be offered to make it more affordable.

For one reason选词 -For one thing
with different cultures搭配
As for the concerning about - concern 词性
主旨句最后一部分没有回应题目要求  consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

To begin with, take English as an example. Students can make great progress in foreign languages when they are studying abroad, especially for the students in non-English speaking countries. With English becoming the dominant language around the world, English is vitally important in academic and business. Students who study abroad need to use the foreign language every day and can practice their skills when chatting with native speakers, so they will definitely benefit a lot from living in a place surrounded with foreign languages. As a result of the important position of English in the society, students who have good command of English could become more competitive.
没有主题句啊 直接就来例子
最后一句要结合题目来讨论  study abroad




突然间没有范文有点不习惯，我用了22分钟才写完两段，一直在斟酌，今天本来是想写全文的，但是从实验室回来有点晚，还有一个任务，所以就写了两段。
        
其实有范文 我有发链接的

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

According to the application, it is suggested that building a jazz music club in Monroe will be a success because of its popularity and tremendous profits. Some assumptions have been made in the application about the popularity of jazz, citizens’ choices of clubs and the expense jazz fans spend on clubs. These assumptions need to be reexamined to evaluate the application.

its popularity指代不明  
expense jazz fans spend 搭配


To begin with, it is assumed that jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe because of the facts that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' However, it is possible that many people from other cities attended the jazz festival. If it is the case, we cannot know the number of jazz fans in Monroe. Besides, there could be some other reasons why ‘Jazz Nightly’ could become the highest-rated radio program. Maybe there are only few radio programs at night and most people who stay are late are the young guys, so they would prefer the jazz music than emotional programs at night. If it is true, we cannot assume that the jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe.

a few
most people who stay are late are the young guys, 句子结构  
Maybe there are only few radio programs at night and most people who stay are late are the young guys, so they would prefer the jazz music than emotional programs at night  其他可能性不靠谱


In addition, it is also assumed that a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe because of the popularity of jazz music there. But it may be some other reasons that the beautiful scenery could inspire the musician creation or the housing price is lower than some other cities. And those musicians may just treat these houses as holiday houses. If these are the reasons why some famous musician have homes there, it cannot suggest the popularity of jazz music in Monroe.

it may be some other reasons- there ... reasons why ...  选词
it cannot 指代不明


Another assumption in the application is that people will go to the new club instead the former one which is an hour away after the building of local jazz club. However, the old club has opened for a long time and a lot of people have get used to the familiar circumstance there and they can meet some friends not only from Monroe. So it cannot be guaranteed that people will certainly choose the new club, especially when the new club is not well equipped and in a smaller scale.

former one- existing one 选词
when the new club is not well equipped and in a smaller scale. 注意hedging


Finally, the application has assumed that the jazz fans will spend a lot money on jazz entertainment.
This assumption bases on a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. But the study does not show the expenses distribution of different cities and the people in Monroe may not wealthy enough to afford such fees. Besides, people may be unwilling to spend $1,000 on jazz entertainment per year even they are able to. So if people are not likely to spend so much money on jazz entertainment, building a jazz club will not be so profitable.

This assumption bases on a recent nationwide study 句子结构
to afford such fees选词
jazz entertainment 不一定是花在club里面 这个点可以写一下  



In conclusion, we need do more investigations about the popularity of jazz music and the expenses jazz fans like to pay in Monroe. Besides ,we need also know more about that if citizens will prefer the local club than the old one.



今天这个是在车上手写的，刚刚回来打上来的，没有计时，

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

105) Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience.
Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

In my opinion, I cannot agree with the claim that imagination is more valuable than experience. Even in some special cases, such as art students who need fancy imagination to create artworks, those art students still need experience to implement their ideas. Besides, in most cases, experience and imagination are both the fundament for workers to undertake their daily tasks and experience is as important as imagination for scientists to make some hypothesizes in their experiments.

fundament 这个词我不会用 你自己查一下这样用对不对
hypothesizes拼写



To begin with, there is no doubt that art students can create music, sculptures and paintings based on their experience. Although they are tend to make up with powerful and vivid ideas with uncanny imagination, they cannot make these ideas into real items without experience. For example, Van Gogh wanted to show the unyielding and optimistic attitude through the shape and color of the sunflower, and the ‘Sunflower’ would not be a success if he lacked the painting skills which are based on experience. Therefore experience equals to imagination.


experience equals to imagination. 意思含糊 - experience and imagination are equally important for students and professionals in art.   

你这个例子的描述似乎说明了经验很重要 但是没有解释想象力很重要啊  稍微改一下应该就可以了




In addition, most workers complete their daily work based both on their experience and imagination. For example, imagination helps the baker find new shapes and tastes of cakes and experience tells them how to make these ideas come to true. Besides, teachers may need to create new teaching methods which are oriented to different children. But teachers should apply these methods to those students based experience because they know the key method to a certain type of students.


make these ideas come to true- turn these ideas into reality 选词  



Furthermore, scientists need imagination to make diverse hypothesizes and they also need experience to screen out the absurd ones. Cite an example, some scientists think the pavement temperature tend to be 30 degrees higher than air temperature in Summer while the experienced civil engineers know that it is a gap of 20 degrees. So experienced scientists are familiar with some common phenomena and usual operation problems and they can judge those assumptions based on experience. That is why experience is as necessary as imagination.

hypothesizes拼写
Cite an example, 句子结构  
这个例子和imagination有什么关系啊



In conclusion, I do not agree with the claim that imagination is more valuable than experience and experience will not constrain imagination. I think experience is as necessary as imagination in art , science and social work.



