关于国家的ISSUE，写了好久，求狠拍 【已批阅 by 版友sitting-dog】

erencieUID：3311178

写了很久，因为感觉这个题目真的很难写。有很多点很模糊，比如great，到底什么才算great nation。还有welfare，指的是living standards，还是像加拿大那样一个完整的医疗教育系统。

写这篇文章的时候，有时自己也把自己搞糊涂了。感觉不能只赞同其中一个观点(achievements)而反对另外一个观点(general welfare),因为两个都有可取之处，但写成balanced view的话又要有好多解释。

例子也不知道用得是不是relevant。

请大家狠拍这篇文章，不管是语言上(包括标点符号，我用了很多分号，不知道有没有用对），结构上，思维上。谢谢了:)


The surest indicatorof a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its rulers,artists, or scientists, but by the general welfare of its people.

Which of these defines a great nation, the achievements ofits rulers, artists and scientists, or the general welfare of its people?
I personally think that welfare, defined by societalsupport for basic housing, education and medical system, weighs more as one ofthe many indicators of a great nation, because it concerns the life of each singlecitizen of that country. Yet these two aspects are not entirely unrelated; theachievements of spectacular individuals also contribute partly to the generalwelfare, while a society with good standards of living allows artists andscientists to focus more on their career aspirations.


Admittedly, a nation’s prosperity always accompanies withgreat achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists. One who knows historywould not deny the greatness of ancient Roman Empire: there were the famouswriters such as Horace and Cicero; there were the sagacious rulers who set theRoman law, which was influential to European legal system for thousands ofyears; there were the ingenious engineers and architects who built greatconstructions such as the Colosseum. Even though there were numerous slaves whohad lived in dire conditions in Roman, we still remember the Empire as a greatnation for its contributions to modern politics, arts and science. In fact,from a historical perspective, when one is asked how he defines an ancient empire’sgreatness, his first response would probably be listing out the achievements ofits rulers, artists and scientists appearing in that era. This indicates thatpeople have unconsciously regard great achievements of spectacular individualsas one important barometer of a nation’s greatness, regardless of how we argueagainst it.

However, in modern terms, if a nation has great achievementsin these realms, yet leaves its citizens living with poor welfare, it cannotbecome, or remain as, a great nation. For example, the Soviet Union hadremarkable achievements in the space technology and weaponry in the 20thcentury; but the living standards of its average citizen lagged far behind ofthose of the average citizen of a Western state. The nation’s collapse in 1991indicated that the government’s pursuit of cutting-edge technology isdefinitely insufficient in ensuring a nation’s survival, let alone greatness.Even the Roman Empire in previous example also declined gradually due to theloss of civic virtue throughout society. If each average citizen is facingdifficulty in obtaining basic needs, on a large scale there would be a majorityof people who feel unhappy and insecure about their lives. This would damage thenation’s whole well-being and thus rule it out from the list of great nations.

Last but not least, the two indicators are influencing eachother: a nation who does well in general welfare provides a platform foraspiring artists and scientists to attain achievements, while the achievementsof political leaders contribute to the general welfare of people. If each citizenis receiving a well-financed education, he would be given opportunity todevelop his own talents and ultimately he may choose a career in arts orscience. If each citizen can easily afford housing or medical treatment byusing earnings of their own hard work, he would feel secure about his own lifeand thus concentrate more on his work to contribute to the society. On theother hand, great rulers also help in improving the welfare of its populace. Itis through the government’s good economic, diplomatic and social strategies canthe citizens be guaranteed to live in a well-protected and stable society.

In the final analysis, among a myriad of indicators whichmeasure a nation’s greatness, general welfare might be a more important onebecause it determines a nation’s general well-being. However, it is supportedand influenced by the achievements of rulers in the nation. At the same time, agood living standard also allows people to focus on arts and science developments.Altogether they make a great nation.

sitting-dogUID：3258650

1# erencie
我觉得这篇文章没人拍是有理由的，
基本上没有什么语法错误（以我的水平来看是这样的）
我提些的意见，看能不能让楼主从另一个角度看问题吧。
首先我楼主持相同看法，就是great nation是一个多元体，不是仅仅人民生活好了就可以的。
      我的观点：great nation 有别于 good nation，good nation安一国百姓，great nation安天下百姓。换言之，great nation应该有全人类意义上的贡献。
然而：发展是一步一步来的，只有先good 进而思great。
从历史来看， 科学，艺术，法律在大力发展经济的时期的主要任务是服务于经济发展的。换就话说，不是说在一个国家贫穷的时候就不发展科学、文艺和法律了，而是说要发展，这个时候发展科学是希望推动生产力发展，这个时候发展文艺是为了激励人民的斗志向幸福生活奋斗，这个时候发展法律是为了指引人们朝同一个方向努力，尽快获得经济上的提高。

所以，如果是我的话，我会更加侧重地论述科学，艺术，法律和经济发展之间的相辅相成的联系

我想，楼主在论述的时候，这一方面的思考比较薄弱，所以提出来，和楼主讨论一二~~
本人刚刚开始写issue，也是班门弄斧，有什么不对的地方，还请大家指出来互相讨论，互相进步呀~

erencieUID：3311178

2# sitting-dog

Hi thanks for the reply. Indeed 'great nations' differs from 'good nations' in the sense that the former should possess something more impressive and benefitial to the entire human beings in the river of history.

yaokangpingUID：3018241

If each average citizen is facingdifficulty in obtaining basic needs, on a large scale there would be a majorityof people who feel unhappy and insecure about their lives.
我觉得那个average不要
语言方面流利顺畅，没什么毛病。
另外，我觉得你的证据支撑的观点是ruler，scientist，artist和welfare作为伟大国家的指示都很重要，而且相互促进。所以我觉得你在首段就不要摆出观点说welfare更重要，而是强调它们都很重要，且相辅相成。
另外，可否也帮我改下我的作文
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1384538-1-1.html

wsliubwUID：2754743

lz aw5分大神，赶快来顶！！！！！