这个真的写了好久，我看了电脑的时间，超过了一个小时。。。因为我刚开始写成我觉得experience很重要，完全无视了imagination，写着就觉得不对劲了前两段重新写的。不知道思路是不是对的，我觉得写得急了语法有错。

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

Argument 34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits. "
"Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."

The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries recommends to implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use on the company computers. There are some assumptions made in this recommendation about the relation between productivity and Internet use, the purpose of using Internet and the validity of the software to decrease wasting time. To evaluate the recommendation, we need reexamine these assumptions.

validity of the software 选词 - effectiveness/ efficacy 选词  


To begin with, it is assumed that the productivity will be improved by monitoring the employees’ Internet use. However, the productivity depends not only on the working time but also on the working efficiency. If employees keep working for the whole day, they will feel tired out and concentration decreased. So they need to take a break and relax through listening to music or surfing on the Internet to have fun. Besides, sometimes the work is limited, such as bakers who are suggested to make a fixed number of cakes every day, 断句 so the productivity is fixed. Then if these are the cases, the productivity will not be increased by implementing electronic monitoring.

这个假设可以讨论的内容很多 比如员工可能对这个软件反感  比如员工可能通过其他方式浪费时间  由于这个假设涉及面太广 不适宜作为一个中间段的开头   主题句不合适  关于relaxation对工作的正面意义 这个点是成立的
但是关于工作量固定这个点就不是很靠谱  

In addition, it is also assumed that employees use internet only for entertainment. However, many employees need to send emails to the superiors and they also want to learn some computer skills in spare time to improve their competitive. Moreover, employees can search on the Internet for solutions when they encounter some difficulties during working. Based on these cases, Internet is useful for employees’ work and punishing the employees who use Internet will, on contrary, decrease the productivity.

这个点也不成立 因为软件应该主要关注休闲上网  


Finally, the recommendation illustrates another assumption that installing software to detect the employees’ Internet use will effectively prevent them from wasting time. Although the software can monitor the use of Internet, workers can also find some anti-monitoring software to cover their traces. Besides, employees can use Pads and smartphones to shop and watch shows. Thus such kinds of software cannot guarantee the reduce of wasting time.

the recommendation illustrates another assumption搭配  
detect the employees’ Internet use  搭配





In conclusion , to reevaluate the recommendation, we need to investigate the assumptions about the relationship between productivity and the Internet use, the application of Internet and the effectiveness to reduce wasting time.

练过一阵子感觉对argument的写作比较有把握了，现在可能更多就是在语言表达的细节上面多进行练习。


你这道题想的一些点好像不是很准 你再考虑一下

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

In most cases, people think leaders are elected largely for the reason that voters think these leaders’ work can satisfy their needs. So it is true in these cases that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. However, in some special cases, leaders are not always created by the demands, like some leaders in the past time who can inherit the leader position because of the hereditary system.

看起来还挺有道理


To begin with, almost leaders in countries are elected because they promise to fulfill the demands their voters ask for. The responsibility of meeting people’s demands makes them become leaders. For example, during the Great Depression, Franklin Roosevelt made the promise in his speech to put a high priority on reduction of unemployment and economy recovery, the two most urgent demands of people at that time. And he also put forward a series of policies and regulations to produce recovery and reform. As a result, the economy finally revived and citizens lived better lives than previously. So the reason why Roosevelt was regarded as an eminent leader is that he successfully accomplished the demands placed on him. Therefore, leaders are created by demands. If they fail to take these demands into account, they are unlikely to be voted as leaders.

makes them become leaders- makes them the leaders
produce recovery and reform- to reform the social policies and stimulate the economy
leaders are created by demands. - Leaders like Roosevelt was created by the demand placed on them by the people  要将栗子和题目结合起来叙述


In addition, demands also mean opportunities for people to become leaders. Where there is a demand, there is an opportunity which can be utilized for some people to show their communication skills, management skills as well as wisdom. Steve Jobs is an excellent example in this point. He returned to Apple when the corporation was nearly dead and it needed a far-sighted leader to revive it. It is quite a great opportunity and Steve grasped it and turned Apple a legend as well as himself. If Apple Corporation was in a dilemma, Steve Jobs might not have had the chance to become such a successful leader of the company.

注意时态

turned Apple a legend as well as himself表达
If Apple Corporation was in a dilemma不懂你的意思


Nevertheless, there are some special cases that leaders are not created by demands. Take the hereditary system in the past and in some large companies now, the sons of leaders can be the next leaders. So the demands have nothing to do with leaders under such circumstance. In ancient time, the princes can inherit the leader position in China. That is to say, leaders are not always created by the demands.

太子继承王位这个英文怎么说你去查一下吧

In conclusion, in most cases, leaders are elected and created by the demands placed on them because demands can motivate them to fulfill people’s needs and provide them the opportunities to become an eminent leader. However, in some cases, some people can inherit the leader position under the hereditary system without encountering demands.

感觉这篇文章也能自圆其说

你还是去多刷高频吧

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

71. The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

According to the letter, it is claimed to propose a policy in Waymarsh, which worked well in Garville, rewarding people who share rides to work in order to solve the traffic problems in that city. And it is also claimed that this policy will be beneficial than the road building project suggested by the town council. To evaluate this argument, we need find more evidence related to the assumptions about the traffic problems , the ways to solve them and the applicability of the policy in Waymarsh.

To begin with, it is argued that the difference of commute time of different surveys shows that there is a traffic problem. However, the surveys are operated in respective ways and it is not clear that if they are under the same control variables. If the first survey is conducted at the time around 7am while the second one is around 9am, the commute time are definitely different because 9am is the peak hour and the difference could have nothing to do with traffic problems. Besides, collected data which is based on scientific methods or recalling also counts. Recalling data is not critical in the surveys and only the data based on scientific methods is authentic. If there are not any other data to prove the result, the conclusion that there is a traffic problem based on the different commute time in those two surveys would be questionable.

In addition, it is also argued that the traffic problem indicated in the surveys, if there is, can only be solved by building more roads or promoting the policy mentioned in the letter. However, we need to identify the problem firstly. The problem could be the congestion caused by the growing number of mobile cars or road maintenance. Nevertheless, the latter could be easily solved after the maintenance and the former one could also have some other methods except building more roads or proposing the policy. As we know, in many circumstances, the car number is keep increasing while the free land is limited so that we cannot build road without limitation. But we can redo the road planning, design a better road network, remove the landmark appealing a lot people and so on. Moreover, these methods can be more economical than building more roads and promoting the policy. So even there is a traffic problem in Waymarsh, it can be solved by other more beneficial methods instead of building more roads or proposing the policy.

Finally, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garville and how this policy will have similar effects in Waymarsh if we have to use this method to solve the traffic problem. The fact that pollution levels dropped does not necessarily imply that the policy had reduced the traffic and the amount of exhaust gas. It could be some other measures which were put forward to reduce the pollution caused by factories. Also, it was not clear that the commuting times have decreased for most drivers and passengers in Garville or just for few people who chatted with the author of the letter. Meanwhile, we cannot guarantee the policy to work well in Garville since citizens in that city may not be attracted by the coupons. So we need more information about the citizens’ attitude to the new policy and how this policy worked in coupons to be sure whether to propose this policy or not.

In conclusion, while the policy seems useful, we need to collect more information about the traffic problems , the ways to solve them and the applicability of the policy in Waymarsh and to evaluate the soundness of the argument.

Zoe4346UID: 3621760

166) The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. This shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds. Furthermore, since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, attendance levels will improve. Therefore, we recommend the daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

According to the memo in the newsletter, it is recommended that using nutritional supplement derived from fish oil is a good way to prevent clods and lower absenteeism. However, there are some assumptions in the memo about the relation between fish consumption and colds, the availability of decreasing absenteeism by preventing clods and the relation between fish consumption and nutrition from fish oil. To evaluate this argument, we need to find more evidence to prove the assumptions.

To begin with, it is assumed that the high fish consumption and low frequency to visit doctors indicate that a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. However, most families in that city could have private doctors so that they may not visit doctors in clinics or hospitals but make phone calls to ask for advice if they catch colds. Besides, cold is a kind of common disease in our daily life. Maybe most families have medicine chests that cold medicine is some kind of necessary medicine in the chest, so they may take medicine by experience and without visiting to doctors. If they are the cases, people may still catch colds frequently and eating a substantial amount of fish will not prevent colds. And the recommendation would be unreliable.

In addition, it is also assumed that preventing colds could decrease the absenteeism. It is stated that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. Nevertheless, we are not sure that whether those people who are absent from school and work really catch colds since cold is a common disease and can be easily used as excuses to ask for leave. If people just pretend to catch colds to ask for leave, the absenteeism will not be improved by preventing colds, so the measure will be unnecessary.

Moreover, it is assumed that the high fish consumption corresponds to high nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. It is reported that the fish consumption is quite high in in nearby East Meria. However, it is not clear that what kinds of fish the citizens like to eat and what kinds of nutrition those fish provide. As we know, different fish meat can provide people with kinds of nutrition including protein, vitamin and DHA while the fish oil is from shark species and it is abundant in vitamin A and D. And these nutrition are beneficial to different aspects of human bodies. So if it is not clear that what kinds of fish people eat and what kinds of nutrition they absorb, high fish consumption will not indicate high nutrition supplement of fish oil. If so, the recommendation to use nutritional supplement derived from fish oil is not effective.

In conclusion, to reexamine the recommendation, we need find more information about relation between visiting doctors and catching colds, the fish consumption and nutrition supplement from fish oil and authority of the reasons for people’s absence from school and work to evaluate the assumptions.